How do you get your men to go clothes shopping??? (vent)

seesawgirl

We cannot rent FI's wedding ensemble, because he is not wearing an actual tuxedo, and none of the local rental shops have the style of suit he is wanting to wear. 

So today we were supposed to go find his slacks, vest, and shirt...and it was an utter nightmare. 

It was like a switch went off in his head, and the wonderful, sweet, caring, grown man that I'm about to marry reverted into a bratty child. 

He wanted to just slip nice button down shirts over his head in the middle of the store, and try them on over the soccer jersey he was wearing. He had to have these "wool" pants,(not really wool, some sort of blend) and being 6'4" and needing to wear a 34/34 in pants...the pickings were slim. We couldn't find the "wool" pants he wanted, so I found a pair that were identical to the wool ones, in the size he needed, just a different fabric...nope, that wouldn't work. After half an hour of this, he declared himself "done with shopping for the day" and headed for the register with the only item that he had approved- a shirt. At the register, the store employee rang up the sale, and when he saw that the shirt wasn't on sale like he thought it was, he jerked the shirt out of her hands, reached over the counter to get the hanger, and stormed off to hang the shirt back up. The poor girl looked so bewildered...she had no idea what was going on. 

I have known that he hates shopping for clothes, and I get that its typical for men. But I think that behavior was pretty extreme. 

Normally, I wouldn't care, for his regular clothes. He's got pretty decent fashion sense for every day, but as far as dressing up goes...he just doesn't do it very often, so he doesn't get that you shouldn't wear a plaid shirt with a striped tie, etc. I just want him to look nice the day of the wedding, and he's being so childish, its frustrating. 

So anyways, how do you women cope with this? He's not like this at any other time other than when he has to buy clothes. Its just...something he absolutely HATES doing. How do I get around it? Just measure him and go shopping myself maybe? Grrr. 

seesawgirl

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_men-clothes-shopping-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:6a18bb8f-b470-43ab-8b38-4220d425911fPost:6adc81a3-cc86-45f8-bdee-a0341e0915f9">Re: How do you get your men to go clothes shopping??? (vent)</a>:
[QUOTE]Yes.  Just measure him and go shopping yourself.  Bring home a choice for him, and return the others. What style of suit is he looking for?  You can order from Kohl's or JC Penney's, and they both have great return policies, as well as special sizes for tall men.  I'm confused about the slacks and vest thing. I've been clothes shopping for my husband for 35 years.
Posted by CMGr[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>CMGr- This is the style of clothing that he and his groomsmen want to wear for the wedding. Cute, but none of the rental places around here carry anything like that, so we are having to assemble it ourselves.</div><div>
</div><div><a href="http://photos.weddingbycolor.com/p/000/027/128/m/162772/p/photo/426086.jpg" rel="nofollow">http://photos.weddingbycolor.com/p/000/027/128/m/162772/p/photo/426086.jpg</a></div><div>
</div><div>So is that pretty normal for men? </div>

seesawgirl

We are having a pretty offbeat wedding, and I think its cute but I WAS wondering about the hats...we are having an outdoor ceremony, and he told me that him and his GM would walk out wearing the hats, and then when I came down the aisle, they would remove them. That almost seemed...idk...like a funeral? Maybe I'm overthinking it. 

But what I was meaning as far as "normal" goes, is...is that how most men act when they are "forced" to go shopping? It really disturbed me, and we argued about it for the majority of the afternoon. I couldn't understand why he was being so childish and rude over a pair of pants.

*edit- thank you for the link!!!

Avion22

Fortunately my fiance is actually pretty good when it comes to clothes shopping.   

If your fiance is horrible about it, then maybe try internet shopping?  Order a few different colors and styles, then return the ones that aren't right.  That way he can "try on" in the comfort of his own home.   

Otherwise, just go shopping for him.   Or maybe he'd do better shopping on his own wthout you with him.

It's normal for guys to dislike shopping, but the behavior you described is NOT normal.  My guess is that something else was going on that day, that may or may not be related to shopping or the wedding.  Maybe he was upset that the Broncos lost?   Maybe he was hungry or tired?   Maybe he felt like you were trying to control the situation (even if you thought you were just helping)?    Or maybe he just wanted to get to GameStop before they closed so he could get that xbox controller he's been looking for.  I've encountered all of these scenarios with various boyfriends.    Yes, it's childish, and he needs to figure out how to deal with situations without being nasty to people (especially you, and the poor salesperson).      My only suggestion would be sit down and talk it out and see what was going on (in a non-judegmental non-acusatory sort of way).

RamonaFlowers

DH isn't really a fan of clothes shopping ... but he knows that it's a necessary evil and how to behave like an adult in public. If he has to try something on, he goes into the fitting room, no questions asked. And he would never in a million years dream of throwing a hissy fit/yanking something out of the innocent cashier's hand at the register if he found out something cost more than he expected.

Shrug, I don't have any real advice here, I just can't get past a grown man acting like a  5-year-old in public just because he was doing something he doesn't like to do ... especially in the name of making his own personal pain in the a$$ wedding attire dream come true.

Juris11

I'm in the camp where I usually buy clothes for H and then return any he doesn't like after he tries them on at home. Although he will go shopping if he needs something for an event, and he doesn't act like a baby about it. I would be annoyed by that too.

Also, I would skip the hats, especially if you are having a religious ceremony. Maybe wear them for a few pictures if you really want them. And I agree with PP about having jackets for the ceremony.

Ali092011

I really like the look you're going for, and it sounds like it really goes with the theme of your wedding. I would do as PPs said and try online shopping. As long as you know his size, you could probably do it yourself.

I'm sorry he's acting like this. Tell him to cool it!

BrittneyRN

One of the things I love about FI is that he's so polite. I'd be horrified if he acted that way to a cashier. FI doesn't have much of a problem with shopping for clothes, but he rarely ever does and I usually buy all of his clothes for him. I like the look you're going for, but I agree with not wearing the hats at all for the ceremony. They would be nice for pictures and the reception though. I second buying online. You'll get a much larger selection.

angele4200

I would just let him go himself. DH isn't the best shopper, but he would never throw a b!tch fit like that either. I let DH go himself, and on our wedding day was pleasantly surprised

Simply Fated

I wouldn't do anything. Let him shop for himself. If he doesn't get the outfit he wants, then that's his fault.

J&K10910

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_men-clothes-shopping-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:6a18bb8f-b470-43ab-8b38-4220d425911fPost:03fa543b-420f-4cf3-9e1b-90922a28d041">Re: How do you get your men to go clothes shopping??? (vent)</a>:
[QUOTE]I wouldn't do anything. Let him shop for himself. If he doesn't get the outfit he wants, then that's his fault.
Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]

Yeah.  I'm a little perplexed by all the women that enable their SOs' childish behavior by picking out their clothes for them.  I married a man, not a child.  I don't always love the clothes he picked out, but I don't have to wear them. 

Juris11

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_men-clothes-shopping-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:6a18bb8f-b470-43ab-8b38-4220d425911fPost:25ac7b0f-4cbd-423c-a0dd-1241d365adc5">Re: How do you get your men to go clothes shopping??? (vent)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How do you get your men to go clothes shopping??? (vent) : Yeah.  I'm a little perplexed by all the women that enable their SOs' childish behavior by picking out their clothes for them.  I married a man, not a child.  I don't always love the clothes he picked out, but I don't have to wear them. 
Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]

For me it is a time saving thing. If I take him shopping, he takes FOREVER. No joke. He is so indecisive. I'd rather save myself a couple of hours and just pick out the stuff myself. Since he isn't a big fan of shopping he doesn't care.

RailWayWife

Wow. I would be horrified if FI acted like that in public! Do I like going to renew my drivers license? No but I would never dream of acting like a 5 year old when I go do it.

FI goes and buys his own clothing. If I see something he would like when I am shopping without him I will buy it for him, but I don’t go out shopping with the intent of buying his clothing for him. He is a grown man not a 5 year old I have to babysit or be worried about taking out in public.

J&K10910

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_men-clothes-shopping-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:6a18bb8f-b470-43ab-8b38-4220d425911fPost:90410b60-6e6a-49ab-a58a-bbe54a4dd75a">Re: How do you get your men to go clothes shopping??? (vent)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How do you get your men to go clothes shopping??? (vent) : For me it is a time saving thing. If I take him shopping, he takes FOREVER. No joke. He is so indecisive. I'd rather save myself a couple of hours and just pick out the stuff myself. Since he isn't a big fan of shopping he doesn't care.
Posted by Juris11[/QUOTE]

You could save yourself even more time by, oh, I don't know....not going at all and letting him do it himself.

I only ever go clothes shopping with my H if we're both out and he needs to stop for something quick, or if he's shopping for new shirts and ties, and that's because I LIKE picking out shirts and ties.  So does he so we enjoy doing that together.

AdeleDazeem

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_men-clothes-shopping-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:6a18bb8f-b470-43ab-8b38-4220d425911fPost:90410b60-6e6a-49ab-a58a-bbe54a4dd75a">Re: How do you get your men to go clothes shopping??? (vent)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How do you get your men to go clothes shopping??? (vent) : For me it is a time saving thing. If I take him shopping, he takes FOREVER. No joke. He is so indecisive. I'd rather save myself a couple of hours and just pick out the stuff myself. Since he isn't a big fan of shopping he doesn't care.
Posted by Juris11[/QUOTE]

Do you control the checkbook or something?  Why does a grown man need to be taken shopping?

My husband is an adult, not a kid.  I would never dream of saying "Okay, baby!  We're going shopping today for clothes!!  We'll pick you out a nice suit and some good shoes.  What else do you need for school, err - work, baby?"

I ain't his mother.

marriedfilingjointly

Nope, not normal.  My DH never treats people like that.  He also dresses himself for both casual and formal occasions.  

RamonaFlowers

I am floored by how many women just shop for their adult FI/DH instead of him being responsible for keeping himself clothed.

I hate clothes shopping for myself-I've dropped 10 lbs for the sheer sake of not having to go pants shopping, that's how much I hate doing it. But I'm a grown up that understands that brand new clothes will not magically appear in my closet-if I don't want to go around naked, I need to suck it up and go shopping.  If a woman was on here saying how much she hated shopping, nobody would be saying "Oh, just let your FI/DH shop for you if you hate it so much". Not even close. You'd all be telling her "Well, sweetie, clothes shopping is part of being an adult. You can suck it up and spend a few hours at Kohl's once or twice a year". I don't get why having a penis gives you a free pass on having to shop for yourself.

If I'm out already doing something else, and I happen upon a sweater or tie or something that I think DH would like, sure, I'll pick it up for him. And there have been occasions where he's asked me to go with him for a second opinion on certain things, so I'll tag along. But to just go shopping for him on my own? I don't think so. I'm not his mommy, and he's not a child, so I'm certainly not going to treat him that way. If he wants/needs new clothes, it's his responsibility to "man up" and take care of it himself.

LP11509

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_men-clothes-shopping-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:6a18bb8f-b470-43ab-8b38-4220d425911fPost:0d79963b-2fe1-4c26-b05d-30e29549be0d">How do you get your men to go clothes shopping??? (vent)</a>:
[QUOTE]We cannot rent FI's wedding ensemble, because he is not wearing an actual tuxedo, and none of the local rental shops have the style of suit he is wanting to wear.  So today we were supposed to go find his slacks, vest, and shirt...and it was an utter nightmare.  It was like a switch went off in his head, and the wonderful, sweet, caring, grown man that I'm about to marry reverted into a bratty child.  He wanted to just slip nice button down shirts over his head in the middle of the store, and try them on over the soccer jersey he was wearing. He had to have these "wool" pants,(not really wool, some sort of blend) and being 6'4" and needing to wear a 34/34 in pants...the pickings were slim. We couldn't find the "wool" pants he wanted, so I found a pair that were identical to the wool ones, in the size he needed, just a different fabric...nope, that wouldn't work. After half an hour of this, he declared himself "done with shopping for the day" and headed for the register with the only item that he had approved- a shirt.<strong> At the register, the store employee rang up the sale, and when he saw that the shirt wasn't on sale like he thought it was, he jerked the shirt out of her hands, reached over the counter to get the hanger, and stormed off to hang the shirt back up.</strong> The poor girl looked so bewildered...she had no idea what was going on.  I have known that he hates shopping for clothes, and I get that its typical for men. But I think that behavior was pretty extreme.  Normally, I wouldn't care, for his regular clothes. He's got pretty decent fashion sense for every day, but as far as dressing up goes...he just doesn't do it very often, so he doesn't get that you shouldn't wear a plaid shirt with a striped tie, etc. I just want him to look nice the day of the wedding, and he's being so childish, its frustrating.  So anyways, how do you women cope with this? He's not like this at any other time other than when he has to buy clothes. Its just...something he absolutely HATES doing. <strong>How do I get around it? Just measure him and go shopping myself maybe? Grrr.</strong> 
Posted by seesawgirl[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I'd be less concerned about what he wears, and more concerned that he behaves like a 3 year old in public.  </div><div>
</div><div>And you don't "get around it".I would also not enable his behavior by shopping for him.  He needs to learn appropriate ways to deal with the frustration himself.  Like an adult.</div><div>
</div><div>

</div>

marriedfilingjointly

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_men-clothes-shopping-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:6a18bb8f-b470-43ab-8b38-4220d425911fPost:b919cada-559d-421c-bcbf-a24575d7168f">Re: How do you get your men to go clothes shopping??? (vent)</a>:
[QUOTE]I am floored by how many women just shop for their adult FI/DH instead of him being responsible for keeping himself clothed. I hate clothes shopping for myself-I've dropped 10 lbs for the sheer sake of not having to go pants shopping, that's how much I hate doing it. But I'm a grown up that understands that brand new clothes will not magically appear in my closet-if I don't want to go around naked, I need to suck it up and go shopping. <strong> If a woman was on here saying how much she hated shopping, nobody would be saying "Oh, just let your FI/DH shop for you if you hate it so much". </strong>Not even close. You'd all be telling her "Well, sweetie, clothes shopping is part of being an adult. You can suck it up and spend a few hours at Kohl's once or twice a year". I don't get why having a penis gives you a free pass on having to shop for yourself. If I'm out already doing something else, and I happen upon a sweater or tie or something that I think DH would like, sure, I'll pick it up for him. And there have been occasions where he's asked me to go with him for a second opinion on certain things, so I'll tag along. But to just go shopping for him on my own? I don't think so. I'm not his mommy, and he's not a child, so I'm certainly not going to treat him that way. If he wants/needs new clothes, it's his responsibility to "man up" and take care of it himself.
Posted by RamonaFlowers[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Ha!  Good point.</div><div>
</div><div>Add me to the "girls who hate shopping" club.  I've been in sweats since my daughter was born, and now it's been 4 months.  

</div>

LP11509

Also, I don't get the double standard of complaining that he's taking too much time to shop.  Most woman spend a LOT of time looking for their wedding dress.  They analyze the fabric, the fit, etc etc etc to make sure that it's exactly what they want.  Men should be allowed to do this too.  As long as they treat the sales people respectfully in the process.

BunnyChii

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_men-clothes-shopping-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:6a18bb8f-b470-43ab-8b38-4220d425911fPost:0f318284-c9ff-439c-a4c6-cdc8815f9ded">Re: How do you get your men to go clothes shopping??? (vent)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to How do you get your men to go clothes shopping??? (vent) : I'd be less concerned about what he wears, and more concerned that he behaves like a 3 year old in public.   And you don't "get around it".I would also not enable his behavior by shopping for him.  He needs to learn appropriate ways to deal with the frustration himself.  Like an adult.
Posted by LP11509[/QUOTE]

<div>I agree with this. If my FI ever acted like that to an employee, you better believe I'd be pissed as hell at him. You just don't act like that. Sorry, but he sounds like a jerk - he treated a random employee like crap for no reason except he wanted to throw a hissy fit, and he embarrassed you (I'm sure) in the process.</div><div>
</div><div>Tell him to buy his own clothes. Don't do it for him. He needs to grow up and fast.</div>

Queen Jane

Let him go by himself, he already knows what he wants so what's the big deal? I only buy H's clothes bc he never buys himself clothes, it's pretty much last of his priorities unless he needs something for work. So if I see a sale I'll grab him a shirt or socks or whatever.

MyNameIsNot

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_men-clothes-shopping-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:6a18bb8f-b470-43ab-8b38-4220d425911fPost:c7d22d6f-b19d-4ed0-9694-bdd6486c3f95">Re: How do you get your men to go clothes shopping??? (vent)</a>:
[QUOTE]If my H couldn't act like an adult instead of a petulant child for one day of shopping (FOR HIS CLOTHES) I wouldn't have married him. <strong>And I would have been HORRIFIED if he treated a cashier that way</strong>. How do you deal with this overgrown child?
Posted by LingerLonger1[/QUOTE]

<div>This.  It goes back to the old dating advice.  A guy who is nice to you but rude to the server is not a nice guy.</div><div>
</div><div>There is no way I could be with a guy who could behave that way in public.  </div>

seesawgirl

Trust me, if this had been the standard in our relationship, it would have never gotten this far. He's got a short temper due to his high blood pressure, but in the 4 years we've been together, he's never been rude to people in public before. And yeah, pissed, embarressed, mortified, shocked, all of the above could most definitely describe my feelings on it. It was worse than shopping with my moody 13 year old brother. All I can think of, is that we'd gone out to eat at a cheap chinese buffet before that, and his doctor just adjusted his medicine since he'd lost weight. So possibly the combining factors made him more irrational that what he would have been. God I hope...I can't think of anything else, because it was completely out of character for him. 

As far as why I have to go with him to shop? I don't control the checkbook or anything, but besides the fact that he's all but color blind (I'm still trying to convince him that our coral colored couch isn't orange, and that my reading glasses are blue, not black) If I left it up to him, it would be a week before the wedding, and he still would not have clothes to wear. He just does not understand the concept of planning things in advance, and shopping while things are on sale, even if we don't need it at that moment. In his mind, he's still got 3 months to pick out what he's wearing, and shouldn't be bothered with it right now. Then there's the issue that I mentioned before, that he doesn't understand the concept of coordinating patterns, stripes, plaid, etc. He says "Oh, its gray, it goes together." and that's about all she wrote...

And I don't care how long he spends in the store, honestly. I'm one of those women that hates shopping for myself, too, but I'll shop for other people all day long...so long as they aren't making a fool of themselves. 

bakerie

All I can say is threads like this make me so glad I'm marrying an adult.

J&K10910

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_men-clothes-shopping-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:6a18bb8f-b470-43ab-8b38-4220d425911fPost:8cd75976-3519-4e5e-a676-b3f59dd5e6aa">Re: How do you get your men to go clothes shopping??? (vent)</a>:
[QUOTE]Trust me, if this had been the standard in our relationship, it would have never gotten this far.<strong> He's got a short temper due to his high blood pressure</strong>, but in the 4 years we've been together, he's never been rude to people in public before. And yeah, pissed, embarressed, mortified, shocked, all of the above could most definitely describe my feelings on it. It was worse than shopping with my moody 13 year old brother. All I can think of, is that we'd gone out to eat at a cheap chinese buffet before that, and his doctor just adjusted his medicine since he'd lost weight. So possibly the combining factors made him more irrational that what he would have been. God I hope...I can't think of anything else, because it was completely out of character for him.  As far as why I have to go with him to shop? I don't control the checkbook or anything, but besides the fact that he's all but color blind (I'm still trying to convince him that our coral colored couch isn't orange, and that my reading glasses are blue, not black) If I left it up to him, it would be a week before the wedding, and he still would not have clothes to wear. He just does not understand the concept of planning things in advance, and shopping while things are on sale, even if we don't need it at that moment. In his mind, he's still got 3 months to pick out what he's wearing, and shouldn't be bothered with it right now. Then there's the issue that I mentioned before, that he doesn't understand the concept of coordinating patterns, stripes, plaid, etc. He says "Oh, its gray, it goes together." and that's about all she wrote... And I don't care how long he spends in the store, honestly. I'm one of those women that hates shopping for myself, too, but I'll shop for other people all day long...so long as they aren't making a fool of themselves. 
Posted by seesawgirl[/QUOTE]

I think you made a mistake.  I think you meant to say "He's got high blood pressure due to his short temper."

J&K10910

And?  He DOES still have 3 months to pick out what he's going to wear.  It's not like a wedding dress that needs alterations and needs to be ordered, etc.

My H bought his vest 4 days before the wedding.  He had a vest to wear on our wedding day, and he looked great. 

StephBeanWed61502

Maybe he started acting like a petulant child because.... oh yeah, you're treating him like a petulant child.  It sounds like he has a really clear idea of what he wants, so let him go look for it himself, instead of dragging him around stores like a toddler.  And don't drag out the tired old "he's colorblind" excuse... my FI is colorblind.  He dresses himself just fine without me "taking him shopping" like he's my child and it's back to school time or something.  People tend to act more like grown-ups when you treat them like grown-ups.

beatlesgirl25

High blood pressure causes a short temper? Somebody alert the APA, everyone in anger management treatment needs to get to the doctor ASAP.

seesawgirl

Well, the biggest reason was because our local mall was having a huge sale last weekend. We could have picked up his entire outfit for about 30-40 dollars, not including shoes, if he'd just acted like a freaking adult. 

And while I would LOVE to blame the blood pressure on the temper and wish it away like that, unfortunately, high blood pressure is not caused by people choosing to overreact to things. He was extremely obese throughout childhood and his young adult years, and just recently dropped about 60 pounds. His doctor has been playing around with his dosage the past couple of months, because his BP would get so low that he'd pass out (too high of a dose), or so high that he'd freak out about the slightest things. (too low of a dose) 

I promise you, 99 % of the time, he's a perfect gentleman. Opens doors for me, tips generously, stands up when his grandmother walks in the room. This behavior is completely out of character for him, which was why it confused me so much. After 4 years, if this was the norm, I wouldn't be asking for advice about how to deal with it! 

Juris11

Eh I just don't see it as a big deal to go shopping for him. I love shopping, he doesn't like it, and I can get more done during a shopping trip if I go myself. If I didn't go and refused to pick out something for him, he would go do it himself he isn't a child. By no means would he throw a fit about it. I guess I don't see the point if I am out anyway and he needs a new shirt to be like "No you have to be an adult and go pick it out yourself."

I see it more as if he were going to the grocery store and I needed something, why the heck wouldn't he pick it up? I would be mad if he refused to do that. If I am going to the mall for something and he needs a shirt or what have you, why wouldn't I pick that up? But then again, I actually like clothes shopping, so there is also that.