In need of some help.

CuppycakeLovesPuddin

As of right now, I am engaged to my boyfriend of 4 years. I've been planning my wedding for a while and I can't decide on a factor that is pretty important in my family.

 I have two sisters, and so does he. I have seriously consided excluding my older sister from my bridal party due to her actions at her best friends wedding. She forced her way into the bridal party, demanded she gets her own special dress, and went against the brides request that the wedding be formal (after the ceremony she changed from her dress into a "punk rock" outfit" ). And to top it off, she fashioned a mini veil and wore it around as if she had just gotten married. I understand having a good time, but I did not find this appropriate behavior. Do you think this is a good move? How should I break it to her?

 I would love to include my fiances sisters, but like with my siblings he has one who likes all the attention be on her. She can turn any situation into "KaLeigh Time". I don't want to be bridezilla, but it will be Jonathan & Kirsten Day, and I would like to celebrate our wedding, not KaLeigh being...KaLeigh. My concern is she will act similarly to my older sister. 

I have no idea what to do. I want to include KaLeigh, but I don't want it to be KaLeigh Day.

I also need advice on the number of my bridal party. Including the flower girls, is 6 or 7 too much?

I would love some advice.

lindseyann410

Slow your roll.  It sounds like it will be awhile before you can get married, and a lot can change between now and then.  If you plan too far ahead, you may regret some of your decisions later.

Maybe instead of worring about colors and wedding party and other details that aren't necessary right now, you could try being more concerned about getting yourselves in a good place financially to afford this wedding.  It doesn't make sense to plan a wedding you can't afford.

Madisonpenny

I agree with PPs. You don't even need to worry about a WP until about 6-8 months before your wedding and like PP said, it sounds like awhile yet before you'll be having a wedding.

RamonaFlowers

There needs to be a "Wait until we're actually actively planning the wedding to even think about who we want in the WP" option in your poll. Because that's seriously the only answer at this point.

AbbynBrian13

you are thinking way too far ahead!! Wait till your actually going to get married and have a date set untill you think about those things!

BunnyChii

You're right - the major problem is not the color. Neither is it your wedding party. The main issue right now is being able to actually afford a wedding. That's your priority - everything else can wait.

AMYM312

Not the type of question I was expecting when I saw "in need of some serious help".

RebeccaB88

Wow. When I read your title, I thought you really did have a serious problem.

OP, don't even think about getting married until you can afford not only a wedding, but to live together and support yourselves afterwards.  It's the adult thing to do.

One month after FI and I put my ring on layaway, he got laid off.  That was in May of 2010.  He just started working at a regular job last November.  That was a long time for us to have our wedding plans shelved, but we did it.  I'm not able to support us on our own, so the most logical, adult thing to do was to wait until he was more secure again.  It was TOUGH.  I mean...there were lots of times we wondered if we were strong enough to survive it.  We spent a lot of time apart (weeks at a time) because he was trying to get work.  But that's what being an adult is all about - doing the tough thing sometimes, because it's the right thing.  I still don't have a ring, even though he's working again, because he's still paying off bills and straightening expenses out.  But we do know that a wedding is in our future again, and we'll be able to talk about it and start making plans before too long.  The wait was worth it, and it will be for you, I promise.  You're still engaged without a ring. 

Avion22

I think OP really DOES need serious help, just not for the reason she thinks she does....

Sorry, I don't mean that to sound harsh Cuppycake, but everyone else is right.   Step one in wedding planning is to set a budget.  After that you can look at dates, guest lists, venues, colors, attendents, etc.    Until you are able to set a budget, then it doesn't make any sense to even think about anything else.

However, please keep CGMr's post in mind.  Weddings don't need to be extravagant, and they don't need to cost a lot of money.   The list of what you "have" to have to get married is pretty small and inexpensive, and the rest is truly optional.   The wedding industry likes to make us all THINK that we have to have the extra stuff, but the truth is that we don't.  

blgrout

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_in-need-of-some-serious-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:2526b414-0c59-4129-80be-9cef99666dcaPost:e4d5eb9c-147a-41d0-a343-78bff82a4289">Re: In need of some serious help.</a>:
[QUOTE]Wow. When I read your title, I thought you really did have a serious problem. OP, don't even think about getting married until you can afford not only a wedding, but to live together and support yourselves afterwards.  It's the adult thing to do. One month after FI and I put my ring on layaway, he got laid off.  That was in May of 2010.  He just started working at a regular job last November.  That was a long time for us to have our wedding plans shelved, but we did it.  I'm not able to support us on our own, so the most logical, adult thing to do was to wait until he was more secure again.  It was TOUGH.  I mean...there were lots of times we wondered if we were strong enough to survive it.  We spent a lot of time apart (weeks at a time) because he was trying to get work.  But that's what being an adult is all about - doing the tough thing sometimes, because it's the right thing.  I still don't have a ring, even though he's working again, because he's still paying off bills and straightening expenses out.  But we do know that a wedding is in our future again, and we'll be able to talk about it and start making plans before too long.  The wait was worth it, and it will be for you, I promise.  You're still engaged without a ring. 
Posted by RebeccaB88[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Truth.  My FI and I waited more than  2 years to get engaged because I had cancer and racked up lots of medical debt.  We wanted to get married so bad, but couldn't afford to (hell, we could barely afford our rent, and my medical bills).  Once we were financially stable and my health was intact,  we were able to make plans.  And lots has changed between 3 years ago and now, and a few of the people that I would have wanted in my bridal party then aren't even a part of my life now.</div><div>
</div><div>Get to the point where you have a date and a place, and then start worrying about your wedding party.  A lot may change between now and then.

</div>

rlavach

Like PP mentioned, take it slow. This really isn't the time to be worrying about this. We waited until about 8 months out to ask our wedding party & even with that we've had some movement, people dropping out, people coming back & all of that nonsense. Imagine how much worse it will be the further out you ask someone. Save yourself by concentrating on saving up money to get married. You'll be better off in the end.

CuppycakeLovesPuddin

I understand the slow down stuff. But since posting this, Jonathan has proposed. I don't see why I couldn't have started planning my wedding before getting the ring. We've been together for four years, and he had told me to start planning. In a society that is obsessed with weddings, especially getting married at a young age, I thought I would get some actual help. I thought this website would help make things less stressfull, not have people tell me to slow down when there are people out there getting married after 2 months of knowing each other.

Thanks.

CuppycakeLovesPuddin

the title may have been overly dramatic. But it's a wedding website. What else could it have been.