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What do I call my fiance's parents?

My fiance and I have been together for over 3yrs and I still haven't figured out what to call them, now, I look at them pointedly until I get their attention. My fiance calls my mother aunty but I feel really wierd about calling his parents aunty and uncle, I wouldn't be marrying my uncle's son...I don't know, advice please?!
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Re: What do I call my fiance's parents?

  • I call my future inlaws by their first names.  The only other option I would even consider is calling them Mr. and Mrs. Lastname.
  • When H and I were engaged, and even before that when we were dating, I always called his parents by their first names.

    Aunty and uncle seems really bizarre.
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  • Yeah names are good.


    panther
  • Yeah first names are good.  I've started calling mine mom and dad just because that's what everyone else calls them.
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  • Are they Indian or South Asian? We call all parents Uncle & Aunty out of respect. If not it's a little wierd and I would go with Mr. & Mrs. unless they said otherwise.
  • I'd prefer my FDIL and FSIL call me mom but they call me by my first name. i've let them both know they can call me either one but I think it is strange to them to call someone mom that isn't their mom - or they just dont' like me enough to feel that way about me.

    but I'd really prefer to be called Mom.
  • I call them by their names.  They live locally so we see them a lot.  Plus FFIL is actually FI's stepdad (although they are pretty close).

    However, I have started calling FI's grandparents "Grandma" and "Grandpa" since everyone in their family does.  They live locally too so we see them quite a bit and do a lot of family stuff with them.  And I'm mostly only in touch with my dad's parents and call his mother Nana rather than Grandma.  So it all works out ok.  :)
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  • I think its kinda weird when people call their IL mom or dad...IDK maybe because I'm so close to my mom I can't see calling another woman mom? I just find this really bizarre...Definitely go for the first name.
  • My mom is one of 5 kids (all married) and most of the time my aunt and uncles (in-law, I suppose though I don't ever actually say that) and my step-dad all call my grandparents mom and dad. I think it depends on the person though. Even though its completely normal for me to hear people call FILs and MILs mom and dad, I am not comfortable doing that myself. Even though I see her a lot, I rarely address my MIL directly by name or mom because its awkward for me. I once called H's grandma by name and my MIL told me I should call her grandma. Obviously respect what they want to be called but I know the feeling of being unsure.
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  • naomikbnaomikb member
    2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited September 2010
    "Aunty and uncle" are commonly used in Indian or South Asian families.  My best friend calls all her elder female relatives "aunty" out of respect.

    I would try calling them "Mr. ---" or "Mrs. ----" to err on the side of caution and then see if they correct you and say "oh, please call me Mom/Jane/Aunty".

    I call my future in-laws by their first names, the same way as I was introduced to them seven years ago.

  • thanks for the advice...
  • i guess it depends on how close you are to them, my FI mom and his grandma wanted me to call them mom and grandma, we dont see his dad that often since he lives out of state, and i normally just call him by his name.
    and yes, aunty and uncle is interesting.
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  • I just use first names. I have a great relationship with both, and we're an informal family.
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  • I'm in the same boat. I just wait till I have thier attention and start talking to them. My fiance addresses my parents Sir and Mrs. Lastname out of respect. I would feel weird addressing his parents the same. I'm not that proper. I think I've only called his parents by thier first names once and that wasn't in the presence of my fiance.  Calling them mom and dad doesn't feel right to me. So I don't know what I'll be addressing them as either.

    Maya
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  • Missy, you could just address them as Mr and Mrs until they tell you otherwise. That's what I've done with all my BFs and now FI. FI's parents told me right away to call them by their first names.

    FI did the same with my parents but it's taken until we were engaged before my mom told him to call her by her first name. My dad hasn't said the same yet though, so he's still a "Mr"! That will likely change after the wedding.

    Now that I think about it.... FI is the first guy I've dated to get on a first-name basis with my parents, or my mom at least :^)
  • I also call mine by their first names!!!! Their Ted & Debbie to me!
  • for years now ive been doing the same thing... just waiting til they notice im looking at them... or on the phone jsut saying hey how are you... ive gotten soem slack for telling his parents "hey can i talk to jane or joe" they are like you mean mom ... i laugh and say yea...

    even now that we are married i know they still expect me to call them mom and dad but thats so hard ... cause they arent, and they can never replace my parents.

    its just hard ot want to call them that.... i might end up getting into it... but its too early now.

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  • I'm glad to see that other people have this issue too!  Right now, I don't call them anything (I just wait until I have their attention and start talking), and they've never told me to call them anything.

    FI really wants me to call them by their first names, but that's hard for this southern girl.  He calls my parents by their first names but wants to call the mom/dad.  I initially told him no; I've always thought that was weird.  We're not siblings.  When I realized he really wanted to, I said fine, he should do what he's comfortable with.  I'm happy he feels close enough to them to want to call them that.  I just hope the IL's are not offended when I don't call them that.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_call-fiances-parents?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:26a6a7ef-fc00-4ebb-9124-649279e58c10Post:2d78473b-ae45-4fd5-931b-ea82b2982164">Re: What do I call my fiance's parents?</a>:
    [QUOTE]for years now ive been doing the same thing... just waiting til they notice im looking at them... or on the phone jsut saying hey how are you... ive gotten soem slack for telling his parents "hey can i talk to jane or joe" they are like you mean mom ... i laugh and say yea... even now that we are married i know they still expect me to call them mom and dad but thats so hard ... <strong>cause they arent, and they can never replace my parents. </strong>its just hard ot want to call them that.... i might end up getting into it... but its too early now.
    Posted by flirtatiousgrk[/QUOTE]

    My children-in-law call us mom and dad.  Not because we're "replacing" their parents.  We're not, and we know it, and they know it, and they know that we know it.   But we're honored to think of them as our "new" children, and honored that they are comfortable enough with us to use the term mom and dad.

    I have 3 children.  My second and third children didn't "replace" our first.  They simply added to the joy and the family.  Likewise, your inlaws don't replace your parents~they simply add to the joy and the family.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
  • first names for sure!
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  • Same here, my FI and I have been together for four years and I've never really had a need to get their attention or anything (they live in another city so we visit a few times a year or so) but we decided first names would probably be ok. It would seem kinda formal to use their last names once we're married :)
  • I call my MIL and FIL Mom and Dad.  DH calls my parents Mom and Dad.  Same goes for grandparents, aunts and uncles.  There's no "replacing" going on.  I don't understand why some people think you're "replacing" your parents.  That's not it at all.  I know my mom was really hurt when my former SIL didn't call her Mom.  She jumped from Mrs. --- before the wedding to first name after the wedding...after my parents told her they'd love it if she would call them Mom and Dad.  It might feel awkward to call your ILs by Mom and Dad at first...but the more you do it, the more comfortable it'll feel.

    It was weird the first few times I did it because it was different, but I saw how much they loved me calling them Mom and Dad.  That was my motivation to get over my "weirdness" and just do it.  Now it's like I've always done it and is very natural.  I love calling them Mom and Dad.
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  • Call them by their first names, you are all adults. Personally I think calling them mom or dad is weird, they aren't your mom or dad so why would you call them that? Just do first names.
  • I love my FIL's so much and have felt like family for a while already, but wouldn't want to call them plain old "mom & dad". After my FMIL told me not to call her "Mrs. LastName" I decided to combine her nick name and a motherly title and came up with
    "Mama-Su". I asked her if I could call her that and she laughed at first, but then embraced it. FFIL has the same type of name "Papa-nickname". They even refer to each other with those names sometimes when I'm over. Plus when Hubby & I have kids they could call them the same names if the IL's don't want to be grandma/grandpa.
  • I've always called them by their first names.  When we first started dating, I went with Mr. "First Name" or Mrs. "First Name", but they told me to drop the Mr. and Mrs., it made them feel old, lol.
  • I call FMIL by her first name. FFIL passed last year, but I also called him by his first name.  He calls my parents by their first names.  We live with his grandfather and we call him Grampee. I also call his other grandparents Grandmom and Granddad.
  • My FIL's are from the south and they call adults Miss firstname and Mr.firstname., like i call them Miss Nina and Mr. Warren. I had never heard this til I met my FI but I like it better than calling them Mr. and Mrs. and I would feel uncomfortable calling them by just their first names.

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  • I have the same dilemma - I was brought up that you call adults Mr &Mrs ___ until they tell you otherwise.  When FI first met my parents (3.5 yrs before the engagement ever happened) they immediately said "oh call us Pam and Dan",  but his mom never did that so I went on calling her Mrs. __.  As we got more serious I started to get anxious about it... It's weird to call her Mrs. Doe when one day I could be Mrs. Doe.....

    After the engagement she signed an email to me 'mom'  but I'm not sure I'm comfortable with that, and I think she sensed it..  The next time I saw her she called me "daughter in law"  but I think the novelty of that long of a name will wear off after a while, haha.   I may be taking jlmarks's advice on this one, and just get over my weird factor and give in to the 'mom' thing...

    Here's a question, though, for those of you who use "mom"  What do you do when your mom and MIL are both in the room?? 
  • i'm not really close with his parents and i barely see them because he's stationed in louisiana with the coast guard. i email frequently with his mother and i always refer to her as mrs. lastname, as we as her husband who to me is mr. lastname. she signs all of her cards and emails mrs. lastname as well so i just assume she does not want me calling her by her first name.


    however, i do call his grandparents gramps and gram because from the day i've met them, that's how they introduced themselves and sign their cards and letters.


    he calls my parents by their first names but he's closer to mine than i am to his. i actually think he's closer to mine than his own..they don't really have much of a relationship; i mean, they try to communicate but he's very standoff-ish with his folks and doesn't really like talking to them. 

     our parents are very different and i think a lot has to do with age..there's about a 23 year age difference between my parents and his and mine are just more easy going, laid back and what not. i can see it being much easier for him to call my parents mom and dad. i know i would never call his parents that because, like most have mentioned, i have a set of those already.

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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_call-fiances-parents?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:26a6a7ef-fc00-4ebb-9124-649279e58c10Post:310d4900-6dff-4981-8e24-eb066d8a2d66">Re: What do I call my fiance's parents?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I call my MIL and FIL Mom and Dad.  DH calls my parents Mom and Dad.  Same goes for grandparents, aunts and uncles.  There's no "replacing" going on.  I don't understand why some people think you're "replacing" your parents.  That's not it at all.  I know my mom was really hurt when my former SIL didn't call her Mom.  She jumped from Mrs. --- before the wedding to first name after the wedding...after my parents told her they'd love it if she would call them Mom and Dad.  It might feel awkward to call your ILs by Mom and Dad at first...but the more you do it, the more comfortable it'll feel. It was weird the first few times I did it because it was different, but I saw how much they loved me calling them Mom and Dad.  That was my motivation to get over my "weirdness" and just do it.  Now it's like I've always done it and is very natural.  I love calling them Mom and Dad.
    Posted by jlmarks83[/QUOTE]
    This! I'm very close to my mom and dad, and also pretty close with my FMIL and FFIL :)
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