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Bridesmaid Drama...VENT (LONG!!)

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Re: Bridesmaid Drama...VENT (LONG!!)

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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_bridesmaid-dramavent-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:e6587263-4223-43c5-bc4b-49db90d31927Post:52aeee44-5637-4ac7-a29d-ac9f50c9158d">Re: Bridesmaid Drama...VENT (LONG!!)</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Bridesmaid Drama...VENT (LONG!!) : I don't blame you for your decision.<strong> $50 isn't really that bad for shoes especially wedding attire</strong>. Discussing it on fb before bringing it to you was rude. Hope everything else goes well.
    Posted by FutureMrsPrice2013[/QUOTE]

    Maybe for you.

    My car insurance payment is $50 a month, and sometimes I struggle to make that. That's a necessity in my life and its still hard to scrape the money together sometimes. I honestly cannot tell you the last time I spent $50 on ANY article of clothing, especially something I would never wear again. (can't think of how many times I've worn silver shoes)
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_bridesmaid-dramavent-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:e6587263-4223-43c5-bc4b-49db90d31927Post:fbcf13eb-8631-4685-961a-3a4dd8d56a92">Re: Bridesmaid Drama...VENT (LONG!!)</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridesmaid Drama...VENT (LONG!!) : Maybe for you. My car insurance payment is $50 a month, and sometimes I struggle to make that. That's a necessity in my life and its still hard to scrape the money together sometimes. I honestly cannot tell you the last time I spent $50 on ANY article of clothing, especially something I would never wear again. (can't think of how many times I've worn silver shoes)
    Posted by LizziebeeUT[/QUOTE]

    Well the bridesmaid should have spoke up when she told her the price of the dress. Don't say yes to being in someone's wedding and expect it to be free. This could have saved alot of drama.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_bridesmaid-dramavent-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:e6587263-4223-43c5-bc4b-49db90d31927Post:83241171-3484-4e38-ade2-ee4fec11b210">Re: Bridesmaid Drama...VENT (LONG!!)</a>:
    [QUOTE]Is anyone else noticing a trend with the "FutureMrsWhatever" named posters?  Just sayin'.
    Posted by StephBeanWed61502[/QUOTE]

    Well it kinda goes along with being engaged. I think it's cute.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_bridesmaid-dramavent-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:e6587263-4223-43c5-bc4b-49db90d31927Post:1fc8ee0d-0209-4378-9a1a-2e065b30e09c">Re: Bridesmaid Drama...VENT (LONG!!)</a>:
    [QUOTE]<a href="http://forums.weddings.com/sites/weddings/pages/main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_bm-drama-vent-update" rel="nofollow">http://forums.weddings.com/sites/weddings/pages/main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_bm-drama-vent-update</a> OP posted on another board that she's not going to be refunding the cost of the dress to her BM either.
    Posted by 1covejack[/QUOTE]

    Folks crack me up...  I will remember to never post on this board again!  Thank you
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_bridesmaid-dramavent-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:e6587263-4223-43c5-bc4b-49db90d31927Post:57b71a9c-9985-45d0-9eb3-5dc4437aed76">Re: Bridesmaid Drama...VENT (LONG!!)</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridesmaid Drama...VENT (LONG!!) : <strong>Well the bridesmaid should have spoke up when she told her the price of the dress. Don't say yes to being in someone's wedding and expect it to be free. This could have saved alot of drama.
    </strong>Posted by FutureMrsPrice2013[/QUOTE]


    And what really makes me mad is that no one has understood that I looked for a dress that I thought would fit into everyone's budget.  I didn't want people to pay an outrageous amount for a dress and never wear again...  So when the dress went on sale I picked that dress and still she wasn't happy.  The shoes we searched for weeks... even asked the individual BM's to pick their own shoe and they insisted that I pick one as long as it wasn't more than the dress.  So that's what I did.  Was I suppose to look for 5 different styles of shoes on top of everything else I'm doing as well. 
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_bridesmaid-dramavent-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:e6587263-4223-43c5-bc4b-49db90d31927Post:0bf380d4-17d4-4090-92a6-266e3d0e6830">Re: Bridesmaid Drama...VENT (LONG!!)</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridesmaid Drama...VENT (LONG!!) : And what really makes me mad is that no one has understood that I looked for a dress that I thought would fit into everyone's budget.  I didn't want people to pay an outrageous amount for a dress and never wear again...  So when the dress went on sale I picked that dress and still she wasn't happy.  The shoes we searched for weeks... even asked the individual BM's to pick their own shoe and they insisted that I pick one as long as it wasn't more than the dress.  So that's what I did.  Was I suppose to look for 5 different styles of shoes on top of everything else I'm doing as well. 
    Posted by FutureMzHayden[/QUOTE]


    No. You just don't pick one. They'd get the picture eventually thr you want them to pick their own.
    Secondly...you've replaced her?
    Refund her dress money...you kicked her out she did not drop out.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_bridesmaid-dramavent-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:e6587263-4223-43c5-bc4b-49db90d31927Post:ea35116b-49cb-4e26-bbfa-f79f9c99c0a4">Re: Bridesmaid Drama...VENT (LONG!!)</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridesmaid Drama...VENT (LONG!!) : No. You just don't pick one. They'd get the picture eventually thr you want them to pick their own. Secondly...you've replaced her? Refund her dress money...you kicked her out she did not drop out.
    Posted by crash2729[/QUOTE]

    Thank you
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_bridesmaid-dramavent-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:e6587263-4223-43c5-bc4b-49db90d31927Post:0026a4e2-46d4-4aa8-a10f-91cbb3216376">Re: Bridesmaid Drama...VENT (LONG!!)</a>:
    [QUOTE]this thread make me glad i don't have bridesmaids..
    Posted by kaceymarie[/QUOTE]

    <div>
    </div><div>
    </div><div>a-men</div>
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    You guys keep flipping from shoes to dress.

    Everyone expects to have to buy the dress. The shoes are a different story. If a bride wants her BMs to get specific shoes, she needs to be the one to pay for them.

    I understand how frustrating it can be when people won't be clear with you. I asked my BMs what their budgets were and only one of them gave me a straight forward answer. The other ones said stuff like "its whatever you need it to be"
    Than I woud look at something and they would tell me it was too much.

    It was frustrating, but I understand that people's financial situations can change on a daily basis.
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    Exclamation and capitalization overload.  My ADD can't handle all this.

    OP, when did you get engaged and ask your BM what her budget was?  Is it possible that a fair amount of time lapsed between you asking her what her budget was and now?  If so, there's a good chance that maybe something has come up and her budget has changed.  And judging by your responses to PP on this board, I can't blame her for not bringing it up to you just on anticipating your reaction alone.

    Regardless of the situation, you should not have kicked out your BM.  Firstly, if you are requiring a specific shoe, you pay for it whether its $19 or $200.  For me, $50 is a lot for a shoe that I will never wear again.  I'm still trying to figure out why in the world you need to dye shoes silver when there are tons of silver shoes in the world, many for less than that price.  Just let your BMs pick out their own silver shoes.  Secondly, if a BM tells you something is too expensive, you don't just kick them out of your WP.  You graciously offer to pay for what you should be paying for (shoes you are requiring) and if you can, offer to help pay for part of the cost of the dress.  I always thought the people in your WP were the people who were incredibly close to you that you couldn't live without.  I'd pay $20 in a heartbeat towards someone's dress so they could stand up there with me.

    It's really sad that you are essentially ruining a long-lasting friendship over a pair of shoes.  You absolutely do need to reimburse her for anything she has purchased and cannot return.  YOU kicked her out and therefor you are responsible.

    I agree that the "pay-to-come-to-my-party" thing sucks but as Crash said, if you don't like it, then just don't go.  Big deal.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_bridesmaid-dramavent-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:e6587263-4223-43c5-bc4b-49db90d31927Post:2afec7fe-a1cf-4bef-900a-4d45527d4f7f">Re: Bridesmaid Drama...VENT (LONG!!)</a>:
    [QUOTE]I find it strange that every single response in the other thread, that covejack posted, is supporting OP's position that she will not reimburse the former bridesmaid for the dress, yet almost everyone who responded in this thread believes that OP was in the wrong. OP, did you give more details on the other board that might explain the discrepancy? I'm wondering if there's a piece missing.
    Posted by LucyHC[/QUOTE]


    The only thing I saw different was in the original thread she had over there was that OP has already bought the shoes and asked BMs to pay her back by 3-15. That just reinforces to me that she pay the bm back.
    I think it's just a difference of opinion.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_bridesmaid-dramavent-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:e6587263-4223-43c5-bc4b-49db90d31927Post:ea35116b-49cb-4e26-bbfa-f79f9c99c0a4">Re: Bridesmaid Drama...VENT (LONG!!)</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridesmaid Drama...VENT (LONG!!) : No. You just don't pick one. They'd get the picture eventually thr you want them to pick their own. Secondly...you've replaced her? Refund her dress money...you kicked her out she did not drop out.
    Posted by crash2729[/QUOTE]

    I'm sorry that you feel that way.  But I appreciate your comment!
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_bridesmaid-dramavent-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:e6587263-4223-43c5-bc4b-49db90d31927Post:2afec7fe-a1cf-4bef-900a-4d45527d4f7f">Re: Bridesmaid Drama...VENT (LONG!!)</a>:
    [QUOTE]I find it strange that every single response in the other thread, that covejack posted, is supporting OP's position that she will not reimburse the former bridesmaid for the dress, yet almost everyone who responded in this thread believes that OP was in the wrong. OP, did you give more details on the other board that might explain the discrepancy? I'm wondering if there's a piece missing.
    Posted by LucyHC[/QUOTE]

    No I didn't give any additional information in my post.  Apparently people feel differently.  This was my first and last post on this board..
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_bridesmaid-dramavent-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:e6587263-4223-43c5-bc4b-49db90d31927Post:57b71a9c-9985-45d0-9eb3-5dc4437aed76">Re: Bridesmaid Drama...VENT (LONG!!)</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridesmaid Drama...VENT (LONG!!) : Well the bridesmaid should have spoke up when she told her the price of the dress. Don't say yes to being in someone's wedding and expect it to be free. This could have saved alot of drama.
    Posted by FutureMrsPrice2013[/QUOTE]

    The BM didn't expect it to be free.  But she did buy a dress for OP wedding, in which OP kicked her out.  Which, in turn, means that OP needs to give  her a refund.  It's really not that complicated.  My MOH called her wedding off and reimbursed all the BM's the cost of their dress. 
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_bridesmaid-dramavent-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:e6587263-4223-43c5-bc4b-49db90d31927Post:0026a4e2-46d4-4aa8-a10f-91cbb3216376">Re: Bridesmaid Drama...VENT (LONG!!)</a>:
    [QUOTE]this thread make me glad i don't have bridesmaids..
    Posted by kaceymarie[/QUOTE]

    It makes me glad I was not a crazy bridezilla.
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    I can see both "sides" of this issue.  I don't agree with the PP's that are saying the OP kicked a bm out over shoes.  From what I can tell there was a whole heck of a lot that led to her being kicked ou, and rightly so.  It sounds like she was being very vague about what price range would be good for her, and it sounds like everyone agreed on the same shoe at the same price, and agreed to pay for them. That being said, if I was in a wedding and the bride wanted a certain pair of shoes in a specific color then I would hope that the bride would pitch in a little.  Ideally, I would love to have all of my bm's in the same dress.  But they can't afford the dress I want and I can't afford to pay/help pay for them.  So, I'm sending out a picture and a color swatch and telling them to find something in their price range.
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