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Who Pays for What??? Need some advice

Ok this is my first time posting on this site even though I've been on here over a year now. The situation is a little complex....1 this is my second wedding but my future husbands first. My parents paid for almlost all of my first wedding and I knew when I decided to remarry that they coudl not afford to do that agin. They did however offer to help as much as they could which I am so so greatful for. The wedding is in 53 days it's onbaord a cruise my parents paid 2000 dollars for the on board wedding package and are coming o nthe cruise. My in laws are also coming on the cruise they are divorced and my father in law is coming with his fiance. We are having a reception in May, its about 2200 dollars for just the dinner for 100 people. Also having an inexpensive photographer and a DJ, flowers no limo's we are trying to be as cost effective as possible with the reception. Although I do not feel that we are entiltied my in laws have not offered to give us a penny. I don't feel this is fair and my parents feel the same way. Now my mom has asked me to ask my fiance to ask his parents for some money since they have put out a good amount and feel like both familes should contibute and I agree why should only my family be paying for everything? I guess the question is how can I get my fiance to bring this up to his parents? I ahve asked him a few times to please see if his parents can help...he has not asked it's getting close and I do not know what to do. I do know that even with what we ahve saved we will not be able to afford the things we already reserved witout some help from his side.
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Re: Who Pays for What??? Need some advice

  • I've never actually looked at this section so no I've never seen any other advice that's why I posted looking for advice not critcism. I know from many other friends that for the most part both families help out with something I've read articles that state groom's parents pay for A B and C whatever so yes I think that his family should ahve to contribute something
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_who-pays-for-what-need-some-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:2b688a46-9eb5-4fb2-ad2c-998135c13555Post:f7a5c3bb-123c-4272-97de-cef8f5f33f11">Who Pays for What??? Need some advice</a>:
    [QUOTE]Ok this is my first time posting on this site even though I've been on here over a year now. The situation is a little complex....1 this is my second wedding but my future husbands first. My parents paid for almlost all of my first wedding and I knew when I decided to remarry that they coudl not afford to do that agin. They did however offer to help as much as they could which I am so so greatful for. The wedding is in 53 days it's onbaord a cruise my parents paid 2000 dollars for the on board wedding package and are coming o nthe cruise. My in laws are also coming on the cruise they are divorced and my father in law is coming with his fiance. We are having a reception in May, its about 2200 dollars for just the dinner for 100 people. Also having an inexpensive photographer and a DJ, flowers no limo's we are trying to be as cost effective as possible with the reception. Although I do not feel that we are entiltied my in laws have not offered to give us a penny.<strong> I don't feel this is fair and my parents feel the same way.</strong> Now my mom has asked me to ask my fiance to ask his parents for some money since they have put out a good amount and feel like both familes should contibute and I agree why should only my family be paying for everything? <strong>I guess the question is how can I get my fiance to bring this up to his parents?</strong> I ahve asked him a few times to please see if his parents can help...he has not asked it's getting close and I do not know what to do. I do know that even with what we ahve saved we will not be able to afford the things we already reserved witout some help from his side.
    Posted by bellaitalia80[/QUOTE]

    Tough. Life isn't fair. We aren't getting 1 dime from our parents. You don't plan a wedding assuming you'll be getting a "fair" and equal amount from both parents. You plan the wedding YOU AND YOUR FI can afford. You need to sit down with your FI and figure out how you are going to pay for this, or you need to forfeit your deposit. If invites have not been sent out, cut your guest list down to what you can afford.

    Do not ask for money. It is rude and tacky.
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  • If your in-laws haven't offered to pay, then it's rude to ask. The articles you're reading are outdated and just wrong. Don't compare yourself to your friends since everyone's situation may be different. 
    If you can't afford your wedding, then just cut down on costs. Asking your in-laws will only cause problems between you and your fiance, and his family. 
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_who-pays-for-what-need-some-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:2b688a46-9eb5-4fb2-ad2c-998135c13555Post:37284f73-f60f-4071-b183-4aff97ed393d">Re: Who Pays for What??? Need some advice</a>:
    [QUOTE]I've never actually looked at this section so no I've never seen any other advice that's why I posted looking for advice not critcism. I know from many other friends that for the most part both families help out with something I've read articles that state groom's parents pay for A B and C whatever so yes I think that his family should ahve to contribute something
    Posted by bellaitalia80[/QUOTE]

    Actually, if you want to go with what the old-school etiquette books say about who pays for what, its not a "fair" amount. The brides family is "responsible" for most of the wedding. The grooms family usually only covers the tuxes, bride's ring, rehearsal dinner and officiant I think.

    Whatever articles you're reading are way out of date. You are (I hope) a self-sufficient adult who is making the choice to get married. Expect no one to pay for anything and budget for the wedding you can afford.
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  • If you are old enough to get married, then you are old enough to pay for your own wedding.  If anyone offers, you can accept or decline their offer.  No one, not even parents, are obligated to give you any help.  Do not ask. 

  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    The job of paying for your wedding falls on YOU.  Not your parents, not his parents, not your second cousin once removed, you.  You're lucky that your parents have graciously offered to help out financiall, something to which you were not entitled.  Be grateful for the generous gift your parents have given you and stop feeling entitled to even more of someone else's money for your party.  His parents are under no obligation to give you money, and for you to expect them to pony up is rude.  Plan the wedding you can afford with the money you have been given and if you want to spend more than that it's on you.  Tell your parents to butt out of his parents' finances, it's none of their business.



  • I live in a region that sticks closely to tradition and etiquette, and this division of paying below is exactly what is done in my area - we go to several weddings every year (we're both teachers) and this is what is followed here:

    The bride's family foots the bill for the invitations, announcements, wedding consultant, gown and accoutrements, reception (including site, food, flowers, photographs, videographer, and music), and transportation for the wedding party.

    The groom's family paid for the marriage license, officiant, bride's bouquet, boutonnieres, rehearsal dinner, and honeymoon.
  • oh, Kristin.  Always good for offering unrealistic advice.

    OP - you don't ask anyone for money.  It's YOUR wedding; YOUR party;YOUR decision to get married so why should anyone else offer you money?  If you wanted a lavish 30th birthday party, would you ask your parents to pay for it?  The ship has sailed on that front.

    It's wonderful that your parents are willing to help.  His parents, for their owns reasons, have not offered.  They are under no obligation to do so.  If you do bully your fiance into asking, him and his parents are going to resent you.
  • Who pays for what?

    You and your FI (As grown ups) are responsible to pay for everything, unless somebody else offers (In which case, you act incredibly gracious for even a penny given to you).

    If you want a party (And clearly, you do), it's nobody else's job to fund it.

    *I felt sorry for my husband before I met him. Take a number.*
    image

  • I paid for everything on my own. :)
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  • I agree with PPs don't ask for money, if they want to help they will offer it themselves. 
    Since this is now your 2nd marriage I would have hoped you are old enough to know that you should never buy something or sign something in which you will owe money on and that you know you won't be able to afford on your own once the time comes. 
    If you want to cut some costs downgrade your photography package, get the bare minimum for flowers (I'm talking bouquet and boutonniere, that's it) or forfeit your at-home reception.  
    . Anniversary aandt image
  • Things you need for a wedding:  Bride, Groom, License, Officiant, Witness(es).

    Things you do not need for a wedding:  Cruise vacation, AHR, flowers, DJ, photographer, dinner for 100 people, overblown sense of entitlement.

    You're doing it wrong.  Leave your FI and his parents alone, they don't owe you one red cent.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_who-pays-for-what-need-some-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:2b688a46-9eb5-4fb2-ad2c-998135c13555Post:37284f73-f60f-4071-b183-4aff97ed393d">Re: Who Pays for What??? Need some advice</a>:
    [QUOTE]I've never actually looked at this section so no I've never seen any other advice that's why I posted looking for advice not critcism. I know from many other friends that for the most part both families help out with something I've read articles that state groom's parents pay for A B and C whatever so yes I think that his family should <strong>ahve</strong> to contribute something
    Posted by bellaitalia80[/QUOTE]
    Have? <div>No. They don't have to contribute anything if they don't want. Which obviously they don't or they would have offered it up already.</div>
    image
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_who-pays-for-what-need-some-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:2b688a46-9eb5-4fb2-ad2c-998135c13555Post:f7a5c3bb-123c-4272-97de-cef8f5f33f11">Who Pays for What??? Need some advice</a>:
    [QUOTE] <a style="text-decoration:underline;color:#579bc3;" href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_who-pays-for-what-need-some-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:2b688a46-9eb5-4fb2-ad2c-998135c13555Post:f7a5c3bb-123c-4272-97de-cef8f5f33f11">Who Pays for What??? Need some advice</a>
    Posted by bellaitalia80[/QUOTE]
    An easy 21st century guide to who pays for what:<div>Invitaitons:  bride and groom</div><div>food:  bride and groom</div><div>alcohol:  bride and groom</div><div>wedding gown:  bride and/or groom</div><div>lavish cruise:  bride and groom</div><div>bridal party attire:  bridal party, or bride and groom if you are feeling generous</div><div>honeymoon:  bride and groom</div><div>flowers:  bride and groom</div><div>decorations:  bride and groom</div><div>
    </div><div>I hope that clears things up.  If you're old enough to be divorced and remarrying, you are old enough to pay for your own wedding.  The fact that it is the groom's first wedding makes no difference, as he is also an adult (I'm assuming.  Maybe I shouldn't assume).  </div><div>
    </div>
    image

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_who-pays-for-what-need-some-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:2b688a46-9eb5-4fb2-ad2c-998135c13555Post:1106fa20-bc03-4882-b936-7b2a7e222290">Re: Who Pays for What??? Need some advice</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Who Pays for What??? Need some advice : An easy 21st century guide to who pays for what: Invitaitons:  bride and groom food:  bride and groom alcohol:  bride and groom wedding gown:  bride and/or groom lavish cruise:  bride and groom bridal party attire:  bridal party, or bride and groom if you are feeling generous honeymoon:  bride and groom flowers:  bride and groom decorations:  bride and groom I hope that clears things up.  If you're old enough to be divorced and remarrying, you are old enough to pay for your own wedding.  The fact that it is the groom's first wedding makes no difference, as he is also an adult (I'm assuming.  Maybe I shouldn't assume).  
    Posted by marriedfilingjointly[/QUOTE]

    co-signed, me
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_who-pays-for-what-need-some-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:2b688a46-9eb5-4fb2-ad2c-998135c13555Post:f7a5c3bb-123c-4272-97de-cef8f5f33f11">Who Pays for What??? Need some advice</a>:
    [QUOTE]Ok this is my first time posting on this site even though I've been on here over a year now. The situation is a little complex....1 this is my second wedding but my future husbands first. My parents paid for almlost all of my first wedding and I knew when I decided to remarry that they coudl not afford to do that agin. They did however offer to help as much as they could which I am so so greatful for. The wedding is in 53 days it's onbaord a cruise my parents paid 2000 dollars for the on board wedding package and are coming o nthe cruise. My in laws are also coming on the cruise they are divorced and my father in law is coming with his fiance. We are having a reception in May, its about 2200 dollars for just the dinner for 100 people. Also having an inexpensive photographer and a DJ, flowers no limo's we are trying to be as cost effective as possible with the reception. Although I do not feel that we are entiltied my in laws have not offered to give us a penny. I don't feel this is fair and my parents feel the same way. Now my mom has asked me to ask my fiance to ask his parents for some money since they have put out a good amount and feel like both familes should contibute and I agree why should only my family be paying for everything? I guess the question is how can I get my fiance to bring this up to his parents? I ahve asked him a few times to please see if his parents can help...he has not asked it's getting close and I do not know what to do. I do know that even with what we ahve saved we will not be able to afford the things we already reserved witout some help from his side.
    Posted by bellaitalia80[/QUOTE]

    Wow. You suck. Pay for your own wedding.
  • Yup, everybody else said it right--nobody HAS to pay for your wedding.  Traditionally, the bride's parents cover pretty much everything... but does anybody remember why?  I'm guessing probably not.  Brief history lesson:  way back when, parents had to PAY a groom to marry their daughter--because having a female was a burden and a man had to be paid off to assume the trouble of caring for her.  If you think about it, then, having a lot of daughters could ruin a family financially.  What the bride's parents paid to the groom was called a dowry.  And, because humans are creatures of habit and change is something we don't do well at, in general, a tradition was born. 

    But let's be realistic.  Nowadays, women no longer have to be a burden--they are able to be part of the workforce, contributingfinancially to their parent's household, their own household (I'm thinking of women who move out of mom and dad's but are not living with a significant other), and the household of their significant other or husband.  So the expectation has shifted.  Traditionally, yes, parents of the brides pay for most of the wedding--but they don't HAVE to anymore.  

    You say your parents helped pay for your first wedding?  Good for you.  Mine didn't.  And, frankly, I'm glad they didn't invest in that marriage (it turned ugly and abusive, and I'm grateful I got out with my life).  Even though they didn't help at all with that marriage, I still don't expect them to help me out at all with my upcoming (second) marriage.  

    So where do you get off thinking that you are entitled to not only your parent's money... but your fiance's parent's money, too?  You probably get this sense of entitlement from your parents--who also feel entitled to have your groom's family pay.  Go ahead and think about that--and then think about how ridiculous that is.  

    I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume that both you and your fiance are working.  And, being the two hardworking people I'm assuming you are, you get to pay for your own wedding, without asking for help.  If help is offered, by all means, go ahead and accept--but you do NOT get to ask for anything more than what is offered.  If you want something bigger and more than what is within your budget, you either need to downsize it or put off the wedding until a date when you CAN pay for it--YOURSELVES. 

    That is precisely what my fiance and I did--we wanted to get married this year.  But it wasn't in the budget.  So what did we do?  We didn't ask our parents for help, that's for sure.  Instead, we did the adult thing and put off our wedding for a year to have enough time to save up some money to have the wedding of our dreams.  And, right now I'm working on finding money-saving ideas and crafts and things, so we won't even meet our upper limit, and that money can go towards other things. 

    So, I apologize for the length of this... but people with this self-entitled attitude, thinking that everybody else has to sacrifice and pay make me sick.  Grow up and be financially responsible!  Trust me--it feels good knowing that YOU paid for it yourself, with no help from anybody else!
  • First of all, this is your second marriage. You are basing what you in laws SHOULD give you on what your parents are giving you for your second wedding. In my book, any entitlement you may have had, ended with your first wedding.

    How could you budget your wedding on what you expected your in laws to give you? That was your first mistake. Don't make another one by guiliting your in laws into giving you money.

    Even if it was your first wedding, and regardless of whether it is your FI's first you can't expect anyone to give you money towards your wedding.

    The thing I don't see discussed here is how your FI feels about this. Is this just your wedding?
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_who-pays-for-what-need-some-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:2b688a46-9eb5-4fb2-ad2c-998135c13555Post:f7a5c3bb-123c-4272-97de-cef8f5f33f11">Who Pays for What??? Need some advice</a>:
    [QUOTE]Ok this is my first time posting on this site even though I've been on here over a year now. The situation is a little complex....1 this is my second wedding but my future husbands first. My parents paid for almlost all of my first wedding and I knew when I decided to remarry that they coudl not afford to do that agin. They did however offer to help as much as they could which I am so so greatful for. The wedding is in 53 days it's onbaord a cruise my parents paid 2000 dollars for the on board wedding package and are coming o nthe cruise. My in laws are also coming on the cruise they are divorced and my father in law is coming with his fiance. We are having a reception in May, its about 2200 dollars for just the dinner for 100 people. Also having an inexpensive photographer and a DJ, flowers no limo's we are trying to be as cost effective as possible with the reception. Although I do not feel that we are entiltied my in laws have not offered to give us a penny. I don't feel this is fair and my parents feel the same way. Now my mom has asked me to ask my fiance to ask his parents for some money since they have put out a good amount and feel like both familes should contibute and I agree why should only my family be paying for everything? I guess the question is how can I get my fiance to bring this up to his parents? I ahve asked him a few times to please see if his parents can help...he has not asked it's getting close and I do not know what to do. I do know that even with what we ahve saved we will not be able to afford the things we already reserved witout some help from his side.
    Posted by bellaitalia80[/QUOTE]



    Uhm, if your going to have a wedding you usually make the decision because you are financially able to. No one is required to pay a dime for your wedding.

    You are the one getting married, I would never ask or expect money from anyone for my wedding. If you're getting married that means you are a big girl now and should be able to pay for it yourself.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_who-pays-for-what-need-some-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:2b688a46-9eb5-4fb2-ad2c-998135c13555Post:59ad9424-0a8a-41f4-b644-59639f81a82e">Re: Who Pays for What??? Need some advice</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Who Pays for What??? Need some advice : Uhm, if your going to have a wedding you usually make the decision because you are financially able to. No one is required to pay a dime for your wedding. You are the one getting married, I would never ask or expect money from anyone for my wedding. If you're getting married that means you are a big girl now and should be able to pay for it yourself.
    Posted by brosters[/QUOTE]
    So long as paying for it yourself doesn't involve paying for dinner, right?
  • Pay for the wedding YOU can afford.  It's incredibly rude and tacky to ask people for money.  If your parents have a problem with it, let them be the rude ones and talk to your ILs.  I doubt it's going to do any good besides cause a fight right before your wedding. 

    My advice:  
    1- Keep everything the way it is, get a second job/work more shifts to make up for what  you can't afford and you already booked

     OR

    2- Scale back and have a wedding you can afford to have right now without having to work extra
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_who-pays-for-what-need-some-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:2b688a46-9eb5-4fb2-ad2c-998135c13555Post:225f7c8d-50bd-409b-98ef-4619bdcf5023">Re: Who Pays for What??? Need some advice</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Who Pays for What??? Need some advice : So long as paying for it yourself doesn't involve paying for dinner, right?
    Posted by emarston1[/QUOTE]

    Zing!
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  • edited March 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_who-pays-for-what-need-some-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:2b688a46-9eb5-4fb2-ad2c-998135c13555Post:225f7c8d-50bd-409b-98ef-4619bdcf5023">Re: Who Pays for What??? Need some advice</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Who Pays for What??? Need some advice : So long as paying for it yourself doesn't involve paying for dinner, right?
    Posted by emarston1[/QUOTE]

    that is correct.
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  • So I am assuming like you all did that none of your parents or in laws helped you pay for anything right. I am an adult and I have adult friends all of which got money from their own parents and their in laws when they got married. And FYI we have already put out a ton of money ourselves and we have gone with a chep photgrapher and a cheap DJ and the most inexpensive flowers we can find so we have thought about all that. And yes my parents are giving WAY more than my in-laws because they want it to be nice wedding. The point is I feel like it's rude of his family not to offer to help with ANYTHING. Come on seriously it is customiary that the in laws would pay for a few things tuxes or whatever. My step sister just got married and her In laws paid alomost just as much as my parents did. I am not saying I expect thousands from them but they should at least pay for something or they should at least offer. I asked my paretns for money they didn't just offer but they have given me as much as they can and for that I am completely greatful. I feel like them not even offering is rude sorry if you all don't agree or your bitter becasue your paretns didn't help yoiu with your weddings
  • I have a full time job and a part time job
  • emarston1emarston1 member
    5000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited March 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_who-pays-for-what-need-some-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:2b688a46-9eb5-4fb2-ad2c-998135c13555Post:7f2c05d5-3946-4525-8c90-7fa6b8b2917f">Re: Who Pays for What??? Need some advice</a>:
    [QUOTE]So I am assuming like you all did that none of your parents or in laws helped you pay for anything right. I am an adult and I have adult friends all of which got money from their own parents and their in laws when they got married. And FYI we have already put out a ton of money ourselves and we have gone with a chep photgrapher and a cheap DJ and the most inexpensive flowers we can find so we have thought about all that. And yes my parents are giving WAY more than my in-laws because they want it to be nice wedding. The point is I feel like it's rude of his family not to offer to help with ANYTHING. Come on seriously it is customiary that the in laws would pay for a few things tuxes or whatever. My step sister just got married and her In laws paid alomost just as much as my parents did. I am not saying I expect thousands from them but they should at least pay for something or they should at least offer. <strong>I asked my paretns for money they didn't just offer but they have given me as much as they can and for that I am completely greatful.</strong> I feel like them not even offering is rude sorry if you all don't agree or your bitter becasue your paretns didn't help yoiu with your weddings
    Posted by bellaitalia80[/QUOTE]
    That's wonderful that you are "greatful" [sic] for the cash you asked for.  Because if you weren't, you'd <em>really</em> be a spoiled brat.

    Bottom line - no one is expected to pay for the wedding except for the bride and groom.  Get off your high horse and get over the fact that your in laws haven't offered any money.  Maybe they can't afford it, maybe they don't want to contribute to the wedding because they think you're acting like a spoiled brat.  Whatever their reason, they aren't going to contibute and you have no right to judge this fact because ultimately you don't know someone else's finances and they aren't any of your business.

    This bitterness that you have isn't productive and isn't going to get you the cash that you want so desperately.  Comparing one family to the other is only going to build resentment and how do you think it makes your fiance feel that you are judging his parents?  Get over it and move on.

    Yes, both of our parents helped pay for our wedding.  But the difference is <em>they offered, we didn't ask</em>.  I never for one second expected it.  And if they hadn't offered, you better believe I would never ask for the money.  Part of me thinks that's one of the reasons they offered and were excited to do so--because we didn't expect it.
  • My FI's parents are somewhat traditional and offered to pay for a few of the traditional things... my bouquet and boutonnieres, the rehearsal dinner...still they couldn't pay for everything that they would "traditionally" be paying for, so for things like the officiant and the honeymoon, we're paying ourselves. Sorry to be harsh, but if your FI's family isn't offering to help it's probably because they don't want to. 

    Before anyone offered us a dime we made a plan of what our wedding would be like if we ended up paying for our wedding ourselves, then as our families offered to pitch in here and there we adjusted our plan. No one should go into major debt for a wedding. If you can't afford things you've reserved, cancel them and deal with losing your deposit.
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  • MadisonpennyMadisonpenny member
    1000 Comments Second Anniversary
    edited March 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_who-pays-for-what-need-some-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:2b688a46-9eb5-4fb2-ad2c-998135c13555Post:7f2c05d5-3946-4525-8c90-7fa6b8b2917f">Re: Who Pays for What??? Need some advice</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>So I am assuming like you all did that none of your parents or in laws helped you pay for anything right.</strong>I am an adult and I have adult friends all of which got money from their own parents and their in laws when they got married. And FYI we have already put out a ton of money ourselves and we have gone with a chep photgrapher and a cheap DJ and the most inexpensive flowers we can find so we have thought about all that. And yes my parents are giving WAY more than my in-laws because they want it to be nice wedding. The point is I feel like it's rude of his family not to offer to help with ANYTHING. Come on seriously it is customiary that the in laws would pay for a few things tuxes or whatever. My step sister just got married and her In laws paid alomost just as much as my parents did. I am not saying I expect thousands from them but they should at least pay for something or they should at least offer. I asked my paretns for money they didn't just offer but they have given me as much as they can and for that I am completely greatful. I feel like them not even offering is rude sorry if you all don't agree or your bitter becasue your paretns didn't help yoiu with your weddings
    Posted by bellaitalia80[/QUOTE]

    Actually, No, no one is helping us pay for our wedding.  We haven't received a cent from either parents, nor from anyone else.  Fi's parents offered money but we declined it and told them we wanted to do this ourselves.
    Also, you really need to stop comparing your wedding and what people are paying and not paying to other peoples weddings... Everyones fincancial situation is different and no one is required to spend money on YOUR wedding no matter who the person is and your relationship to them.
    . Anniversary aandt image
  • OP, you're gross. And clueless.
  • It seems as if this board is so full of negativity.  It is nothing wrong with giving advice, but some of you seem to go over board with the critiques, name calling and finger pointing.

    To be honest, you and your fiance need to have a good conversation and discuss what the two of you want to do.  Assumming the two of you planned these events together, he should be well aware of the costs involved and how much money you two have at your disposal.

    Be forthcoming and let him know that your parents have contributed all that they can afford and feel that is unfair that his parents have not contributed at all.  Talk with him to see if there is a reason.  It could be, they just simply don't have it to give.  It may not be a question of want.  Or, it could be that your Fiance does not want to ask, which is fine as well. 

    You two just need to be on the same page (there is no reason for anyone to ever be upset over someone else's money), and if need be, scale back on the plans to fit your real budget.  

    This is a joyous ocassion, be happy with what you can do and don't stress about what you can't.
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