Have you lost friends since getting engaged? /Vent

Twowarlocks

I have a d-bag friend who has made a couple of comments that are, well, mean.

When I changed my Facebook relationship status a few months ago from single to in a relationship, he commented that "No one loves me."

Recently he asked me if I was sure about my FI. Well no I"m not sure, I don't have a crystal ball. I can't see the future.

So last night I decided to talk to him about it. He said thinks my marriage will fail.

He hasn't always been like this. We've been friends for 3 years and he wasn't so negative. I have to end the friendship because I don't need the negativity weighing me down. I know that marriage is tough. A lot of my classmates from high school are getting or have gotten divorced. My parents divorced after 25 years of marriage.

MyNameIsNot

It's hard to express your feelings when you think a friend is making a mistake.  

Perhaps instead of trying to be a douche, this person actually cares about you and worries that you are doing the wrong thing.  Instead of ending the friendship, why not talk to him about his concerns, explain that you are confident with your decisions, and continue the relationship?

Twowarlocks

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_lost-friends-getting-engaged-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:b407d979-bdb2-4fa8-b492-35cf9f72b7baPost:1e10a4e9-cb2a-4a7b-b5eb-3118bad7a354">Re: Have you lost friends since getting engaged? /Vent</a>:
[QUOTE]It's hard to express your feelings when you think a friend is making a mistake.   Perhaps instead of trying to be a douche, this person actually cares about you and worries that you are doing the wrong thing.  Instead of ending the friendship, why not talk to him about his concerns, explain that you are confident with your decisions, and continue the relationship?
Posted by MyNameIsNot[/QUOTE]


He doesn't believe in the convention of marriage. I honestly don't think he would be happy with anything I said.

Twowarlocks

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_lost-friends-getting-engaged-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:b407d979-bdb2-4fa8-b492-35cf9f72b7baPost:a55f2d81-a6e4-4359-8736-6b4850825da0">Re: Have you lost friends since getting engaged? /Vent</a>:
[QUOTE]Is it possible this guy has a thing for you, and that's why he's being negative about your marrying someone else?
Posted by LucyHC[/QUOTE]


He has liked me, but understands it would never work because of our personalities. He said that back in the summer.

achiduck

I would ask him why he thinks your marriage wtih fail. If he can't come up with anything then I would just ask him to respect your decision and refrain from making further comments.

BellyB11

I just recently lost a friend...She is a bridesmaid also. yay! not.
She is also my FI's sister, which makes it even more awesome.
But I can't deal with her being negitive all the time either. So I said I was done.
But as PP said, maybe he likes you and wants to be with you so thats why he's being a D bag.

crash2729

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_lost-friends-getting-engaged-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:b407d979-bdb2-4fa8-b492-35cf9f72b7baPost:01f8e11f-cd4a-412c-ac5c-0c404242e950">Re: Have you lost friends since getting engaged? /Vent</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Have you lost friends since getting engaged? /Vent : He has liked me, but understands it would never work because of our personalities. He said that back in the summer.
Posted by Twowarlocks[/QUOTE]

<div>I think that's probably just a front TBH. Just because guys say things doesn't always mean that they mean them.</div><div>
</div><div>This sounds like he has a thing for you TBH.</div>

lolson1215

I think he has a thing for you as well.....

I lost my best friend of 12 years (and a bridesmaid).....not sure exactly what is going on with her. But one day she wrote me an email saying she wants no part of my wedding and to never contact me again.....she had said negative things in the past and I'm over it now. I don't want anyone who isn't happy for me involved in my wedding anyways....

HobokensFury

I haven't lost any friends since getting engaged because all of my friends are either engaged or married already. FI, however is another story.  He's the only one of his friends that's not single and as a result they rarely call him or invite him anywhere. To make matters worse for him he also moved out of Brooklyn to NJ to be with me so there is also a distance issue now.  I kind of feel sorry for him.

redheadfsu

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_lost-friends-getting-engaged-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:b407d979-bdb2-4fa8-b492-35cf9f72b7baPost:b80a19fb-a554-4898-886b-f63215eeb27b">Have you lost friends since getting engaged? /Vent</a>:
[QUOTE]I have a d-bag friend who has made a couple of comments that are, well, mean. When I changed my Facebook relationship status <strong>a few months</strong>ago from single to in a relationship, he commented that "No one loves me." Recently he asked me if I was sure about my FI. Well no I"m not sure, I don't have a crystal ball. I can't see the future. So last night I decided to talk to him about it. He said thinks my marriage will fail. He hasn't always been like this. We've been friends for 3 years and he wasn't so negative. I have to end the friendship because I don't need the negativity weighing me down. I know that marriage is tough. A lot of my classmates from high school are getting or have gotten divorced. My parents divorced after 25 years of marriage.
Posted by Twowarlocks[/QUOTE]

1. He most likely has feelings for you and is acting out.

2. You said you just changed your status to "in a relationship" a <strong>few months </strong>ago? Does that mean you just started dating your FI?  If so, (while he is wrong to judge your relationship) Maybe he is concerned about how fast you & your FI are moving. And is acting out improperly.

AmethystMSU

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_lost-friends-getting-engaged-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:b407d979-bdb2-4fa8-b492-35cf9f72b7baPost:7be57367-fb1b-4f95-acf3-6b5f01e04f3d">Re: Have you lost friends since getting engaged? /Vent</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Have you lost friends since getting engaged? /Vent : He doesn't believe in the convention of marriage. I honestly don't think he would be happy with anything I said.
Posted by Twowarlocks[/QUOTE]
If he truly doesn't believe in marriage in general, then no amount of convincing will change that, nor would the perfect couple ever.

If, however, he has a thing for you and this is his way of trying to break you and FI up, then I would cut him out of your life for that reason alone, as that probably won't sit well with FI.

Although first I would ask him why exactly he thinks you and FI will fail.

AmethystMSU

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_lost-friends-getting-engaged-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:b407d979-bdb2-4fa8-b492-35cf9f72b7baPost:0f44b04c-09ec-4cad-badb-b4021e42e104">Re: Have you lost friends since getting engaged? /Vent</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Have you lost friends since getting engaged? /Vent : 1. He most likely has feelings for you and is acting out. 2. <strong>You said you just changed your status to "in a relationship" a few months ago? Does that mean you just started dating your FI?  If so, (while he is wrong to judge your relationship) Maybe he is concerned about how fast you & your FI are moving. And is acting out improperly.
</strong>Posted by redheadfsu[/QUOTE]
That stuck out to me as well. That is moving much faster than the "average" so I agree with redhead, maybe he is concerned about that. It's worth asking again.

alynne1113

When my relationship status went from In a relationship to Engaged I lost probably 5 facebook friends all guys, and one who was what I considered a close friend blocked me. When I texted him to ask why he told me that I was making the biggest mistake of my life and he wont me in my life while I am doing it.

Then another guy friend of mine started ignoring me and making rude comments when he did talk to me. When I asked him why he was acting that way, he told me that he is uncomfortable being my friend now that I am going to be married because he doesn't know how to act around me anymore.

It really upset me since I have always had mostly guy friends and now I don't really have any close guy friends because I am married.  It sucks, but it shows you who your real friends are!

Twowarlocks

I admit FI and I have moved faster than the average. I don't think my friend is altruistic enough to be concerned about me. He either still likes me, doesn't know how to act around me since I'm engaged, hates marriage or wants me to be miserable like he is.

Twowarlocks

This is the OP's FI - we share this account for our joint wedding planning. I felt the need to respond.

My fiancee and I have known each other since 2006, so our time knowing each other hasn't been brief. We have had feelings for each other for many years, but our life circumstances kept us from fully maturing that into a relationship. There was some distance, exiting from other relationships, and college. Months ago, we finally came together, our hearts as one finally, and things were not only different in the most positive of ways, but completely right. I knew, without a doubt, she was the one I wished to spend the rest of my life with. I bought the ring, and at a unique, emotional, and unconventional moment I popped the question. She said yes, and the two of us are where we are. We are happy, our friends (except for this one in particular she metions), family, and brothers at my Masonic Lodge could not be happier and more accepting. We have the support and love we need.

This one friend has rubbed me the wrong way since her birthday when the first post on her facebook was, instead of happy birthday, "You're worthless and nobody loves you." He then later edited to "Nobody loves you." I have, as you can imagine, very distinct feelings about this and continue to. He has done nothing but continue to be a rude, cynical, and passive-aggressive jerk that comes across as wanting to be the alpha prick in any given situation; I've met him in person, and I still feel that is an accurate assumption. When he is made to not feel that way, he doesn't appear to be able to deal with it, and continues about his life of complete negativity and pessimism.

My fiancee, the OP, has spoken to him at length merely wanting him to be supportive. His mannerisms and responses detail his life of failed relationships and, yes, possible attraction to her as well. As an earlier poster replied, I have to agree that these things do not sit well with me. I have addressed my concerns to my fiancee about his presence and the negativity he is trying to bring into our relationship. I do not, nor will I ever, control or seek to control any aspect of her life, and as such her decision to drop him as a friend will be hers and hers alone. I love her, and I will always defend our relationship from those that seek to judge it simply because misery is seeking company, but I'm leaving this in her hands of course.

As probably expected by anyone who might face a similar situation to this, my level of being able to tolerate a person of this level of negativity is definitely thin and is upsetting me. I do not want any one person attempting to split my fiancee and I up, nor attempting to merely drive a wedge between us because they are not happy in their own lives or are jealous. I would never, ever accept that I have to justify my love and relationship to a person, friend, or brother simply because they have an opinion on the situation. My personal reaction would be to insist that my life is my own, our life is ours, and that is the end of it. Life can be challenging enough without someone attempting to make it harder simply because they feel they can. With that being said, if I had a friend attempting to make our life harder for whatever reason, I would leave them in the dust quick, fast, and in a hurry. No one comes between my fiancee and I. I love her, I will defend her, and what we have is too important and wonderful to be dragged into the wolves' den by an angry pack hound simply looking for prey to satisfy their own hunger.

[Deleted User]

Both my FI and I lost friends pretty much from when we first started dating.

Our beginning was very unconventional. When FI and I met we became friends and began to develop feelings for one another. It was uncomfortable because he was in a relationship going on 4 years. We both struggled to decide what we were going to do. Once we decided we wanted to be together, his main group of friends dropped him and I lost a few friends as well.

Honestly, I feel awful about how we first came to be. But I don't regret it. I know he's the one for me. We've moved on and are very excited to get married. We recently celebrated our 2 year anniversary and I can't imagine wanting to be with anyone else.

Grits8812

neither of us have really lost any really. his friends were always my friends.  granted my best friend (who everyone swears is in love with me) got horribly mad, and they got into it for a week or two.  it all turned out ok.  they are on speaking terms again now, and i know if i ever need him, he is a phone call away.  we have spent a lot of time away from them lately, trying to get started with his new job and me with planning this wedding and trying to make things work financially. 

im so sorry your friend is being a party pooper. maybe he liked you and never told you, you know how people are when they see someone they care about happy with another.  hopefully you can work things out, and even if you arent best friends again, hopefully you can still be on speaking terms and get along when you see eachother, without the rude comments from him

AmethystMSU

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_lost-friends-getting-engaged-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:b407d979-bdb2-4fa8-b492-35cf9f72b7baPost:882d0ab1-1128-4953-83bc-c7027c9211b4">Re: Have you lost friends since getting engaged? /Vent</a>:
[QUOTE]This is the OP's FI - we share this account for our joint wedding planning. I felt the need to respond. <strong>My fiancee and I have known each other since 2006, so our time knowing each other hasn't been brief.</strong> We have had feelings for each other for many years, but our life circumstances kept us from fully maturing that into a relationship. There was some distance, exiting from other relationships, and college. Months ago, we finally came together, our hearts as one finally, and things were not only different in the most positive of ways, but completely right. I knew, without a doubt, she was the one I wished to spend the rest of my life with. I bought the ring, and at a unique, emotional, and unconventional moment I popped the question. She said yes, and the two of us are where we are. We are happy, our friends (except for this one in particular she metions), family, and brothers at my Masonic Lodge could not be happier and more accepting. We have the support and love we need. <strong>This one friend has rubbed me the wrong way since her birthday when the first post on her facebook was, instead of happy birthday, "You're worthless and nobody loves you." He then later edited to "Nobody loves you."</strong> I have, as you can imagine, very distinct feelings about this and continue to. He has done nothing but continue to be a rude, cynical, and passive-aggressive jerk that comes across as wanting to be the alpha prick in any given situation; I've met him in person, and I still feel that is an accurate assumption. When he is made to not feel that way, he doesn't appear to be able to deal with it, and continues about his life of complete negativity and pessimism. My fiancee, the OP, has spoken to him at length merely wanting him to be supportive. His mannerisms and responses detail his life of failed relationships and, yes, possible attraction to her as well. As an earlier poster replied, I have to agree that these things do not sit well with me. I have addressed my concerns to my fiancee about his presence and the negativity he is trying to bring into our relationship. I do not, nor will I ever, control or seek to control any aspect of her life, and as such her decision to drop him as a friend will be hers and hers alone. I love her, and I will always defend our relationship from those that seek to judge it simply because misery is seeking company, but I'm leaving this in her hands of course. As probably expected by anyone who might face a similar situation to this, my level of being able to tolerate a person of this level of negativity is definitely thin and is upsetting me. I do not want any one person attempting to split my fiancee and I up, nor attempting to merely drive a wedge between us because they are not happy in their own lives or are jealous. I would never, ever accept that I have to justify my love and relationship to a person, friend, or brother simply because they have an opinion on the situation. My personal reaction would be to insist that my life is my own, our life is ours, and that is the end of it. Life can be challenging enough without someone attempting to make it harder simply because they feel they can. With that being said, if I had a friend attempting to make our life harder for whatever reason, I would leave them in the dust quick, fast, and in a hurry. No one comes between my fiancee and I. I love her, I will defend her, and what we have is too important and wonderful to be dragged into the wolves' den by an angry pack hound simply looking for prey to satisfy their own hunger.
Posted by Twowarlocks[/QUOTE]
1.) No one here was judging your length of time together. A couple of us mentioned it as a possible reason for OP's friend to be concerned. We can only go with what we're told, and the length of your relationship stuck out as something the friend might be concerned with.

2.) Why anyone would stay friends with someone who tells them that no one loves them boggles my mind. That person would be out of my life in 2 seconds flat.

Hopefully your FI (the OP) will understand how her friendship with this guy is affecting her relationship with you and drop him ASAP. He sounds like a toxic friend and his "happy birthday" (or whatever it was meant to do) post was inexcusable and reason enough to drop him.

Twowarlocks

I asked him why he thought my marriage would fail and he said, "Because you haven't had enough time together to work out why you hate each other."

Fwiw, I don't hate anyone. Even my worst ex boyfriend.

Twowarlocks

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_lost-friends-getting-engaged-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:b407d979-bdb2-4fa8-b492-35cf9f72b7baPost:8d089063-e764-4498-b026-cd2908747f52">Re: Have you lost friends since getting engaged? /Vent</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Have you lost friends since getting engaged? /Vent : 1.) No one here was judging your length of time together. A couple of us mentioned it as a possible reason for OP's friend to be concerned. We can only go with what we're told, and the length of your relationship stuck out as something the friend might be concerned with.
Posted by AmethystMSU[/QUOTE]

OP's FI here one last time. I sincerely apologize if anything I said was misconstrued as the community here being the one to judge. I only meant this friend in question. I put the details of how long we've known each other to answer any possible question regarding that here, but I didn't immediately take that as judgmental. So, no worries there. Her friend is aware of all the details and everything, but continues to spill negativity. It's just, well, toxic as you put it. That's how I feel, at least.

Again, apologies if anything sounded aggressive to the community here. It wasn't meant that way in the slightest.

AmethystMSU

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_lost-friends-getting-engaged-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:b407d979-bdb2-4fa8-b492-35cf9f72b7baPost:d8031a7e-c27f-4016-a2a9-a41319c5396f">Re: Have you lost friends since getting engaged? /Vent</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Have you lost friends since getting engaged? /Vent : OP's FI here one last time. I sincerely apologize if anything I said was misconstrued as the community here being the one to judge. I only meant this friend in question. I put the details of how long we've known each other to answer any possible question regarding that here, but I didn't immediately take that as judgmental. So, no worries there. Her friend is aware of all the details and everything, but continues to spill negativity. It's just, well, toxic as you put it. That's how I feel, at least. Again, apologies if anything sounded aggressive to the community here. It wasn't meant that way in the slightest.
Posted by Twowarlocks[/QUOTE]
It's fine. Your first paragraph and most of what you wrote sounded like you were trying to defend yourself and your FI, but I think we all got it before that.

redheadfsu

Twowarlocks's FI,

1. I wasn't judging. In fact, I said it was wrong of him to judge you two, but he could be concerned because of the short time period. I don't know you (or the history), I was just pointing out it was possible.

2. Why is your FI (OP) friends with him to begin with if he speaks to her that way (the examples you gave)?  I mean this in the nicest way, but she should seek counseling for allowing people to speak to her that way (could be low self-esteem issue too).

3. You coming here to defend her, points to even more red flags. (1.That you feel the need to defend your relationship, when no one attacked it. 2. That your FI (OP) can't defend her self, which would point back to the low self-esteem issues & other issues that need so again counseling).

Twowarlocks

I don't have low self esteem. I didn't ditch my friend when he made the comment around my birthday because I was assured by mutual friends that he was kidding. I don't just ditch people because they said one mean thing to me.

Just recently (within the last half hour) I have severed ties with the jerk friend. I wanted time to mull things over and get my thoughts in order before I did. Call me crazy but I don't make knee jerk decisions.

My FI didn't come here to defend me. He just wants to feel included and tell his side of things.

redheadfsu

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_lost-friends-getting-engaged-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:b407d979-bdb2-4fa8-b492-35cf9f72b7baPost:81419255-0d31-4f67-a6cd-3680dd4d6e8a">Re: Have you lost friends since getting engaged? /Vent</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't have low self esteem. I didn't ditch my friend when he made the comment around my birthday because I was assured by mutual friends that he was kidding. I don't just ditch people because they said one mean thing to me. Just recently (within the last half hour) I have severed ties with the jerk friend. I wanted time to mull things over and get my thoughts in order before I did. Call me crazy but I don't make knee jerk decisions. My FI didn't come here to defend me. He just wants to feel included and tell his side of things.
Posted by Twowarlocks[/QUOTE]

Then maybe he just has a sick sense of humor & is joking about this too?

Twowarlocks

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_lost-friends-getting-engaged-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:b407d979-bdb2-4fa8-b492-35cf9f72b7baPost:f3314e18-d5dd-4ad6-90e8-e035230fd74d">Re: Have you lost friends since getting engaged? /Vent</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Have you lost friends since getting engaged? /Vent : Then maybe he just has a sick sense of humor & is joking about this too?
Posted by redheadfsu[/QUOTE]

You might be sarcastic, I can't tell (sarcasm on the internet FTL) but it is a possibility that he is joking. None of it matters now since I'm done with my d-bag friend.

redheadfsu

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_lost-friends-getting-engaged-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:b407d979-bdb2-4fa8-b492-35cf9f72b7baPost:d7728c50-d6c9-49c8-b71d-19e0df397edd">Re: Have you lost friends since getting engaged? /Vent</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Have you lost friends since getting engaged? /Vent : You might be sarcastic, I can't tell (sarcasm on the internet FTL) but it is a possibility that he is joking. None of it matters now since I'm done with my d-bag friend.
Posted by Twowarlocks[/QUOTE]

I was being serious. If he was joking, then I don't consider him a D-bag. He might not understand you don't share the same sense of humor. Once he realizes, then he should have apologized for the misunderstanding (if he didn't, then he would be a D-bag).

Kate61487

My brother's friends regularly make comments about how all marriages are doomed to fail in front of me and H (4 months married) and two of their other friends (3 months married).  They play if off like they're joking but they're not - all of them are divorced and under 30, and talk as though they'll never "make that mistake" again.  I know where they're coming from, but also believe H and I are way different and more prepared than any of them were.

AAAANYWAY, point was that some people just don't get it; their opinions are shaped by their past experiences so I try not to take it personally.  What this guy is doing, though, is clearly personal.  I'm glad you've decided to cut him out.

I've definitely grown apart from some friends since H and I got together, though I don't think our relationship was the cause.  We've also not seen much of our friends since the wedding, but I think that's mostly the new house and the fact that we saw ALL of them AT the wedding so many haven't been in town again, etc.

run262131

Unfortunately, yes. I wouldnt really consider it "lost a friend". I just think some of us were moving in different directions. I did have a "friend", tell me and I quote "wow you moved fast and got that ring". It was insulting at best. Anyway, what I have found is  when you make major life changes some people just, for whatever reason, dont deal well. I think most of the time its their problem or personal issue not your's. My "best friend" who I have loved and known for over 10 years has yet to congratulate my FI or myself. And there really isnt a good reason for the ice cold shoulder. You do I think have a responsibility to sort of investigate the reason for the distance. If, at the end of the day, they stay the same and cant be happy for you, do you really want that person influencing your life in the long term?

acaponi87

Sounds like a pretty bitter, pessimistic person who has a big thing for you.

Drop him.

redheadfsu

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_lost-friends-getting-engaged-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:b407d979-bdb2-4fa8-b492-35cf9f72b7baPost:92f8bc55-7060-4817-8062-ca624e909a26">Re: Have you lost friends since getting engaged? /Vent</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Have you lost friends since getting engaged? /Vent : Redhead, I almost always agree with you wholeheartedly but I think this is a bit much.  My read on the OP is that she has been perhaps too tolerant of this jerk of a "friend", but I'm not sure we have enough information to advise her to seek counseling for low self-esteem.  My read on OP's fiance is that he seems to be a solid guy who loves OP and trusts her to make her own decisions as to whether to sever ties with this guy.
Posted by LucyHC[/QUOTE]

I do agree I was a little rough (now looking back). Plus the later clarifications by OP & OP's FI shed more light on the situation.

But OP's FI first post made it seem like this jerk was always talking bad about her. And the white knight stick usually is a huge red flag concerning the issues I mentioned. While it might not be in this case here, when a FI comes in to yell at the mean knotties (which is how I read it) usually there are red flags all over that relationship.

So OP & OP's FI, I do apologize I was a little rough (hopefully, you two understand where I was coming from based on the above explanation).

ETA: Plus, I was typing the response you quoted (I was responding to OP's FI <u>first </u>post) when he was clarifying that he wasn't yelling <strong>at us</strong>.  I didn't see OP's FI post that clarified he wasn't yelling at us until later. So re-reading this thread it does look like I was really mean. So OP & OP's FI, sorry for my slow computer<img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-embarassed.gif" border="0" alt="Embarassed" title="Embarassed" />

Tarra+Trav

Well, I guess what stuck out to me was :

"Recently he asked me if I was sure about my FI. Well no I"m not sure, I don't have a crystal ball. I can't see the future"

What do you mean no you're not sure? You dont have a crystal ball and can't see the future? If anyone asked me my response would be an unfailing YES! I am sure! I can't see the future but I don't need to!! If I had a friend that responded this way to that question I would doubt them too. I'm sorry. Maybe, I am misunderstanding what was meant in that statement, but I would be concerned about that response.