Guest List Drama

Stoven

So I'm going over my guest list and my sister who is married calls with several suggestions on people I should invite. She thinks her in laws, Mother, Father and Sister in law should all be invited. Along with two of her own friends! I think this is totally ridiculous and uncalled for. I didn't call her with a list of people to invite to her wedding! As a matter of fact, I can remember not suggesting a damn thing to her. I can't STAND her sister in law and I am not close with her in laws.. why would I invite them?? They have already assumed their invited, and if I invite them, is it totally rude not to invite their daughter? If I do invite her sister in law- She is not getting a plus one. I thought my sister was going to have a heart attack when I told her that. And her friends- they are not my friends! I don't like one of them and the other one is a sailboat captain who isn't even on solid ground 90% of the year! Why would I invite her friends?!!?! It's hard to not fight over it but I feel like I have to draw a line somewhere! These suggestions are coming from a person who told me that any one past 1st relatives was up to me... Well she isn't really following her own rules here. HELP!

Leah&Christian09

"Sorry sis, but the guest list is pretty tight between our own family and friends. We're just not going to be able to invite any of your additions." And then don't invite any of them. If your sis tells them different, she'll be the one looking stupid.

Joellee84

Leah's got the right idea.  It's your wedding.  It's easy for others to make suggestions on what you should do and who you should invite, but saying to your sister that you will not be inviting them..straight up, is a good idea.  And definitely don't invite people who you don't even like.  Good luck

Stoven

I tried to tell her that I wasn't going to invite her sister in law- I said I can invite the parents, but the sister is a no go. And her response is, "Megan, she's my family, you can't not invite her." And I said yes, I can.. I don't like her. "What are you going to do, tell her you're not inviting her because you don't like her" I told her I dont have to justify why I'm not inviting someone that's not in my family! Then I said if I invite her, she is not getting a plus one and she insisted!!! If I invite any of them, she can consider herself lucky but lets not push it, eh?! I guess I'll just have to try and tell her again. The in law parents are one thing, the sister is another.. her friends are entire OTHER lol.. ARG! Thanks for the help ladies!

SarahPLiz

IMO, if you invite people you barely know, it may make you look like a gift grabber. They may think you are inviting everyone you ever knew in order to get more gift and attention on your big day. Really, no one wants to look like that, especially to people they already don't get a long with. maybe take that angle with your sister. If that doesnt work, try the bean dip. Bottom line, don't address an invite to anyone you don't want to invite, no matter what your sister says.

Leah&Christian09

Why are you getting roped in to this? You don't need to explain or convince her or make her think it is the right idea. You simply tell her once that you aren't inviting them, which you've done, and then you move on and don't invite them. You don't need her on your side, you don't need to explain that you don't like her SIL. You tell her, and it's done. If she brings it up again, "We've discussed this already, and I'm not inviting them. Have you tried the bean dip?" Repeat as necessary. You shouldn't invite her MIL and FIL either, unless you have a relationship with them.

Stoven

Thank you guys I am fairly newly engaged and am having a hard time saying no to people even though it's obviously my wedding and I will have the ultimate say in all of these matters. I need to learn to deal with these "suggestions" and be able to put my foot down. She got married once already- now it's my turn!

sunflower1998

Unless she's paying for the party, she doesn't get a say.

Simply Fated

Your sister said..."Megan, she's my family, you can't not invite her." Well.. there you go. She answered her own question as to why you are not inviting them. This is your sister's family, not yours. You didnt' invite all your friends' families, did you? Did you invite your co-worker's sister-in-law? Your bridesmaid's uncle? Your Aunt Petunia's neighbor of twenty years?If I were you, I'd let it go and just not send the invites. If it's really not up for discussion, then don't discuss it. That's my advice.

stoutcrowley

My sister's MIL was upset that she wasn't invited (she doesn't even know my name and calls me Amy's sister- to my face). But I don't her that only one sibling's in-law was invited and that was because we actual spent holidays with her.  It's your wedding, invite who you wish.  Your sister will have plenty of family around and doesn't need to have her friends there

dsouldiva

You will need to get tough on this... and quickly! Or you will be bowled over on everything.Don't start entering into "I might invite her, but she definitely won't get a plus one" just tell her you cannot invite any of them, for goodness sake they don't even know your name!Don't be railroaded into this, Tell sis, "sorry but I've looked at our guest list and we just can't accomodate any additional guests", if you haven't sent out invites people are not yet invited, if your sister has already invited them then she is an a$$ and will look like such.Don't discuss wedding plans with her anymore

ffmaid

Both of my sisters got married before me. I invited their husbands and in one case kids ( other does not have kids yet) and even though I like one sisters in laws quit a bit I did not invite my sisters in laws in either case. Nore have I seen the sister who lives further aways in laws since the post wedding brunch of her wedding 5 years ago. They are your sisters family not your family and do not need to be invited to events that are for your family.

Kristin789

No. You can say, "As you know, wedding invitations are mailed six weeks prior to the wedding.  Which means the invitations for my wedding will be mailed on June 10.  NEXT YEAR.  So any talk about a guest list at this point is very premature and inappropriate." And if your parents' names will be on the top line of the invitations as the hosts of the event, then it's your parents who are requesting the honour of the guests' presence, and your mother will have to shut down your sister on this issue.  If your parents were hosting a dinner party, would they invite your sister's MIL, FIL, and SisIL and two of your sister's friends?  Of course not.  If you were hosting a dinner party, would you invite your sister's MIL, FIL, and SisIL and two of your sister's friends?  Of course not.  So there is no problem with not inviting those people to your wedding.

jeannigirl

Ok no I wouldn't even entertain the notion that any of my family would invite their IL's or friends to my wedding. If they even hinted or asked it would be a def NO! You invite you "FI's family and friends not your IL's freinds and their MIL/FIL?SIL WTF??? Don't let anyone tell you that who they are inviting to your wedding. Thats something that belongs to youFI and you mom/dad and FI"s parents and even that needs to have a limit.

Stoven

A resounding NO from the knot! I love it. It only reenforces the fact that I'm not over reacting to this and I'm not out of line by telling her no. Thanks!

Lakerchic7272

You did the right thing by telling her NO!  and I sympthize with you!  I HATE it when people say "Oh we can't wait for your wedding, Its going to be such a blast.  What do you think I should wear" or something similar.  Then I have to say- "Well we both have big families so the guest list is tight.  We hope we can find room so you can join but, we just aren't sure yet.  We hope you understand"

peachkins

Yeah, you need to put your foot down and say no.  There is absolutely no reason for you to invite these people.  I actually am inviting my brother's MIL and FIL to my wedding, but I see them quite a bit, get along with them well, and my parents wanted to invite them as well.  If I didn't like them or didn't know them well, there's no way they would be coming.

cherryT87

I have to agree with telling her NO. We had to tell our my FI Mother she couldn't invite her aunts and uncles to our wedding because is wasn't fair that we didn't have room for every one we wanted to come that we had to leave out a lot of people impotant to us. Plus my FI didn't even know her aunts and uncles well anyway. So I kind of know what your going through.