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i do love my ring...but....

So my FI and I picked out my ring together when we were talking engagement.  I hardly ever wear jewelery and work with my hands with glue and grinders, I play hockey and work out, so a big ring was never part of my lifestyle!  I also was conscious of his budget when looking at rings thinking that there were so many other ways we/he could spend thousands of dollars other then on a ring.  So I picked out and got a 'small and sparkley' ring and love it.  However, now everyone I know is engaged and have these huge monstrosity 1.5, 2 carat rings and i feel...judged.  I feel like the kid with the used bicycle, or walmart brand shoes (not that there is anything wrong with that)!  Not like any of my friends have said anything (to my face) about have a 0.5 carat ring, but I just feel a little like I shouldn't have been so 'practical' when choosing my small and sparkley ring.  help me appreciate small and sparkley and be ok with not being huge and expensive!

Re: i do love my ring...but....

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    Do not feel ashamed of it.  Your ring is perfectly suited for you.  I understand what you mean because H and I picked my ring out together and I opted for a 3/4 carat instead of the carat because I'm a PE teacher (when I have a job) and play a lot of sports.  I didn't want a huge ring sticking up and getting in the way.  Now some of H's friends have gotten engaged and one has a 2 carat ring, but I just think it looks ridiculous, especially with how small of a girl she is. 

    If you want to dress it up a bit go with a fancy band.  I got a 1 carat wedding band and love how the 2 look together, and I never worry about my ring being too big for what I'm doing, or sticking out too far.  And think of the many other more important things you and your FI can spend that money on besides a ring. 

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    If it makes you feel better, I am a little embarassed of my blinged out ring. My parents gave me a ring that my grandmother had made with my great-grandmothers stones which was hideous and we had remade into a new ring for me. We used all the stones we had which included a 1.15 ct center stone, 4 .3 ct baguettes and 2 .3 circle diamonds. The ring is beautiful and I love it but people have commented on how big it is (the center stone looks like 2 cts because its an old cut) and wouldn't the money have been spent better on a honeymoon or something. So people will make snarky comments no matter what your ring looks like.

    I like DNBeach's idea of having a fancier band to balance it out.
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    I have happily worn my 1/2 carat ring for 32 years, and I wouldn't have it any other way.  It suits me, and I love it.

    When DD and her FI started thinking about engagement rings, she was thinking 1 carat or larger until she tried that size on.  She has really, really tiny hands~really TINY hands, and those rings just looked ridic on her.  She got a 3 stone ring with a 1/2 carat at the center, and it suits her perfectly.

    I say if people comment on your ring, simply smile and say "I know....isn't it just perfect?  I absolutely can't imagine anything else on my hand!"  and then walk away happily.

    Quality over size any day, IMO.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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    In Response to <a href=" BoardsForum:14Discussion:30fd8940-55bf-4fa0-b239-0522ec8db240Post:9f680b6f-c235-4f23-a4c0-f36539b14df8">Re: i do love my ring...but....</a>:
    [QUOTE]Quality over size any day, IMO.
    Posted by trix1223[/QUOTE]

    Exactly.  My diamond is a near perfect diamond, and I wouldn't give that up for anything.  It amazes me when I hear some of my friends' and H's friends' GF's talk about e-rings.  I have heard one say "I don't care what it looks like as long as its at least 1 1/2 carats."  Another one said the same exact thing except it had to be at least 2 carats.  I couldn't believe it.  I asked them if they had any idea what diamonds and gold cost, and how much it costs for a quality diamond.  I can't imagine ever telling H "It has to be at least 2 carats."  The same girl who said 2 carats though guessed that my ring was about 1 1/4 carats to 1 1/2, so it just shows how clueless girls can be.

    One of my good friends has an enormous e-ring.  Her H got it from a shady seller that they used to go to, and got a great deal on it.  It's 3 stones and the center stone is 2 carats alone.  But you can see the imperfections in it with a naked eye, and she seriously tells me every time she sees my ring how she wishes she had my ring instead. 
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    I have a three stone with the middle stone a 1/2 carat. Sure its small but anything over that would look stupid on my hand because its small. When people comment on mine I always tell them that its the perfect size for me. So no matter what else they're thinking they know straight up that I love my ring and the size. 
    You picked your ring for a reason and only you and your FI need to know that reason. Wear your ring loud and proud!
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    Completely agree with PP's. Your ring is a symbol of not only your love but that time in your life when you fell in love. I think your ring sounds perfect for you and that's what matters. Wear it proudly - you absolutely should. I also like DNBeach's idea of a fancier band if you like the looks of that.

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    My FI and I aren't rich... and I wasn't expecting a huge "rock" from him.  I actually got a ring that has cluster stones so they look bigger... it's a less expensive ring, and I think the design suits me VERY well.  After we went through some drama getting it resized because the jewelry store he went to was crappy, we both love it.  In fact, I have a "bridal set" where the wedding band is designed to go with the e-ring, and it is total carat weight of 1/3 carat.  I'm happy with that.  

    He promised to get me something with a bigger stone that I could wear in the future... I told him if he got it any earlier than our 5 year anniversary he must be dreaming.  Ha!  We think alike financially too, which has an impact on the jewelry we choose for each other.  I am campaigning for him to get me a white solitaire when he gets an anniversary ring for me... white solitaire is April's birthstone (if not a diamond) and it would make a great anniversary ring and I could wear that over the holidays, etc.  My original e-ring and wedding band will ALWAYS be special.  I can't WAIT to get married so I can wear them both!!! 
    July 16, Our Wedding Day, is also International Juggling Day!
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    awww....thanks ladies! 
    those were some of my thoughts exactly, even if i had an unlimited budget for a ring a 2c would look crazy huge on my little hands and i would probably smash it into something within a week!

    I'm excited to look at bands in the summer and see if i can bling things up a little more.  Thanks for the replies!
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    In Response to <a href="">Re: i do love my ring...but....</a>:
    [QUOTE]Completely agree with PP's. Your ring is a symbol of not only your love but that time in your life when you fell in love. I think your ring sounds perfect for you and that's what matters. Wear it proudly - you absolutely should. I also like DNBeach's idea of a fancier band if you like the looks of that.
    Posted by pixiedust84[/QUOTE]

    exactly what i was gonna say
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    My center stone is a 1/2 carat (the diamonds in the back make up another .5 carat) and I adore it! I sometimes think huge rings can look almost costumey at times. It wasn't my style at all. I am going to "sparkle" it up even more by getting a wedding band with diamonds halfway around.

    It is all about YOUR taste. Don't let anyone make you feel bad about it. Many women like solitaires and I even know some girls who opt to just get a band to act as engagement AND wedding ring rolled into one. If you love it, that is all that matters.

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    as long as you are happy there is no comparison! whats great for you and your FI is all that matters!
    I told my FI I don't care about the size! as long as it sparkles, and sparkle it does. Life is too short for any negative thoughts or nay sayers!

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    Yikes you're almost making me feel bad for having "a huge monstrosity" of a 2.5 ct ring.

    But seriously it's no one else's business.  As long as you love your ring it doesn't matter what other people think.
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    Your ring should reflect you and your tastes and style and personality.

    Nobody is looking down on you because your ring is "small".  It's you and you love it.  If they are that petty, who cares what they think anyway?
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    My ring is about a 1/3 carat, I think, and I love it.  I think huge rings just tend to look silly, and they're really impractical.  Lord knows I gouge DH enough with this one, he'd probably have scars if it were larger.

    When a woman starts specifying a minimum diamond size, I only have one piece of advice for her partner: run while you still can.
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    This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.

    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
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    In Response to <a href=" BoardsForum:14Discussion:30fd8940-55bf-4fa0-b239-0522ec8db240Post:61bd5675-ed19-4a82-99a3-b0831cd4f5fd">Re: i do love my ring...but....</a>:
    [QUOTE]  If you want to dress it up a bit go with a fancy band.  Posted by dnbeach12[/QUOTE]

    That's what I did! I know how you feel regarding other future brides or brides having larger rings and you feeling "small" I have a small ring too and at first I liked it but then I grew to love it because it came from someone who loved me enough to want to marry me. My wedding band compliments my e-ring very nicely without one overpowering the other.
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    No two engagement rings are alike because they're supposed to reflect you and your FI so don't ever feel less worthy about the size of your ring. Engagement rings aren't meant to be compared. It it's something you and your FI picked out together, then it has all the meaning that is needed.
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    Maui, November 2011
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    lcsnowflakelcsnowflake member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited November 2010
    I think that you made the right choice getting a ring that suits you.  A friend of mine had a 1ct e-ring and she's active and athletic so for her wedding band, she got a tungsten band.  She would never wear the two together, so she plans on storing the gorgeous e-ring.  Talk about a better way to spend $$$
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    I told FI that .75 carat was the max b/c anything bigger than that looked ridiculous on my tiny fingers.  I also told him I prefered quality.  He got me a near-perfect 0.44 carat b/c that's what he could afford.  Frankly, I would have been pretty angry w/him if he bought a larger ring that he couldn't pay for up front.
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    In Response to <a href="">Re: i do love my ring...but....</a>:
    [QUOTE]No two engagement rings are alike because they're supposed to reflect you and your FI so don't ever feel less worthy about the size of your ring. Engagement rings aren't meant to be compared. It it's something you and your FI picked out together, then it has all the meaning that is needed.
    Posted by phillychica85[/QUOTE]

    I agree with this.  Judgements about e-rings (either too small or too large or not high quality) are unnecessary. 
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    I agree your ring should be what you want not what others think you should have. My ring is a Tanzanite with diamonds on both sides. I love my ring, my FI bought it for me as a surprise on the cruise we went on last spring, He didn't actually propse until 3 months later and I told him I didn't want another ring. So he didn't get me one.
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    In Response to <a href=" BoardsForum:14Discussion:30fd8940-55bf-4fa0-b239-0522ec8db240Post:d2d1a079-0983-44d1-b5dc-e609a5cbf3c1">Re: i do love my ring...but....</a>:
    [QUOTE]My ring is a Tanzanite with diamonds on both sides. I love my ring, my FI bought it for me as a surprise on the cruise we went on last spring,Posted by Mary Susan and Chris[/QUOTE]

    I bought a tanzanite ring on my cruise last spring too!

    My ering is a sapphire in a bezel mount because I'm a nurse and in and out of gloves all day long.  It's just under a carat and anything bigger would look gaudy on my fingers.  I love my ring and since it's custom made, nobody else will have one like it.  Everybody that's seen it says it's more me than a diamond would be.
    C+D, Four kids, two kids-in-law, four grandkids
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    It sounds like your ring is very you and fits your lifestyle. Don't let other people bring you down about it or make you feel self conscious about it! And if you decide you want a bigger ring in the future, there's always the chance for an upgrade in the future! I do like the idea of dressing it up with a fancy band. If the ring is pretty simple, you could so something that has diamonds all around it.
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    I wish I could find the thread but I brought this same conversation up a while ago about does e-ring size matter and how much do people care.  My FSIL is friends with lots of rich girls and think it's extremely important to have a ginormous ring.  She even made the comment "I love that the band (on her e-ring) is so small because it makes the rock look bigger."  Gag.  Mine is 3/4 carat between three stones and I love it.  It suits my hand perfectly. FSIL insists that a big rock reflects on your FI's finances.... yes, because money is most certainly everything.
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    I truly have no idea what size my diamond is, LOL.  But when the marriage talk came up, I told my fiance to remember what I do everyday....I"m a nurse, in and outta gloves and lord knows what else :) a firefighter/paramedic, too.  So anything that I wear has to be able to be manhandled a bit! He did excellent.  It's a thinner band with one stone sorta recessed in it and VERY easy to clean.  For my wedding band we are looking for a wrap that will go into it, but if I don't find one, we'll just get matching bands.  It's not the ring that make the bride, it's the bride that makes the ring!
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    When my husband and I got engaged, we were just out of college and had absolutely no savings. I wanted a diamond ring but didn't want to go into debt for it, so DH picked out a gorgeous, vintage-style palladium band with a 0.5 carat colorless diamond. The diamond has inclusions that you can see with the naked eye (at least, I can see them if I look really close, but a random person wouldn't be able to see them). It cost under $2k, and I'm so glad that DH was sensible enough to pick out something that was realistic for us but was still what I wanted. It's imperfect, but so am I, and I love that it'll always symbolize us making a commitment to each other in this early stage of life. We're never going to be rich, and it suits our lifestyle.

    Don't doubt the ring that you have, because it's who you are and what you chose. Many of my friends have 2 or 3 carat rings (often family heirlooms) and that doesn't make my ring any less special.
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    I doubt anybody is judging you hon!

    My ring is definitely in the small but sparkly's got a total weight of 5/8c and it composed of a center stone flanked by two smaller stones and 30 diamond chips...holy sparkle, but with a tcw of less than 1 we're not talking big diamonds. But I have ridiulous fingers: long like a piano players but I only wear a size 4.5! In fact, the ring I picked out couldn't be sized smaller than a 5 and even then it became oblong instead of round. A big ring on my skeletal fingers would be silly. But beyond asthetics, I LOVE my ring. It suits me and my life style, I don't freak about catching a huge rock on anything and dislodging it from a setting, and more than anything, it's a symbol of our love for each other. I could have had a bigger ring, but this is what I picked. If somebody wants to be catty about it, screw 'em.

    Truth is, I don't need to be flashy to know that I am the luckiest girl alive!
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    no, no one has out right judged me on it, i just feel insecure about it sometimes (especially when significantly younger relatives show up newly engaged with huge rings!)  But as so many of you mentioned, it suits me perfectly, it came from the guy i love and carat size has no correlation to marriage success!  I like the idea of a nice blingy band, and upgrading the centre stone if/when our lifestyle and finances reflect it.  Honestly, if he had gone into debt over the ring i would have been a whole different kind of upset/disappointed/worried!  So my ring suits me and us perfectly right now and leaves us a little more money to throw a great wedding with, I think i can deal with that!

    Thanks for all your input, stories and advice :)

    FWIW, I have nothing against the girls with the big bling! (I only called 2ct's a 'monstrosity' b/c they definately are on my tiny hands!)
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    mrabbito - as long as you love it, that's all that matters :) and as you said, you can definitely always upgrade later on, if and when you want to! congrats on your ring and good luck with your marriage!
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    My FI and I went ring "window" shopping about a year or so before he proposed. When we went to this one store I found a ring that looked just like me. It was a vintage style ring with designs & diamonds on the band and a round diamond in the center with diamonds around the center stone. (it looks like the one I have on my wedding look book, the center stone just isn't as big) PLUS it came as a bridal set. Well, with him in college he had to get his finances inline before he could buy, which was fine because I wanted it to be on his timing not mine. We watched that ring for over a year which at the time was over 2k with taxes and he eventually bought it for under 1500 w/ taxes. It is flawless, and 1.5 ct. I LOVE IT and that's all that matters. Screw everyone's opinion, it isn't needed.
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    mines .8 carat, but its not a diamond. we were looking for something that would fit my personality, and with our small budget we couldn't get anything too crazy. we've got a cathedral style band with millgrain detail on the edges, with an orange sapphire in it- my favorite color! sometimes i feel weird about not having a diamond, but orange is just so... me.

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