Frustrated and Stressed.

BrittneeH

So I'd like to ask, what has been the most stressful and frustrating thing to happen to you while planning?

For me it is finding out my mom is late on her mortgage and now we have to move by the beginning of next year.. This is frustrating because I don't have time to worry about it and stressful because it adds to my worries and makes my budget tighter than what it is! .... sigh...

glam70s

I'm sorry to hear about the move!

For, me, the biggest stressor is my mother. She's been great until now, but she lives hundreds of km away and just threw a fit when I told her I was going to have to go dress shopping without her (she can't afford to fly here, I can't afford to fly there). She just sent me an email explaining that she has removed me from facebook and everything else and I'm never to talk to her or call her again. Sadly, however, she's done this before, so I know she'll get over it in a few weeks. Still stressful though!

adamnkel

my sister. I moved to NY 7 years ago from MA and when I got engaged I told my family I wanted to get married In NY and she flipped out on me. Work is very busy right now for me and i have been traveling a lot one of the reasons I made this decision was because I did not want to have to travel 5hrs to MA to plan. Apparently I was very selfish for wanting to do this. She yelled at me for about 20 minutes about it and now even though she is my maid of honor I do not talk about my wedding with her at all. It sucks but I can't deal with the stress of dealing with her. We are paying for the wedding so it is going to be in NY.

MyNameIsNot

My most stressful thing was money.  We were on a tight budget and it got cut in the middle.  But we made some cuts and it was fine.

If you are living with your mom, maybe you should help out and pick up a couple of mortgage payments to help her keep the house.

BrittneeH

Thanks for all the posts ladies! Doesn't it feel good to get it off your chest? haha. After I posted this it helped!

I'm very sorry glam70s! That is awful that happened. I know my mom flips out if I don't tell her everything about all aspects of my wedding. And she would be pissed if I went dress shopping without her. But ya know what? I told my mom a day for us to go shopping in like 3 months so she has ample enough time to take off for work and she acted like she might not be able to make it. Then she'll probably get pissed if I go anyways that day! Endless cycle of madness!

adamnkel, for you I have to say you shouldn't feel bad at all if you want it where you are no matter how upset everyone else gets! It is so frustrating how people think you should do one thing when you want to do another thing. Then they get upset even when you try to tell them nicely! Another madness cycle!

And I would like to help my mom out more(right now I try to buy groceries) but I don't make enough money to pay her mortgage. Her mortgage is 1,000 dollars and I barely make 800 a month. So yeah... that wouldn't work.

mrsamyjones

when did it start being normal for mom's to be your facebook friends?

ashleypastori

Wow.  I think there is a government assistance thing for people who got stuck in ARM loans and who have lost their jobs and such.  Also, some mortgage companies are now more willing to work with homeowners because of the foreclosure rate.  I'm not sure how to go about it, but it would be worth checking into.  Sorry that's happening to you and your mother.

Glam 70s, I don't get why your mom is acting that way, because it seems logical why you have to do it without her.  IF you want to keep them peace, have you thought about taking pictures of you in the dresses and emailing them to her so she feels like she's helping pick it out?

Adamnkel, your sister is being selfish - period.

I feel a little selfish now because my biggest stress is where to have it and who to invite.  (I want to keep it small.)

aerinpegadrak

My biggest stress was spending a year coming up with a beautiful, elaborate wedding that would have been awesome, only to have to throw the whole thing out when it came time to book because we learned that there was no way we could have afforded it.  We ended up with another plan that I'm really excited about, but there'll always be that little nagging regret about what I might have had, if only I'd had a little more money.

jenn.daniel

My biggest frustration has been trying to deal with the caterer that is required by our dream reception site.  After trying to get the first person to answer our questions, he passes us off to someone else.  I explain via email that I live out of state so I need to do things via email.  Her email response is “call me”.  Did that and left a voicemail.  A week later she returned the call when I was teaching class so I couldn’t talk.  She tries to say that she’s only in the office a day or two a week.  Can’t she still check her email and voicemail? 

I think she was avoiding us b/c we were asking what the extra fees were and trying to find ways to cut costs.  It took nearly a month for her to tell us all the fees, which adds up to 29% more than their listed prices.  Oh, and “open bar” only means up to 4 drinks a person.

We’re probably going to use a different site b/c of this.

BrittneeH

ashleypastori, thanks for the advice. I hope I can talk with my mother and help her out but she is so stubborn and doesn't like listening to her "children's" opinions b/c she believes she is smarter than us and won't for one second get up off her "wise" horse and take advice.

IDK when it became ok for parents to be on facebook, but mine has a myspace..and its weird..

aerin: I'm so sorry about your plans. I have nagging regrets too and they drive me crazy. don't let them do that to you. I hope you have your dream wedding even tho you couldn't afford your dream wedding plans.

jenn.daniel: hmm..I think I would go with a different site too. That is outrageous how many fees are charged! And the open bar thing is ridiculus! I haven't figured out yet if I'm going to get a caterer yet and if I'm going to allow them to set up a bar...(the wedding ceremony&reception are at my MIL's house)...my MIL might not like it...

Anyways, thanks for all the posts and responses! Please tell me more of your frustrations because it is always good to know I'm not the only one!

aerinpegadrak

My mom and stepmom are on Facebook.  I don't have any problems with it, since it's sort of become the main way our family stays in touch.  Of anyone in the family, I live closest to my dad and stepmom, and they're six hours away. 

I'd find it weird if FI's parents were on Facebook, but they can barely operate a computer.

talleytully123

The biggest stressor for me is getting my procrastinating fiance to focus for more than 10 minutes. I'm totally type A and he is very laid back. Plus our budget (if you want to call it that) is through the roof and I don't think he gets that we have to pay for it. He keeps saying "It's our wedding, cost shouldn't be an issue" but he neglects to see that it is already well over 20 grand.... its not a competition folks

mec986

That is the same with me!  My fiancee is totally laid back and I'm a type A person and he seems to think that our wedding is 3+ months away makes a lot of time to get everything done!  Not to mention his family is HUGE and we have a max. of 200 but his mother handed me a list of just 200 on her side.  When I brought up the fact that some people just won't be invited she got very angry.  So the guest list is the next obstacle.  I just wanted something small and casual and now there is hardly room to even invite my fiancee and I's friends.  And not to mention I need to go ahead and order my invitations NOW!  My wedding is in March!!

psycotic_penguin

mine was how one guest assumed she could do whatever she wanted...including having her BF bring beer (which was not allowed, and who brings beer to a wedding that is formal and there is a bar there) she wanted to bring her kids which we explained 2 months earlier was not allowed but she was going to bring them anyways and have pizza delivered there!

Needless to say she never showed up for the dinner but came a few hours later just because and dragged her boys in one of which had a gf that wore a dress i swear would fall off her...i was not happy i said hi to her and then went on to have fun.

tshixso

My biggest stressor, I just started law school and don't want to do any planning this year.  Turns out, the venue I want is booking up for 2011 already.  I don't want to book it without seeing anything else......I don't have time to visit other venues since finals are in 2 weeks.  I've considered hiring someone, but I feel super poor because I can't work while I'm in school! 

jjax214

I would have to go with either my mother, who told me no to a destination wedding, no to the outside venue I wanted and no to a lot of other things - in the end we came to an awesome indoor tropical themed wedding this February, so that all worked out.

The other major stressor is my future step-mother-in-law...She is the epitome of Newport, RI propriety and thinks everything needs to be formal - which our wedding definitely is not. The only compromise I had for her was addressing the envelopes formally...plus she calls my sister (who is married to my fiance's brother) ALL THE TIME for updates on MY wedding like she thinks I should magically know when to call her or something...She is really nice when she is with you, but she is really crazy behind your back.

stressed2010

Let's see.....for the most part our wedding planning has gone great. The only issue i've had is that my dad is having a hard time spending so much money for this one day, he even flipped out b/c i bought and paid for my wedding dress the 1st day i went shopping. 
He started yelling that i was cutting my experience short and that i should have shopped around more and possibly gotten a better deal on my dress.....i think it just comes down to the fact that his baby girl is getting married and he is having a hard time dealing. 
I understand that it is alot of money for one day, but i worked a second job just to save money for my dream wedding and my parent's and i are pretty much splitting the cost 50/50. So it's not as bad as he makes it out to be.

kd.joseph

Gee girls, makes me glad I'm doing a small wedding (5 people TOTAL) and there are no parents involved. Although I don't think either of our mothers would care if we wore paper sacks, in the woods to get married. I don't understand the whole you cant do this or that thinking with family. Realize this is YOUR day,and if your paying for it, everything should be yours and your fiancés decisions. Good Luck girls. And I'm sure once it's all said and done you'll sit down *sigh* and think, gee it wasn't that bad after all!

njl28

I have several stressors, my mother may not attend my wedding becase she HATES my FI, my uncle has told me he and his family won't be attending, the deadline for his guys to put deposits on their tuxes is 2 weeks away and NO ONE has gone yet: and my sister who lives out of state (and is my MOH) has not ordered her dress yet. So if anyone can top that I feel for you. But, i take it in stride, and as long as I look faboulous, and he does also, whoever doesn't do what there supposed to can stay home.

BrittneeH

Wow! So many stressors! There seems to be a connection between all of these stresses. .... Budget for one-which is usually a stressor(for those spending 20 grand or more, be thankful, I've only got 3,500.) and should be taken seriously. My FI says that it shouldn't matter cause he wants me to have my perfect wedding. I reminded that isn't the case and then explained all the costs to him, so maybe for those with FI and Budget problems, that is what you could do. For those with a location problem...well good locations don't come by often so grab them while you can! Also if your parents or anyone else is trying to talk you in to having the location differently that what you want, remind them-this is your wedding day, not theirs-and if they get mad then they are selfish..b/c ultimately it your day in the end!

As for the last minute people in your wedding party..good luck with them! I can't say anything about them b/c mine have a while til they need dresses.

And for all those with a small wedding---- go you! Small weddings are better b/c then you will be able to interact with all of your guests and not leave anyone out! Plus costs go down with a small wedding! For those with a big wedding, I wish you all the luck and hope you have many helping hands and a big budget!

Thanks for the posts everyone! Im really glad to know that there are many problems to come and I can try to fix them now before they show up!

aesegura2022

The hardest thing for me has been picking out bridesmaid dresses.  I have four beautiful girls who have agreed to be bridesmaids and while they're all thin, they all have very different styles.  For instance, my maid of honor lives in NYC, works in fashion and is very trendy while my FSIL has classic taste.  I know they'll look gorgeous in whatever they wear but want them to really like it and not have to spend a fortune!

cukimerrydoll

Hmmm.... biggest stressor??

Parents.  Mom is ready to go, ready to plan... for HER wedding.  She shoots down my ideas a lot - everything down to which font to use for the invitations - and doesn't seem to get how hurtful it is for her to say everything I want it's good enough (her words, actually). 
And Dad has been really avoidant.  He says a few things here and there, and makes it to important meetings when I ask him to, but generally, he just seems to ignore it completely.

The reception hall was a big one.  It took me three weeks to get a hold of anyone, and after our first meeting, I tried for almost a month to get a hold of someone there.  So, I went down and talked to the owner.  I figured he didn't know his customers were being treated like crap.
He didn't - he had no idea.  So, she got fired, and the new manager - who has been there less than two weeks - has been in contact with me more than anyone else.  She's great.

collins.christine

Money- the lack of it!! The Fi and I are covering everything ourselves. I don't want to go into debt over a wedding. I'd rather save the money for a downpayment on a house but even a small wedding costs a lot. It's stressful knowing we're on our own and can't go to anyone, especially my selfish mother, for any kind of help. Makes wedding planning less fun and more scary!

kee80

My mother actually called & screamed at me that my registry wasn't good enough.  She's paying for the wedding, & threatened to cancel everything we've planned so I can have 'a wedding in a field', which is apparently 'what I want', since I registered at Sears!  I live in Canada, & Sears is a big presence here, that carries the same products as most other dept stores.  She accused me of mocking the wedding - with a registry!  At that point, it became too ridiculous, & I hung up on her.  We'd been having a great time planning the wedding up until now, so I have no idea where this came from.

She called me later that day to apologize, & tell me she was wrong, but I'm still loathe to discuss this wedding with her; who knows what else will set her off??

I'm soooo relieved to know I'm not the only one with Mom issues!  Thanks for letting me vent a little!

MegWms

I hate to say this, but my biggest frustration has been the church.  I am having a Catholic ceremony and my fiance and I have been back and forth about whether or not to have a regular ceremony since only about 40-45% of our guests are Catholic or to do the full Mass like we had first planned OR if we should just have a civil ceremony and renew our vows later to make things easier.  It isn't even saving us money to do it in the church either. 

There are SO many restrictions, even about wardrobe!  Fortunately, I was able to order detachable cap sleeves for the dress but now I have to change the order of my bridesmaids' dresses!  I've also had to make special arrangements for the photographer, florist and musicians... not to mention that the musicians are sometimes unreasonable.  I am trying to weed them out by their levels of reasonability... forgive me for making up the word.  We have a lot of decisions to make!  Which is stressful!  Not as bad as some of the other posts I've read, though!  Keep your heads up, ladies!

BrittneeH

Eesh, I feel for the ladies with the overbearing mothers! Ouch! I know my mom is a little on the edge sometimes, but woah! I hope everything gets better between you and your mom's! Because I'm paying for the wedding, along with my FI, my mom has no room to push her opinions on me(which is sooo awesome ) and I can chose things and not have to take her opinion.
MegWms: It really is your wedding and the way the ceremony should go is by you and your FI's religious beliefs. The guests who are not Catholic should understand this. If you have it in your budget, send a program of the ceremony in the invites to give those a heads up about the ceremony proceedings. Wish you luck!

Collins.christi... I know how stressful it is with a small budget, it is stressful and tough. But it is possible. We are doing ours on a 5000 or less budget and we are really pinching the pennies for it. So don't give up and good luck!

ElizabethGrace2... Let your bridesmaids pick out a different style dress but all in the same color..something like Davids bridal offers. This way they can still look uniformed and have their own style.

Keep the posts coming! It is really inspiring to read the problems people have and offer a little advice! I hope after all is said and done with your weddings, you are able to enjoy your marriage in bliss!

Dub0Saturn

My biggest stressor is my fiance not remembering to do things I ask him to do.  He wants to have a christian officiant, not a justice of the peace so I gave him the task to contact people.  That was 2 months ago.  We haven't even met with anyone yet.  Oh, and getting addresses from people to send out save the dates was terrible too.  The only problem I haven't had is my mom.  I'm lucky because my parents wedding was the wedding my grandmother always dreamed of and my mom was forced out of the planning.  She refuses to do that to me, so she's really supportive of what I want.

tommyandy

20k?  holy cow, that's more than my car loan!

zeptattoo

Mine was my mother.  Ug, nothing was ever right for her until she saw how awesome our wedding turned out to be.

azbride11

Wow, this post was just what I needed. Thanks BrittneeH!  I was starting to wonder if I was the only one having budget and/or family issues. 
  My biggest stressor is this: I got engaged and my FI and I came up with our budget starting with what our parents could contribute.  My dad said $10,000 is reasonable for him, given our date is Spring 2011 (my mom is giving a few thousand, and FI parents will do the honeymoon).  Our budget is roughly twice that, with our own contributions.  So when I go to secure some of the sites, he gets a little grumpy because he was not in a place to fork over deposits for the ceremony/reception and photographer (I made that his responsibility so he would know where his money is going and pay directly since I live out of state) so quickly.  He paid for the ceremony/reception but had to postpone the photographer until November, because he is waiting for a big pension check.  Ok, it is the end of November and I  have not heard one word about it, or from him for that matter.  I know he has a lot going on, I have heard it from my siblings too (he is having trouble in his marriage and seriously considering divorce, depressed, etc).  He is usually pretty responsible but I can't help but worry that he has taken on too much. My FI and I had a plan to do everything in cash, no credit cards or loans (except for my e-ring) so I am worried that it will all fall through.  In all honesty, I think my biggest worry is that I signed a contract for the photog a month ago and I can't even do a save and pay her in November, it would have to wait until Dec and I would be in a jam for other things.  My whole family has wigged out a little because I am the first real wedding in the family (my sibs are unmarried with children and my sis was married twice without our presence).  I also don't want my father and I to go south because money is a loaded issue in our family.  Sorry so long winded, I was hoping to give context!

am292804

My biggest stress so far (we've only been engaged for a week and a half) is my FI. I'm excited (of course!) so I'm already looking at little details even though it's 18 months away. When I start talking about things on my mind and little things I thought of or read about to cut costs, he was getting short with me. We finally got into a big fight because I need to decide on a cheap wedding (he's calling that $7,000) or an expensive wedding ($13,000 in his mind) before he wants to hear about details. In his opinion there's either a "big party" with no decorations, cheap cheap photographer, and a "traditional wedding". I'm frustrated because I'm just excited and I feel like I'm getting cut down at the knees. He swears he's ok with the "expensive wedding" if that's what I want but his tone of voice is telling me he doesn't want to spend that for one day.
I'm sure this all sounds silly I'm just frustrated and want to be excited. Thanks for letting me vent!