Bridesmaid Drama...VENT (LONG!!)

FutureMzHayden

So I receive a text message from one of the bridesmaids that inform me that the shoe that I picked was tooooo expensive.  ($49.99)  So at first I was willing to compromise and look for another shoe, although its taken me almost to find a shoe that have all 4 BM sizes.  My MOH informed me that on FB, the BM's have a group page that the question about shoes and prices were brought up in conversation.  Apparently everyone decided that as long as the shoe didn't cost MORE than the dress (79.99) then everyone was good with the idea. 

So after hearing this I'm now frustrated to the max.  Mind you this is the same  BM that complained that the dress was toooooo expensive as well.  So I tell her look, I'm sorry that you feel it's too expensive but this shoe is available and I'm paying for them to be dyed in the color.  Still after our conversation she goes onto the FB group page and tries to get the other BM to bitch about the shoe as well.... Now I'm receiving calls/texts about this situation.  (FURIOUS!!) 

So I texted her and let her know kindly that I have picked the shoe and MOH has already ordered her shoe NOW she flips the script and says, "WELL some of us have other obligations... My son's 1st birthday is on your wedding day but you don't see me complaining about that!!"  I was shocked!  This was the same person that said, "Oh don't worry about it, I will make proper arrangements for his birthday party blah blah..."  (EXTRA FURIOUS)

So it hits me... HOLD UP dang it!  You're complaining about a shoe BUT you're requesting people come to your birthday party in two weeks in formal attire and dinner is 43.00 per person...

That was it, I told her NOT to worry about it and that I would make adjustments and get someone that doesn't have other obligations....

SORRY LONG!!

mrsrichard33

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_bridesmaid-dramavent-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:e6587263-4223-43c5-bc4b-49db90d31927Post:dd782de9-67b0-4de0-a953-961ddba45de1">Bridesmaid Drama...VENT (LONG!!)</a>:
[QUOTE]So I receive a text message from one of the bridesmaids that inform me that the shoe that I picked was tooooo expensive.  ($49.99)  So at first I was willing to compromise and look for another shoe, although its taken me almost to find a shoe that have all 4 BM sizes.  My MOH informed me that on FB, the BM's have a group page that the question about shoes and prices were brought up in conversation.  Apparently everyone decided that as long as the shoe didn't cost MORE than the dress (79.99) then everyone was good with the idea.  So after hearing this I'm now frustrated to the max.  Mind you this is the same  BM that complained that the dress was toooooo expensive as well.  So I tell her look, I'm sorry that you feel it's too expensive but this shoe is available and I'm paying for them to be dyed in the color.  Still after our conversation she goes onto the FB group page and tries to get the other BM to bitch about the shoe as well.... Now I'm receiving calls/texts about this situation.  (FURIOUS!!)  So I texted her and let her know kindly that I have picked the shoe and MOH has already ordered her shoe NOW she flips the script and says, "WELL some of us have other obligations... My son's 1st birthday is on your wedding day but you don't see me complaining about that!!"  I was shocked!  This was the same person that said, "Oh don't worry about it, I will make proper arrangements for his birthday party blah blah..."  (EXTRA FURIOUS) So it hits me... HOLD UP dang it!  You're complaining about a shoe BUT you're requesting people come to your birthday party in two weeks in formal attire and dinner is 43.00 per person... That was it, I told her NOT to worry about it and that I would make adjustments and get someone that doesn't have other obligations.... SORRY LONG!!
Posted by FutureMzHayden[/QUOTE]


Oh No.... You told her she would be replaced? That's not right. I understand your frusteration. This sucks! But let me tell you, the girls in my wedding are paying 280 for their dresses, mind you I am helping them, and they are also all buying cowboy boots as well. 79 dollars for a BM dress is fantastic!!!! That's very cheap (not calling your dresses cheap but that she should be happy).

You should take 3 deep breathes and have a talk with her about everything!

FYI, you are likely going to get ALOT of replies on this issue. I know your stressed, but you need to talk to her and work it out. Losing a friend is not worth it over a pair of shoes or dress.

FutureMzHayden

I told her don't worry about it if it's such a hassel... so yes I kicked her out!!

It's her birthday party... and no each person attending her party has to PAY $43.00!!

Gabrielle76

49.99 actually sounds like a TON of money to spend on a shoe someone else picked for me.  I wouldn't be willing to spend that much.  Why not just let the bridesmaids pick their own shoes?

In my experience, it's been the brides job to fit what she wants into the WP's budget.  Also, it's never ok to kick someone out of the bridal party.  Perhaps she's complained about everything being too expensive because she's having money problems? Did you ask her for a budget before you shopped?

FutureMzHayden

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_bridesmaid-dramavent-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:e6587263-4223-43c5-bc4b-49db90d31927Post:7fb51486-4641-47bb-a6c2-c357e145980d">Re: Bridesmaid Drama...VENT (LONG!!)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Bridesmaid Drama...VENT (LONG!!) : <strong>Oh No.... You told her she would be replaced?</strong> That's not right. I understand your frusteration. This sucks! But let me tell you, the girls in my wedding are paying 280 for their dresses, mind you I am helping them, and they are also all buying cowboy boots as well. 79 dollars for a BM dress is fantastic!!!! That's very cheap (not calling your dresses cheap but that she should be happy). You should take 3 deep breathes and have a talk with her about everything! FYI, you are likely going to get ALOT of replies on this issue. I know your stressed, but you need to talk to her and work it out. Losing a friend is not worth it over a pair of shoes or dress.
Posted by mrsrichard33[/QUOTE]

I probably wouldn't have replaced her BUT when she tried to throw in my face that it was her son's birthday and she has other obligations what am I suppose to do.  I've tried to be very mindful of other people's obligations and finances.  So when I asked her I made sure that if she was going to have a problem with it, being that it was her son's birthday that I understood.  And then for her to basically try to use that against me... I was like NOPE, I'm DONE!!

mrsrichard33

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_bridesmaid-dramavent-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:e6587263-4223-43c5-bc4b-49db90d31927Post:bf5a61a3-dd4b-4c0e-a25a-af00a1c8c1ad">Re: Bridesmaid Drama...VENT (LONG!!)</a>:
[QUOTE]I told her don't worry about it if it's such a hassel... so yes I kicked her out!! It's her birthday party... and no each person attending her party has to PAY $43.00!!
Posted by FutureMzHayden[/QUOTE]

That's crazy!

Come to my party, but if you want to eat I need 43.00! Weird!

And maybe it was best then for her to step down because it may have been too much for the both of you and now you can concentrate on getting things in order and not being dragged down by drama. But you must still keep contact with her and not ruin the relationship (if it isn't already)

Just curious, was this a friend, sister,  cousin..?

Weddings are silly in the way it is supposed to bring people together, however most tear them apart with things such as this.

FutureMzHayden

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_bridesmaid-dramavent-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:e6587263-4223-43c5-bc4b-49db90d31927Post:017670db-b436-4d6a-ae1b-d43b9a24c04c">Re: Bridesmaid Drama...VENT (LONG!!)</a>:
[QUOTE]49.99 actually sounds like a TON of money to spend on a shoe someone else picked for me.  I wouldn't be willing to spend that much.  Why not just let the bridesmaids pick their own shoes? In my experience, it's been the brides job to fit what she wants into the WP's budget.  Also, it's never ok to kick someone out of the bridal party.  <strong>Perhaps she's complained about everything being too expensive because she's having money problems? Did you ask her for a budget before you shopped?
</strong>Posted by Gabrielle76[/QUOTE]

Yes I did ask everyone what they were comfortable with... and the answer was, as long as we don't spend more for the shoes then the dress we're good! So that's what I went with!!  Now this is the SAME BM that wanted to fly from Dallas to Vegas for my bachelorette party.  And was FURIOUS when people decided against it!!

FutureMzHayden

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_bridesmaid-dramavent-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:e6587263-4223-43c5-bc4b-49db90d31927Post:a69eb955-1cb6-44e1-bb0c-4476f47e8dc7">Re: Bridesmaid Drama...VENT (LONG!!)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridesmaid Drama...VENT (LONG!!) : That's crazy! Come to my party, but if you want to eat I need 43.00! Weird! And maybe it was best then for her to step down because it may have been too much for the both of you and now you can concentrate on getting things in order and not being dragged down by drama. But you must still keep contact with her and not ruin the relationship (if it isn't already) <strong>Just curious, was this a friend, sister,  cousin..? </strong>Weddings are silly in the way it is supposed to bring people together, however most tear them apart with things such as this.
Posted by mrsrichard33[/QUOTE]

This was a FRIEND, that the FI and I have had since HS!!  Both sides of the family were upset that she was even asked to be part of the wedding because her family is known for DRAMA!!

Gabrielle76

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_bridesmaid-dramavent-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:e6587263-4223-43c5-bc4b-49db90d31927Post:b8d6ab8c-87b5-4450-adee-180b92e7e12c">Re: Bridesmaid Drama...VENT (LONG!!)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridesmaid Drama...VENT (LONG!!) : I probably wouldn't have replaced her BUT when she tried to throw in my face that it was her son's birthday and she has other obligations <strong>what am I suppose to do</strong>.  I've tried to be very mindful of other people's obligations and finances.  So when I asked her I made sure that if she was going to have a problem with it, being that it was her son's birthday that I understood.  And then for her to basically try to use that against me... I was like NOPE, I'm DONE!!
Posted by FutureMzHayden[/QUOTE]
You're supposed to be respectful of her obligations, that's what.  Peoples financial situations can change very quickly.  Possibly she really can't afford it now?  It's <em>never</em> ok to kick out a bridesmaid, it's a friendship ending move.

Her charging for her birthday party is very rude, but two rudes don't make a right.

mrsrichard33

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_bridesmaid-dramavent-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:e6587263-4223-43c5-bc4b-49db90d31927Post:017670db-b436-4d6a-ae1b-d43b9a24c04c">Re: Bridesmaid Drama...VENT (LONG!!)</a>:
[QUOTE]49.99 actually sounds like a TON of money to spend on a shoe someone else picked for me.  I wouldn't be willing to spend that much.  Why not just let the bridesmaids pick their own shoes? In my experience, it's been the brides job to fit what she wants into the WP's budget.  Also, it's never ok to kick someone out of the bridal party.  Perhaps she's complained about everything being too expensive because she's having money problems? Did you ask her for a budget before you shopped?
Posted by Gabrielle76[/QUOTE]

My girls are buying their own cowboy boots which will run anywhere from 150 to 250. But they all had said they want them and they are picking out their own. I also know they will wear them very often after my wedding. So at least I know their going to use them again. Also, the dresses are very expensive we chose but they wanted them and we knew the cost was out of everyones budget but with us helping them, we can swing it. So I don't think 50.00 is too much. If I was asked to be in a wedding, I would take on the responsibility of buying my own things. 79.99 is great for a BM dress. I would just hope the 50 dollar shoes are going to be used again...

FutureMzHayden

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_bridesmaid-dramavent-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:e6587263-4223-43c5-bc4b-49db90d31927Post:4a235d07-49dd-473a-8081-53ddb34bb9e9">Re: Bridesmaid Drama...VENT (LONG!!)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridesmaid Drama...VENT (LONG!!) : You're supposed to be respectful of her obligations, that's what.  Peoples financial situations can change very quickly.  <strong>Possibly she really can't afford it now?</strong>  It's never ok to kick out a bridesmaid, it's a friendship ending move. Her charging for her birthday party is very rude, but two rudes don't make a right.
Posted by Gabrielle76[/QUOTE]

She can't afford it now is CRAY!!  Especially when she just bragged to all of us (me and BM's) about getting over 6,000 for income tax and financial aid from the school.  I never said her obligations were greater than mine or vice versa but I asked her many of times was being in the wedding going to be a burden, she assured me NO!!  And about her bday party, I wasn't worried about the money I figured that's were she wanted to have her party so I would attend!

mrsrichard33

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_bridesmaid-dramavent-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:e6587263-4223-43c5-bc4b-49db90d31927Post:d6e9810f-f96f-4f4d-82a0-535d104bfea3">Re: Bridesmaid Drama...VENT (LONG!!)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridesmaid Drama...VENT (LONG!!) : This was a FRIEND, that the FI and I have had since HS!! <strong> Both sides of the family were upset that she was even asked to be part of the wedding because her family is known for DRAMA!!
</strong>Posted by FutureMzHayden[/QUOTE]

Steer clear then! You will be happy you did this then! Just ensure she is still a part of the day and then after the wedding, it will all be fine. Just focus on the girls you have and hope everything works out!

mrsrichard33

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_bridesmaid-dramavent-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:e6587263-4223-43c5-bc4b-49db90d31927Post:194609fe-ec0a-4a17-bd8c-fa2078a0e340">Re: Bridesmaid Drama...VENT (LONG!!)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridesmaid Drama...VENT (LONG!!) : Yes I did ask everyone what they were comfortable with... and the answer was, as long as we don't spend more for the shoes then the dress we're good! So that's what I went with!!  Now this is the SAME BM that wanted to fly from Dallas to <strong>Vegas for my bachelorette</strong> party.  And was FURIOUS when people decided against it!!
Posted by FutureMzHayden[/QUOTE]

What is with girls haa my MOH wanted to do the SAME thing! But we live in CANADA and that's just not happening!

Gabrielle76

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_bridesmaid-dramavent-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:e6587263-4223-43c5-bc4b-49db90d31927Post:3c8db0bb-5f6f-44d5-b9ac-3c1b44ef3c01">Re: Bridesmaid Drama...VENT (LONG!!)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridesmaid Drama...VENT (LONG!!) : My girls are buying their own cowboy boots which will run anywhere from 150 to 250. But they all had said they want them and they are picking out their own. I also know they will wear them very often after my wedding. So at least I know their going to use them again. Also, the dresses are very expensive we chose but they wanted them and we knew the cost was out of everyones budget but with us helping them, we can swing it. So I don't think 50.00 is too much. If I was asked to be in a wedding, I would take on the responsibility of buying my own things. 79.99 is great for a BM dress. I would just hope the 50 dollar shoes are going to be used again...
Posted by mrsrichard33[/QUOTE]

It's good that you're willing to help them out, and in the case of your friends, maybe 50 bucks for shoes wouldn't be a problem.  However, it depends on the group.  I wouldn't pay 50 dollars for shoes, I'm a student, and I can barely afford brand name dish soap.  If the shoes were usable again, I guess it would be a different situation, but she talked about paying to get the shoes dyed.  In my experience, shoes dyed to be a 'wedding' color aren't usually very versatile.

FutureMzHayden

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_bridesmaid-dramavent-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:e6587263-4223-43c5-bc4b-49db90d31927Post:0063799f-c3b4-4875-a110-0664ac7a95cd">Re: Bridesmaid Drama...VENT (LONG!!)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridesmaid Drama...VENT (LONG!!) : It's good that you're willing to help them out, and in the case of your friends, maybe 50 bucks for shoes wouldn't be a problem.  However, it depends on the group.  I wouldn't pay 50 dollars for shoes, I'm a student, and I can barely afford brand name dish soap.  If the shoes were usable again,<strong> I guess it would be a different situation, but she talked about paying to get the shoes dyed.  In my experience, shoes dyed to be a 'wedding' color aren't usually very versatile.
</strong>Posted by Gabrielle76[/QUOTE]

The shoe color is SILVER... so they can be worn again!!  And to be honest when someone ask you for your opinion like, "What price is good for you?" then be honest!  Don't go with something when you know you can't afford it!  And I understand about being a STUDENT as well!!

sonya+adam

Okay. First off, if you're requiring a specific shoe, you should be footing the cost for it. It's great that you're paying for the dye, but you need to also purchase the shoe. Anything aside from the dress that you are requiring i.e. hair, makeup, nails, shoes, jewelry, needs to be paid for by you. You aren't even giving them an option to find their own shoe in the same color at a price they are more comfortable paying.

Second, she's also complaining about the dress price. Did you ask for their budget for the dress before choosing also?

Third, and probably most important, you should NOT have kicked her out of your wedding. You haven't given a good reason to kick her out. That is a friendship ending move right there. She doesn't have to not be upset about your wedding being on her son's birthday. I'm sure she'd like to spend the day with her son and family, but all she pointed out was that she isn't complaining about not being able to do that. Granted, she did it in a rude way, but that's still not a reason to kick her out.

You really need to take two steps back and take a few breaths. Try to salvage what's left of your friendship.


Also, making someone pay to come to a party is ridic. I'm with you on that one.

Gabrielle76

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_bridesmaid-dramavent-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:e6587263-4223-43c5-bc4b-49db90d31927Post:bd699d26-c259-41a2-bd07-ba6736ef8b66">Re: Bridesmaid Drama...VENT (LONG!!)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridesmaid Drama...VENT (LONG!!) : The shoe color is SILVER... so they can be worn again!!  And to be honest when someone ask you for your opinion like, "What price is good for you?" then be honest!  Don't go with something when you know you can't afford it!  And I understand about being a STUDENT as well!!
Posted by FutureMzHayden[/QUOTE]

I agree, she really should have been honest with you if the 'as long as it's not more than the dress' price wasn't actually accurate for her.  However, shoes aren't usually something a bridesmaid is required to purchase.  Did you talk to her privately about cost, or ask them as a group?

sonya+adam

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_bridesmaid-dramavent-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:e6587263-4223-43c5-bc4b-49db90d31927Post:bd699d26-c259-41a2-bd07-ba6736ef8b66">Re: Bridesmaid Drama...VENT (LONG!!)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridesmaid Drama...VENT (LONG!!) : The shoe color is SILVER... so they can be worn again!!  And to be honest when someone ask you for your opinion like, "What price is good for you?" then be honest!  Don't go with something when you know you can't afford it!  And I understand about being a STUDENT as well!!
Posted by FutureMzHayden[/QUOTE]

If the color is silver, why make them all buy the same shoe, and get it dyed no less? There are thousands of silver shoes. Let them pick out their own shoe and in a price each person is comfortable with.

FutureMzHayden

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_bridesmaid-dramavent-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:e6587263-4223-43c5-bc4b-49db90d31927Post:f8caa328-0a32-4fc0-9319-79b853ad6a31">Re: Bridesmaid Drama...VENT (LONG!!)</a>:
[QUOTE]Okay. First off,<strong> if you're requiring a specific shoe, you should be footing the cost for it. It's great that you're paying for the dye, but you need to also purchase the shoe. Anything aside from the dress that you are requiring i.e. hair, makeup, nails, shoes, jewelry, needs to be paid for by you. You aren't even giving them an option to find their own shoe in the same color at a price they are more comfortable paying. Second, she's also complaining about the dress price</strong>. Did you ask for their budget for the dress before choosing also? Third, and probably most important, you should NOT have kicked her out of your wedding. You haven't given a good reason to kick her out. That is a friendship ending move right there. She doesn't have to not be upset about your wedding being on her son's birthday. I'm sure she'd like to spend the day with her son and family, but all she pointed out was that she isn't complaining about not being able to do that. Granted, she did it in a rude way, but that's still not a reason to kick her out. You really need to take two steps back and take a few breaths. Try to salvage what's left of your friendship. Also, making someone pay to come to a party is ridic. I'm with you on that one.
Posted by sonya+adam[/QUOTE]

When the FI and I first got engaged I asked her to be a BM... We looked at different dresses and shoes. The comment was made, "It's your wedding you tell us what you want us to wear and we will." Not just by her but all the BM's!! So I'm like OKAY... Even still once I find a few dresses that I like, I email the pictures and cost to everyone and ask them what they think... all the other BM's pick the same dress SHE never responded. So that means okay you don't want to choose!!  Then comes to shoes... I text and call people asking them what they think about shoes... get the same result, "tell us what you want us to wear and we'll get it!!" So okay that's what I do!! THEN once the MOH and I choose a shoe, at a price NOW she wants to say something... this is after she's had the opportunity to speak plently of times!! 

FutureMzHayden

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_bridesmaid-dramavent-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:e6587263-4223-43c5-bc4b-49db90d31927Post:5f2a9c06-604f-402c-8ba0-98f185f73b07">Re: Bridesmaid Drama...VENT (LONG!!)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridesmaid Drama...VENT (LONG!!) : If the color is silver, why make them all buy the same shoe, and get it dyed no less? There are thousands of silver shoes. Let them pick out their own shoe and in a price each person is comfortable with.
Posted by sonya+adam[/QUOTE]

Because I don't want the metallic disco ball shoes.. so it's easier for me to get them dyed the same color.  I gave everyone a chance to find a shoe they like... everyone was just like whatever you want, granted she NEVER responded to any of those emails/texts.

blues28

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_bridesmaid-dramavent-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:e6587263-4223-43c5-bc4b-49db90d31927Post:4a235d07-49dd-473a-8081-53ddb34bb9e9">Re: Bridesmaid Drama...VENT (LONG!!)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridesmaid Drama...VENT (LONG!!) : You're supposed to be respectful of her obligations, that's what.  Peoples financial situations can change very quickly.  Possibly she really can't afford it now?  It's never ok to kick out a bridesmaid, it's a friendship ending move. Her charging for her birthday party is very rude, but<strong> two rudes don't make a right.</strong>
Posted by Gabrielle76[/QUOTE]

FutureMzHayden

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_bridesmaid-dramavent-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:e6587263-4223-43c5-bc4b-49db90d31927Post:49260eec-027d-47e5-ae23-e32c59e9e2a3">Re: Bridesmaid Drama...VENT (LONG!!)</a>:
[QUOTE]If the brides requesting specific shoes, she has to pay for them.  Also, she should ask privately each BM what their budget is.  Then, there is no really good reason to kick someone out of your WP.  It will be you that will look at fault, not her.  Plus, replacing WP members makes the second choice person feel, like, well, second choice. You're stomping all overr people's feelings right and left here.  I doh't want to hear that you have the right because it's your DAY.  You never have the right to treat people that way.
Posted by 1covejack[/QUOTE]

When a BRIDE ask you what your budget is and you say, WHATEVER YOU WANT US TO WEAR, I'M FINE then that's what ANYONE would go with.  I did ASK her privately... The second choice person was ALREADY in the wedding party just as something else! 

FutureMzHayden

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_bridesmaid-dramavent-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:e6587263-4223-43c5-bc4b-49db90d31927Post:33d88dc2-bfe7-4e4f-bdaa-e00c5861f608">Re: Bridesmaid Drama...VENT (LONG!!)</a>:
[QUOTE]If a WP balks at the cost of something, then it's too much.  Simple as that.  Especially in these times.  And no, you don't get to tell me she has lots of money etc. because you don't have a right to determine her budget.  The ring on your finger makes to a BRIDE, yes, but it gives you no right to treat people this way.  The fact is that you got angry with your BM because she said the shoes were too expensive, then kicked her out then gave her "position" to a second choice person. Who will end up looking in the wrong?  
Posted by 1covejack[/QUOTE]

Maybe you should read the ENTIRE thing... FIRST!!  with all the responses BEFORE you began to make statements like that... And wow you're the only one that has said anything that bout me not determining her budget... when other PP asked me if I asked her what she was comfortable with!! It's all said and done NOW... It's over with!  It was a VENT so I thank you for commenting and giving your point of view!

FutureMzHayden

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_bridesmaid-dramavent-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:e6587263-4223-43c5-bc4b-49db90d31927Post:ab5c6dd2-2637-4249-aa24-06836dd13f7d">Re: Bridesmaid Drama...VENT (LONG!!)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridesmaid Drama...VENT (LONG!!) : Hey now.  Covejack is the voice of reason.  I've never seen her rush to judgment without reading the entire thread.  And she may have been the only one to comment on the budget, but she's not the only one thinking it.
Posted by LucyHC[/QUOTE]

WOW!!  Thank y'all very much for allowing me to vent!!

FutureMzHayden

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_bridesmaid-dramavent-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:e6587263-4223-43c5-bc4b-49db90d31927Post:6f2441fa-9980-4960-b737-f0646880e3f9">Re: Bridesmaid Drama...VENT (LONG!!)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridesmaid Drama...VENT (LONG!!) : Venting is allowed, as is commenting on someone's vent. <strong> I know you're really worked up right now and it happens to most of us at some point.</strong>  Sleep on it and deal with this tomorrow when you're less upset.  I promise you...the advice and comments you've gotten in this thread are, for the most part, solid.
Posted by LucyHC[/QUOTE]

I appreciate that LucyHC... this is a decision that I spoke with the FI, other BM's and the the person I'm irritated with before I made any reactions of replacing her.  I understand that frustrations and stress builds up and I feel the best thing for me to do is nip all the drama and stress in the bud.  Believe me their is other things to this story just don't have the time nor energy to get into it... But I do appreciate it all from all sides!!

sonya+adam

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_bridesmaid-dramavent-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:e6587263-4223-43c5-bc4b-49db90d31927Post:8ffd8b65-8e82-43eb-84bd-a2d30728ee5b">Re: Bridesmaid Drama...VENT (LONG!!)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridesmaid Drama...VENT (LONG!!) : When the FI and I first got engaged I asked her to be a BM... We looked at different dresses and shoes. The comment was made, "It's your wedding you tell us what you want us to wear and we will." Not just by her but all the BM's!! So I'm like OKAY... Even still once I find a few dresses that I like, I email the pictures and cost to everyone and ask them what they think... all the other BM's pick the same dress SHE never responded. So that means okay you don't want to choose!!  Then comes to shoes... I text and call people asking them what they think about shoes... get the same result, "tell us what you want us to wear and we'll get it!!" So okay that's what I do!! THEN once the MOH and I choose a shoe, at a price NOW she wants to say something... this is after she's had the opportunity to speak plently of times!! 
Posted by FutureMzHayden[/QUOTE]

The fact that they agreed to wear whatever doesn't really matter.. that's not the point. The point is that you are still requiring them to do this, so you still need to pay for it. That's just the way etiquette works.

If you don't want "silver disco shoes", whatever that means, then just ask that they show you the shoe before they actually make the purchase, so you can give the approval.

Summer2011Bride

OP, I would honestly just let them pick their own shoes. Give them a color and a guideline (like black heels just for example). No one notices the shoes. Also, have you ever had to stand around in uncomfortable shoes for hours on end? I have and it sucks. Not everyone's foot is the same, and the chance that one shoe will actually be comfortable on four different sets of feet is extremely slim.

You don't get to judge her monetary situation. Frankly, even if I got a nice tax return, there are a lot of other things, oh like rent, savings, bills, etc. that I would rather spend that on than someone else's wedding shoes that I will probably just wear once, esp since they're being dyed. I really think you are being unreasonable.

Yes, her birthday party is rude. What does that have to do with anything? Two wrongs don't make a right. You are on here judging her for that, while at the same time YOU are being incredibly rude to her.

I still cant believe you kicked her out over shoes! That is a friendship-ending move and it makes you look like the smaller person in all of this.

Ali092011

I can't believe how many posts on this thread DON'T condemn kicking this girl out of the bridal party.

OP, you may not realize it yet, but trust me, you have lost this girl that you've known since high school as a friend over a pair of shoes.

Just sayin'.

Dannitra01

Seriously though, she is just being messy. I hate to say it but she just seems like she wants to make issue with something. I have been in other weddings where my dress was $120 alone and she's bitching about paying that for her entire outfit?!? Uh uh honey! We all know that being in someone's wedding party is not without its financial obligations. She knew that going in. It isn't like you just sprung this on her.

amymaysa

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_bridesmaid-dramavent-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:e6587263-4223-43c5-bc4b-49db90d31927Post:bd699d26-c259-41a2-bd07-ba6736ef8b66">Re: Bridesmaid Drama...VENT (LONG!!)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridesmaid Drama...VENT (LONG!!) : The shoe color is SILVER... so they can be worn again!!  And to be honest when someone ask you for your opinion like, "What price is good for you?" then be honest!  Don't go with something when you know you can't afford it!  And I understand about being a STUDENT as well!!
Posted by FutureMzHayden[/QUOTE]

If you are requiring them to wear a specific shoe, you should be paying for the shoe and the dyeing. Also, I bought silver shoes for a wedding and I'll probably never wear them again, to me, silver shoes scream, 'I'm in a wedding!'

vsgal

OP, you are very confrontational.  I know you are frustrated, but you overreacted and are completely out of line here.  No wonder she did not come to you before.  She was probably scared of your reaction and with just cause.  You are screaming at a bunch of strangers on the internet for telling you that you did the wrong thing.  I can only imagine how you behave with those you love when you don't get your way.  You kicked her out over a dress and some shoes?  She is better off without you.