Just felt the need to share my story..

StephBeanWed61502

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_just-felt-the-need-to-share-my-story?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:a5ef90ed-856f-40fb-97c8-3d60749b9029Post:bb14dd47-e822-4191-9579-5e07aaaff630">Re: Just felt the need to share my story..</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Just felt the need to share my story.. : I'm glad to hear this. I haven't read the whole thread yet, but do you have plans to go to college? I would definitely encourage it. Life gets a lot harder when you don't have a college education. ETA: I just read that you are in college. Good for you. Also glad to hear that you are considering on waiting a few years for marriage. <strong>If he loves you, he'll still be there for you after college.</strong>
Posted by laurelrenee1[/QUOTE]

<div>One other thing to keep in mind - this whole "wait and see" thing isn't just about waiting to see if he still loves you and you still love him in a few years' time.  It's about whether or not you'll still be right for each other as life partners after you've had the opportunity to grow up a little and figure out what you want your adult life to look and feel like.  I <em>loved</em> my high school boyfriend.  Seriously.  Loved him.  And after a year living away at college?  It was abundantly clear that we had entirely different pictures in our heads of what our adult lives should look like.  So we broke up.  Not because we didn't love and like each other, but because we didn't agree on how we wanted to live our lives.  You will not be the same person at 25 that you are at 18.  He won't be either.  And that's a good thing!  And it's entirely possible you'll grow into two 25 year olds who are still totally right for each other.  But it's also entirely possible you'll grow into two 25 year olds who like, respect, and maybe even love each other but who <em>aren't right for each other as life partners</em>.  THAT'S that point in waiting to get married - to figure out if adult you and adult him are going to be as well-matched as teenage you and teenage him, and preserving the option to move on in other directions without introducing the legal hell that is divorce into the mix.</div>

egeurts

I've been with my husband since we were 16. We waited until we were 23 to get married. We had a ring at 18, but waited 5 years to get married. We both had major life changes during college, and changed both individually and as a couple during those 5 years. We had major ups and downs. Luckily we came out for the better. Not all couples do.

OP: you're going to be with your man for the next 15 years because of your child together, and probably longer than that having a baby together connects you forever. Don't rush into marriage too; there's nothing wrong with waiting. 

jenajjthr

I love these last few posts, they say exactly what I want to say but 1000x better.  I got married at 18, about a month before I graduated high school.  He was THE LOVE of my life and I his.  We knew that we were meant for each other.  The first year was heaven on earth.  Then we moved because he was in the Navy and he finished  training and was moving on to his first assignment.  6 months later I was pregnant and gave birth a couple of months before turning 21. 

Looking back with 20/20 hindsight I can see where my marriage started to fail.  My "Love" thought I had cheated on him and the baby wasn't his (found this out many many years later).  We continued our lives with it getting worse and worse for me.  He started becoming emotionally manipulative and abusive.  I didn't see it due to the abuse I suffered as a kid.  2 more kids later and 18 years of marriage, I begged for one more chance at counseling to try and save this marriage.  He reluctantly agreed, saying it wasn't going to change his mind and he was keeping his current girlfriend, wasn't going to stop talking to the other women he cheated on me with, and I should let him go. 

Lucky for me I got two of the greatest therapists that one could ask for.  They did try to work on couples counseling for about 6 months.  During that time they helped me to see how self centered my H was.  One last blowout during counseling and he stopped coming.  I got up the nerve to leave the marriage and did. He became even more abusive after that. He is now remarried to a woman who is just as narcissitic as he is and just as cruel. 

Do I think this is who your boyfriend is, no.  But then I didn't think that about my bf/H at the age of 18 either.  Who we are at 18 is NOT who we are at 25, 30, 35, etc.  By waiting until at least the age of 25, you will get to know him as an adult, not as a kid.  By law you are an adult, but biologically your brain is still developing.  Have a prolonged engagement, get through your schooling, raise your child together.  Then in a few more years (which go by incredibly fast btw) if you both are still right for each other as adults then plan your wedding.

myrinae

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_just-felt-the-need-to-share-my-story?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:a5ef90ed-856f-40fb-97c8-3d60749b9029Post:005c773b-61a8-46a6-acf1-a6a1f90d0593">Re: Just felt the need to share my story..</a>:
[QUOTE] The remarks about miscarriage, though, are heartless. I had six of them, and ended up infertile.  This is not "God's will" or "a hidden blessing," and it doesn't always mean "there was probably something wrong with the baby." Our babies died inside us. Yes, we lost a BABY. Maybe we never held it in our arms, but it was a child to us. We had hopes and dreams, and they were very much wanted. We do not want, or need to hear: "It's God's will." (God didn't decide we weren't fit parents, and chose to sterilize us). "You can try again." Maybe. That doesn't lessen the pain of losing this one, and sometimes you can't try again. All of mine were lost. "Well, these things happen for a reason."  So do car accidents and heart attacks. Does that make them less tragic? "It's not like it was a real baby." Oh, really?  That's not what the pregnancy test said. We had a name picked out. Eesh, I hope  you never, ever knowswhat this is like. I'm crying right now, and the last one was six years ago. The pain never goes away.
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>This. 100% this. We've lost two. I'll never forget the nurse at the ER who had also lost a baby giving me the best advice--she said "People will say the dumbest things about miscarriage. Don't let it get to you. People who've never experienced that loss have no clue."</div><div>
</div><div>Thank you, RetreadBride, for saying all of this <em>perfectly.</em> 

</div>

DianasGoingToTheChapel

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_just-felt-the-need-to-share-my-story?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:a5ef90ed-856f-40fb-97c8-3d60749b9029Post:dc0bbad3-c5d5-4979-be6c-b042808837df">Re: Just felt the need to share my story..</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Just felt the need to share my story.. : Aside from OP, this might be the most naive, offensive, and most untrue statement I have ever read. No one, baby or not, can honestly say that they wish motherhood on themselves at that young of an age. I appreciate that you tried to look on the positive side of you unintended pregnancies, but give me a break. Give me a fvvcking break. I went and got an education and a well-paying job, and I exercise regularly and can probably run laps around all the young mothers out there (for that matter, my insanely fit mother can probably run laps around you). I'm pretty sure, at least on paper, I am m ore equipped to be a mother than you were at 15.
Posted by cwaggoner07[/QUOTE]

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</div><div>LOL, I never said I was "equipped" nor prepared to be a mother at the age of 15. I don't believe ANYONE shoould become a mother at the age of 15. But I got pregnant and I took care of my responsibilities. I was raising myself from the age of 11, as well as my younger brother and sister. Things happen, I will never see my children as "mistakes" I see them as blessings, as any mother should. Also, don't ASSume that my children were unplanned. Yes my son was. My daughter was planned and we tried for a year to concieve. I am an RN, I see what age does to people. I never sgtated that because you are older makes you UNABLE to care for a child. You people and your insuations. It's really quite funny to read how dramaitc most of you are when you should be HELPING your fellow brides. This girl asked a question and all anyone has to do is talk smack and put her down while acting younger than she states to be... It's honestly sad, would you teach your children to be like this? Lord, I hope not.</div>