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I need help!

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Re: I need help!

  • And OP, if you can't say what you need to say to FI out loud, write it down for him.  Then hand him the letter when you're both together and sit there while he reads it.  When he flips the f*ck out on you, don't try to defend yourself, and for the love of God, don't try to make it sound like what you're doing is even remotely excusable or okay.  Own what you've done, apologize, and answer FI's questions honestly.  That's the only honorable way out of this.

    Alternative:  You could tell your MOH about your next secret rendevous with FFIL, and she could "accidently" let your FI know and he could walk in on the two of you.  Come to think of it, that sounds like more your speed, morally.
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  • peekaboo2011peekaboo2011 Washington, DC member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 250 Love Its Name Dropper
    In Response to Re: I need help!:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: I need help! : But you are scum.  What else should I call you?  There are plenty of words that come to mind but most of them would get me banned real fast. You're right that I have no idea what you're going through because I have the good sense to not fcuk my FIL.  EEEWWWWWWWWWW  WTF is wrong with you?
    Posted by LingerLonger1[/QUOTE]

    So you're telling me that despite the fact that I find BF's dad's accent incredibly attractive, I should not try to sleep with him?
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  • Restrain yourself, Peek.  I really don't want to have to internet-yell at you in six months when you pop up under an AE trying to justify boffing FI's dad because "his accent was so sexy."
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  • peekaboo2011peekaboo2011 Washington, DC member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 250 Love Its Name Dropper
    In Response to Re: I need help!:
    [QUOTE]Restrain yourself, Peek.  I really don't want to have to internet-yell at you in six months when you pop up under an AE trying to justify boffing FI's dad because "his accent was so sexy."
    Posted by StephBeanWed61502[/QUOTE]

    I'll do my best.  I'm just not sure if I can pull it together when I'm over there having margaritas with his mom.
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  • If FMIL and FFIL are BOTH involved in your scary little tryst, I might give you a pass for sheer ballsiness.
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  • In Response to I need help!:
    [QUOTE]I am in desparate need of advice.  This is an AE because I am too asheamed to ask under my real SN. FI and I are getting married in a few weeks and I love him dearly.  But I have been having an affair with my FFIL for over a year now.  I don't even know how this all happened, but it did.  Now I don't know what to do. I have know FI for ten years and FFIL has always been someone I admired and looked up to.  Before FI and I got engaged I sensed an attraction but always ignored it.  After FI asked me to marry his the attraction grow stronger.  I love my FI and want to spend the rest of my life with him but I love FFIL too.  He is an amazing person and he cares for me deeply.  I always ask him if he wants me to leave his son for him but he never answers.  I don't want to hurt FI but I don't want to hurt FFIL either.  I want to marry FI but sometimes I feel like I could marry FFIL and be even happeir.  I just don't know what to do. The only other person who knows about the affair is my MOH and she says I need to cancel the wedding but I don't want to.  She even threatened to step down as MOH if I didn't cancel the wedding or break up with FFIL.  I don't feel like she's being supportive of my feeling and she doens't understand how badly I need her right now in my life.  I have never been so confused.
    Posted by amyeller[/QUOTE]

    1) Slipped and fell on it?
    2) Set FI up with your mom to even it out.
    Dreamergirl8812
  • In Response to Re: I need help!:
    [QUOTE]Oh so Linger and others can call me scum and I can't fight back?  Good to know.  nevermind then. I know that what is happening is not right and I'm not defending it.  It is just so hard.  I cry at night all the time because I know that I am hurting FFIL and that it would kill FI to know.  It hurts me too.  Because YEs I am a human being and even though this is a terrible thing that I have done it doesn't mean that I'm not a good person deep inside.  I have just made a grave mistake and I don't  know how to make it right.  I love them both so much and the though of either of them hurting tears me apart inside in a million pieces.  My MOH was so understanding at first but now she's just in my face all the time.  I feel like I am going to die somedays..
    Posted by amyeller[/QUOTE]

    Deep, deep, DEEEEEEP inside, maybe. I mean, I'm talkin' so deep that neither FI nor FFIL's d!ck have probably reached that deep. Maybe more luck with FGrandfatherIL? If he's already dead and buried, don't worry about it. Just dig him up and try anyway, can't be any grosser that what you're already doing.
  • I never have understood why people who are having affiars come to theknot and ask for advice from random strangers on the interwebz? If you're best friend and MOH thinks you're scum, what makes you think random strangers are going to pat you on the head and tell you you're a decent human being? 
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  • In Response to Re: I need help!:
    [QUOTE]Oh so Linger and others can call me scum and I can't fight back?  Good to know.  nevermind then. I know that what is happening is not right and I'm not defending it.  It is just so hard.  I cry at night all the time because I know that I am hurting FFIL and that it would kill FI to know.  It hurts me too.  Because YEs I am a human being and even though this is a terrible thing that I have done it doesn't mean that I'm not a good person deep inside.  I have just made a grave mistake and I don't  know how to make it right.  I love them both so much and the though of either of them hurting tears me apart inside in a million pieces.  My MOH was so understanding at first but now she's just in my face all the time.  I feel like I am going to die somedays..
    Posted by amyeller[/QUOTE]

    Actually your FFIL and YOU are hurting your FI, you are NOT hurting FFIL. He brought this upon himself as the sick man he is.

     

  • In Response to Re: I need help!:
    [QUOTE]I never have understood why people who are having affiars come to theknot and ask for advice from random strangers on the interwebz? If you're best friend and MOH thinks you're scum, what makes you think random strangers are going to pat you on the head and tell you you're a decent human being? 
    Posted by prbright[/QUOTE]

    It's cause they can't get on Dr. Phil, Jerry Springer, Murray. . etc. Obviously TK is the best area to turn to next.
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  • In Response to I need help!:
    [QUOTE]  But I have been having an affair with my FFIL for over a year now.  I don't even know how this all happened, but it did. 
    Posted by amyeller[/QUOTE]

    How the fluck do you "not know how it happened"??!!?!?!?!? Sweetie, you didn't just fall one day and, oops, land on FFIL's penis. And if by some strange chain of events in an alternate reality where such a thing is plausible and that's exactly what happened here, that only explains one occurrence. Not an entire year's worth.

    If I were your MOH, your FI would have already known about this sh!t by now. Consider yourself lucky that she's at least giving you a reasonable window of opportunity to come clean on your own ... but know that that window is closing, and if you don't call off the wedding, she'lll find a way to out you before the wedding.

    *I felt sorry for my husband before I met him. Take a number.*
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    wittykitty14
  • Please tell your FI & cancel the wedding tonight. If you do anything else, then you are scum (well worse, but I don't want to get banned).

    But FFS, please don't get knocked up by FFIL. (It happens, I have seen the DNA tests in court (more than once)).

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    *This is Not Legal Advice*
  • In Response to Re: I need help!:
    [QUOTE]Amy, here's the thing - you're hurting both of them no matter what.  You're actively hurting both of them right now , the only catch is your FI doesn't know it yet.  So get over this idea that there's going to be some magical solution where you get to keep both of them in your life - that's never going to happen.  What you are doing to your FI right now is disgusting - you're lying to him and betraying him with the one person alive in this world who is supposed to protect him and on whom he's supposed to be able to rely.  Call off the wedding and come clean to your FI.  It's the only fair thing to do here.  Will that cost you your relationship with FI?  Yes.  It will (unless your FI is even more emotionally disturbed than you are).  But you gave up your right to that relationship when you hopped into bed with FFIL.  You were a big enough girl to take action, so quit being a coward and own up to the consequences of your actions. Also, stop playing victim - you created this situation, the moment you acted on your attraction to FFIL.  This isn't some sad Romeo-and-Juliet star-crossed lovers bullsh!t.  YOU ARE BANGING YOUR FIANCE'S DAD BEHIND HIS BACK.  There's nothing romantic or sympathetic about that.  Come clean and check yourself into therapy.  It's the only way you will have a shot in hell at some semblance of a normal life after this clusterf*ck.
    Posted by StephBeanWed61502[/QUOTE]

    Exactly what I was thinking. Also, I don't blame your moh for how she is treating you. If it were my closest friend there is no way in hell I would participate in the wedding, or even the friendship for that matter.
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  • In Response to Re: I need help!:
    [QUOTE]LingerLong, please dont call me scum.  That is uncalled for.  You dont know me and you have no idea what I'm going through and I don't need to be bullied by some bitch on the knot.  I need real advice.  Invitations already went out. 
    Posted by amyeller[/QUOTE]

    You have gotten all the sound advice that you could possibly need! Call it off!! Who cares if invites have already been sent out! Why would you proceed with the wedding?? Even if you do people will find out the truth eventually and then you'll have more people than just your fi and ffil that hate your guts.

    What you have already done is beyond low. Your ffil is also to blame and he is disgusting as well. Seriously, if you care about your fi like you say you do than stop being so god damned selfish and walk away!!
    image
  • OP, you have gotten three pages worth of solid, consistant, and correct advice - namely, call off the wedding. Yet, you keep saying that you don't know what to do and that you need advice.

    No one here is gong to tell you what you want to hear, which is probably something to the effect of, "Go forth with the wedding like nothing is wrong, and maybe eventually the affair will run it's course and end peacefully." NOT GONNA HAPPEN.

    What advice would YOU give someone in your situation? If I were to tell you that I were cheating on my fiance and that I "don't know how it happened," would you really believe me? Would you feel sorry for me? Would you encourage me to continue with a wedding?

    So here, yet again, is what you need to do:

    1. Tell your FFIL that a) your entire relationship with him, both sexually and otherwise, is over and b) that you are going to call off the wedding and tell FI.
    2. Tell FI. And don't make excuses.
    3. Call those invited and say the wedding was cancelled. No need to explain why.
    4. Seek therapy.

    Emphasis on number four. You need to work on yourself and discover why you behaved this way in the first place, and heal so nothing like this ever happens again.

    These are the things that most people would agree that a "good person" would do. If you insist that you are a good person, that is what you need to do.  It is not the easy way out, but it is the right way out.
  • In Response to Re: I need help!:
    [QUOTE]Well not everyone can be as perfect as you LingerLonger so I'm sorry I don't measure up to your standards.  And I dont appreciate your tone.  Your legal advice stinks. Milk, my FMIL is dead.  She died six years ago. I think FFIL gets quite when I ask him what to do because he just doesnt know what I should do.  I think he loves me too but doesn't want to hurt his son.  I have know both of them for so long I don't know what I would do without either one of them in my life. I just feel really alone in this.  Either way I hurt someone.
    Posted by amyeller[/QUOTE]

    You're a total dipshit. You are fucking your FI's dad. I'm pretty sure you won't measure up to anyone's standards.
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  • In Response to Re: I need help!:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: I need help! : You're a total dipshit. You are fucking your FI's dad. I'm pretty sure you won't measure up to anyone's standards.
    Posted by cew515[/QUOTE]

    ....except FFIL's.  But I'm not sure someone who would f*ck his son's fiance multiple times over the course of a year is a great person to be looking to for moral standards.
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  • this is just awesome. i actually am eating a bowl of popcorn while enjoying this fuckery
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  • Well I took some advice and decided to tell FI everything tonight. I went home and made dinner and made sure it was perfect. I just told him everything. I started by telling him that I had something to tell him and that I was having an affair. He became really upset and then I told him to calm down and that's when I told him that it was with FFIL. Fi just sat there for a minute and then he picked up his glass of water and smashed it against he wall. Then he started yelling and swearing at me and he threw the entire pan of tacos at the wall and food when everywhere. All he while screaming and freaking out. I was crying so bad but I didn't know what to do next. I tried telling him I was sorry and then he just grabbed me by the hair and yelled into my face that I was a slut and that he hated me nd to burn in hell and that he was going to beat the siht out of his dad. He hit me in he face and then shoved me into the wall and I fell over into the broken dishes. It hurt so bad so I started yelling and crying even worse and fi just grabbed his keys and left. So I called FFIL he is Greg and told him everything. I told him I was going to come over to his house because I was scared of fi. I went to the bedroom and grabbed a few things and drove to Greg's house. When I got there he noticed I needs stitches so he took me to the emergency room. I told him everything that happens in the car and thatt I was scared and didn't know what to do. He told me that he would fix everything and not to worry. I spent two fucking hours in the ER waiting Nd getting stitches and it was so awful. The nurse wanted to call the cops, Greg too but I pleaded with them not to. After I was done Greg took me back to his house and told me that he wants to protect me from fi and that he would do anything that it took. I am waiting now for greg because he is packing some things, we are going to leave town. I have no idea where or for how long but I trust Greg and I know he will keep me safe. I hope he is done packing soon because i keep worrying fi will show up at any moment. I keep trying to call my MOH but she isn't answering, hopefully when we get to wherever we go I can get in touch with her then. I don't know what to do about the wedding, obviously no marrying fi anymore but everything was booked with our money and I don't know if I will get anything back. All I know is I am so glad I found out how violent fi is and that I didn't marry him after all. Ok Greg is done packing. I have to go
  • RebeccaB88RebeccaB88 Figment of Your Imagination member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
  • edited May 2012
    In Response to Re:I need help!:
    [QUOTE]Well I took some advice and decided to tell FI everything tonight. I went home and made dinner and made sure it was perfect. I just told him everything. I started by telling him that I had something to tell him and that I was having an affair. He became really upset and then I told him to calm down and that's when I told him that it was with FFIL. Fi just sat there for a minute and then he picked up his glass of water and smashed it against he wall. Then he started yelling and swearing at me and he threw the entire pan of tacos at the wall and food when everywhere. All he while screaming and freaking out. I was crying so bad but I didn't know what to do next. I tried telling him I was sorry and then he just grabbed me by the hair and yelled into my face that I was a slut and that he hated me nd to burn in hell and that he was going to beat the siht out of his dad. He hit me in he face and then shoved me into the wall and I fell over into the broken dishes. It hurt so bad so I started yelling and crying even worse and fi just grabbed his keys and left. So I called FFIL he is Greg and told him everything. I told him I was going to come over to his house because I was scared of fi. I went to the bedroom and grabbed a few things and drove to Greg's house. When I got there he noticed I needs stitches so he took me to the emergency room. I told him everything that happens in the car and thatt I was scared and didn't know what to do. He told me that he would fix everything and not to worry. I spent two fucking hours in the ER waiting Nd getting stitches and it was so awful. The nurse wanted to call the cops, Greg too but I pleaded with them not to. After I was done Greg took me back to his house and told me that he wants to protect me from fi and that he would do anything that it took. I am waiting now for greg because he is packing some things, we are going to leave town. I have no idea where or for how long but I trust Greg and I know he will keep me safe. I hope he is done packing soon because i keep worrying fi will show up at any moment. I keep trying to call my MOH but she isn't answering, hopefully when we get to wherever we go I can get in touch with her then. I don't know what to do about the wedding, obviously no marrying fi anymore but everything was booked with our money and I don't know if I will get anything back. All I know is I am so glad I found out how violent fi is and that I didn't marry him after all. Ok Greg is done packing. I have to go
    Posted by amyeller[/QUOTE]

    Tacos? That's what you make for your big fancy apology dinner?

    And yeah. Dudes aren't supposed to hit girls and all that jazz, but I just can't find it in myself to feel the least bit sorry for you. I'm not going to lie, if my H told me he was sleeping with my mom, I honestly don't know how I would react, but there would probably be some crazy involved. Telling someone you are fucking one of their parents is one of those times when acting normal kind of goes out of the window.
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    [Deleted User]AprilH81
  • edited May 2012
    The recent update sounds a little muddy, but then again, it still could be real - I don't doubt that having some b!tch blow up your entire life by f*cking your dad and then having the nerve to think a pan of tacos and "sorry" are going to do anything to make it better would make you want to haul off and punch her.  (That doesn't mean I think anyone has the right to hit anyone - hitting is wrong, we know this, under every circumstance - I'm just saying the whole "he hit me" thing doesn't seem that far-fetched, assuming everything else OP has said has been real.)

    OP, if this is real and you're still reading, you probably should have just called the police and gotten a restraining order against your now-ex FI.  You can get a restraining order without pressing any charges in most states (including, I think, NY, if that's where you're really from), and if he's normally a pretty level-headed guy, there's a good chance the restraining order would bring him back to his senses.*  Fleeing your entire life with your ex-fiance's father is not the appropriate solution here.  In fact, it solves nothing, except feeding your obviously ongoing need for high drama.  You should also give serious consideration to checking yourself into some kind of inpatient therapy for a little while - this is majorly f*cked up sh!t, and you need professional help to deal with it.

    *This is not intended as legal advice.  If you are thinking of pursuing a restraining order, contact your local police, local court, or a local attorney to find out what the law actually is in your area.
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  • This was kinda funny till this troll crossed the line with her MUD. You are a worthless human being but then again, so is your new boyfriend, aka exFFIL. So i figure you two will be perfect together. Oh, and just a thought here, but just where did your exFI learn his violent behavior? Considering his father thinks so much of their relationship he's willing to fuuck his own sons girlfriend, Im betting there are a lot of wonderfully horrible lessons he thought his son. Have you ever seen your prince charming angry? Just saying its a pretty strong possibility that your exFI learned to hit women from somewhere... All in all, I call MUD and I if nothing else that you take from this, get some serious help girl. You are psychotic.
  • Obviously tacos were the wrong think to make him. Everyone knows that it's all about the apology chicken pasta.

    Regardless of if this is real or MUD, OP you need to get some help.
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  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    In Response to Re: I need help!:
    [QUOTE]The recent update sounds a little muddy, but then again, it still could  be real - I don't doubt that having some b!tch blow up your entire life by f*cking your dad and then having the nerve to think a pan of tacos and "sorry" are going to do anything to make it better would make you want to haul off and punch her.  (That doesn't mean I think anyone has the right to hit anyone - hitting is wrong, we know this, under every circumstance - I'm just saying the whole "he hit me" thing doesn't seem that far-fetched, assuming everything else OP has said has been real.) OP, if this is real and you're still reading, you probably should have just called the police and gotten a restraining order against your now-ex FI.  You can get a restraining order without pressing any charges in most states (including, I think, NY, if that's where you're really from), and if he's normally a pretty level-headed guy, there's a good chance the restraining order would bring him back to his senses.*  Fleeing your entire life with your ex-fiance's father is not the appropriate solution here.  In fact, it solves nothing, except feeding your obviously ongoing need for high drama.  You should also give serious consideration to checking yourself into some kind of inpatient therapy for a little while - this is majorly f*cked up sh!t, and you need professional help to deal with it. *This is not intended as legal advice.  If you are thinking of pursuing a restraining order, contact your local police, local court, or a local attorney to find out what the law actually is in your area.
    Posted by StephBeanWed61502[/QUOTE]
    If you call the police, they will arrest the guy.  If she's bad enough to need stitches, they'll probably prosecute without a complaining witness or without her cooperation.  Also, a "restraining" or protective order generally puts a person on a registry.  This can show up on a background check and can have an effect on future employment or security clearances and what-not.
    Not that I'm saying it's ok for anyone to hit anyone, but asking for a restraining order is not a NBD solution either.  In this sort of situation, I'd probably have to forgive the guy for hitting me, knowing that it was in the heat of the moment and in response to some pretty awful behavior on my part, unless/until he had any future contact with me that led me to believe he still wanted to hurt me physically.  After having to deal with betrayal by his FI and father, I wouldn't want the guy to have to deal with more BS from me.  If this is real, I'm guessing the guy reacted, blew off some steam, and isn't likely to have any future contact with the skank or the dad.  
  • peekaboo2011peekaboo2011 Washington, DC member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 250 Love Its Name Dropper

    I hear tacos are a bitch to get out of the walls.  And don't even get me started on white carpet.

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  • csousa1csousa1 member
    Eighth Anniversary 1000 Comments 250 Love Its Name Dropper
    In Response to Re:I need help!:
    [QUOTE]All I know is I am so glad I found out how violent fi is and that I didn't marry him after all. Ok Greg is done packing. I have to go
    Posted by amyeller[/QUOTE]

    Nah,  I'm glad HE found out what a disgusting human being YOU are and didn't have to go through with marrying you after all. Even with your made up little sob story here about stitches, I think you still win the worst-person-in-the-relationship award - by a LANDSLIDE. 
  • In Response to Re: I need help!:
    [QUOTE]I especially like how she leaves herself a way to come back and say "Oh, well since the vendors were already booked and I'm obviously not marrying FI, FFIL and I decided to get married instead!" Might I suggest you spend your internet time doing something other than making up lame Degrassi-esque stories on message boards? Sporcle.com is fun and can be educational!
    Posted by MeganLindsay5685[/QUOTE]
    Good catch! She is totally coming back today to post that. What a sad, sad life she must lead that she feels the need to make up such ridiculous stories on internet message boards. She really needs some serious help.
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  • edited May 2012
    no way this is real. . . is it?  this IS like a Lifetime movie.  OP-you need to call of the wedding.  To say that "we don't know what you are going through," you are right we don't.  However, imagine what YOUR FIANCE will be going through once he finds out.  You can't have your cake and eat it to, that's not how it works.  You need to make a decision, but my guess is after you come clean, neither one of them will have you.  This is hands down the most disgusting thing I have ever heard of.  If you really loved either of them, you wouldn't do this to them, but you only love yourself.  You are a selfish person to keep this charade going and you are only worried about you hurting.  I don't think  you really care if they get hurt or not, or else you never would have said yes to marrying him or lied this long.  You need to sh*t or get off the pot-you need to make a decision, but either way, it is probably going to end bad.  Oh, and don't get all upset when people call you out on here-you posted your life on here and if your MOH threatens to not be in the wedding b/c of the circumstances, then that should have rang a bell that obviously your situation is not the norm. 
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  • In Response to Re: I need help!:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: I need help! : NEW PLOT TWIST MOH and ex-FI had a steamy night together last night.
    Posted by ILoveMilkDuds[/QUOTE]
    Love it!
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