annoyed...advice for unwedding related issue!

klhucks09

If the ones who have recently posted would actually READ the previous post, you would see he is not just "accepting" my dog, he understands and is okay with him being inside.  My FI doesn't dislike the dog, he just didn't understand.  Yes I know the summers are hot...nowhere near as hot as Florida..I dont' live there.  But I'm not in any way going to mistreat my sweet dog.  I am 23 and yes I live at home...nothing wrong with that...plenty of people do it.  And I live at home by my choice to save $ while I was in college, which I am not out of.  So please don't talk like you know my life and all this crap...you people add way to much more and don't take the time to READ.  And I realize that my FI isn't my parent and I know I'm grown, that's why we TALKED about it and were able to come to an understanding.  Marriage is about communication and compromise! And I have to say I'm glad my FI talked with me about it, so he could understand why it was such a big deal.  As I said before FI never had a small dog, so he really did not know.  Once I told him about the breed and everything he was completely fine with it because he realized it would be awful for the dog and believe it or not FI has a HUGE heart.  So for those who have been completed bitches, grow up and read freaking posts completely before you post unhelpful advice and your opinions. For those who understand what I was saying, thank you for your kindness.  Either way Bug, is going to be inside and FI is okay with it.

coreybride127

My mind is boggled.

I also would not marry this person. Huge red flag.

Huskerfanz

Glad to hear that you were able to talk with your FI and get it figured out together now instead of after the wedding.

goheels05

OP, I'm glad you were able to talk some sense into him!

I don't really see what the big deal is.  Her FI didn't understand, they've talked about it, and now he does.  Like I said before, my husband and I had the same conversation; I didn't break up with him just because he didn't know something about dogs. 

LauraW313

My future Mr. had outside animals when he was growing up so it was a bit of an adjustment for him and the cats when he moved in. They sleep on my side of the bed and I do catch him petting them and chatting with them occasionally. My cats are inside only. They get to go out on the screened porch on nice days.
 
I am glad you and your future Mr. got things worked out. Yay for Bug!!!

aerinpegadrak

I still think you should look into premarital counseling.  It sound like you have some issues communicating, and a counselor can really help with that.

526SadieSadie

I agree that this is a giant red flag.  He was raised a certain way so that's the way that you need to adapt to?  I DON"T THINK SO.  Tell him it's not up for discussion, you aren't willing to leave your dog outside.  I would imagine that your dog is just as attached to you as you are to him/her.  Suddenly being forced to live outdoors would be such a shock, he/she might die of depression, not to mention the shock of the temperature change....think VERY carefully before you make any changes to your life for this man.  He sounds a little too controlling to me.

briawna

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_annoyedadvice-unwedding-related-issue?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:524a1ea7-298a-4e1a-9ba1-4f876c76cb89Post:35bdbee2-a8cc-4aac-b3a3-21a9beb01761">annoyed...advice for unwedding related issue!</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok, so FI and I have been together for a little over 4 years.  We are getting married this Dec.   . . . ...I kept thinking he would give on the issue...but he's not.  So any advice is appreciated.  I understand where FI is coming from, I just don't know what to do about my sweet little dog, who I love very much.
Posted by klhucks09[/QUOTE]

Sweetie, I heard some great advice once that I think really applies to you:  The best way to get a preview of how married life will be with a man is get engaged.  Wedding planning and coordinating your lives together are HUGE hurdles, and you will get to know your FI better now than ever before, no matter how long you've been together. 

I have a dog (cairn terrier named Lily, joy of my life!)  and my FI has a dog (Daisy, Red Healer/Border Collie who loves to snuggle)  so I got lucky that we are both dog people. I understand how important a dog is.  Your dog is a FAMILY member.  Outside 24-7 is NOT an option.  I am surprised that your FI won't even allow the dog in the laundry room.  This shows a harsh, unbending and uncomprimising quality that I would spot as a red flag.  How will he react on other issues of great importance to you?  Does he view his word as final?  This is not just about the dog, but about his whole idea of what this marriage is going to look like.

Furthermore, since when is it HIS decision?  You can just as easily look him in the eye and tell him that the dog stays in.  Period, end of question.  If he marries you, the dog comes as part of a package.  That is being no more hard-nosed than he is being.  How will he react?  Will he blow up?  Will he think you are being unreasonable?

And who cares how he was raised?  It's time for the two of you to start your OWN family and do things your OWN way. If he is going to tow the line that everything has to be how "HE WAS RAISED" then this is going to be an unfortunately unhappy marriage.

ABout dogs, specifically:  They are pack animals.  If you get married and the dog goes outside, the dog WILL associate the outside treatment with the new husband and will take it out on him.  The dog could even get aggressive towards your husband, and it sounds like your husband wouldn't be very caring in return.  This could cause a DISASTROUS first year of fights.

Marriage is about compromise and wanting the other to be happy, even if it means doing something you don't love.  You need to get real with your FI about whether or not he is on the same page about what this union means, or whether he thinks he will be boss of the house hold.

My heart geos out to you.  This seems like a very tough issue and will bring up more than just the issue with the dog.  Good luck in your discussions and dealings with each other and please remember to stay true to yourself!  As hard as that can be now, it will be harder to try and get yourself back later once you've given it up.

Best Wishes

goheels05

Has everyone read the subsequent posts where the OP said that after explaining to her FI about the dog, that now he understands, and it's no longer a problem? 

briawna

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_annoyedadvice-unwedding-related-issue?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:524a1ea7-298a-4e1a-9ba1-4f876c76cb89Post:599e6a01-9642-498c-890a-ffd2227b17a2">Re: annoyed...advice for unwedding related issue!</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks guys!  I was lucky to get him to understand the situation.  I really do think once he gets used to it he'll be fine with it too.  But Bug is allowed in the house :) He doesn't sleeping with me now, so that's not an issue at all.  I live in the country and have a huge yard, so when the weather is nice he loves to go outside.  So when its pretty out, he will continue to go out and play as usual, but can come in as he pleases :)
Posted by klhucks09[/QUOTE]


Oh good!  I didn't see this on my first perusal.  I'm so glad he was flexible.  That shows good signs for your relationship, and I think it's healthy to get the opportunity to work through some of these issues before you get married.  It's good practice, ya know?  COngrats on making it all work out.

I think the people who wanted to know how old you were or where you lived weren't trying to presume you didn't know your life, although I know how it can feel!  (I am 23 and lived at home during college to stay debt-free, too!)  I think a lot of people (myself included) see beautiful, talented, smart women with a ton of potential who are still "finding" themselves and end up in bad marriages before they get the chance.  Especially if you've ever worked with battered women or had to save a friend from a controlling husband, it makes you want to sit down every girl you know and bang it into her head that she has her whole life to live and find a man who loves her, and not to settle for someone who can't.  I am glad you don't seem to be in need of that advice, though!!!

klhucks09

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_annoyedadvice-unwedding-related-issue?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:524a1ea7-298a-4e1a-9ba1-4f876c76cb89Post:05985eae-e0e7-485d-af8d-189faac11ec5">Re: annoyed...advice for unwedding related issue!</a>:
[QUOTE]Has everyone read the subsequent posts where the OP said that after explaining to her FI about the dog, that now he understands, and it's no longer a problem? 
Posted by goheels05[/QUOTE]

Thanks goheels.  I really wish people would read the other posts.  And those who did still don't completely understand and thats fine.  I try to stay open-minded to others opinion but when people are close-minded its difficult.  Honestly, FI and I have wonderful communication, yes we sometimes misunderstand each other...if others don't then I would seriously say there's something wrong there.  Things aren't PERFECT all the time.  Once FI and I talked, there werent any questions about it, he was fine with it.  When I said he was rasied different, I didn't mean he wasn't open to living a different way.  I was meaning thats why he didn't understand.  For those who understand where I was coming from, thanks and for those who didn't thanks too.  It's really hard to tell what people mean and get the whole picture through a post.  I realize I probably wasn't completely clear about things, and I should have been when posting about such a sensitive topic.  For those who suggested premarital counseling, we are required to do it for our church....but honestly a simple misunderstanding does not jusitfy needing counseling. Thanks again to everyone for the good advice and not so good advice. 

boydstm

No offense, but you should've crossed this bridge before you decided to marry this guy.  For me, this is a huge issue- I have a Cavalier King Charles that is like my child and I made it very clear any time I even dated someone that she will never be put on the back burner (much less outside) for some guy. No matter how great a guy was, if he couldn't get along and love my baby, he wasn't worth it. Sacrifice this and you'll be giving in to a ton of other things. If you care about the dog at all, you will tell him to get used to having an inside dog.