annoyed...advice for unwedding related issue!

klhucks09

Ok, so FI and I have been together for a little over 4 years.  We are getting married this Dec.  I have a 9 year old pekingese dog that has ALWAYS stayed inside.  FI refused to let him inside when we get married.  He was raised that animals don't go in the house.  I can't leave my dog with my mom because he is very attached to me.  If any of you have ever had a dog, you know how close you can become to one.  I just don't know what to do.  I hate to put him outside after being an inside dog for so long.  Will he be okay? FI says he can stay in the garage at night, so he'll be warm.  I just don't know...I kept thinking he would give on the issue...but he's not.  So any advice is appreciated.  I understand where FI is coming from, I just don't know what to do about my sweet little dog, who I love very much.

redheadfsu

Do NOT put him outside. That is cruel. Very cruel. The dog has been inside all of its life. The dog will feel like he is being punished b/c he is away from his pack (you).  I honestly would break up with FI if he pulled this. Please be a forever home & don't give him away. You took a life time responsibility when you got your dog. Do not let your dog down.

Edit
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ejoyce8

I agree. A dog is a like a family member. He will need to deal with it. Maybe just let the dog sleep in another room and not on the bed. I would think that since you two have been together for so long it wouldnt really be an issue. He needs to put his big boy pants on and realize that small animals are not meant for the outstide...especially after 9 years. Your dog is kinda like a senior citizen; would he pull his grandmother out of her home?

Kristin789

No, you can't just shove the dog outside - see previous posters' comments.

Sounds to me like your FI sees you fussing over your dog and he sees you fussing over wedding plans... and he thinks you take him for granted and he gets very little fussing over.  Maybe you need to consider WHY he's saying this to you...

klhucks09

ok first of all the last 2 comments by Kristin789 and SatelliteGirl...if you had read my post you would have seen that I DO NOT WANT TO PUT HIM OUTSTIDE AND WILL NOT BE PUTTING HIM OUTSIDE...I was just asking for simple advice on how to handle the FI on this.  Second of all Kristin789, where are getting anything about us fussing?  FI and I rarely fuss and when we do its trivial stuff, so no he's not trying to TELL me anything.  I wish people would READ posts throughly before posting back.  I do not plan on putting my precious dog outside, no matter what. 

SarahPLiz

I think Kristin meant fussing = paying attention to. As in fussing over someone = doting on them, paying them lots of attention.

rodeo417

Tell your FI to get bent! You are a package deal with your furbaby. Both of you live in the house and if doesn't like it then too damn bad... Putting the dog in the garage is like equal to putting a baby in pool of water all alone....

glam70s

Honestly, this would be a deal breaker for me. If my fiance wouldn't agree to having a dog in the house, I would break up with him, because that's a big issue that would affect the rest of my life. What's more, begrudging agreement wouldn't be enough - he would have to actively be happy to have the dog in the house.

I hope you get this sorted out! There are very few situations in which, given the ultimatum, I would choose something else over my fiance. But if I had to choose between my fiance and an existing dog, I'd choose the dog. A new dog would be a different issue though, and I likely would not consider ending the relationship over a new pet.

jajph1974

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_annoyedadvice-unwedding-related-issue?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:524a1ea7-298a-4e1a-9ba1-4f876c76cb89Post:fd870be2-f30a-4275-9d1a-eb6eafd3ce00">Re: annoyed...advice for unwedding related issue!</a>:
[QUOTE]ok first of all the last 2 comments by Kristin789 and SatelliteGirl...if you had read my post you would have seen that I DO NOT WANT TO PUT HIM OUTSTIDE AND WILL NOT BE PUTTING HIM OUTSIDE...I was just asking for simple advice on how to handle the FI on this.  Second of all Kristin789, where are getting anything about us fussing?  FI and I rarely fuss and when we do its trivial stuff, so no he's not trying to TELL me anything.  I wish people would READ posts throughly before posting back.  I do not plan on putting my precious dog outside, no matter what. 
Posted by klhucks09[/QUOTE]


Actually, you never specifically said that you would not put the dog outside. You said something about not knowing what to do, which lead me, and probably everyone else, to assume that you were considering it.

As far as your question on how to handle your FI ... just tell him the dog will be staying in the house and if he doesn't like it then HE can go sleep in the garage.

lyndausvi

Umm... this would be a deal breaker for me.  The dog was there before your FI, so I do not know where gets off telling you the dog must go outside.


I had an outside dog (Alaskan Malamute). She HATED being indoors.  After about 15 mintues indoors she would cry to go back out.   The difference is this dog was always an outside dog and had the genes to be an outside dog.  Your dog is not an outside dog, nor should it ever be one.  Not only has it always lived indoors, it does not have the genes needed to stay outside like other breeds.

Your FI needs a reality check.  Show him research on what would happen if  you actually did what he is implying.   I also would not wait 9 months to change his mind.   This needs to be taken care of now, not later.

Huskerfanz

Have you found out why your FI doesn't want him in the house?  Talk to him about his reasons for not wanting the dog in the house.  Does he just not want the dog sleeping with you?  Does he think it is too much of a mess?  Does it bark a lot?  Once you figure out the reasons, you can work on addressing his concerns and then go from there. 

ggmae

I honestly would have left my husband if he had pulled anything like this. No way. The dog was there first and like PP said, the dog will feel as though he is being punished. You can't put the dog outside. If your FI can't come to grips with this, then he needs to go.

pinkpinot

I'm really curious how your FI treats your dog.  I mean, he has obviously been to your house with your dog there, is he nice to your dog?  Has he bonded with your dog? Even after knowing your dog for 4 years he still isn't attached and sees no problem in putting the dog outside? My FI had a small dog when I met him, who slept in his bed! It grossed me out and I was like oh man how can you let him on your bed?!  Well, 6 months into the relationship that lil dog was still sleeping on the bed but next to me! 
I wouldn't have it any other way now although I do miss having leg room at night sometimes. 

mocha beans

Your dog is NOT an outdoor dog, he was bred to be an indoor dog, for life.  To me, it's not even a matter of the dog was there first as much as this is just not a dog that can handle being a fulltime outdoor dog.

Honestly, he needs to realize this and deal with it.  Putting the dog in the garage or laundry room fulltime is not a solution either, it's just as bad as leaving the dog outside.

polichik

Yeah... I'm pretty shocked by this. FI's a dog person, but NOT a small animal person. After we moved in together, I told him that I'd always hoped to have guinea pigs (had them at my parents' since I was tiny), and wanted to see what he thought. He's not a rodent fan, but he knew that they would make me happy.

We've had them over a year. They squeak at an incredibly volume whenever we're around, and they can smell a bit funny at times. FI jokes about them, but he would never, ever tell me to get rid of them. He likes them simply because they make me smile.

I understand that your FI has his reasons, but marriage is about COMPROMISE, which he seems incapable of. I could see his point if he simply didn't want the dog to sleep with you or something, but to kick it outside of the house? I'm shocked you didn't tell him then and there that it wasn't going to happen. He needs to respect all loved ones in your life.

If he told you that he didn't like your best friend and that she could never come over, I'd hope you'd dump his a$$. If you really consider your dog to be like a child or a friend, you need to set your FI straight, now!

tlv204

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_annoyedadvice-unwedding-related-issue?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:524a1ea7-298a-4e1a-9ba1-4f876c76cb89Post:0e1f7512-de4a-4ee5-be89-753db23ca1ac">Re: annoyed...advice for unwedding related issue!</a>:
[QUOTE] As far as your question on how to handle your FI ... just tell him the dog will be staying in the house and if he doesn't like it then HE can go sleep in the garage.
Posted by jajph1974[/QUOTE]

THIS.  If he won't be reasonable about it, you need to make sure he knows you're serious and you will not, under any circumstances, put your dog outside. Either he really doesn't realize how important this is to you or he's just a jerk who doesn't care about animals. I hope it's the former and you can just help him realize that you're not negotiating, you WILL NOT put your dog outside.  Good luck.

duckie1905

I would never marry a man that felt like this.  It would be a dealbreaker for me, regardless of "how he was raised."  Good for him, but I was raised to treat inside animals with compassion and kindness.

I'd be packing up my dog and my stuff and I'd be out the door fast.

lisarose7

When FI and I first started dating, he asked me one day what I'd do if he told me it was either my cat or him.  I told him he knew where the door was.  (Obviously he was joking...we're still together and he snuggles with my cat all the time).  If he won't budge on this, you might want to rethink your relationship....either that or tell him okay, but that YOU were raised to believe that sex is for procreation purposes only so unless you're ovulating and trying to get pregnant he's not getting any.

ExpatPumpkin

Sorry, but this is a dealbreaker.  If you marry him and put the dog outside, you will grow to resent him and your dog will be miserable.  It is also very probable that your dog will literally die from the social isolation as he´s accustomed to being with you all the time.  Die.  As in not be alive anymore. 

If your FI can´t accept having him in the house, I wouldn´t marry him.  Marriage is about making compromises, and if he can´t be flexible about the welfare of this creature that you LOVE, do you really think he´ll be a good husband?

Not what you want to hear, but I wouldn´t marry him

michaela48

I agree with those who said this is a complete dealbreaker.

"Letting you" keep the pup in the garage is not a compromise. Keeping a dog in a garage is cruel.

I think you need to take a deep look at your fi..

ExpatPumpkin

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_annoyedadvice-unwedding-related-issue?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:524a1ea7-298a-4e1a-9ba1-4f876c76cb89Post:cb6ddce2-7874-466f-abe4-2b22143430e0">Re: annoyed...advice for unwedding related issue!</a>:
[QUOTE]This isn't a dog problem.  This is a problem with your FI.  Just because he has never had dogs inside doesn't mean thats how its just automatically going to go. The dog was there before him and the dog has been an inside dog as long as you have known your FI.   He should know the dog is part of the deal with you.  The very idea that he thinks he gets to change how things go "just because HE says so" really bothers me.   I don't think this will be the last time you deal with him thinking he can decide own his own how things should be and just expecting you to feebily listen.  I wouldn't marry him.  This is a much, MUCH bigger issue than the dog.  But thats just me. 
Posted by eastunder1[/QUOTE]

I couldn´t agree more.  This is a MUCH bigger issue than your poor little dog.

lpstl

Big picture issues aside, I can't believe an owner of a small dog would even consider this for a second. You have a pekingese, not a husky. Maybe he's completely ignorant to the breed's needs, but you certainly shouldn't be. They are not outdoor dogs, excessive exposure to heat could kill a pekingese. Even the AKC says they don't need a yard and they make great apartment dogs.

Educate your fi on these facts, hopefully he'll realize how he was raised is completely irrelevant to the dogs needs. If he refuses to see that, they you have a much larger problem on your hands.

MyNameIsNot

Not only would I not marry a guy who insisted on treating a dog this way, I wouldn't marry a guy who thinks that he gets to make the rules.  This is a giant red flag to me.  

goheels05

My husband grew up out in the country.  All their pets lived outside.  I don't even understand why they had pets.  When he was 8, he watched his dog get hit by the school bus.  When we talked about getting a dog together, he intended for it to be an outside dog, like you said, because that's how he was raised and that's all he knew.  But after I explained to him the way I grew up, and that having an animal was like having another family member, and that I didn't see the point in owning a dog that we would only see twice a day when we went outside to feed it, and reminded him that a dog who doesn't live outside is a lot less likely to get hit by a school bus, he saw things my way. 

Good luck to you.  Hopefully if you share some of our thoughts with him, he will see things your way, too.

klhucks09

Ok, so I apparently didn't give all the facts when i wrote my original post.  My FI is awesome with my dog.  I still live with my parents and never thought it was a issue.  We never really talked about it much.  But after sitting down and talking with my FI today after church, he understands where I'm coming from and agreed to allow my sweet little dog in the house.  He's never had small dogs and didn't understand what the big deal was.  We live in the South where we have practically no winter, so he figured the dog would be fine like any dog he has ever had.  But like I said, after talking with him about it, my dog will be inside.  Thanks to those who gave constructive advice..not just "DUMP THE GUY".  I realize many of you say you wouldn't think twice and would be gone, but until you're in the situation you don't know.  Also, FI isn't cruel to animals...he really just didn't understand, but does now.  So come December when we get married, the dog comes inside too

megandjay

Okay, so how do you usually convince your FI of things? There are lots of ways, you could ask him when he is in a better mood, like go out and do something he likes to do and then ask. Or bargain. Or play on his guilt. Just think about what would make him change his mind. In my case, I would give in on something for him and make it part of a compromise.


Edit: oops, just saw the 2nd page and it looks like you already convinced him. Score 1 for the dog! Yay!

bbyckes

FWIW, I asked my FI about this situation and he feels like your FI should just let the dog in the house.  It's a small dog and he's been a house dog this whole time.  I hope you can reach a comfortable compromise.

JHS16

klh, my FI was the exact same way when we started dating, pets belong outside only!  However, I wouldn't leave Jack alone at my apartment at night by himself, so FI would come over and stay with me AND Jack, and finally got used to it, and a year later we all live together.  

Happy note:  Sometimes I come home from work and find them snuggling on the sofa together.....I think FI cares more about Jack then he'll ever let on.  The transition won't take long. 

jena.n.ross

Ugh.  

I don't understand why people have pets if they're going to be outdoor only.  

You live in the south, so you have practically no winter, BUT you have a disgusting amount of summer.  And nasty critters that also live outside. 

I bought my dog at a yard sale when I lived in Florida.  The owner had a small dog that was an indoor dog, and my dog who was never allowed in the house.  Year round.  In Florida.  Do you know fuucking hot it is in the summer??  Obie literally has a rescued dog mentality because of how much better he has it now.  I'm his mumma, and I saved him from a crappy life.  

So you've talked him into "accepting" your dog.  And what are you going to do when you want another dog?  Can you really imagine the rest of your life without another indoor pet?  Your kids' lives?

FI used to be allergic to cats (you can grow out of allergies).  When he moved to Florida to live with me, he knew the cats were not going outdoors.  I told him he could take an allergy pill, the cats were there first.  It worked out, he doesn't have any reaction to them, but he was fully aware before he moved that they were not something to be bargained over.  

I'm curious, how old are you?  The fact that you live at home, I wonder if you were on your own, if you would have a broader outlook, and would have addressed this before.  Understand that you're a grown ass woman, and your FI isn't your parent, and you make the rules together.

klhucks09

Thanks guys!  I was lucky to get him to understand the situation.  I really do think once he gets used to it he'll be fine with it too.  But Bug is allowed in the house He doesn't sleeping with me now, so that's not an issue at all.  I live in the country and have a huge yard, so when the weather is nice he loves to go outside.  So when its pretty out, he will continue to go out and play as usual, but can come in as he pleases

mandysmear

This thread is probably dead and it's a day old.  But, I would not marry someone who would not allow my dog to stay in the house.