Anyone else just not that into it???

mandamommy

 Lol I know this is an odd place to ask, but I'm starting to feel like some abnormality.
 
 I was never a little girl dreaming of a wedding.  I'm a practical person, my DF and I have lived together nearly 8 years now, we have three kids, we rent a small house.

 When baby #3 arrived his catholic family could take it no more and pushed us to get engaged.  I said yes thinking small, simple...but its snowballing.

 I just can't find much to get excited about.  Each thing I pay for I cringe and cry because what we're spending on one day could put a downpayment on a house.

 Money aside its just not me....I could care less about flowers, cakes, centerpieces or decor...I just wanted to go to city hall and than take close family/friends out to a nice dinner...but it was important to DF to have a  real (his words) wedding and I love him enough to agree.

 Anyone else feel like this?  Any tips to get me in the mood?

Mmoray

Unfortunately I have no real advice, but I can commiserate. 

We're lucky enough to have help paying for the wedding, but the money side of things still makes me cringe. Everyone around me wants this to be some kind of elaborate event when all I want is a small, simple gathering.Things are definitely adding up.

I suppose we just have to learn to speak up and advocate for what we want. You have more power in that sense because you are paying for things, and that means you ultimately have the final say. 

My only suggestion is to find maybe three things that you do care about and try to get excited about them.

Or elope. haha. The family may not be happy, but it's your life together in the end. 

ceh789

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_anyone-else-just-not-that-into-it?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:db8563a9-8b72-4049-9762-13fdc42cb00bPost:74d33d21-5eff-4c0b-904c-377ebf396303">Anyone else just not that into it???</a>:
[QUOTE] ... it was important to DF to have a  real (his words) wedding and I love him enough to agree. 
Posted by mandamommy[/QUOTE]
Shouldn't he be doing the lion's share of the planning then?  I'm in the opposite situation - I wanted a wedding and FI wanted to elope - so I'm doing the bulk of the work.  Just because you're the girl doesn't make this your job.

Gabrielle76

Nobody has the right to force you to spend your own money.  If your family wants to pay for it, then can make you have the big wedding they want to attend.  If it's your money, it's your choice.  Many women don't want the whole ''pretty princess day'' experience.  I say go down to the courthouse and do it your way!

goobersinlove

It just doesn't make sense to me that you would let his family push you to doing something and spending money that you don't want to.

It's one thing to go along for the ride with something that you don't really care about. But it sounds to me like you do care about this because you are complaining about it.  And if you continue to go along for the ride when it's not what you want to do, you have no one to blame but yourself.

Put what his family wants aside and talk to your FI.  Find a compromise between the wedding he wants and the wedding that you want.

ETA:  Don't feel "abnormal" for not wanting a big white wedding.  There's tons of people out there that want to elope, have small weddings, or do something different.  Don't feel like there's something wrong because you aren't feeling a big wedding.

katslack

I'm totally with you. I've never really wanted a wedding, not really excited about it so far. So much work to do. I'm sure on the day of we'll both be crying though.
We've been together for about 14 years and bought a ring about two years ago just to have a ring but then everybody decided we should finally get married. I'm not against it but its just never been a top priority.
So were going to Vegas, luv it there so I'm excited about that part. Only about 30 people are invited. If we did it at home my in-laws are the type that would invite their dry-cleaner, no thanks. I havent done anything yet except reserve the space for the wedding and restaurant. Wedding is in October, should really get a move on I'm honestly more excied about planning our honeymoon, i love to travel. I'm sure were not the only two that didnt grow up planning their weddings. Chin up. I'm sure on the day we'll both be smiling.

Bay21

Personally I agree with never being the "wedding planning" type but unlike you, my fiance and I decided we were both not into having the whole wedding/reception deal. So we decided to elope; my family are strict catholics, and our parents still help pay for our tuition, but nobody was going to force into something we didn't want to do.

That being said, when we were thinking of having the whole she-bang, we decided that we'd make a compromise between what we want, and what our familys would like to see. From what you've said, it seems that you are not doing that at all. You and your fiance should sit down and agree on what you want from a wedding. Find a balance between the super simple elopement you wanted, and the gala your fiance wants. There is a middle ground, and it's all about finding it so both of you are happy. Get him involved, and start bringing who you are, and who the two of you are as a couple into the wedding. I garuntee when you do that, you'll get more excited about it. 

mizutamababy

It's not abnormal to have no feelings either way on the matter, but I do think it's strange to be passive in saying something to your FI/family when it seems this issue is getting you down.  (Especially when you and FI are the ones paying and therefore have all the control.) You don't want to feel unhappy or have regrets later, so find some way to compromise so the wedding reflects you somewhere in it as well.

Shellywid

I'm with you on this.

I am all about being married and not at all about the wedding itself.
Fi has been dreaming of a "real" wedding for years.
my family is on the other side of the world and most (including my Dad and brothers will not be able to be there)

in addition since I earn about 30% more then Fi - i'm paying for almost everything

I HATE everything about this wedding right now    (I think it would have been better if I had my family here)

katdunn85

I'm with you...my fiancee had a ridiculously elaborate first wedding in puerto Rico since that's where his ex wife was from. They divorced a year later. Fast forward three years to now and our wedding is in a month. I told himni would like either a courthouse wedding or for he and I to go on a weekend cruise and get married and if anyone wanted to join us they were more than welcome. He said that would be asking too much of his family who travelled to pr for his last wedding and he knows they would all come and since it is my first he felt I would regret not having my day. I honestly did not care so much about the wedding but marrying this amazing man...but we decided on a small beach ceremony for familyand a party the next day for friends and family. We already have a home but even the three thousand were spending makes me think *down payment for pool* ultimately though my point is I'm with you...I think it's nuts to spend all kinds of money on one single day when there are so many better uses!! My fmil is more interested in planning than I am and luckily we have a wonderful relationship where I can let her do her thing! Don't feel weird!

HairSprayDoll

I agree that you should find a middle ground. Also, cut that guest list in half and insist on trying to fly your family out, especially if your the one paying for everything. On the day though, just keep focus that your marrying your best friend, and nothing else matters.

mhogberg

This is so fitting for how I have been feeling for the past month or so.  I don't care about how pretty stuff is I just want to marry my best friend.  Looking back though there is so much I would do differently and we don't get married for another 2 months.  First I would pay for everything and not let family, we were planning on this but then my family got their feelings hurt so we let them pay. BAD IDEA.  They have totally taken over the whole wedding.  No matter what I or the FH wants my family hates it.  I wish everyone else lucky in their wedding journeys, as for us I am really wishing we had done a courthouse wedding.