Men, Moms and food

Marley90 · October 2010

I want to know if anybody else has a problem with cooking for their bf.! He is a momma's boy, and thinks his mom is the worlds greatest chef, and I think she is an O.K. cook, her food is bland to me. But he will eat anything she makes, like its freakin holy food. When I cook for him, I feel like I have to live up to her expectations of cooking. When I bake or cook for a family get together, his mom will always critique my food, and say something bad about it. Don't get me wrong, I love his mom, it is just frustrating, putting in all this time and effort to have it get shot down.

Once I made a cake for a party, it is called better then sex cake, and everyone LOVED it. I was asked for the recipe, I was asked to make another one, and the cake was literally the talk of the party, and she didn't like it!

Another problem is, if I make, lets say chili, he won't like it because it is not his mom's recipe! He won't say he doesn't like it, I just know. He literally talks about his moms food all the time, and how he wants her to make this or that. Ayi yi yi, I am going insane!! I know I sound crazy, should I just accept that I will never live up to his moms cooking?

I will take any advice good or bad. I am interested in other couples ways on how you cook, and if you have any problems.

heyimbren · October 2010

BF tells me everything I cook is good. Even when it isn't. But he just likes anything that doesn't give him food poisoning.

His mom lives on the other side of the country, so all I get from her are occasional facebook messages lol. Although now that you mention it he never talks about her cooking....

I'm sorry I'm no help! Have you ever tried making his mom's recipes? For example, the chili one?

Have you ever told him that you feel [threatened/hurt/put out/fill in any other adjective here] by this? I know this is the stereotype that all guys love their mom's cooking, but I don't see why you can't talk about it. Do you get along with his mom besides this?

deburnin · October 2010

BF's mom almost never cooks. We do all the cooking in the house ourselves or eat with my family (our houses are 10 minutes apart).

Why not ask his mom for the recipes? Unless they're some crazy family secret that you can't have until you're legally part of the family.

SeaTea02 · October 2010

Lol, this sounds like my mom and my dad. My BF is not very picky.

If this was me, I would keep on cooking how I cook and if BF complained I would tell him to cook his own damn food and cook for one

deburnin · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_men-moms-food?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:fdbf563e-09da-4401-a89f-5cf954c706afPost:07c426e5-4afa-4073-8773-8def84366ea4">Re: Men, Moms and food</a>:
[QUOTE]Lol, this sounds like my mom and my dad. My BF is not very picky. If this was me,<strong> I would keep on cooking how I cook and if BF complained I would tell him to cook his own damn food and cook for one :)</strong>
Posted by SeaTea02[/QUOTE]

<div>Or this. lol</div>

Marley90 · October 2010

Me and his mom get along great! I have never talked to her about it. But I tell him all the time how he only will eat his moms food, he says it isn't true. I don't want to ask her for the recipes, because you know according to men, 'mom makes it the best.' It is super frustrating!

heyimbren · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_men-moms-food?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:fdbf563e-09da-4401-a89f-5cf954c706afPost:425ce360-fce9-4ffb-a0ff-e6e252099ad5">Re: Men, Moms and food</a>:
[QUOTE]Me and his mom get along great! I have never talked to her about it. But I tell him all the time how he only will eat his moms food, he says it isn't true.<strong> I don't want to ask her for the recipes, because you know according to men, 'mom makes it the best.'</strong> It is super frustrating!
Posted by Marley90[/QUOTE]

I'd want to tell him to go ahead and live with mom then, since her cooking's the best and he won't eat anything less.

But seriously, I think what I'd do is just ask his mom for the recipes with a little bit of flattery thrown in about how much BF loves her cooking and you'd like to try them out yourself.

johnsonia · October 2010

Well, My BF doesnt eat normal food. He is a work-out nut and eats grilled chicken and egg whites. It actually took me a while to get the grilled chicken how he likes it. But I just kept trying. I dont eat his boring food so I have to cook 2x. Once for him and once for me & his 4yo daughter. I get his family recipes from his grandmother, who Im closer with than his mom. He usually likes what I cook, he just doesnt eat it for dieting reasons.

His mom is an amazing cook btw--

Try and ask his mom for the recipe to one of his favorite dishes and surprise him for a special dinner at home. Dont take it personal if you dont get it right the first time.... if youre on this board, Im sure you'll have plenty of time to keep trying. And if its not right, ask him what he things is off, too much/little seasoning. too over/undercooked.... ask what he likes differently, thats the only way you'll figure out how he likes it.

good luck!

PandaBurr · October 2010

Blah, my ex-BF was like this and it really pissed me off. There were times where I specifically picked out a recipe for him, and cooked literally all day (making a broth or something), only to have him say, "it's not the way my mom makes it". But he was a real douchebag, and never appreciated any of my cooking. All the other guys in the house (I usually slept at his place, and he shared a house with 3 other guys) called me 'mom' and loved my cooking. It's funny actually, one of the times that I spent the whole day cooking, and ex-BF made a comment, FI (before he was FI) called him out on it and yelled at him for it. Ex-BF didn't see anything wrong with what he said, and blew it off. But I guess that's why I'm with FI now and not ex-BF! Haha

SeaTea02 · October 2010

I'm just saying, you don't have to be the one to cook. Maybe you like it, maybe that is your agreement, idk. What I do know is if I am the one putting time and effort into cooking I don't want to hear complaints every time I cook that it isn't living up to someone else's cooking, or make faces, or whatever he is doing.

It is also kind of sad that even her recipes wouldn't satisfy him? Maybe he should do the cooking from now on or like PP said, go live with mommy.

I am sorry you feel so under-appreciated. Like I said my dad is that way. You have a few options, let him get over it or use her recipes and try to cook more like her. Other than having her move in with you and do all the cooking I don't have any more suggestions...

ravenray · October 2010

I feel your pain about his mother making hurtful comments. My BF mother NEVER appreciates anything I make. Literally, she asked us to make dinner for their family. I made a pasta dish which is a recipe that everyone who I make it for raves about. It is quite popular at our local church. Anyways, I made it and my BF said "isn't this good" She said "Ya but it could use this this and this." I was really upset and it was the last time i made dinner for them.
I agree with the others that you should tell him how much it hurts you. Maybe he is a clueless guy who doesn't really how much he is hurting you by his comments. Telling him might be a good way to help him understand that you don't want to spend the rest of your life listening to how his mother does it better. (if he likes it that way well then his mamma may be the only one for him! lol) However, i am sure he is more understanding!

lindsayrae1986 · October 2010

i dated a boy like this. only, it wasn't just my cooking that wasn't as good as mom's... it was everything. that, and, he had to have mom's "OK" to do anything. welived an hour and a half apart, and he would have to check with his mom about when he could come visit me. um...?? it didn't last but 3 or 4 months at the most. i couldn't handle it.

luckily BF's mom is a wonderful woman that has accepted me into her family, along with all of his aunts and uncles (10 or 11 of them). she is teaching me how to make traditional mexican food, through the internet and the few times that she is here. sometimes i think she gets a little jealous or hurt, but she handles it well. i cook very differently from her, and there are certain things i make that BF loves, and things that she makes that he loves. and once in a while she'll make a comment about no one cooking like mom does, but usually i agree with her. no one cooks like my mom does either.

and i love to learn from both of them. however, one thing that DOES bug me (and i haven't said anything, yet...) is when she says, "oh well he will eat ANYTHING" when i tell her about something new i made and BF loved it... so i kind of quit telling her stuff like that. seemed like an easy fix, for now. we'll see!

i told BF upfront when we first started dating that if he didn't like my cooking, i wasn't going to cook at all for him, because of all the crap i took from ex-BF about mom's cooking. and every once in a while he will say something like, my mom would never do that... and i ask him (nicely), do you want to go live with your mom? who do you want sleeping with you at the end of the day? i don't think he always realizes that it's hurtful to be compared to mom... you really can't win.

if you haven't told him that it makes you feel a certain way (inferior, frustrated, angry, etc.), maybe you should... and give specific examples. like, "when you said this about this meal, i felt like this. and i know you aren't saying it to hurt me at all, but it does make me feel like this." being specific with BF about stuff like that really clears the air.

do you cook entirely different types of food? BF's mom makes a lot of mexican (of course, haha) which is totally different from my tex-mex, white-girl mexican wannabe meals. but i cook a lot of italian and casseroles. and he loves my stir fry when i use the wok. and he really just appreciates the fact that i cook for him at all, even if it's just baked potato soup and BLTs. it's a lot better than ramen noodles.

loves2shop4shoes · October 2010

I'm sorry...last I checked this is 2010, not 1950. If he wants his mother's food so much, he can use his own two hands and make it himself. He should appreciate the fact that you cook for him at all.

In my house, FI is the cook. He's a WONDERFUL cook. I only bake, make breakfast, and make (unbelieveable!) soup. Everything else is all FI. And I wouldn't dream of criticizing his cooking...and he wouldn't dream of criticizing mine. He knows the foods I will not eat and I know his, and we respect that. Other than that, I gladly accept whatever he feeds me. He put time and effort into cooking and since I'm no Eric Ripert myself, I'm going to eat it and not be critical.

Tell him he can save his food critiques for when you go out to restaurants, seeing as food there is cooked by PROFESSIONALS.

Also, is he a momma's boy in other areas? Do you foresee this creating issues when you're engaged? Married? Having babies?

If so, take this as a hint to show him the door...before you end up on the Family Matters page of The Nest talking about your MIL problems, that are actually only your H problems.

purplepeopleeater11 · October 2010

Every week BF visits his parents on Sunday evening and has a home cooked meal with them. In my opinion his mother is an excellent cook. However, she's only got three or four meals that she rotates. Some kind of pork, ham, or steak. She's not adventurous but she's been cooking for the same group of people for forever.

Me on the other hand, I throw stuff into a pan and hope for the best. I'm always trying a new recipe (I found one for PF Changs Lettuce Wraps I'm going to bust out on Saturday I'm excited!)

BF likes how we both cook. He likes my cooking because it's generally healthy and there's a good variety. No matter how great I cook though I know he'll always love his mom's cooking. That's what he grew up with. She's known him for 36 years and knows just how he likes his steak teriyaki. There are some things that she'll prepare better than I will and some things that I'll make that might be better than hers.

It seems to me that maybe mom is upset that someone else is taking care of her son. It might not be personal. I would say stop trying to cook to please him. Cook for you. I love cooking, it's enjoyable and I think it's cathartic. If you keep bending over backwards to cook just like his mom you're going to end up bitter and resentful. So cook what and how you like, if he doesn't like it tell him to make his own darn food. Like Shoes said, it's not 1950 anymore, he can get his butt into the kitchen if he's got a problem with what you make.

PaigeMcC · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_men-moms-food?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:fdbf563e-09da-4401-a89f-5cf954c706afPost:9f008df1-587d-4caa-b780-cc39b9a71914">Re: Men, Moms and food</a>:
[QUOTE] There are some things that she'll prepare better than I will and some things that I'll make that might be better than hers. It seems to me that maybe mom is upset that someone else is taking care of her son. It might not be personal. I would say stop trying to cook to please him . Cook for you. I love cooking, it's enjoyable and I think it's cathartic. If you keep bending over backwards to cook just like his mom you're going to end up bitter and resentful. So cook what and how you like, if he doesn't like it tell him to make his own darn food. Like Shoes said, it's not 1950 anymore, he can get his butt into the kitchen if he's got a problem with what you make.
Posted by purplepeopleeater11[/QUOTE]

<div>This. All of this.</div>

[Deleted User] · October 2010

BF's mom doesnt cook... his sister does and we all agree that her cooking is... well... edible... lol So, he doesnt compare my food to anyone elses... but I can make an elaborate meal from scratch and it's just 'OK' and I could make spaghetti with sauce from a jar and frozen meatballs and he'll eat like a pig and rave about how great it was... LOL

last weekend I got a 10 for chicken cutlets and rice-a-roni... but when I made eggplant parm and spaghetti all I got was... 'it's good' LOL MEN!! lol

I'd have to agree with PP and say keep cooking the way you're gonna cook as long as you're not poisoning anyone and if he doesnt like it tell him to make his own dinner or go to his mother's house! lol

HeartOverMind · October 2010

Wow...all of this makes me so grateful that BF is NOT a momma's boy!

[Deleted User] · October 2010

FI often makes comments about his mother's cooking - I've never had it so I don't know. But, he typically gives me compliments on what I cook him for dinner. I think it would be really hurtful if all he talked about was his mother's cooking and how I couldn't cook like her. I think this calls for a talk - sit down with him and explain to him that it's hurtful when he does that - that you try really hard to cook him something and that it hurts when he acts like it's not good enough. He honestly may not even know he is hurting your feelings - men are like that sometimes.

Good luck!

bsidebella · October 2010

BF and I share the cooking and the cleaning, but usually it's me doing the cooking (mainly because when he says he's going to cook, he puts it off and puts it off until we're eating dinner at 9pm, which I don't like. So I'll cook just so it actually gets done).

Now, his mother is a great cook and so is mine, so I don't think I'll ever live up to either of them. But BF never complains about my cooking as far as I know. If he doesn't like what I cook, he not only doesn't have to eat it, he can make himself something else!

By the way...can I have the recipe for that Better Than Sex cake? I really like the name!

Starlight Kel · October 2010

I had a similar issue. Not as bad as what you are saying though. My bf is spanish and his mom is an awesome cook. I LOVE her food! A few times when I was cooking he would mention "oh, but my mom does it like this, you have to do it like this" and I respond with "Well this is how I do it" and I tell him if he thinks he can do better than to go for it. I haven't had an issue since then.

Something that might help you- Find something his mom doesn't really cook and make that. My BF's mom cooks mostly chicken and fish so I decided I would make a pot roast for BF one day. He was blown away!

[Deleted User] · October 2010

My FI can burn water, so I definitely do all of the cooking. I told my FI from the very 1st meal I made him when we started dating that if I made something he didn't like, he needed to let me know. Everyone's taste buds are different and he's certainly not going to hurt my feelings if I fix something he doesn't like or if he needs to add salt to something (I tend to cook without salt - years of cooking for a dad with high blood pressure).

I've taken cues from my mom (my parents have been married for 38 years) - they get tired of eating the same old same old all the time, so mom is constantly trying out new recipes. I do this all the time with FI - I'll make notes in cookbooks if it was good or not worth trying again and FI is honest with me (he's one that will pretty much eat anything, but he will tell me if he would rather not try a certain recipe again). It's fun to try new things and we've found a couple keeper recipes this way.

Since you say you get along well with his mom, it might be a compliment to her if you asked her not just for a recipe, but actually asked her to physically teach you how to make one of your BF's favorite meals...if he still doesn't like it - introduce him to the kitchen and tell him he gets to cook from now on.

Marley90 · October 2010

Thanks for all the great advice! It is a lot harder then it seems, especailly because I am a vegetarian, and he ONLY eats meat. So its kind of hard to cook for him, when I don't really know how to cook meat, he won't TOUCH vegetables. Also he doesn't say he doesn't like my food, just the way he acts and what he says I can tell he doesn't like it. I know him better then I know myself. It is frustrating, but I guess I will grow as a cook and he will learn to love my cooking, I hope!

Here is the recipe bsidebella:

It is super easy to make!

But instead of cutting slits into the cake, I take a large serving fork and poke holes all over the cake, I found it a lot easier to do it this way!

And I also found Skor bars work the best for the candy!

This is the only thing my bf asks me to make at least once a month..I guess we can live off of it. Haha!

http://allrecipes.com/Recipe/Better-Than-Sex-Cake-II/Detail.aspx

bsidebella · October 2010

Thanks, Marley! I can't wait to make it! I'm learning how to bake too, along with cooking!

citygirllovescountryboy · October 2010

My boyfriend is also a very picky eater, he would rather me put a Tony's pizza in the pizza oven than try anything new or different. Because that might have an ingredient in it that he doesn't like. His mom makes a totally different dish for him every time she cooks. For instance if she is cooking chicken and dumplimps, she makes him a dish with just the dumplings, because he only likes the fried part, no veggies or whatever else she puts in the other pot. TWO POTS of everything. I guess I am just gonna learn to like my food the way he likes it, because I will not make two different pots for each of us. Fortunately we are in college so I can't afford much more than ramen right now, but our milk tastes even differ. I only drink whole and he only drinks skim. We tried to compromise with 2% and neither of us liked it. I guess it is just one of those things you gotta suck it up and deal with though when you are combining lives with another person. As far as what I would do if he said something about you don't cook like my mom, well I would tell him that he is more than welcome to come into the kitchen and do it himself. Or call his mother, she is totally on my side, she told me if he ever said anything like this to call her and she would punish him big time. She thinks its rude and uncalled for. I love my future mother in law.

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