My Issue.....

Keb1216

Thank you in advance for any advice you have on my issue.

I am Lutheran & my Fiance is Catholic. I moved from OH to NC almost 3 years ago, before I moved I was always at church. My church in OH is small, & I knew everyone there. It was great growing up in my church. My Fiance went to church as a child, and up until middle school. Now he & his Mom go on Christmas Eve, my parents are very active in their church. We've gone to church in NC a few times, usually to a Lutheran church that I really like. This week we're going to a Catholic church that he likes. We've haven't been to a Mass, but we have spoken with the lady in charge of weddings at the Catholic church. We would have to take the premarital classes. Which is ok, I'd like to have that done. Does it make me a Catholic by taking these classes? We were also told I could have a Lutheran Pastor come help with the wedding. Or with approval from the Bishop we could get married in the Lutheran church & it would be considered a Catholic wedding. I don't know if his Mom cares where we get married. But my Mom has made it clear I should get married in a Lutheran church, because I've gone to church more. I just don't know what to do. I'd personally like to get married in a Lutheran church, but I'd get married in a Catholic church for him. So I don't know what to do....

frogurt814

No, going to the pre-marital counseling would not make you Catholic.  Just like marrying a Catholic will not make you Catholic.

As for where you are going to get married, that is really up to you and FI.  You two need to sit down and discuss it.  If it's really important to you to get married in a Lutheran church, then you need to tell FI how you feel and try to work on a compromise.

HobokensFury

No you must go through the full conversion process to become a Catholic.  Wedding counseling does not count.

jmkes

You must go through catechism classes to become a Catholic.  Marriage prep classes are good no matter what your religion is.  FI & I both attend non-denominational Christian churches and our marriage prep was extremely helpful.  It gets you to look at and discuss issues you may not have thought of before or that you didn't realize needed to be addresed.

How does FI feel about where you get married?  It sounds like if he is more of a Christmas & Easter kind of church goer then it may not matter too much to him.

Keb1216

Thanks everyone! I'm all for the premarital classes. I know my FH would like to get married in the Catholic church. But maybe the best thing to do would be to do the premarital classes at the Catholic church & get married in the Lutheran. I'll talk to him tonight & see if we can get this figured out...it's been stressing me out!! Sometimes it's hard to remember that we don't have to please everyone.

mysticl

One thing to keep in mind is that if your FI is not married in the Catholic Church the Church will not recognize your marriage.  Even if he doesn't go to church every week it may be important for him to have the Church and by extension God to recognize that you are married. 

kellya01

Sounds like you might want to get on the same page as far as your weekly church goes, before you decide which church you'll get married in.  My fiancee and I decided to start going to my home church because I'm living with my family, and he's moved away from his family and the church he grew up in.  So for us it made more sense to just go to my church and have the wedding there.  However, we both grew up going to either Baptist or Methodist churches, which have a lot of similarities.  

From what I understand, Lutherans and Catholics aren't as similar as one would think... so I'd get on the same page FIRST before even discussing where the wedding will be held.  The church you want to join (eventually) should be the religion or denomination you choose, IMO. 

llmw07

SORRY LONG RESPONSE!!!

I can totally relate to your post.  I am a Lutheran marrying a Catholic.  My Fiance had actually attended a catholic school until Middle school and his parents transferred them to public school.  As you would imagine, my fiance's family is a religious family but after all of the kids were out of the Catholic school they fell out of the routine of going to church every Sunday.  When dealing with religion honesty and communication is a MUST. 

My finace and I had talked about the issue of where we wanted to get married and the issues of religion.  I do not want to convert because I do not feel right about accepting some of the Catholic beliefs.  My fiance was/is willing to attend Lutheran services and consider converting but sometime later down the road (which I was/am extremely grateful for).  My fiance is attending the Lutheran services and asking me questions about being Lutheran versus Catholic.  After he experiences the Lutheran denomination he felt more comfortable getting married in a Lutheran church.  We had originally wanted his Priest to take part in some part of our ceremony but my pastor wasn't comfortable with that because he felt that many of the guests will be confused as to why a Lutheran pastor and a Catholic priest are both marrying one couple.

During our premarital counseling sessions my pastor explained experiences of working with couples who don't have the same denomination. When/if you have children, how will you want them raised? Catholic or Lutheran. How do you explain to your children why you feel your beliefs are better than your spouses'. And also when dealing with death. 

The most important thing is to make sure that God is always in the center of your marriage. Though there are big differences between Catholic and Lutheran they both believe that with God, all things are possible and if you seek and love God he too, will love you.

So my advice would be to attend each other's churches reasearch each other's denominations. Talk to your pastor, talk to his priest. Find out if somehow you can compromise.  I was/am extremely lucky that my fiance was so willing to do this with me.  I honestly don't care if he doesn't do anything else for the wedding because he was so willing to do this for us. 

Again, sorry it was such a long post! HTH!