Got married 12/31/2010 b/c of military issues and moving overseas. :)

blee10

My husband and I got married in December of 2010. He is in the Air Force, and we are stationed in England. We very much love each other so before some one makes a comment saying we got married for the wrong reasons. We are wanting to have a larger ceremony for our families to celebrate. It was all a whirlwind. Got engaged, got married, and moved to England. He deploys in Feb of 2012, and then he will be gone for 6 to 9 months, and we were wanting to have our larger ceremony when he got back. We arent getting gifts, but my family is still having my bridal shower when I come into town this summer. We just want to have a celebration that day. Our anniversary will always be Dec 31, 2010. What do you all think? Would you attend the ceremony? We dont want gifts either so people need to know that.

aegrish

Congrats on getting married last year and God Bless your H for serving our country (I am assuming you meant the US AF ...)
But,
First off, It would be a vow renewal...not a wedding ceremony, that's what you mean right?  If I was family or close friend I would probably attend, but knowing you are already have been married I would probably not take it THAT seriously.  I definitely don't think a "larger" ceremony is appropriate for vow renewals.  A Large, informal, un-reception like party to celebrate your marriage, sure.  A large, formal ceremony probably won't get much attention outside of close family. 

blee10

Yes, I do mean a vow renewal. And when I say large, I mean I come from a VERY large family. AKA, I have over 10 brothers and sisters and aunts and uncles out the wazoo. I just mainly care about the family and close friends being there. As far as others I am from small town USA, and really dont care if they are there or not. The probably wont be getting an invite to begin with

MelissaAnne88

Also, please put XP when you post on multiple boards with the same post. It prevents confusion

Edit: NVM! Someone already told you in the other post...still might be a good idea to put it on both though!

blee10

Sorry. Im new to all of this. I just fixed that.

MelissaAnne88

It's okay! I edited mine cause I just saw that aegrish said something already. No worries

midgetthemighty

I don't want to come off as rude, perhaps I just don't understand something.

What is going to happen at the bridal shower if no gifts are given? I thought that was pretty much the point of a shower. Not that you should expect them from every person but most people generally bring gifts to showers.

In regards to your actual question though, as long as your vow renewal doesn't have the outward appearance of a do-over wedding, you should be fine.

blee10

I was meaning, no gifts at the wedding. THe bridal shower of course Im sure I'll get gifts. And what do you mean by a "Do-over" wedding?

midgetthemighty

Ah okay. It was all strung together there so I wasn't sure.

What I meant by do-over wedding was big white poofy dress, wedding party, etc.

tcjames

Your going to be force fed opinions, but opinions are like A**holes everybody has one (including me). You may get some very nasty remarks as well. But honey do what's in your heart. If DH doesn't have a problem with what your planning, you shouldn't either. Not one of these ppl on this will be at your celebration (I don't think), not one will help you pay for it!!!  So enjoy it to the fullest!!!  Don't get trapped up in what others think. I made that mistake & was miserable!!!   There's no specific law stating how to express to your spouse or each other you love them & will marry them again in a heartbeat, so let your heart guide in what's right for the two of you!!!
GL with you planning & enjoy your vow renewal !!!

aegrish

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_got-married-12312010-bc-of-military-issues-moving-overseas?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:f01ba7d1-204c-4b3a-b904-1aab4638e90bPost:27f66e16-a335-47a8-a686-2de9be5c97f5">Re: Got married 12/31/2010 b/c of military issues and moving overseas. :)</a>:
[QUOTE]Your going to be force fed opinions, but opinions are like A**holes everybody has one (including me). You may get some very nasty remarks as well. But honey do what's in your heart. If DH doesn't have a problem with what your planning, you shouldn't either. Not one of these ppl on this will be at your celebration (I don't think), not one will help you pay for it!!!  So enjoy it to the fullest!!!  Don't get trapped up in what others think. I made that mistake & was miserable!!! :(  <strong>let your heart guide in what's right for the two of you!!!</strong> GL with you planning & enjoy your vow renewal !!!
Posted by tcjames[/QUOTE]

wow great advice.  OP asked for advice.  No one gave her nasty remarks. Just because not one of us will be at her celebration doesn't make the advice any less meaningful...
and yes never think with your head only your heart!  terrible advice.

Lisa50

First of all, I think a New Year's Eve wedding is great.  You'll always have a reason to stay at home, away from the madness, if you wish.  Congrats!

Second, I think a one year anniversary party with family and friends would be great.  Enjoy.

roravec

We're kind of the same! Except we're December 30, US Army and moved from NY to AZ, and H is one of 11 kids. We're doing ours this coming year, as a big (120ish guests) "wedding-like" Vow Renewal. We're calling it our "wedding celebration" because our original "marriage ceremony" was a small lunch with just our parents.
We sent STD's with Christmas cards last year to announce that we would be getting married in a private ceremony and that they would be invited when we did do the big "wedding/vow renewal." In our case, every knew what was going on, and were just genuinely happy for us, and that they would be included later on.
I know it's a big thing on these boards, and I'm not pointing fingers or assuming anything, but as long as your family knows what's up I can't imagine them not wanting to be a part of your day, whether it be a dinner party, or a full out "wedding-like" VR.

* I put all of those phrases in quotes because I am not trying to offend anyone, and I know TK boards feel about wedding/vow renewal, sorry if that irks anyone.

tcjames

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_got-married-12312010-bc-of-military-issues-moving-overseas?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:f01ba7d1-204c-4b3a-b904-1aab4638e90bPost:273ac4c8-f1eb-4f34-a535-2398a0f74825">Re: Got married 12/31/2010 b/c of military issues and moving overseas. :)</a>:
[QUOTE]We're kind of the same! Except we're December 30, US Army and moved from NY to AZ, and H is one of 11 kids. :) We're doing ours this coming year, as a big (120ish guests) "wedding-like" Vow Renewal. We're calling it our "wedding celebration" because our original "marriage ceremony" was a small lunch with just our parents. We sent STD's with Christmas cards last year to announce that we would be getting married in a private ceremony and that they would be invited when we did do the big "wedding/vow renewal." In our case, every knew what was going on, and were just genuinely happy for us, and that they would be included later on. I know it's a big thing on these boards, and <font color="#ff0000"><strong>I'm not pointing fingers or assuming anything, but as long as your family knows what's up I can't imagine them not wanting to be a part of your day, whether it be a dinner party, or a full out "wedding-like" VR. * I put all of those phrases in quotes because I am not trying to offend anyone, and I know TK boards feel about wedding/vow renewal, sorry if that irks anyone.
</strong></font>Posted by roravec[/QUOTE]


Exactly!!!

blee10

Well sweetie there will be a white dress wedding party etc. My family has known a big one was coming. Its not a do over wedding, but I've seen plenty of times where a girl wears a white dress for her vow renewal. Thank you though for your opinion.

blee10

Thank you all so much for your input. I do believe Im going to go with my heart and have the vow renewal that I want. I mean its difficult being in a military family, we dont get to plan, we plan around them. My family wants it just as much as I do. Like I said earlier our anniversary will be the day we got married, this will be our huge celebration day with our family and friends.

jemmini6

I know a lot of people have pretty severe opinions about this, I think as long as you aren't lying to everyone and pretending that it's your actual wedding day, then I don't mind the rest. 

Basically, as long as it follows the theme that you are already in fact married and are just throwing a party to celebrate, I wouldn't be offended if it included elements from a traditional marriage.  (ie, you could have your dad walk you down the aisle 'bless your marriage', but not 'give you away'.  You could do a 'showcase dance', but not a 'first dance', etc)

blee10

Right. My father will walk me down the aisle and bless my marriage. And we will have a dance, but not a first dance. It will just be alot of different things to it.

kmmssg

I've actually attended a couple of these but that is because I am a MOB who is in the miltary.

I know crowds who would frown on this, and crowds who are fine with it.  In all honesty hon, know your family and your audience.  Keep your expectations low (like BM's who have to buy a dress, etc).

Sounds like your family and his know the scoop.  Keep it as a vow renewal and do what works for your families.  Good luck.

On the flip side of that:  My poor DD allowed herself to get stuck as MOH for her SILs (2 of them, double "wedding") pretty princess day.  DD and her DH had a nice but small wedding - dress, couple of BM's nice reception.  Her DH is the favorite child in the family and the 2 girls got jealous because they JOP'd and didn't get a "wedding".  One has been married at least 10 years, the other one closer to 20!  Now THAT is ridiculous.  It truly is being done as a pretty princess day.

iluvmy0341

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_got-married-12312010-bc-of-military-issues-moving-overseas?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:f01ba7d1-204c-4b3a-b904-1aab4638e90bPost:27f66e16-a335-47a8-a686-2de9be5c97f5">Re: Got married 12/31/2010 b/c of military issues and moving overseas. :)</a>:
[QUOTE]Your going to be force fed opinions, but opinions are like A**holes everybody has one (including me). You may get some very nasty remarks as well. But honey do what's in your heart. If DH doesn't have a problem with what your planning, you shouldn't either. Not one of these ppl on this will be at your celebration (I don't think), not one will help you pay for it!!!  So enjoy it to the fullest!!!  Don't get trapped up in what others think. I made that mistake & was miserable!!! :(  There's no specific law stating how to express to your spouse or each other you love them & will marry them again in a heartbeat, so let your heart guide in what's right for the two of you!!! GL with you planning & enjoy your vow renewal !!!
Posted by tcjames[/QUOTE]

I'm with her!

We're doing the same thing. Got married last year in Hawaii and we're planning a vow renewal ceremony for July. I come from a big family too (noone on mine or my husband's side has less than 5 kids and we're both the oldest of 5!). I'm wearing a white dress (IDC what anyone says!) because I bought it freaking brand new at the Salvation Army for $60 (AMAZING since the tags say almost $3k!). We're basically having the ceremony with a BBQ afterwards. My family complained about so many things that its going to be bigger than I wanted, but I don't care. We were just going to have our best man and maid of honor from our original wedding in it, but then family bitches and what not so now I have 3 BMs and 2 GMs. But I never had a shower or bachelorette party and don't plan to..they were never my thing anyway. My "party" is going to be me and the MOH baking pies the day before the event! Our budget is $1,000 and as of today, I have spent $290 (including the dress, bouquets, his ring--he needed a new one since we bought him a $10 ring for the wedding, centerpieces, BM gifts, BM dresses--found 3 in their sizes, style they wanted, and color at Marshalls, GM gifts, and veil). We just need silverware (getting from lionsdeal.com), linens and napkins, and the food. Our family was actually really excited that we decided to do something because everyone was complaining that we didn't do it "the Catholic way" lmao my grandma still thinks we're going to hell for not marrying in a church!!

Mrs.B6302007

You should really decline the shower since you're already married.

artbyallie

It generally bothers me when people say they had to rush to get married and went to the JOP because of the military. Yes, I realize there can be quite a time crunch, but it is still possible to do a white wedding gown and party and at least most of the trimmings. My FSIL planned hers in a month in order to go live with her AF man. Now, I expect she did give up some of the details she really wanted, but she wore the white/ivory poufy dress and had a WP in matching outfits (I wish she hadn't done that part, though, because it stressed us out) and got her first dance and father/daughter dance and wedding cake and so on. So I tend to be really skeptical of the excuses for the JP+PPD vow renewal plan.

KellyBrian2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_got-married-12312010-bc-of-military-issues-moving-overseas?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:f01ba7d1-204c-4b3a-b904-1aab4638e90bPost:a0e6321b-71c7-420d-9ec0-7b83ff633f7f">Re: Got married 12/31/2010 b/c of military issues and moving overseas. :)</a>:
[QUOTE]It generally bothers me when people say they had to rush to get married and went to the JOP because of the military. Yes, I realize there can be quite a time crunch, but it is still possible to do a white wedding gown and party and at least most of the trimmings. My FSIL planned hers in a month in order to go live with her AF man. Now, I expect she did give up some of the details she really wanted, but she wore the white/ivory poufy dress and had a WP in matching outfits (I wish she hadn't done that part, though, because it stressed us out) and got her first dance and father/daughter dance and wedding cake and so on. So I tend to be really skeptical of the excuses for the JP+PPD vow renewal plan.
Posted by artbyallie[/QUOTE]

It also bothers me how many girls don't feel their marriage is validated until they have a PPD. My mom and her husband have been happily married for nearly 20 years, and they had a simple JOP ceremony (my mom wasn't even wearing white *gasp*... she also had to repeat everything the JOP was saying to my stepdad because he spoke so fast and with such a thick accent that my stepdad couldn't understand him haha).

I also don't buy the excuse that the family is "forcing the issue" - all you have to say to shut them up is something along the lines of: "We're sorry you didn't get to share in the day like you'd hoped, but regardless of the lack of making a huge production of it, we are happily married none-the-less." End of discussion.

ETA: Decline the shower. Skip the wedding party, the fluffy white dress, the processional, the cake, etc. If you feel you NEED to be in white, find something simple to wear.

blee10

Thank you once again for opinions. And aka for the one who thinks I could of planned it any differently Please let me know how. My husband was already in England, and didnt have much leave. So no, I am a detailed person, and throwing something together was not my idea of a wedding. And to the last person I dont think I need the wedding to validate my marriage. I am having it simply for my family and friends as a celebration. So maybe I didnt read it correctly or maybe you didnt read correctly one. And the shower is thrown by family. Its not even like we need anything, its more or less what they want to do, so I'll attend it. Thanks for your opinons though. Now I also didnt post this for some of you to act like childish adults and try to bash or belittle someone. Obviously you dont know me and as it seems there are quite a few of you who I would love to meet, the others I could care less about. Have a wonderful day and evening!

artbyallie

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_got-married-12312010-bc-of-military-issues-moving-overseas?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:f01ba7d1-204c-4b3a-b904-1aab4638e90bPost:63c9df3f-ac9d-4cb3-8218-30aa451c2d02">Re: Got married 12/31/2010 b/c of military issues and moving overseas. :)</a>:
[QUOTE]Thank you once again for opinions. And aka for the one who thinks I could of planned it any differently Please let me know how. My husband was already in England, and didnt have much leave. So no, I am a detailed person, and throwing something together was not my idea of a wedding. And to the last person I dont think I need the wedding to validate my marriage. I am having it simply for my family and friends as a celebration. So maybe I didnt read it correctly or maybe you didnt read correctly one. :) And the shower is thrown by family. Its not even like we need anything, its more or less what they want to do, so I'll attend it. Thanks for your opinons though. Now I also didnt post this for some of you to act like childish adults and try to bash or belittle someone. Obviously you dont know me and as it seems there are quite a few of you who I would love to meet, the others I could care less about. :) Have a wonderful day and evening!
Posted by blee10[/QUOTE]

<div>My point was that it doesn't <em>need</em> to be a huge production. Throw a party if that's what you want. A family reunion or an anniversary party or even a vow renewal. But don't try to pretend something is a wedding when it's not.</div>

roravec

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_got-married-12312010-bc-of-military-issues-moving-overseas?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:f01ba7d1-204c-4b3a-b904-1aab4638e90bPost:63c9df3f-ac9d-4cb3-8218-30aa451c2d02">Re: Got married 12/31/2010 b/c of military issues and moving overseas. :)</a>:
[QUOTE]Thank you once again for opinions. And aka for the one who thinks I could of planned it any differently Please let me know how. My husband was already in England, and didnt have much leave. So no, I am a detailed person, and throwing something together was not my idea of a wedding. And to the last person I dont think I need the wedding to validate my marriage. I am having it simply for my family and friends as a celebration. So maybe I didnt read it correctly or maybe you didnt read correctly one. :) And the shower is thrown by family. Its not even like we need anything, its more or less what they want to do, so I'll attend it. Thanks for your opinons though. Now I also didnt post this for some of you to act like childish adults and try to bash or belittle someone. Obviously you dont know me and as it seems there are quite a few of you who I would love to meet, the others I could care less about. :) Have a wonderful day and evening!
Posted by blee10[/QUOTE]


Good for you!! Every situation is different, ENJOY your day!

j_jaye

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_got-married-12312010-bc-of-military-issues-moving-overseas?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:f01ba7d1-204c-4b3a-b904-1aab4638e90bPost:63c9df3f-ac9d-4cb3-8218-30aa451c2d02">Re: Got married 12/31/2010 b/c of military issues and moving overseas. :)</a>:
[QUOTE]Thank you once again for opinions. And aka for the one who thinks I could of planned it any differently Please let me know how. My husband was already in England, and didnt have much leave. <strong>So no, I am a detailed person, and throwing something together was not my idea of a wedding.</strong> And to the last person I dont think I need the wedding to validate my marriage. I am having it simply for my family and friends as a celebration. So maybe I didnt read it correctly or maybe you didnt read correctly one. :) And the shower is thrown by family. Its not even like we need anything, its more or less what they want to do, so I'll attend it. Thanks for your opinons though. Now I also didnt post this for some of you to act like childish adults and try to bash or belittle someone. Obviously you dont know me and as it seems there are quite a few of you who I would love to meet, the others I could care less about. :) Have a wonderful day and evening!
Posted by blee10[/QUOTE]

So why did you get married then and not wait since it wasn't your idea of a wedding? Plenty of military brides wait to get married and have their PPD without drastic consequences.

CassieeK

I think a vow renewal is fine, but I agree with those who are suggesting you not have the shower, big dress, wedding party, father walking you down the aisle,  etc. It really is a do-over wedding if you're doing all that. You should have just waited to get married if you wanted all that stuff. 

Jetur20

I honestly don't understand why someone would be offended at the whole wedding day thing.  If a friend of mine was having a wedding/vow renewal I would attend and I wouldn't care if she had bridesmaids and a big white dress or not.  

I almost had to get married in May in NYC because of all the bureaucratic requirements from Italy and our wedding isn't until October.  Although we would have been married for 5 months already I was still going to do the whole wedding thing.  We live in Ashgabat (look it up) and there is no Italian embassy or consulate for us to have even been able to complete the paperwork, so our 2 weeks in NY were the only time we had to get the paperwork done.  We barely did it in time after 3 visits to various consulates.

As it is, we will have to do the civil wedding the day before our wedding, so *GASP* we will already have been married for a day before our wedding - holy crap!  Guess I shouldn't wear white anymore, right?  No presents, as we are already married.... etc.?  It's all a matter of degree.

OP, do what you want.  While I do agree that some of the replies were a big judge-y, you asked for opinions, so you can't be upset if people don't share yours.  If you really don't care (which you shouldn't, you're an adult), then you shouldn't have asked.

Cynthia1207

Ugh I have had enough of these posts.

Unfortunately part of being an adult is making difficult decisions.  You chose to have a wedding without the trimmings so that's what you get.  I'm sorry I fail to see how a vow renewal one year later with a big pouffy dress is going to change anything besides you looking AW-ish?

A shower primarily is to shower the bride with gifts.  Why are you having one if you don't want gifts?  It defies the purpose.

LuluP82

There have been a lot of these posts lately! And they haven't even had questions attached to them.

OP-- don't have a shower. It's really not proper etiquette to have a shower when you're already married. Why not have another kind of party instead? My sisters wanted to throw me a shower before our blessing ceremony since I never had one before the wedding, but I didn't feel comfortable, so they threw me a tea party instead. No presents, and everyone still got to hang out together as a group of family ladies.

And honestly, why do ppl care if random strangers on the internet will attend your party? presumably you think enough people in your circle will attend and want to celebrate with you, or you wouldn't be inviting them! Right?

Cynthia, I'm beginning to think these posts are a massive conspiracy to create drama and controversy.