Do you ever worry that you wont be able to get pregnant?

shoegal715

Yes I know I am crazy and irrational, but I thought I would ask anyways.

My FH and I are AT LEAST 2 years away from TTCing. We both want at least 2 kids, but we aren't even married yet, and we both recognize that we want some time after our wedding to just be married.

But I have PCOS and I can't shake the feeling that I will never be able to conceive. I know it's completely irrational and illogical because we haven't even tried yet, but I don't know.. I just have this weird feeling that TTCing will be very hard for us.

Does anyone else have any TTCIng fears, or am I just completely crazy?

loritajean

I'm not sure about PCOS, but I have had multiple ovarian cysts since I was 18, and even had to have surgery once. (I currently only have 1 and a half ovaries) So yes, I worry about it a bit.

My advice is this: If your husband accepts you with the risks, then I think it would be great to try to conceive. If it doesn't work out, I'm sure adoption would be an extremely rewarding experience for you both. Many women can't conceive, and from an outsider's point of view, I don't see it as something to be upset about. There are many kids out there who need a mom

lrowe70

yes, I have severe uterine fibroids. One of them is the size of a golf ball. I've been told I should consider having my uterus removed.

AdeleDazeem

I'm petrified *petrified!!* of getting pregnant before the wedding.  Sooo... I'm scared in the completely opposite direction.

While I've never had any problems that would indicate trouble conceiving, sometimes I do think about how I'd handle the situation of no biological children because I very much would like one.  I'd like to think that we'd mourn a bit, then move on to adoption.  My feelings about in vitro are mixed. 

I'm also afraid of my fiance dying in a freak car accident or something before we have children. 

Basically that whole children topic is a minefield of feelings at the moment.  I think they are to most people so you aren't alone there.

HKD817

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_ever-worry-wont-able-pregnant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:6b47d7c6-a31f-4ff4-9625-7e59401e540dPost:f3b94eab-71c6-4631-8552-2f2e311e6a78">Re: Do you ever worry that you wont be able to get pregnant?</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm petrified *petrified!!* of getting pregnant before the wedding.  Sooo... I'm scared in the completely opposite direction.
Posted by Joy2611[/QUOTE]

ME2!!! I am in the opposite direction. I'd prefer to be married before I start a family and I am soooooo scared of getting pregnant before the wedding. I have 4 months to go and I do everything in my power to NOT get pregnant. I don't have any medical issues that I know of to prevent me from getting pregnant but I have always thought for some reason that it will be difficult for me. I dont know why exactly...Just a gut thing. So I understand both sides.

Sloane99

Yup, I agree, I think it's totally normal no matter what your medical history to have these kinds of fears around it. This, combined with the fact that we spend so much of our energies preventing such things that it's weird to think about it actually happening and everything functioning as it should.

TMI time, we've been trying for a few months and nothing and I have a fear that I've done something completely terrible to my body and have screwed this whole process up somehow. I know it's totally normal for it to take up to a year, but I can't help but feel broken somehow even though, really everything is just fine according to my doctor.

Pirata13

I am in the petrified of getting pregnant camp.  I have no desire to have kids (neither does FI) and I am approaching 40, so the health risks alone are enough to make it not worth it for me. I also have high blood pressure already, have been on meds for a couple years now, and my PCP has definitely recommended me NOT getting pregnant. A friend who is a Physician's Assistant agreed that the risks at my age are high and that she's had patients 40 and up on bedrest almost the whole time.  If FI & I ever did feel like we were being called to parenthood, we'd definitely go the adoption route.  My cousin was unable to conceive and they adopted 2 children from another country.  I know it was very tough for her not being able to conceive, however I really do believe that it was part of their plan--that the children they do have were meant for them.  And that these childrens' lives are infinitely better being a part of our family.

I know that maybe it's easy for me to say that since I don't really want children, but I do believe everything happens for a reason, and that sometimes we have a different plan than what we expected for ourselves.  My cousin & her husband went through a lot of stress and trying times in their marriage while TTC.  They got to a point where they just HAD to stop trying because it was causing too much stress. 

Just relax when the time comes and keep communicating with FI/H and be honest about what you're both willing to do or consider.  Good luck in the future!

GreenPepperBurger

I really would like to buy a house before I have children. My worry is that by the time we'l buy the house, I'll either be too old to conceive naturally or with ease, or I'll have to rush to pop out the two kids that I want.

MISSCOURTNEY20

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_ever-worry-wont-able-pregnant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:6b47d7c6-a31f-4ff4-9625-7e59401e540dPost:f3b94eab-71c6-4631-8552-2f2e311e6a78">Re: Do you ever worry that you wont be able to get pregnant?</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm petrified *petrified!!* of getting pregnant before the wedding.  Sooo... I'm scared in the completely opposite direction.
Posted by Joy2611[/QUOTE]

If you are that petrified, why not stop having sex until the wedding? That is the only way to guarantee that you won't get pregnant. Are you on any birth control?

AdeleDazeem

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_ever-worry-wont-able-pregnant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:6b47d7c6-a31f-4ff4-9625-7e59401e540dPost:62144c50-c1b0-4bc5-94ee-4a64f0f9cbcc">Re: Do you ever worry that you wont be able to get pregnant?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Do you ever worry that you wont be able to get pregnant? : If you are that petrified, why not stop having sex until the wedding? That is the only way to guarantee that you won't get pregnant. Are you on any birth control?
Posted by MISSCOURTNEY20[/QUOTE]

Yes, I'm on birth control and I understand fully well the ins and outs of getting pregnant.  But, as you say, nothing is fool proof.  A baby would be a serious complication right now.  I am rational enough to realize that if we mess up, then we'll roll with it, but it does worry me a lot.

My wedding is in ten months and we've already been engaged for over a year - I'm not giving up sex for that long!  <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-wink.gif" border="0" alt="Wink" title="Wink" />

[Deleted User]

No, I worry that I WILL get pregnant. DH and I have decided no kids, so now it's a waiting game for my doc to "fix" me. I'm not old enough, apparently. He doesn't have health insurance, but as soon as he does it's his turn.

aerinpegadrak

I would find it kind of ironic if we were infertile, because it would mean that we've been freaking out and super cautious about not getting pregnant and it was all for nothing.

Personally, I really want to adopt, so it wouldn't bother me too much if we had trouble conceiving.  I'd go ahead and rip out all the plumbing now if DH didn't want to pass on his genes at least once.  Of course, we've decided that we're going to give it five years before we even start thinking about talking about having children, so it's not really an issue at the moment.

MISSCOURTNEY20

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_ever-worry-wont-able-pregnant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:6b47d7c6-a31f-4ff4-9625-7e59401e540dPost:9689d69a-f6c4-409d-949f-e715ef70fae6">Re: Do you ever worry that you wont be able to get pregnant?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Do you ever worry that you wont be able to get pregnant? : Yes, I'm on birth control and I understand fully well the ins and outs of getting pregnant.  But, as you say, nothing is fool proof.  A baby would be a serious complication right now.  I am rational enough to realize that if we mess up, then we'll roll with it, but it does worry me a lot. My wedding is in ten months and we've already been engaged for over a year - I'm not giving up sex for that long! 
Posted by Joy2611[/QUOTE]

Gotcha and I do understand!! <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-kiss.gif" border="0" alt="Kiss" title="Kiss" />

Birdie1483

I'm so afraid that I'll be like Charlotte on SATC where I spend all of my twenties trying to avoid getting pregnant, only to find in my 30's I can't. My mom had problems getting pregnant so it makes me worry that it might be genetic.

AdeleDazeem

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_ever-worry-wont-able-pregnant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:6b47d7c6-a31f-4ff4-9625-7e59401e540dPost:ec9a9b86-309a-40a6-98fc-4952579742f0">Re: Do you ever worry that you wont be able to get pregnant?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Do you ever worry that you wont be able to get pregnant? : Gotcha and I do understand!!
Posted by MISSCOURTNEY20[/QUOTE]

Your fiance is still adorable to me.  Although, I do miss the hat he had in the last siggy pic!

jenn.daniel

nope.  I'd have my tubes tied tomorrow if we had the money. 

snoangel79

Already know I will unfortunately. We are going to use donor eggs and his sperm,  I know this is probably TMI. It hurts a lot but ohs well I can't do anything to change that just deal with the crappy card I was dealt.

mstar284

I have no actual reason to worry so far, but it's always in the back of my head...I would be crushed if I couldn't have kids, but I would definitely adopt.

APW2010

I am worried about it. I really wanted to be married before having kids, but somehow I thought the whole plan would work out several years ago (before I even met FI). I always swore up and down I'd be younger than my mother when I started my family, and as of next month, that won't be possible. So I really feel the pressure from starting later than I wanted to. As well, my mother had a lot of trouble conceiving, and went through years and years of tests and heartbreak before finally having my brother as well. So in my head, I worry it is hereditary, even though they never identified a problem for her. But at the same time we don't own a house yet, and I'm the primary breadwinner so I don't know how we'd manage if I took time off for a baby... and while FI is on board to start trying I know he wouldn't mind if we had a little time to just enjoy being us, and maybe travel some. But I worry about it all the time secretly.

MissDuke2012

I'm scared i won't be able to have another child.

I had complications with Camden. I bled one night when I was 7 months pregnant. I hadn't felt her move all day, and early that night had told FI I thought something was wrong. Sure enough, Placenta Previa complications (this was noted in a previous ultrasound). Now that was scary. Fortunately my bleeding wasn't heavy so they monitored us in the hospital until I stopped bleeding. They gave me corticosteroids to help speed up her lung development just in case she came early.

Then I was in a wreck and they couldn't find her heart beat for about 30 minutes. I was 38 weeks, so they induced me that night.

So I'm more scared that I'll lose a child already conceived.

Piru

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_ever-worry-wont-able-pregnant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:6b47d7c6-a31f-4ff4-9625-7e59401e540dPost:c5ab7d1d-ce1d-4cb0-88ff-2ddccce0c2e1">Re: Do you ever worry that you wont be able to get pregnant?</a>:
[QUOTE]I would find it kind of ironic if we were infertile, because it would mean that we've been freaking out and super cautious about not getting pregnant and it was all for nothing. Personally, I really want to adopt, so it wouldn't bother me too much if we had trouble conceiving.  I'd go ahead and rip out all the plumbing now if DH didn't want to pass on his genes at least once.  Of course, we've decided that we're going to give it five years before we even start thinking about talking about having children, so it's not really an issue at the moment.
Posted by aerinpegadrak[/QUOTE]
Haha exactly. As of now I'm more afraid of getting pregnant.

It's crossed my mind in the future maybe I won't be able to, but I'm not super partial to having a baby come out of my uterus. If it turns out I'm infertile I'll figure the decision's been made for me to adopt.

My nephew is adopted via foster care. I have no qualms about that. He was about a year old when my sister started fostering him. She adopted him soon after and now he's 7. He's a great kid. He's come a long way from being a malnourished crack baby with a funny shaped head from being left in his crib almost 24/7.

Srbageldog

I worry about this a lot. My FI has 2 kids from former relationships (he's older than me), and at times it kills me inside knowing other women have his children but I don't... and what if I never do?
I suffered from an eating disorder for 13 years, have finally gotten it under control and am healthy, but I worry that I may have messed things up, as I know that kind of stuff can affect whether you can have kids or not. I have been off birth control for over a year and have not gotten pregnant. So, yes, I worry.

AmandalovesAl

I'm not worried about me...TMI: Got knocked up in college the first time without protection! (college makes u smart!)

But I am worried about FI..he's divorced, his method of BC was always the ol' pulling out, and i can't BELIEVE he hasn't gotten anyone knocked up!!

My parents had problems getting preggers and my mother suggested to me that we both go get tested to see so we aren't in a position where we are all ready and either can't, or it may take years and we aren't prepared for that.  Still thinking about doing that.

M1ssJ

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_ever-worry-wont-able-pregnant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:6b47d7c6-a31f-4ff4-9625-7e59401e540dPost:6e1a3e14-29a0-4ce8-8e8f-f3cd9d67329f">Re: Do you ever worry that you wont be able to get pregnant?</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm so afraid that I'll be like Charlotte on SATC where I spend all of my twenties trying to avoid getting pregnant, only to find in my 30's I can't. My mom had problems getting pregnant so it makes me worry that it might be genetic.
Posted by Birdie1483[/QUOTE]

I second that fear , I also worry about raising kids into my late 50's. I really had hoped to have tried to be concieving now so that if there were issues we could save up for surrogacy or adoption if it's necessary. Charlotte's case definetley made me feel like that could be me

amy727

My SIL has PCOS and was told it would be hard to get pregnant.  She is now pregnant with her 3rd child.  Hopefully that gives you some hope that you too can have children when you decide the time is right. 

colsta

I had that fear big time, until I just got pregnant a month ago. Here's my TMI:

We are both 32 and want to have 2 or 3 kids. I was on Yaz and didn't have a period for 2 years. Yup, nothing. Not one. I totally wasted that 128-box of tampons I bought on sale at Target - it has been unopened for over 2 years now. So, JIC it would take us a while, I decided to go off BC 3 months before our wedding which is now in a month. We weren't exactly trying, but we weren't exactly NOT trying either. We used the ol' pulling out method too. And I got pregnant right away. I'm totally thrilled!

But I have to be honest, it does make me wonder how I got so lucky earlier in life (i.e. crazy college days) and never got pregnant before as I am clearly fertile.

lisarose7

My GYN assures me that my "lady parts" are perfectly healthy, but I'll be 34 before we even start TTC.  So, yes, I worry a little.  However, I keep telling myself that my grandmother had 4 children and didn't start till she was 35 (last one was born when she was 42)...and this was in the late 1940s and early 1950s.  I probably don't have anything to worry about.

Don't worry too much.  One of my HS classmates had PCOS too and now has 2 beautiful boys.  I'm sure your OB/GYN can give you advice now on how to prepare your body for when you're TTC.  Plus, stress can affect your ability to get pregnant, so relax and think happy thoughts.

luckyme502

I already have a daughter, so not so much.

matmil9117

Not at all! I also have PCOS and I think about it all the time! I want kids so bad, but I always think to myself it might not happen . All we can do is hope for the best! 

SarahRuthG

Its so silly but I worry both ways! I really don't want to get pregnant before the wedding - though no reason why I would we are careful. But I have been off birth control for over a year because it was giving me severe headaches. And because of that my periods aren't clockwork anymore so I'm always worrying! But at the same time we going to start trying right after our honeymoon (or halfway through if I've decided I've drank my fill of over priced cruise drinks!) I have to literally quit half of my job before we can try to get pregnant because of my line of work. So it's going to be a lot of pressure only working part time and TTC all at once and yeah, very worried it wont happen! But I am going to try very hard not worry and obsess and just go with it and hope for the best.

nickchick

Yes, i worry about this, it's always in the back of my head. I have no medical reason to worry, just the fact that i want to be a mother and a wife more than anything and wanting something so badly, the possibility of not getting to experience it is scary. I just turned 31 and he will be 31 tomorrow, our wedding will be at least a year away (no date yet), possibly a little longer. And he wants to have a house first before we start trying. So TTCing could be as far as 2 year away. I will be 33. We want 2 kiddos and he would like to be done by 35 (um, ya then we better get a move on with this wedding planning! lol) My age worries me even though i know plenty of people who have had kids in their late 30's, but like i said it's in the back of my head.