T&P needed

csousa1

Hey ladies, for all of you people who pray out there, prayers are needed for my best friend's little sister Brianna who tried to kill herself last night. She texted everyone that she loved them and then took all of her antidepressants. Her grandmother heard her vomitting and they rushed her to the hospital where she is being monitored now. She is 16.

I feel so bad for my BFF, she and her fiance are on vacation and my sister and I were just with them yesterday and spent the day on the beach. They have had such a hard month and needed this vacation so badly. They finally seemed so relaxed and happy yesterday, it breaks my heart to think of what she is going through now...
My BFF and her sister have different fathers and the same BSC mother. And I mean BSC. She had my BFF when she was 16 and has told her since she was tiny that she is the worst thing that ever happened to her and that she ruined her life. She is an alcoholic, and when she's drunk she'll scream at her daughters and tell them they are fat, ugly, useless c***s, that she wishes they were never born. A few months ago, this psycho started hitting Brianna, and was carted off to jail for the night, and since then BFF has had nothing to do with her. Brianna lives with her father now, but spends weekends at her mother's sometimes. I would be lying if I didn't say that Brianna is a completely difficult kid, who tries to pit her mother and father and older sister against each other to see who will give her what she wants. Obviously, having the life she has had, this isn't entirely her fault.

I guess last night she wanted to be ungrounded, so she told her dad she was going to go to her mother's. Once she got there she was mad that her mother's BF was there, and that her mother said she was still grounded anyway, so Brianna wanted to come home and her father told her she had to stay put because he was gone and didn't want her alone in the house (she throws parties and gets hammered if she is alone). She tried calling her sister, who was obviously on vacation, and when she didn't get what she wanted, took her meds all at once. BFF said she can't bring herself to go to the hospital to see Brianna yet, and asked if that is awful of her. I told her it wasn't, and that she needed to take time to collect herself, especially if her mother is there so that she doesn't lose it on her. I am struggling so much right now with how to feel and what to say to my friend. I can't imagine being in the kind of pain that you try to take your own life, but I have always thought that it is the most selfish act that a human being can do. I feel terribly for Brianna, but I am also infuriated with her and her level of self-centeredness. A huge part of me thinks it was all just for attention.

Obviously I will not say any of this to my friend, and will just be there for whatever she needs, but I figured I could share that with you ladies. Thank you for listening, and for your T&P. I will keep everyone posted.

polkadot111

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_tp-needed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:f24b64bf-b19b-4f62-921c-ad67d79582c5Post:4460b10c-dbca-42b1-9415-92a6dc640db5">T&P needed</a>:
[QUOTE]Hey ladies, for all of you people who pray out there, prayers are needed for my best friend's little sister Brianna who tried to kill herself last night. She texted everyone that she loved them and then took all of her antidepressants. Her grandmother heard her vomitting and they rushed her to the hospital where she is being monitored now. She is 16. I feel so bad for my BFF, she and her fiance are on vacation and my sister and I were just with them yesterday and spent the day on the beach. They have had such a hard month and needed this vacation so badly. They finally seemed so relaxed and happy yesterday, it breaks my heart to think of what she is going through now... My BFF and her sister have different fathers and the same BSC mother. And I mean BSC. She had my BFF when she was 16 and has told her since she was tiny that she is the worst thing that ever happened to her and that she ruined her life. She is an alcoholic, and when she's drunk she'll scream at her daughters and tell them they are fat, ugly, useless c***s, that she wishes they were never born. A few months ago, this psycho started hitting Brianna, and was carted off to jail for the night, and since then BFF has had nothing to do with her. Brianna lives with her father now, but spends weekends at her mother's sometimes. I would be lying if I didn't say that Brianna is a completely difficult kid, who tries to pit her mother and father and older sister against each other to see who will give her what she wants. Obviously, having the life she has had, this isn't entirely her fault. I guess last night she wanted to be ungrounded, so she told her dad she was going to go to her mother's. Once she got there she was mad that her mother's BF was there, and that her mother said she was still grounded anyway, so Brianna wanted to come home and her father told her she had to stay put because he was gone and didn't want her alone in the house (she throws parties and gets hammered if she is alone). She tried calling her sister, who was obviously on vacation, and when she didn't get what she wanted, took her meds all at once. BFF said she can't bring herself to go to the hospital to see Brianna yet, and asked if that is awful of her. I told her it wasn't, and that she needed to take time to collect herself, especially if her mother is there so that she doesn't lose it on her. I am struggling so much right now with how to feel and what to say to my friend. <strong>I can't imagine being in the kind of pain that you try to take your own life, but I have always thought that it is the most selfish act that a human being can do. I feel terribly for Brianna, but I am also infuriated with her and her level of self-centeredness. A huge part of me thinks it was all just for attention. </strong>Obviously I will not say any of this to my friend, and will just be there for whatever she needs, but I figured I could share that with you ladies. Thank you for listening, and for your T&P. I will keep everyone posted.
Posted by csousa1[/QUOTE]

I think this is an extremely terrible statement to say. A person who decides to take their own life is not doing that for attention. If someone does it for attention, they don't actually swallow all of the pills... they'd just cry wolf. This girl obviously was hurting and was hurting so badly that she came to the point of taking her own life. I think it's ridiculous to be 'infuriated' with someone who is so depressed that they try to kill themselves. Seriously ridiculous. Also, I don't think it's selfish. Someone who does that is not selfish, they are clinically depressed.

I'll be praying for Brianna.  A few of my close friends have tried to kill themselves, and being close to them I know how depressed they were and how hard it is to pull themselves out of their depression.

csousa1

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_tp-needed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:f24b64bf-b19b-4f62-921c-ad67d79582c5Post:8ba130d6-a982-4288-b04f-6a514cda8984">Re: T&P needed</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to T&P needed : I think this is an extremely terrible statement to say. A person who decides to take their own life is not doing that for attention. If someone does it for attention, they don't actually swallow all of the pills... they'd just cry wolf. This girl obviously was hurting and was hurting so badly that she came to the point of taking her own life. I think it's ridiculous to be 'infuriated' with someone who is so depressed that they try to kill themselves. Seriously ridiculous.<strong> Also, I don't think it's selfish. Someone who does that is not selfish, they are clinically depressed.</strong> I'll be praying for Brianna.  A few of my close friends have tried to kill themselves, and being close to them I know how depressed they were and how hard it is to pull themselves out of their depression.
Posted by polkadot111[/QUOTE]

Of course it's selfish. When someone commits or attempts to commit suicide, they are not worrying about what will happen to the people they leave behind, they are only thinking of what they need - or think they need - at that moment. That is the definition of selfishness. Whether you think it is okay or not for them to be selfish or you are angry at them or not for it, is up to you and that is your right to feel. But it cannot be refuted that it is selfish.

I have had friends who have tried to commit suicide also, as well as a few who were successful. Every single one of them that tried and failed has admitted that it was self-centered of them and that they should have considered the impact on those around them. They too were having trouble with depression and couldn't get themselves out of it, but said that if they had given more thought to the impact of it, they probably wouldn't have tried.

I love Brianna, I have a relationship with her myself that is not just through my friend. She is a wonderful girl at heart. She is also a very difficult teenager who has had many people around her that have tried to help her all her life. Knowing this girl the way that I do, I believe that it was both for attention and because she doesn't know a better way of dealing with her depression right now. I am not more mad at her than I am worried about her, I feel both those things at the same time. I will do everything I can to be there for her and for my friend, just like I have been all along, but I'll be damned if I am also not going to call her out on her behavior. Just like I did when she was sleeping around at the age of 14. Just like I did when she started drinking at 12. And just like I did when she started doing drugs. I will always hold those I love accountable for their actions and demand that they get help. Always.

marleylikeair

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_tp-needed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:f24b64bf-b19b-4f62-921c-ad67d79582c5Post:8ba130d6-a982-4288-b04f-6a514cda8984">Re: T&P needed</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to T&P needed : I think this is an extremely terrible statement to say. A person who decides to take their own life is not doing that for attention. If someone does it for attention, they don't actually swallow all of the pills... they'd just cry wolf. This girl obviously was hurting and was hurting so badly that she came to the point of taking her own life. I think it's ridiculous to be 'infuriated' with someone who is so depressed that they try to kill themselves. Seriously ridiculous. Also, I don't think it's selfish. Someone who does that is not selfish, they are clinically depressed. I'll be praying for Brianna.  A few of my close friends have tried to kill themselves, and being close to them I know how depressed they were and how hard it is to pull themselves out of their depression.
Posted by polkadot111[/QUOTE]

Sous, I'm so sorry this is going on. I know you must be really worried and upset. I am sending lots of good vibes, positive energy, and hugs to you, your BFF, and her sister.

I can definitely see how Brianna would be depressed. That's such a horrible situation to be in as a kid.

I can see both your and Hope's views on suicide. I have never been sold on the idea that suicide is a selfish act. I understand it, but I believe if someone is truly hurting and depressed so much that they would take their own life, there's nothing for them to gain for themselves by committing suicide--only their own lives to lose.

lunarsongbird

Oh, Courtney-  ::hugs::

I'm so sorry that your best friend is going through this. How terrible. I don't pray often, but today I was reading this post in my car and KLove was actually on (clicky) and I prayed for you, your best friend, her family and most especially- Brianna.

Brianna is obviously a very troubled girl. I hope this unfortunate situation gets her the help she needs. Hopefully they can find the right mix of medications that will help her feel normal again. Although, she will obviously need therapy even if the meds take care of any imbalances that she has.

I've always been very balanced- that was until I had surgery to remove a tumor off my ovary. Oh my goodness- then I finally felt what it was like to lose control. I would get into episodes where I was literally not in control of my emotions or actions. Here is a girl whose parents are happily married, who just moved in with her lovely boyfriend, had a good job and graduated in the top 3% of her graduating class in college... and one day I got so upset and so escalated- I hurt myself.

It's such a shameful feeling. ::sigh:: I still don't like admitting it, but it makes me stronger and I think it helps other people relate to me if they have had similar feelings.

How could that have happened? I literally was not in control. I was not thinking. I've come to terms with the fact that it was obviously some hormonal/chemical imbalances...and I have since fixed them, but sometimes I still struggle.

I too used to think suicide was exceptionally selfish, but now I realize they are just out of control people that need help.

Your friend is going through something awful right now. She's on a terrible roller coaster of emotions. Don't be surprised is she seems cranky or even lashes out. It's so much easier to feel anger then it is to feel like your heart is literally going to stp because it hurts too much. Tell her you love her and that you are there for her. Tell her that the situation sucks. Do you know her love language? Maybe buy her a starbuck's card. Or lavender scented bubble bath.

And I know you've heard this time and time again- if she's really struggling and needs a litle boost- you might want to recommend NOW's Mood Support (clicky) I'm telling you- it's made a world of different for Andrew and I .

::hugs:: This totally sucks, but ultimately this will probably be the best thing that has every happened to Brianna. She'll get the help she needs in the hospital.

polkadot111

I still don't see how someone who is so incredibly hurting and chooses to take their own life is selfish.  I think mental illnesses are often overlooked when to many, they are VERY real.  If depression (and suicide) are a hormonal/chemical imbalance that the individual has no control over, then I don't see how that can be selfish. At all.

Ollie08

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_tp-needed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:f24b64bf-b19b-4f62-921c-ad67d79582c5Post:9d8ad9e6-f039-40ba-a90c-5a5f216a43d5">Re: T&P needed</a>:
[QUOTE]I still don't see how someone who is so incredibly hurting and chooses to take their own life is selfish.  I think mental illnesses are often overlooked when to many, they are VERY real.  If depression (and suicide) are a hormonal/chemical imbalance that the individual has no control over, then I don't see how that can be selfish. At all.
Posted by polkadot111[/QUOTE]

I have to agree with polkadot here. It is a very scary place to be, and when you're dealing with that, you're not yourself. You're not thinking like a rational person, you literally lose control and it's not your fault.

csousa1

I had no intention of the post being controversial or upsetting anyone, I am just really shook up right now and wanted to get out how I was feeling. I know that at this moment all I can do is pray for her, and that is all I have been doing since I found out this morning. I do believe that some people have no control over the self concern that would consume them to the point of actually killing themselves. I believe in some cases, they are not to blame for a chemical imbalance. Just because they are not to blame for it, doesn't mean that the action itself is not a self-focused action. That is really all I was trying to say. Just like they can't control that they are depressed, they can't control that they are being selfish, and they can't control that they feel like they have no other options.

I know that in THIS case, Bri has done things like this for attention before - never to this extent - but I can see where, since she gets whatever she wants every time she has cut herself, she would think that if just cutting didn't work this time, maybe if she upped the ante it would work again. I also know she is depressed, and the attention-seeking behavior is a byproduct of that. My fear is that if everyone just comes rushing to her side and thinks that giving her what she wants will help, they will just feed into this spiral. I think she needs love and support, and a swift kick in the pants to get more help as well. I am frustrated with her and I demand that she get better BECAUSE I love her and am worried about her.
I completely understand that people can have many different opinions on the topic of suicide, I just feel like sitting by and not holding someone accountable for that attempted action is wrong. In my mind, and of course this is only my opinion, it is the same as not demanding someone overcome a drug addiction or alcoholism. Addiction is also a disease, just like depression, and it doesn't mean the person is off the hook for doing everything they can to get better.

cu97tiger

Thoughts and prayers for you, your BFF and Briana. 

I don't think any of us who haven't tried to commit suicide can presume to know what someone else is thinking. Plus, every single case is different, and really, that isn't the point right now. Brianna obviously needs help and csousa has every right to feel how she feels, especially considering she has a personal relationship with this person.

Ollie08

csousa, I'll keep your BFF and Brianna in my thoughts and prayers because they all need it right now. I just hope that the people that surround her can help her. Self-centered or not, this is a cry for help. I hope for the best for her family.

lunarsongbird

We're all here for you- despite our varying opinions- that's the beauty of friends.

csousa1

Thank you ladies And it's true, it takes all kinds. I think someone who has tried to commit suicide and survived is luckiest, and most likely to overcome whatever led to it, if they have people in their life that have all these different opinions and reactions on suicide and therefoe differing ways to help. This way they are more likely to receive the full gamut of support that they need, rather than only one facet.I believe that the only reactions to suicide that ever deserve to be called wrong or ridiculous are those that think suicide is good or those who completely write the person off and find them unforgivable. Neither of which apply to me, and I hope not to anyone else in Bri's life.No matter what led to her doing this, Bri has my full love and support throughout her battle. I will do everything possible on my end to help her get better and prevent her from trying this again.

Ollie08

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_tp-needed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:f24b64bf-b19b-4f62-921c-ad67d79582c5Post:b025e4a1-bcf9-4840-aa9f-ee22ec71c424">Re: T&P needed</a>:
[QUOTE]Thank you ladies :) And it's true, it takes all kinds. I think someone who has tried to commit suicide and survived is luckiest, and most likely to overcome whatever led to it, if they have people in their life that have all these different opinions and reactions on suicide and therefoe differing ways to help. This way they are more likely to receive the full gamut of support that they need, rather than only one facet. I believe that the only reactions to suicide that ever deserve to be called wrong or ridiculous are those that think suicide is good or those who completely write the person off and find them unforgivable. Neither of which apply to me, and I hope not to anyone else in Bri's life. <strong>No matter what led to her doing this, Bri has my full love and support throughout her battle. I will do everything possible on my end to help her get better and prevent her from trying this again.</strong>
Posted by csousa1[/QUOTE]
Well said, I really do wish you all the best, and will keep her in my prayers

ravenray

Oh I am so sorry!  *hugs*  I will keep you and her and her family in my prayers.  I don't really want to get into the suicide issue but I am here for you.  Feel free to PM for support at anytime.  I will give you my number if you need ear to vent to her for.

peekaboo2011

Sousa, I'm so sorry.  I'll be keeping Brianna and your BFF in my thoughts and prayers.  I'm not giving my two cents, as it really doesn't matter, but let us know if you need anything.

*hugs*

becunning2

I'm sorry you and your friend are going through this. It's a terrible, terrible thing.

Before I say what I'm going to say, I want to say that for the MOST part, I take suicide very, very, very seriously. It is sometimes a cry for help, and sometimes it's just the desire to end the awful pain that the person feels. And sometimes it's awful-look-at-me-attention-seeking behavior.

My sister deals with severe depression and has tried to kill herself I don't even know how many times. I've had her hospitalized (literally).  I've visited her when she's had her more serious suicide attempts--even flying across the country to do so.  I'm not even sure how many times she's been hospitalized. And I've come to the realize that there is absolutely nothing I can do, after over a decade, to stop my sister from killing herself. There's nothing. I've done/tried it all, all to no avail. Sometimes, my sister is obviously depressed.  Other times, it's obvious that she's using her depression/suicidal tendencies on other family members (not me, it doesn't work on me anymore) to get exactly what she wants.

So with that additional understanding of where I'm coming from... it seems like this was very attention-oriented (which is understandable given her horrific upbringing). Either way though, she was obviously not getting what she wanted, texted everyone (which is a sure way of getting someone to find you), and did not try to conceal what happened so that she could actually die. It's understandable how and why you feel that way, but it's best, as you've acknowledged, to keep this to yourself and support your friend and her sister right now.

But attention-seeking behavior aside, SHE NEEDS HELP.  She's obviously wounded, hurting, self-destructive, and out-of-control. Is there some way she could start individual therapy to work on her issues?

csousa1

becunning, I agree - I would never want to negate the possibility that she really tried to do it and would by no means try to belittle her depression, but like you I believe it was more attention-seeking than an actual attempt. Like you said, regardless of the cause, the bottom line is that she needs help.  

BFF texted me a while ago and said the hospital isn't releasing Bri unless it is into an inpatient psych facility for her to get help. I guess Bri isn't happy about it, but has no choice. I am really glad she will get help. From there I don't know what will happen, but I know at least her father will insist on therapy - which she has already been going to since she was five. I hope they take more measures beyond that. I will update when I know more!

Thank you so much for your thoughts, prayers, and help everyone!

csousa1

becunning, I must confess that I didn't get to read your entire poste before I responded because I was running out the door at work. I am so sorry that you have gone through that, I can't imagine. I admire your amazing strength. I will keep you and your sister in my prayers, and I hope that she is able to have a turnaround from this. **Hugs**

PaigeMcC

I'm not going to give my view on suicide here.

I'm hoping the best for your friend, her sister and the family.  I hope she can get the help she needs and be happy and safe very soon

becunning2

It's good that she's going into inpatient--hopefully she'll get the kind of intense treatment that it seems she's needing (especially if therapy has been ongoing since she was 5). Maybe it's time for a new therapist?

My sister is mad EVERY single time she is committed.  It's not something they want to do.

I didn't tell you for sympathy, just so you could see where I was coming from; I've been dealing with it for a long time and have some coping skills by this point.  I just tend to be overly cynical about it sometimes (my friends are sometimes horrified by my bluntness/cynicism about my sister), so I wanted to explain so as not to have anyone raise too many eyebrows by recognizing some of your concerns about attention seeking. 

Focus on you, your friend, and your friend's sister. And hugs.