How do you get your men to go clothes shopping??? (vent)

BunnyChii

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_men-clothes-shopping-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:6a18bb8f-b470-43ab-8b38-4220d425911fPost:d8af33b5-1314-40e0-9f71-6783b72f13f2">Re: How do you get your men to go clothes shopping??? (vent)</a>:
[QUOTE]Well, the biggest reason was because our local mall was having a huge sale last weekend. We could have picked up his entire outfit for about 30-40 dollars, not including shoes, if he'd just acted like a freaking adult.  And while I would LOVE to blame the blood pressure on the temper and wish it away like that, unfortunately, high blood pressure is not caused by people choosing to overreact to things. He was extremely obese throughout childhood and his young adult years, and just recently dropped about 60 pounds. His doctor has been playing around with his dosage the past couple of months, because his BP would get so low that he'd pass out (too high of a dose), or so high that he'd freak out about the slightest things. (too low of a dose)  I promise you, 99 % of the time, he's a perfect gentleman. Opens doors for me, tips generously, stands up when his grandmother walks in the room. This behavior is completely out of character for him, which was why it confused me so much. After 4 years, if this was the norm, I wouldn't be asking for advice about how to deal with it! 
Posted by seesawgirl[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Whether the high blood pressure is caused by his temper or not, his temper is not caused by his high blood pressure.

</div>

beatlesgirl25

So then his BP is a pre-existing condition, that's fine. But if he's "freaking out about the slightest things," that's not something that's caused by any BP meds that I know of. Are you saying he gets snippy because he's stressed out about his fluctuating health condition? That would make more sense, but it still doesn't excuse it. We all have stressful things in our lives, and there are ways to cope with them without treating people like crap. Perhaps he should talk with someone about that.

seesawgirl

You ladies are being incredibly judgemental. How many of you went wedding dress shopping alone? Does that make you childish that you wanted your maid of honor's or mother's opinion? Noooo. 

StephBeanWed61502

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_men-clothes-shopping-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:6a18bb8f-b470-43ab-8b38-4220d425911fPost:d0e033d8-5b93-477f-953b-4e7379c70fb3">Re: How do you get your men to go clothes shopping??? (vent)</a>:
[QUOTE]You ladies are being incredibly judgemental. <strong>How many of you went wedding dress shopping alone?</strong> Does that make you childish that you wanted your maid of honor's or mother's opinion? Noooo. 
Posted by seesawgirl[/QUOTE]

<div>Soooo, your mother dragged you shopping for your wedding dress when you didn't want to go and then came to an internet message board to find out how to "handle you" because you behaved so badly?  Oh, and she tried to make you buy a dress in a fabric you didn't want because it was "the same thing" as the fabric that you did want, but that they didn't have in your size?  That sounds like one weird wedding dress shopping experience.</div>

RamonaFlowers

I don't really think "he's color blind" is an excuse to not expect him to shop for himself. DH is colorblind-deficient in green. He thinks my "storm cloud grey" car is green, and if he ever has to call Xbox Live customer support, I have to be in the room with him to tell him if the light on the back is green or orange, because he can't tell the difference. Oh, and if traffic lights weren't all arranged top-to-bottom or left-to-right, he wouldn't be allowed to drive, because all 3 lights look the same to him when lit.

But he still manages to shop for himself like an adult. Like I said in my PP, sometimes, he'll have me come along for a second opinion (And because, I somehow have magical powers that enable me to find the 29/32 pants that don't exist on the racks), but for the most part, it's on him to clothe himself. And I assure you, if he ever threw a tantrum in a store, I wouldn't set foot in a store with him ever again.

And ditto J&K, it's not like he's shopping for a wedding gown that will need to be ordered and then altered at a later time. He has 3 months to find a pair of grey slacks and a button down shirt. If he seriously can't make that happen in that amount of time, I have to question how he's managed to last in the real world for so long.

seesawgirl

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_men-clothes-shopping-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:6a18bb8f-b470-43ab-8b38-4220d425911fPost:e0b2bc10-24df-4fd3-801a-bd58f666e0e0">Re: How do you get your men to go clothes shopping??? (vent)</a>:
[QUOTE]So then his BP is a pre-existing condition, that's fine. But if he's "freaking out about the slightest things," that's not something that's caused by any BP meds that I know of. <strong>Are you saying he gets snippy because he's stressed out about his fluctuating health condition? </strong>That would make more sense, but it still doesn't excuse it. We all have stressful things in our lives, and there are ways to cope with them without treating people like crap. Perhaps he should talk with someone about that.
Posted by beatlesgirl25[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>That is a possibility. All I know is that when those dosages went down too far, his temper got crazy, and so did his blood pressure. He actually wound up in the hospital for it, and that was one of the things that the doctors were asking him about, so I'm assuming a short temper is fairly normal when it spikes. </div><div>
</div><div>That being said, I fully agree that none of this excuses his behavior. I'm still furious at him, to the point where I've made a special appointment for us to talk with our premarital counselors tonight. It really caught me off guard. </div><div>
</div><div>
</div>

seesawgirl

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_men-clothes-shopping-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:6a18bb8f-b470-43ab-8b38-4220d425911fPost:4ef10c86-fe0c-4db5-8ca1-2ece2e02854b">Re: How do you get your men to go clothes shopping??? (vent)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How do you get your men to go clothes shopping??? (vent) : <strong>Soooo, your mother dragged you shopping for your wedding dress when you didn't want to go </strong>and then came to an internet message board to find out how to "handle you" because you behaved so badly?  Oh, and <strong>she tried to make you buy a dress in a fabric you didn't want because it was "the same thing" as the fabric that you did want, but that they didn't have in your size?</strong>  That sounds like one weird wedding dress shopping experience.
Posted by StephBeanWed61502[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>
</div><div>There was no "dragging" involved in this trip. We mutually agreed to go a week before when we saw the ad in our paper that the mall was having a 75% off men's wear sale. We mutually went out to eat with his parents, and all 4 of us went to the store, where him and I split off to find his clothing. It was not until after he realized that he actually needed to try these things on, that he started acting like a child. </div><div>
</div><div>I don't know whether or not you are a plus sized person or not, but in case you're not, let me enlighten you. That is EXACTLY how my dress shopping experience went, and how many plus size brides have to deal with shopping for a dress. Being tall limits your options just as much as being overweight, and if I was picky about a fabric, I would have either paid 10 times more for the dress of my "dreams", or I'd still be looking. </div><div>
</div><div>
</div><div>
</div><div>

</div>

jemmini6

OP - I'm sorry your H was acting like such a brat.  Have you talked to him that his behavior while shopping was not okay, or found out if there was something else bothering him?  I imagine there's something a little deeper going on if this was out of character for him. 

In the mean time though, I would just let him go shopping on his own.  Like PP's have said, he's an adult and if he has a very specific idea in mind for what he wants to wear, maybe having you suggesting other things was making him more irritable.  I'd just let him know (again) how horrified you were with his behavior and that you hope that he can act like an adult and not treat the sales people like shiit just because he can't find what he wants.

Queen Jane

I went dress shopping alone. I got the dress I wanted without having to deal with other people's opinions. I would still suggest letting him go by himself. It sounds like he has a pretty specific idea of what he wants, and he's got time. H ordered his tux about a month before our wedding, possibly less.

RamonaFlowers

Are you seriously comparing your FI throwing a temper tantrum in the middle of Sears because he had to try on a shirt to having one's mother tag along when shopping for their wedding dress?

You really don't see how a mother watching her daughter try on wedding dresses is completely different from her going out and just buying her adult son clothing for the rest of his life because shopping makes him a cranky pants? Seriously?

seesawgirl

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_men-clothes-shopping-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:6a18bb8f-b470-43ab-8b38-4220d425911fPost:c2112f3c-38a1-4d30-b432-c4afe76aa7f7">Re: How do you get your men to go clothes shopping??? (vent)</a>:
[QUOTE]Are you seriously comparing your FI throwing a temper tantrum in the middle of Sears because he had to try on a shirt to having one's mother tag along when shopping for their wedding dress? You really don't see how a mother watching her daughter try on wedding dresses is completely different from her going out and just buying her adult son clothing for the rest of his life because shopping makes him a cranky pants? Seriously?
Posted by RamonaFlowers[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Can you seriously not read? In my original post, I clearly stated that for his daily wear, this isn't an issue, this is for his wedding attire. Where do you get off saying that his mother buys his clothes for him? Exxagerate much? The only way his parents even entered the conversation, is because we had eaten lunch with them before hand. Work on your reading comprehension, dear. </div><div>The reason why I mentioned people bringing people to shop with them for dresses, is because this is exactly what we were doing...but for him. We weren't picking out clothes for him to wear to work, we weren't buying his socks and underwear, we were picking out his clothes for him to wear for the wedding, which is exactly the same as bringing people along to pick out a wedding dress. He was the one that found the sale, we agreed together to go at the specified time and place. What happened there is on him, and you insinuating that it is somehow my fault, is frankly, ludicrous. </div>

RamonaFlowers

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_men-clothes-shopping-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:6a18bb8f-b470-43ab-8b38-4220d425911fPost:8406d11d-1b3f-4265-b1de-0a26638ab5da">Re: How do you get your men to go clothes shopping??? (vent)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How do you get your men to go clothes shopping??? (vent) : Can you seriously not read? In my original post, I clearly stated that for his daily wear, this isn't an issue, this is for his wedding attire. Where do you get off saying that his mother buys his clothes for him? Exxagerate much? The only way his parents even entered the conversation, is because we had eaten lunch with them before hand. Work on your reading comprehension, dear.  The reason why I mentioned people bringing people to shop with them for dresses, is because this is exactly what we were doing...but for him. We weren't picking out clothes for him to wear to work, we weren't buying his socks and underwear, we were picking out his clothes for him to wear for the wedding, which is exactly the same as bringing people along to pick out a wedding dress. He was the one that found the sale, we agreed together to go at the specified time and place. What happened there is on him, and you insinuating that it is somehow my fault, is frankly, ludicrous. 
Posted by seesawgirl[/QUOTE]

I totally can read, and have no problems with comprehension but thanks for asking, "dear". I never once  implied that what happened was <strong>your </strong>fault, I am pointing the finger squarely at his childish ass (Which, if you had any reading comprehension skills, you would have picked up on by now). I also never once said in any of my posts that his mom bought his clothes for him. I was referring to the other posters that, like myself, said "I'm not my FI/DH's mommy, so no, I don't agree with just buying his clothes for him because he doesn't like to go shopping", after other people gave the (what I feel is terrible) advice of "Well, men hate shopping, so just enable his childishness and buy his clothes for him!".

You're the one that later brought up mothers going dress shopping with their daughters after everybody said your FI is old enough to shop for himself like a big boy. Your question was how do to get around his aversion towards shopping. To me, that's implying he's always had an issue with behaving while clothes shopping. I really do have to wonder why, if this truly was a "fluke" for him like your follow up posts claim and he's never been a problem before, are you actually asking the internet how to handle clothes shopping for him in the future?
 
You have 3 options:

1) Accept that he's always going to be this way, take on the role of Mommy and shop for him for the rest of your lives so he doesn't go around naked.

2) Treat him like the grown up he is and let him man up and figure it out himself. 

3) Marry somebody who actually knows how to behave in a store

seesawgirl

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_men-clothes-shopping-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:6a18bb8f-b470-43ab-8b38-4220d425911fPost:1f5eb8d2-6734-4e4a-a756-c69a920a2ca5">Re: How do you get your men to go clothes shopping??? (vent)</a>:
[QUOTE]OP, I do sympathize.  My husband is perfectly capable of making an ass of himself in public.  I always call him on it. I have learned that it is easier for me do do the major shopping.  He isn't very good at it, and I am.  If I let him shop for his own clothes, he would rather "save the money".  As it is, he runs around the house in rags that don't fit anymore. It isn't that he can't shop for himself.  It's that he doesn't think what he wears is important.  He is a retired electronic engineer - uber nerd.  He'll gladly spend thousands on his new telescope, or a cruise to Europe. Do you want him to wear something like the picture you posted earlier?
Posted by CMGr[/QUOTE]

<div>See, this is him exactly. Super geek, doesn't know what to do without some sort of computer nearby, is finishing his electronic engineering degree this spring. He just doesn't think that it matters if his pants are 3 sizes too big for him. "I'll just wear a belt, theyre fine." </div><div>And yeah, what is in the picture is the look we're going for. The hats may be different, but the suspenders for the groomsmen, a vest for FI. No one would wear hats during the ceremony, just during the reception and pictures. </div><div>
</div>

Simply Fated

I really would just let it go. Let him wear a belt for a pair of pants that are too big. If he looks like a "geek" let him. It's probably not a battle worth fighting.

If he can't pull his outfit together in time, it's his lesson to learn, not yours. Just show up looking gorgeous and I'm sure, in the end, he'll look great, too.

FWIW, I do know how you feel. My bf isn't the best dresser, either, but I don't care enough to, well, care lol.

RebeccaB88

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_men-clothes-shopping-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:6a18bb8f-b470-43ab-8b38-4220d425911fPost:9ed8102f-9cf4-4141-82ae-8f9158437532">Re: How do you get your men to go clothes shopping??? (vent)</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't really think "he's color blind" is an excuse to not expect him to shop for himself. DH is colorblind-deficient in green. He thinks my "storm cloud grey" car is green, and if he ever has to call Xbox Live customer support, I have to be in the room with him to tell him if the light on the back is green or orange, because he can't tell the difference. Oh, and if traffic lights weren't all arranged top-to-bottom or left-to-right, he wouldn't be allowed to drive, because all 3 lights look the same to him when lit. But he still manages to shop for himself like an adult. Like I said in my PP, sometimes, he'll have me come along for a second opinion Posted by RamonaFlowers[/QUOTE]

Yep, my FI has an unsual form of colorblindness himself, only kind of the opposite of this.  The only colors he can really see are blue and red.  Everything else looks brown.  As long as he shops for himself, everything in his closet that isn't black, white, or gray is blue, because that's what he can see, and he doesn't think he looks good in red (he looks awesome in red).  He's got a very classic, traditional style with an odd flair for the cartoon character necktie.  I think he got into the ties because, not being able to appreciate color, the print gives him a visual interest that he can't mistake. 

I help him out when he asks for it, but I am not above speaking up to make sure he doesn't dress like a giant green bean or something.  ;)   He wants me to do this.  He actually likes clothes and likes looking nice (has a job where he needs to wear a suit to work, and loves neckties), he just feels more comfortable having another opinion in the mix, and he really doesn't want to wear all blue all the time.  First he picks out what he likes, then he asks me to verify what color he thinks it is, and then asks me how he looks in that color, if he can't see it.  If we buy something in a color he can't see, he's pretty good at remembering the color I told him it was, but I'll also mark the tag with the color in case he needs a refresher. That way he can more easily make his own decisions later.  He also knows that if he can't see a color, it'll probably be fine with khakis or jeans, and all his suits are neutral colors he can see.  He dressed just fine before I was around (although realllllyyyyy blue), but he feels more confident knowing that he's got some backup when it comes to colors. 

He also hates shopping (for ANYTHING, not just clothes), but he still knows how to act like an adult about it.  I doubt I'd be with him if he didn't.  I don't ask him to go shopping that often, because he's happier taking care of other things that I don't like to do, but he's smart enough to know that he needs to go pick out his own clothes.  He just limits himself to about twice a year.  Seems to make things a little less painful on him.  He can psych himself up ahead of time and power through it (although I will say he wastes NO time when shopping - gets it over and done with).