Is it okay to be jealous??

Kdasrath

Wow, you just told my story ajohnton29! I'm having the same issue with one of my bridesmaids. After the engagement, she stopped talking to me and has really had a blatantly negative attitude towards the wedding. She has been the least involved and was making these snarky comments . I finally spoke to her about it and she was VERY defensive. Nothing was really resolved but since we spoke she has at least been returning my calls and the maid of honor tells me she's been involved in planning the bridal shower. I think she probably thought about what I said and realized that her attitude towards me/wedding was not very supportive. She didn't apologize or anything but actions speak louder than words, right? I'm happy she's onboard now.

 

isabelcyr

I know how you feel...but at least you got married first!!! My fiances BF had an extravagent wedding that was perfect and it's always used as the comparison so I can't help but feel mine will also be compared to that wedding.

prncsz

I say it's nothing wrong with being a little jealous. Hey it happens. Before fiance and I got engaged I kept waiting for him to propose and a girl that I know from my church had only been dating this guy a little over 9 months got engaged.
 
I was so jealous because we were going on three years at the time. We got engaged in Feb of this year and almost a month later their wedding was called off.  So while a little jealousy is normal don't let it ruin how you feel about your on wedding, etc because you never know what can happen or what's going on behind closed doors with them.

Also in our group of friends etc we were the first to get engaged. Almost two months later everybody we know started getting engaged and that really bothered me. I felt/still kind of feel like this was supposed to be our time and everybody just all of sudden decided well let's get married too. Even my younger sister who's been dating her boyfriend (now husband) for 6 months got engaged three weeks ago and just go married this past weekend. I was very jealous, upset, etc because she got engaged and now is already married.
 
Even Fi's friend who just got engaged in May is now getting married next week, while our wedding is a little over a year away. But I started to look at it like this...if they are all getting married now we'll still have our own time next year by ourselves not surrounded by their weddings. We have more time to plan and have the wedding that we both want verses something that was rushed and put together.

Bottom Line: It's normal. Be jealous then look at what you have because just like you are jealous of what they have someone else is jealous that you are even engaged and or better yet engaged and actually getting married.

JenJen06182011

It's ok to be jealous. My FI's best friend got engaged two months after we did and will be getting married two weeks before us. I'm jealous of them because they don't really have a budget for the wedding and the type of people they are I know it will be a big exstravagant wedding. I know we will have a majority of the same people at our weddings and I'm scared that everyone will be compairing. So I know how you are feeling right now. It's hard to not be jealous. But I do have one up on on the best friend my ring was bigger lol BE JEALOUS!! you never know she may be jealous of you as well.

stephynjorge

i agree. its nor mal to be jeluss. i have twoo girls (frends i met thru my FI) and they both were with their men for foreverrrrrrrrrr . one engaged for about a yr and one just lviing wit her man  for 5 yrs, no engagement or nuthin,. i come into the pic, meet them, me and my fiance have been wanting to get married since like 3 months into our dating so we finally get engaged,....start planning ...all of a suddennnnnnnnnnnnn --The engaged girl, gets married  !! only in court but still, they been postponing foreverr and finally now did it and thennnnnnnn the other girls man who honestly never loved her and never wanted to get married, realizes everyone else is doin it , and proposes to his girl ! and then they were gonna get married a yr after me ,PLAN CHANGE, now she for some reason decided to get married next wk either in a church-really small or at court and have her big one next yr ! im like really wow ! u both took my glory, my yr to get married and before u werent even really caring about it and they were bugging MY fiance about how hes so young and getting married and then they both try to do it before me ! wow ! i was mad ! and the chick whos been with her man for 5 yrs is doing the same as someone above mentioned ! shes paying for some BUT mostly her parents are paying so her wedding is gonna be real nice !! BUT after stressing over their ignorance and "random" lets all get married before stephanie thing, i decided im not letting them affect me anymore. i still do think its dumb but i figured since i cant have it so elaborate and richy rich--im gonna make it cute simple and very unique and "me" . so atleast i know all the small details will make everyones "AWWWW" count go up the roof that day ! lol ) some people are blessed /spoiled with money or parents -Others like me and a lot of us here who are paying for it ourselves, we are also lucky. cuz tho we struggle more and tho ours wont b a "fancy or nice" in our heds at first-itll be more special and meaningful cuz we had to struggle to get wut we wanted. and we will appreciate it soooo much more !! itll make our day that much more special knowing we had to do with everything and that our work and sweat paid off ! )  

abbygrace8

this is really encouraging to me to read all of yall's posts.

i lived in a house with five other girls this past school year, three of them also engaged (4/6 roommates engaged). my wedding is definitely going to be the least expensive and I've really struggled with it at times. I even found myself resenting my FI for not buying me a ring as good as the other girls. I think that was the biggest struggle. when i caught myself thinking about that, i felt ashamed. the ring he gave me was a gift, not something i'm entitled to. he picked it out himself, he spent his own hard-earned money on it, who am i to say it isn't good enough?

know that whatever wedding you have won't have a lick of impact on your marriage. i sometimes have to remind myself that in planning a wedding, i CANNOT forget to plan for our marriage, too. am i thrilled that our reception is going to be in the church basement? no. but, in the end, i'm still going home with my prince, my dream husband. and thats the point of a wedding, right?

hope everything works out for. remember people love you and will just be happy to be there to celebrate with you!

goldenaurie

Since I've announced my engagement, more than three of my friends and associates have gotten married.  I do feel a little jealous because they are moving so quickly ahead of me and I am still trying to find the money to start planning my wedding and I haven't even gotten a ring to show off yet.  It will all come in due time but I can't help the jealousy of seeing all my friends get engaged and married and I am still just engaged.

salem17

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_okay-jealous?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:617163c8-20e0-4b9f-b90f-18d67f5415f7Post:8306ee37-7dbc-4e55-bcb7-a5beef0619de">Re: Is it okay to be jealous??</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm a normally jealous person and I hate it.  If I could change one thing about myself it would be to become less jealous.
Posted by barbbhoww[/QUOTE]

<div>Me too =/</div>

sss937

I can't tell everyone HOW MUCH I appreciate hearing that I'm not a terrible person. I love my friend so much, but ironically she ended up telling me how jealous she was of me....once upon a time I was a wedding planner so she feels that I will have a beautiful wedding without having to spend that much and know exactly what to do. 

That is the goal. I would love for it to all come off flawlessly for less money. Isn't that everyone's goal?  I feel so silly now. I'm was jealous of her and meanwhile she's jealous of me. 

Idk! Growing up in a strict household I felt like I had to be punished or something, but I am human after all. It just took me a little time to realize that it was okay to be flawed. 

I'm so glad this has all worked out! xoxo!

raingirl44

It's always nice to hear that none of us are perfect and have our jealousy streaks.  I just keep reminding myself how lucky I am to find my life partner & best friend and how fortunate we are to have what we have...most importantly each other, wonderful family and friends and lots of love...not to mention, a good job, a roof over our heads, our health, etc. etc....we could be so much worse off!  That's my two cents.  When jealousy strikes, think of how much worse life could be and how quickly what you have can be taken away from you and I'm sure you'll feel much better.  I know I do!

Best wishes to you and your fiance for a most wonderful wedding...no matter how expensive or cheap it is. )

KMA627

Glad to hear this is common! My fiance and I were talking about getting married for 2 years before we "officially" got engaged (trying to take advice to wait and make sure we were making the right decision / get more established in our careers). During that time it was SO HARD to see other people we were close to (who had been dating for less time) get engaged.

I remember getting a voicemail from a good friend from my hometown saying she had some exciting news. I couldn't even call her back for a day, because I just knew she wanted to share news of her engagement- and I realized how jealous I was and wanted to "feel" more excited for her before talking on the phone!

Part of it was feeling disconnected from her, like I wish I knew before that they were thinking of getting married that soon.  Trying to be happy for friends when you're thinking "They're moving on with their lives and I'm not" or "How will this change our relationship?" is tough, but after some time, seeing how happy they are, and starting to enter into that joy instead of thinking of yourself can ease the jealousy. (And now planning my own wedding certainly helps!)  What's the rush, anyway?

Oh and I bought my wedding shoes from a thrift store!  "something old, something new..."

SeptemberFall2011

It sounds to me that youre not jealous but being petty and insecure.  Jealous is just being the nice way of saying "I am low in self-esteem and need others to make me feel better."  Sorry-you get none here.

amandaowl7

I think it's normal to be jealous, it's a part of our human nature, but don't let it get to you. There is a perfectly good reason for why everything happens and even though we may not understand why, God does. You just keep being you, and if you're true to yourself, that's all that matters. I totalyy understnad where you are coming from... I'm not wealthy either but i still want my day to be as special as anyone else's and i know it will be just because I'm marrying the man of my dreams, my best friend and soul mate, and all of my friends and family will be there to support me and help me celebrate my special day.  DON'T GET DISCOURAGED, KEEP YOUR HEAD UP GIRL!!!

AND CONGRADULATIONS!!!

catemeg

I think we've all felt it, and feel guilty for being envious of our close friends when we really just want to be happy for them.

TK is definitely the safest place to release that envy - once you say it, it doesn't feel so bad anymore, right?  You start to think how silly you're being, and remember how happy you are for her and that her life doesn't make yours any less wonderful.

If you tell family and friends that you're envious, then it becomes gossip, and that can hurt people and friendships.  This is much safer.

SaraBethC80

Of course be jealous! Just don't let the jealousey tak over your life.. your wedding will be special because it's you and him not because of what she wore or the type of champagne served.

luckyme502

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_okay-jealous?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:617163c8-20e0-4b9f-b90f-18d67f5415f7Post:ca7cadf7-235c-4c74-89b0-a10a07139f46">Re: Is it okay to be jealous??</a>:
[QUOTE]It sounds to me that youre not jealous but being petty and insecure.  Jealous is just being the nice way of saying "I am low in self-esteem and need others to make me feel better."  Sorry-you get none here.
Posted by SeptemberFall2011[/QUOTE]

No, this is wrong.  I don't need others to make me feel better.  I am not petty or insecure.  I would like to have a baby, we are waiting and now there are 7 woman I am close to that are pregnant.  I am thrilled for all of them, more babies for me to love, I just wish I was pregnant too.