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Men, Moms and food
I want to know if anybody else has a problem with cooking for their bf.! He is a momma's boy, and thinks his mom is the worlds greatest chef, and I think she is an O.K. cook, her food is bland to me. But he will eat anything she makes, like its freakin holy food. When I cook for him, I feel like I have to live up to her expectations of cooking. When I bake or cook for a family get together, his mom will always critique my food, and say something bad about it. Don't get me wrong, I love his mom, it is just frustrating, putting in all this time and effort to have it get shot down.
Once I made a cake for a party, it is called better then sex cake, and everyone LOVED it. I was asked for the recipe, I was asked to make another one, and the cake was literally the talk of the party, and she didn't like it!
Another problem is, if I make, lets say chili, he won't like it because it is not his mom's recipe! He won't say he doesn't like it, I just know. He literally talks about his moms food all the time, and how he wants her to make this or that. Ayi yi yi, I am going insane!! I know I sound crazy, should I just accept that I will never live up to his moms cooking?
I will take any advice good or bad. I am interested in other couples ways on how you cook, and if you have any problems.
Once I made a cake for a party, it is called better then sex cake, and everyone LOVED it. I was asked for the recipe, I was asked to make another one, and the cake was literally the talk of the party, and she didn't like it!
Another problem is, if I make, lets say chili, he won't like it because it is not his mom's recipe! He won't say he doesn't like it, I just know. He literally talks about his moms food all the time, and how he wants her to make this or that. Ayi yi yi, I am going insane!! I know I sound crazy, should I just accept that I will never live up to his moms cooking?
I will take any advice good or bad. I am interested in other couples ways on how you cook, and if you have any problems.
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Re: Men, Moms and food
His mom lives on the other side of the country, so all I get from her are occasional facebook messages lol. Although now that you mention it he never talks about her cooking....
I'm sorry I'm no help! Have you ever tried making his mom's recipes? For example, the chili one?
Have you ever told him that you feel [threatened/hurt/put out/fill in any other adjective here] by this? I know this is the stereotype that all guys love their mom's cooking, but I don't see why you can't talk about it. Do you get along with his mom besides this?
Somebody once said, it's the soul that matters. Baby who can really tell, when two hearts belong so well?
Tale as Old as Time (Updated 11/26)
If this was me, I would keep on cooking how I cook and if BF complained I would tell him to cook his own damn food and cook for one
[QUOTE]Lol, this sounds like my mom and my dad. My BF is not very picky. If this was me,<strong> I would keep on cooking how I cook and if BF complained I would tell him to cook his own damn food and cook for one :)</strong>
Posted by SeaTea02[/QUOTE]
<div>Or this. lol</div>
Somebody once said, it's the soul that matters. Baby who can really tell, when two hearts belong so well?
Tale as Old as Time (Updated 11/26)
Me and his mom get along great! I have never talked to her about it. But I tell him all the time how he only will eat his moms food, he says it isn't true. I don't want to ask her for the recipes, because you know according to men, 'mom makes it the best.' It is super frustrating!
[QUOTE]Me and his mom get along great! I have never talked to her about it. But I tell him all the time how he only will eat his moms food, he says it isn't true.<strong> I don't want to ask her for the recipes, because you know according to men, 'mom makes it the best.'</strong> It is super frustrating!
Posted by Marley90[/QUOTE]
I'd want to tell him to go ahead and live with mom then, since her cooking's the best and he won't eat anything less.
But seriously, I think what I'd do is just ask his mom for the recipes with a little bit of flattery thrown in about how much BF loves her cooking and you'd like to try them out yourself.
It is also kind of sad that even her recipes wouldn't satisfy him? Maybe he should do the cooking from now on or like PP said, go live with mommy.
I am sorry you feel so under-appreciated. Like I said my dad is that way. You have a few options, let him get over it or use her recipes and try to cook more like her. Other than having her move in with you and do all the cooking I don't have any more suggestions...
I agree with the others that you should tell him how much it hurts you. Maybe he is a clueless guy who doesn't really how much he is hurting you by his comments. Telling him might be a good way to help him understand that you don't want to spend the rest of your life listening to how his mother does it better. (if he likes it that way well then his mamma may be the only one for him! lol) However, i am sure he is more understanding!
Married! May 27th, 2012
luckily BF's mom is a wonderful woman that has accepted me into her family, along with all of his aunts and uncles (10 or 11 of them). she is teaching me how to make traditional mexican food, through the internet and the few times that she is here. sometimes i think she gets a little jealous or hurt, but she handles it well. i cook very differently from her, and there are certain things i make that BF loves, and things that she makes that he loves. and once in a while she'll make a comment about no one cooking like mom does, but usually i agree with her. no one cooks like my mom does either.
i told BF upfront when we first started dating that if he didn't like my cooking, i wasn't going to cook at all for him, because of all the crap i took from ex-BF about mom's cooking. and every once in a while he will say something like, my mom would never do that... and i ask him (nicely), do you want to go live with your mom? who do you want sleeping with you at the end of the day? i don't think he always realizes that it's hurtful to be compared to mom... you really can't win.
if you haven't told him that it makes you feel a certain way (inferior, frustrated, angry, etc.), maybe you should... and give specific examples. like, "when you said this about this meal, i felt like this. and i know you aren't saying it to hurt me at all, but it does make me feel like this." being specific with BF about stuff like that really clears the air.
do you cook entirely different types of food? BF's mom makes a lot of mexican (of course, haha) which is totally different from my tex-mex, white-girl mexican wannabe meals. but i cook a lot of italian and casseroles. and he loves my stir fry when i use the wok. and he really just appreciates the fact that i cook for him at all, even if it's just baked potato soup and BLTs. it's a lot better than ramen noodles.
In my house, FI is the cook. He's a WONDERFUL cook. I only bake, make breakfast, and make (unbelieveable!) soup. Everything else is all FI. And I wouldn't dream of criticizing his cooking...and he wouldn't dream of criticizing mine. He knows the foods I will not eat and I know his, and we respect that. Other than that, I gladly accept whatever he feeds me. He put time and effort into cooking and since I'm no Eric Ripert myself, I'm going to eat it and not be critical.
Tell him he can save his food critiques for when you go out to restaurants, seeing as food there is cooked by PROFESSIONALS.
Also, is he a momma's boy in other areas? Do you foresee this creating issues when you're engaged? Married? Having babies?
If so, take this as a hint to show him the door...before you end up on the Family Matters page of The Nest talking about your MIL problems, that are actually only your H problems.
Every week BF visits his parents on Sunday evening and has a home cooked meal with them. In my opinion his mother is an excellent cook. However, she's only got three or four meals that she rotates. Some kind of pork, ham, or steak. She's not adventurous but she's been cooking for the same group of people for forever.
Me on the other hand, I throw stuff into a pan and hope for the best. I'm always trying a new recipe (I found one for PF Changs Lettuce Wraps I'm going to bust out on Saturday I'm excited!)
BF likes how we both cook. He likes my cooking because it's generally healthy and there's a good variety. No matter how great I cook though I know he'll always love his mom's cooking. That's what he grew up with. She's known him for 36 years and knows just how he likes his steak teriyaki. There are some things that she'll prepare better than I will and some things that I'll make that might be better than hers.
It seems to me that maybe mom is upset that someone else is taking care of her son. It might not be personal. I would say stop trying to cook to please him. Cook for you. I love cooking, it's enjoyable and I think it's cathartic. If you keep bending over backwards to cook just like his mom you're going to end up bitter and resentful. So cook what and how you like, if he doesn't like it tell him to make his own darn food. Like Shoes said, it's not 1950 anymore, he can get his butt into the kitchen if he's got a problem with what you make.
[QUOTE] There are some things that she'll prepare better than I will and some things that I'll make that might be better than hers. It seems to me that maybe mom is upset that someone else is taking care of her son. It might not be personal. I would say stop trying to cook to please him . Cook for you. I love cooking, it's enjoyable and I think it's cathartic. If you keep bending over backwards to cook just like his mom you're going to end up bitter and resentful. So cook what and how you like, if he doesn't like it tell him to make his own darn food. Like Shoes said, it's not 1950 anymore, he can get his butt into the kitchen if he's got a problem with what you make.
Posted by purplepeopleeater11[/QUOTE]
<div>This. All of this.</div>
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BF's mom doesnt cook... his sister does and we all agree that her cooking is... well... edible... lol So, he doesnt compare my food to anyone elses... but I can make an elaborate meal from scratch and it's just 'OK' and I could make spaghetti with sauce from a jar and frozen meatballs and he'll eat like a pig and rave about how great it was... LOL
last weekend I got a 10 for chicken cutlets and rice-a-roni... but when I made eggplant parm and spaghetti all I got was... 'it's good' LOL MEN!! lol
I'd have to agree with PP and say keep cooking the way you're gonna cook as long as you're not poisoning anyone and if he doesnt like it tell him to make his own dinner or go to his mother's house! lol
Good luck!
Now, his mother is a great cook and so is mine, so I don't think I'll ever live up to either of them. But BF never complains about my cooking as far as I know. If he doesn't like what I cook, he not only doesn't have to eat it, he can make himself something else!
By the way...can I have the recipe for that Better Than Sex cake? I really like the name!
Something that might help you- Find something his mom doesn't really cook and make that. My BF's mom cooks mostly chicken and fish so I decided I would make a pot roast for BF one day. He was blown away!
I've taken cues from my mom (my parents have been married for 38 years) - they get tired of eating the same old same old all the time, so mom is constantly trying out new recipes. I do this all the time with FI - I'll make notes in cookbooks if it was good or not worth trying again and FI is honest with me (he's one that will pretty much eat anything, but he will tell me if he would rather not try a certain recipe again). It's fun to try new things and we've found a couple keeper recipes this way.
Since you say you get along well with his mom, it might be a compliment to her if you asked her not just for a recipe, but actually asked her to physically teach you how to make one of your BF's favorite meals...if he still doesn't like it - introduce him to the kitchen and tell him he gets to cook from now on.
Here is the recipe bsidebella:
It is super easy to make!
But instead of cutting slits into the cake, I take a large serving fork and poke holes all over the cake, I found it a lot easier to do it this way!
And I also found Skor bars work the best for the candy!
This is the only thing my bf asks me to make at least once a month..I guess we can live off of it. Haha!
http://allrecipes.com/Recipe/Better-Than-Sex-Cake-II/Detail.aspx
Thanks, Marley! I can't wait to make it! I'm learning how to bake too, along with cooking!
My boyfriend is also a very picky eater, he would rather me put a Tony's pizza in the pizza oven than try anything new or different. Because that might have an ingredient in it that he doesn't like. His mom makes a totally different dish for him every time she cooks. For instance if she is cooking chicken and dumplimps, she makes him a dish with just the dumplings, because he only likes the fried part, no veggies or whatever else she puts in the other pot. TWO POTS of everything. I guess I am just gonna learn to like my food the way he likes it, because I will not make two different pots for each of us. Fortunately we are in college so I can't afford much more than ramen right now, but our milk tastes even differ. I only drink whole and he only drinks skim. We tried to compromise with 2% and neither of us liked it. I guess it is just one of those things you gotta suck it up and deal with though when you are combining lives with another person. As far as what I would do if he said something about you don't cook like my mom, well I would tell him that he is more than welcome to come into the kitchen and do it himself. Or call his mother, she is totally on my side, she told me if he ever said anything like this to call her and she would punish him big time. She thinks its rude and uncalled for. I love my future mother in law.