Mom is being so....idk?

kaynix21

I don't really care if anyone responds, I just need to ramble.She's being stubborn. She doesn't want anyone to lift a finger at or for the wedding.I want to be a bit more hands on for the wedding. I'm going to make my own favors, I want to try and make a card box. I want to do my own centerpieces.I don't want to hire a videographer because it's just more money (My parents are putting up the money, but it's not in my budget).And I was thinking maybe I could just have a camcorder and someone hold it for me, and she went into this huge rant about how then people are "working" at my wedding instead of being guests and they won't enjoy it, blah blah blah blah.Our wedding is not going to be high on the formal or fancy scale...and then she was like, well why don't you ask someone from FI's family to do it?Well she's upset about the thought of having anyone in our family to have to do something other than sit there...but it's ok to ask FI's family? That's not fair, and it's rude (her double standard I mean).My aunt wants to make my cake, but my mom doesn't want her to because she gets a bit stressed and will want it to be perfect....but my aunt is INSISTING on do it, so what's the harm?Yes, they gave me a decent budget where I can still have a nice wedding and not put anyone into debt, but there are limits. I don't have unlimited money to have someone just handle everything for me. I WANT to be a part of this process and make things and be hands on.She's being supportive and helping, but she's being really weird about some of this stuff.

jeannigirl

I think that you should be having a say it is yours and FI's wedding, I would not have family members doing things let them be guests. I think it would be ok to have the aunt make the cake if she has asked. Sometimes its very iffy for family to be in charge of something. I am not going to have any family or friends do anything other than be a guest.

ellinger84

I don't think there's anything wrong with asking family members to help out, especially with something like running the video camera.  That's what family and friends do for each other.  It certainly doesn't sound like you're going overboard ordering people around or anything like that.     If people are offering to help and there are concrete things they can do (like your aunt for example) let them do it.  I had aunts & cousins offering to do anything and I'm not ashamed to admit I took some of them up on their offers.  I had 2 of my cousins who weren't in the wedding party act as ushers.  One of them ran the video camera during the ceremony and toasts at dinner.  He was not put out, offended in any way and didn't miss out on anything.     If your mom is uncomfortable with your aunt helping, how about having the cake be your aunt's wedding gift to you & your FI? That might be a little easier for your mom to agree to. I would also make out your budget and show it your mom so she understands what not having to pay for a cake, making your own favors etc. really ads up to and what you're able to do with that money instead.

Leah&Christian09

Your mom is right.  Asking people to work at your wedding is wrong.  (It would be wrong to ask your FI's family too, but I think she's saying that it won't reflect badly on her, but on you if you do, so she doesn't care.)On your aunt, if she really wants to, it's ok.  But making a wedding cake is a huge ordeal, and if your aunt hasn't done one before, she may be biting off more than she can chew.  Your mom may be wise.  It's your call, but be prepared that it probably won't be perfect, and if it falls apart or turns into a disaster at the last moment, you're just going to have to live with it.  Also, be aware that some venues have to abide by health code regulations that prohibit serving food not made by a professional.

NotNumbers

It's tough when the parents are paying, because dollars do equal say.  I'd suggest picking your battles.  If something is really important to you then stand up for it, but let the other things slide. One battle you do need to fight is to actually be involved in the work and decisions.  Regardless of who is paying, it's your (you & you FI's) wedding.  Your mum has to realise that it isn't right for her to make you feel disconnected from your own wedding.

Mrs.B6302007

And I was thinking maybe I could just have a camcorder and someone hold it for me, and she went into this huge rant about how then people are "working" at my wedding instead of being guests and they won't enjoy it, blah blah blah blah.And she's right.  If you don't want to pay for a videographer, fine but don't assign your family and guests jobs.

aerinpegadrak

If you want to designate someone to hit "play" and "stop" on a tripod set up in the back of the church, that's probably fine.  If you want someone to film anything more than that, you need to pay someone.As far as the cake, I have a friend who was in a bit of a quandary for her cake, because she wanted to do it herself, or have a family member do it for her.  I showed her a wholesale site for sugar flowers, so her aunt will bake the cakes, she'll cover them in fondant herself, and will still have the professionally done decorations.  Both she and the aunt have a lot of experience doing cakes, though.

mmaxwell818

I plan on asking my BIL to control our videocamera...cause i think its a waste to pay someone. but also its only far. at his wedding to my sister they asked my date to record the ceremony for them....and he didnt mind! but now he can repay the favor! but i dont think thats too much to ask. i mean if you were asking them to put up and take down decorations that different. but holding a camcorder for you...i dont think thats a big deal.

BlueBride11

I do not feel that there are huge issues with asking someone to record a few things at the wedding. Now if you want them to film the same type of stuff that you would pay someone to then maybe you should just pay someone. Another thing you could do is find a friend who you can talk to before and ask them. If they say no then fine. I have a LOT of people who are my family and friends asking to be part of the wedding, they want to be useful so i think your mom is more worried than needed. You could also try to do the photo cards lots of brides have on here and add a video part to it. I know LOTS of people who bring a video camera to all the weddings they go to.

kaynix21

Thanks for your input guys. It's not like I'm asking 10 different family members to help, you know? And this part of my family, we're all really, really close. My older cousins are like siblings, and my aunt helped cared for me. My aunt even made my mom's wedding cake and she's been baking and making deserts for years, so it's not like she's inexperienced. I think it's just that she doesn't use fondant and they're not "professional" looking and smooth like a lot of the cakes in the knot galleries, for example. My mom is just being a little wierd about everything. I think with a wedding you should be involved and planning, and making stuff to save money if you want and or need to.

kdincorporated

I don't think there is anything wrong with having your family help. My grandma is doing my cake and my aunt is a wedding coordinator so she is helping. They both feel like they are playing a big role in our wedding and are happy I asked them. If you do have a family member hold the camcorder I would make sure to buy them a little something to say thanks.

notagirlikeme

I'm not having anyone in my or my fiance's family have anything to do with "working" the wedding.  Weddings are stressful enough without putting the added pressure on friends and family.  My uncle and aunt own a photography business and years ago I told him I wanted him to do my wedding someday.  He told me to please just invite him because he wanted to enjoy the wedding.  That has stuck with me all these years later.  Also, if something goes wrong it could cause tension or even damage a relationship.  As for your aunt making a cake, maybe you could have her do the cake for the rehearsal dinner?  Just a thought.