Combining the Bachelor and Bachelorette Party

wrightks

My best friend recently got engaged and they have already set the wedding date for Jan 2, 2010. Both the bride and groom want to have a combined Bachelor/Bachelorette Party on New Years' Eve and rent a party bus or something of that sort. They want to have a combined party to keep an "eye on each other." The MOH and I (bridemaid) are trying to talk them out of it. Boys will be boys and we would hate to have a drunken groomsmen say something that will ruin the whole party- causing a divorce before the wedding. Suggestions please?

Leah&Christian09

If you are throwing the party, you get to decide what you will do.  Just tell her that you are not throwing that sort of party, but will happily throw her a traditional girls' night out if she wants one.  A party is a gift to the bride.  She doesn't get to dictate the terms of that gift. If she feels the need to keep an eye on her FI, this isn't going to go well anyway.

vgmartinez

Who wants to keep an eye on eachother? If there are talks before hand about what they feel is appropriate and what is not, there shouldn't be a problem. They should trust eachother that they won't do anything inappropriate, if not then there's a problem. I went to a combined party and it was not that great, I had a feeling it was only combined for the same reason.

Pirata13

I think as long as no one is hiring strippers, it'd be fine.  In the right environment, it could be fun and not a drunken college party.

MJsGirl09

I could see us having one together just because we dont really go out and party. We arent drinkers.  I think that we would have more fun if we did one together.  If they feel that they need to keep an eye on each other, there is obviosuly no trust and thats not a good sign. 

ffmaid

Well who is hosting since the bride and groom can not host their own it is teh discretion of teh host or hostess of the two parties so I woudl not be willing to host that event.

wrightks

The Maid and Man OH are hosting the party(ies). I've known the bride and groom for years, and I know that they have a lot of trust in their realtionship. They just can't be apart from each other. Which brings me to the point that they have the rest of their lives to spend with each other, what's one night? I can see a combined party being pulled off very well with some of great suggestions I have gotten.

Leah&Christian09

I read it that you were hosting.  Nevermind. I know that they have a lot of trust in their realtionship. They just can't be apart from each other.These two things are contradictory.  Being unable to be apart is a huge red flag of an unhealthy relationship.

jeannigirl

That just sounds like someone not trusting their mate to me," having to keep an eye on each other"  how inmature is that? Another one that they can't be apart for the length of seperate parties please thats even more riducolous sounding.The MOH/BM plan what they decide to do. I don't like the mentality that it always has to be strippers involved especially when the B/G are not into that kind of thing. Its about knowing the B/G and plan accordingly. So has one of the BP do what you want to do for her. She will need to get over this one has an adult. Let him go with his friends and her go with her friends.

ffmaid

If you are neither the hostess nor the bride nor teh groom i would stay out of it. Although this sounds unhealthy

wrightks

I understand your concerns. But, I can assure you that they are in a healthy relationship. I think it's more like they just wanna see what goes on at each others parties, not that they don't trust each other, they just wanna get a glimpse of opposite parties- nosey i guess you can say... if that makes sense. The MOH and I are next door neighbors, so I will be around for most of the planning. I was under the impression that the bridal party pays for this, so I just didn't want to be paying for a disaster. Maybe I am wrong? But, thank you for all of your concerns. Has anyone else had successful combined Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties? Or is this taboo?

ffmaid

The host or hostess pays for any party. this sounds like a disaster and I would not be willing to host or hostess and in reality I woudl not be willing to attend

wrightks

Ok thanks. Two parties is the best way to go!

ffmaid

Well if you are not the hostess you get no say in if there is a single party  or two.

wrightks

Yea true. I'm getting some outside input for the hostess/host. I can always give advice (when needed). I would hate to put good advice to watse. Especially from a forum of people that have some great ideas.

jeannigirl

This is just my opinion so hopefully I won't get flamed for my view.I'm not sure that I am buying into that whole I just want to know what his or her party is like. I think it sounds like they are wanting to keep taps on each other and to me that is def a trust issue and some insecurity issues. I personally do not know the individuals has you do.

VeryZen

A combined bachelor/bachelorette party can be fine.  One of my good friends had one and it was a blast.  They had it because they wanted to spend a crazy night together instead of apart, not for any trust issues.What throws up the red flag for me is that they want to combine it because of trust issues.  That is not a good reason to have it together.  I would be wary of this.

wrightks

Yeah, that makes tons of sense. I really don't think too far into that, because I know both of them better than you guys will every know. But, I do appreciate ya'lls concerns. I know that trust should be an important issue before they want to spend a lifetime together. I actually didn't realize how much of a big deal that was, and I'm glad that is brought to my attention, because I sincerely want the best for the bride because I've known her half of my life. I'm sure there are more reasons for them wanting a combined party, but I just was given that reason from the MOH. I'm sure that in the end the host/hostess will do what's best for the couple, because all-in-all I was just trying to find out if the combined party was a good idea. But, I'm glad that I got feedback on other issues that play a role in the party.

shannjeff

now because they want one to "keep an eye on each other" is not a good reason..that sounds like relationship issues to me...on another note, my cousin and her husband are not drinkers either and both arent the type to party so they were happy to have a combined party/dinner..we had tons of fun! so that being said i think it depends on the intentions of the bride and groom..

shawnarazz

My MOH and Best Man are actually dating and have told me and FI that they've been bouncing ideas around together. They actually asked us what we wanted, and without being too descriptive bounced some ideas off us. One of them was a combined party. I didn't mind the idea, but then again my FI is really and truly my best friend, and I find it hard to party without him. I just don't have as much fun. BUT if he said that he wanted seperate parties I'd be cool with that. I agree with everyone on the trust thing, but I want to add that you also need to trust the people planning the party. I have no worries about FI's Bachelor party because I trust FI, but ALSO becuase I trust his best man. And before you get too involved.... you might want to find out if the comment MOH made about keeping an eye on each other was fact or her opinion. It's been my experience that too many stag/stagette parties are less about those getting married and more about those throwing the party. Maybe she just wants seperate ones for her own reasons.

bablingbrooke

If your bride and groom wants to keep an eye on each other and you're afraid a drunken comment made by a GM would lead to a cancellation of the wedding, I fear for this marriage anyway. There's an appalling lack of trust between these two.

wrightks

Shawnarazz, I think you are completely right. Just because the bride and the MOH are sisters, so I think the comment was more opinion of the MOH than of the bride. I definitely have decided to stay out of this aspect of the wedding indeed. I will just worry about my bridesmaid dress