WEDDING MONEY ISSUES...PLLLLEASE HELP!

MissJohnny

My fiance is a natural saver and I'm a spender. He grew up having to depend only on himself for money, whereas I have great-grandmothers and grandmothers who will give me anything I need. My family has agreed to put up most of the money for the wedding, but my fiance does not trust this since he cannot "see" the money himself. When I ask for his involvement, he asks about the money. How can I get him to trust me and my family to plan and pay for our wedding?

zitiqueen

You know, I'd have trouble trusting a spoiled little princess who's never had to make her own way in life too.

MissJohnny

I work two jobs, am in graduate school, and am planning a wedding in a recession. So I'm no "spoiled princess." Thanks for your "helpful" message.

ffmaid

Why should your family be planning the wedding. It is his wedding too. What is the wedding budget? Why not figure out a budget for all items even if your folks are paying they must have said a max amount. Planing a wedding with some sort of budget is needed. Also it is very important that the two of you learn how to deal with money together and how to do goals. If your folksare not giving you a budget why not instead plan the wedding that is within you and your Fi's budget and then if the folks give you money that is liek a lovely bonus.

Leah&Christian09

Don't count on the money until it is deposited in your bank. Your FI is smart.

MissJohnny

Hi ff. Thanks for messaging me! We initially set a $10,000 budget that has probably been toppled by $200. We just don't make a lot of money together, whereas my family has agreed to "help." I see that I should probably get an exact amount from them and put it with the savings that we already have. That way, he can feel more in "control" of the budget and the wedding.

zitiqueen

I work two jobs, am in graduate school, and am planning a wedding in a recession. So I'm no "spoiled princess.Two jobs? Then why aren't you paying for your own wedding? You should have loads of money saved up, being what your grandparents give you everything else you need.

MissJohnny

Leah, I definitely think you've hit the nail on the head. He's afraid that something will happen and we won't have the money for whatever we need. I'm not sure how to make him feel more confident then to start saving more and to get the money into our bank account.

MissJohnny

Because I don't make enough, ziti. I'm BLACK. Does that help?

ffmaid

If you are already over budget by $200 and your wedding is not until may then your FI is reasonable to be worried where the money is coming from. What can you cut either from day to day budget or from wedding budget to save that $200. Can you get a 2nd job in order to pay for the aspects of the wedding taht are worth it to you? Can you cut cable or other monthly expense. Drop your cell phone . Clip coupons. You are already over budget and that is probably stressing your FI out something fierce since he probably sees it as he is getting married to a fiscally irresponsible person. Why not both run teh buidget and if you really want something save or skimp on other aspects in order to afford the aspects that matter to you. This is not going to be the first time you must budget and save for something that matters.

zitiqueen

What the hell does race have to do with anything? You're working two jobs, you admit your grandparents pay for everything you need, yet somehow you can't afford to pay for your own wedding? Where is the money from these two jobs going?

ffmaid

Your ethic heritage has nothing to do with this. Skin color is not the issue here. So you have a 10K budget that is plenty. If you want more then that you either save more money or earn more money or you accept that you can not afford all that you want. That is the responsible course of action and has absolutely nothing to do with skin color and it is very racist of you to pretend that matters one iota in what the responsible fiscal choices are.

MissJohnny

I can definitely cut back on some things we don't use, such as all those cable channels. I am willing to do whatever I need to plan this securely and responsibly. Thanks for your advice, ff.

MissJohnny

Thanks for your refreshing voice, ziti. I'd rather not get into all of the personal bills and ordeals that my fi and I have to pay for and go through each month. My main concern was how to handling a distribution of control over this thing. I'm ready to just take it to the courthouse, but bridemaids have already started getting dresses. I see you've been married for some time. How do you and your husband handle money issues?

zitiqueen

Like responsible adults who don't depend on others to support them.

ffmaid

Well I know you asked the money issue question of Zit. But what we do We use Quicken to track all our income and expenses. We have goals we are saving up for. ( new kitchen, boat, fully paid off home) We spend 1 sunday a month disucssing what went good and bad fiscally and how to do our investments. We discuss it whenever either of us wants to spend over $200. Or a recuring expense

MissJohnny

Well, that's a beautifully blessed thing. And I'm learning...everything in due time. Didn't mean to make you so pissed.

MissJohnny

Have a good one, ladies. Thanks for such a vivid discussion. And thanks for the "mirror!" This was quite a trip for my first board post!

bingham101

Missjohnny don’t listen to the people hating on you because your not paying for everything yourself. It’s not fair. I too have worked 2 jobs before and still not had enough. In some places jobs just do not pay that much. Lets not forget that graduate school is not cheap, and A LOT of people still depend on their parents to help them get through school. However, the way you posted your question doesn’t paint that great of a picture..anyway I can see where both of you are coming from. You need to set a budget… I believe you said about $10,200. Then ask each family member who has agreed to help just how much they plan on helping and when they can give you the money. My FI’s parents are giving us money as we need to pay the vendors (we agreed on an amount at the beginning of the wedding). However, FI’s mom wanted to help out by her way of doing that was taking me shopping and buying everything for the centerpieces. Just make sure everyone who promises to help is reliable and hasn’t let you down in the past. I had and still have a little bit of anxiety about having FI’s dad pay for the caterer… but I just have to let some things go and know that I can trust my FI and he knows his parents will come through. GL  

jeannigirl

I was with you a bit until you pulled the "black trump card" I'm causian and I don't make all that much neither. I really don't think that money/color is really the issue. Thats great that you have a very supportive family and they have been able to be of help to you financially. Good for you to be finishing school and having a job, because their are so many who are struggling worse, has they are unemployed and do nto have the luzury of having family assist them. I too can understand your FI's hestitation with the money that has been said will come your way. Your family may be good on that. I say if its not in your hands then I would not count on it. You may have to cut back on expenses ot luzuries and such, and you and FI figure out a reasonable budget that you can swing between the two of you and then when you get the money you can apply that for what you need or increase something more like the food or the photography.

SarahSmile23

Because I don't make enough, ziti. I'm BLACK. Does that help?bwahahaha. that was awesome.not.

tidetravel

How do you and your husband handle money issues?He's a "natural spender too."  He gets an allowance.

zitiqueen

Her bizarro race card doesn't make sense at all. She works two jobs but doesn't make enough to support herself because she's black, but her grandparents, who I ass-you-me are also black, make enough to support not only themselves but their little princess as well.???

jeannigirl

I actually want to cut all my saying that I don't think that color/money is the issue , I am wrong with that statement. Has it is the truth that color/nationality/ethnicity does determine how much pay they may receive in many places. Even in the great USofA

AlexiaANDRobert

Because I don't make enough, ziti. I'm BLACK. Does that help?Honey, not sure if you heard, but the slaves were freed a loooong time ago. Get over that pronto.

MissJohnny

I didn't know that saying I was black was gonna be taken so wildly! But everyone is entitled to their own opinion...I respect all. Even you, Mrs. Ziti, though you may not respect mine.

SarahSmile23

AlexiaANDRobert- why dont you do your research before you act like that. It is a very real issue. see my last post, if you really think that everyone gets paid the same no matter what color or gender you are then your crazy. Cry me a river. It was a lame excuse and the OP was called out on it. The pay differentials based upon race and gender are very small and would not be dramatic enough to prove the OP's point. In fact, we just discussed this in my Compensation class week. Multiple African American students participated in a discussion about it and said times have changed and they sometimes get promoted before a qualified white person does. This would seem to contradict the OP's point that because she is black she is unable to make money or save money. I would think the problem lies more in her spending habits than her skin color.

AlexiaANDRobert

Well said SarahSmile!

jeannigirl

I believe that is exactly what missjohhny is doing. Did you miss that she is in graduate school and is holding down 2 jobs. Don't be hating on people who are obviously trying to get out of that system/and discrimination. miss johhny what have you gotten down so far in your planning, whats your colors and blah,blah? LOL It would be nice to hear about you and FI are planning for that special day

ffmaid

I could care less about skin colors Op or anyone else on this thread. the issue in teh OP is that she is overbudget and when asked by FI where the money is coming from she wants to reassure him that it does not matter if she overspends and parents and grandparents will take over. Well the honest truth is that she is overspending. No matter how much you have there are always limited resources so it is about balancing the resources of time and money in order to get max happiness and long term security. So OP- You admitrted you were overpaying for cable. Great cut that or ask for teh cheapest plan and out that extra money every month towards the wedding budget. I bet there are other costs you are overpaying for. I have learnt that just asking a cell phone company for a lower rate often results in exact same plan with less cost. How about your credit cards are you paying them in full every month? If not can you call and ask for a lower rate. How about car insurance can you call and ask for a lower rate sometimes mentioning you are a student getting good grades gets you a discount. Can you ask for lower prices and discounts on anything you are spending for the wedding? Can you skip frippery that do not matter and focus on teh things taht do make an impression. Can you compairiosn shop? Can you get your dress through online ect and save money. Can you clip coupons and use site that reward you when you spend money you would have spent anyway? Can you ebay stuff you never use and do not like to reduce clutter and save cash for the wedding?

skhynes

I believe that is exactly what missjohhny is doing. Did you miss that she is in graduate school and is holding down 2 jobs. Don't be hating on people who are obviously trying to get out of that system/and discrimination.Yeah, but after her whole "but I'm black!" attitude belittles all of her accomplishments.  It's like when people say "he's so well spoken" in regards to someone who is black.  Like that's some sort of amazing accompishment, you know, because he's black and all.  Don't you get that?