Groomsman Bail Out - venting

pharmd2323

Just need to write this down for the sake of getting over the stress - my fiance has 4 groomsmen. When a buy one get one free sale came out on suits, (the groom already has one, so we just needed the 4), the guys all agreed that it would be a great deal to go in and split the cost. So for two $400 suits, each guy would pay $200 and get their one suit. The day they all planned to meet up, get measured, and pay, one guy says he can't pay it, even though literally 3 days ago he said he could. My fiance kept asking, are you sure? is this an ok price? if not, I can find a different suit... etc. and the gm kept saying yes it's fine, not a problem, I can totally do that. I mean, it's fine and all, and there's nothing we can really do about it, and I really do understand everyone has their own financees, but my fiance ended up having to pay for this 4th guys suit just so the other gm who would have been splitting the cost wasn't stuck paying full price. The thing that's the kicker is that my fiance was asked to buy a $500 suit for this groomsman's wedding, the gm has been in the wedding party since november 2010, has known about some of these costs since then, and thoroughly insisted the $200 was not a problem. My fiance even decided to pay for all the alterations for the guys, so if he doesn't get any money from the gm, he just dropped $450 for a gift and a nice gesture in paying for the mens' alterations. That's a lot of money for us! So we have a suit, now, sitting in our apartment, that no one is going to wear...because, here's another great kicker -  the gm refuses to wear it if my fiance paid for it, but he also refuses to pay for it or even a portion of it. So if he won't accept that the groom paid so he can have his best friend in the wedding party, it really goes to waste. *sigh* just a bummer of an evening - especially after all the recent excitement of having shower invites out, my veil just came in, and the groom's ring just arrived... such a good day before all this!! I think it'll be ok - I know this stuff happens. We're getting so close to the wedding, everything is either super exciting or super stressful... it's the crazy time now!! Thanks for listening (reading)!

JENNIFERANDMATT2012

I would be frustrated too. One of my bridesmaids is in a financial tight spot but due to her own foolish judgement. I was concerned with asking her to be bridesmaid at first due to this and I have been in weddings and know from personal experience it isn't cheap. I asked her and she was thrilled and said money will be fine. She is out of state so I went with my other girls to pick out a dress. We found one that was $60 more than what I expected them to pay but all of them said it was fine. I told her how much it was and she said ok. She waited until the last day that they had to place their order and sent me a text saying that she didn't have the money to purchase the dress. I agreed to leave my card on file with the store and pay for the dress but she had to pay me back. I even told her she could split the payment into two to make it easier on her. Well, after the order was placed and the store ordered the dresses for me, I sent her a text telling her the final price with shipping and tax. She flipped out on me and acted like it was all new to her. Then, I had asked her to send the second payment, and at that time I gave her the option to split the payment into three as opposed to two, and she said ok. Well, I found out I need four new tires a week after that discussion so I asked her if she sent the money. She said she forgot. I completely understand your frustration and won't even go into detail about another bridesmaid did. Maybe you guys could offer to do split payments with him or even cover a portion of the suit. I know men are really sensitive to money. Hopefully, you can enjoy your other good events today.  

pharmd2323

Wow, JENNIFERANDMATT, thanks for sharing - I thought it was just us!! Sorry to hear it happened to you too! My fiance did offer to pay now and let his gm pay him back, but he basically just said he wouldn't be able to pay him back. So aparantly this guy plans to never ever have $200 in his entire life. ok. We struggled with a bm here and there too, but nothing like what you mentioned. Such a bummer! It's crazy how it seems like having a wedding party becomes more of an expense to you as the couple than for them (not even including the gifts and cost of having more people at the wedding!). Thanks again for sharing your story, it really is a relief to hear we're not the only ones who have just had this happen. We're looking forward and we'll deal with things as they come. I hope the rest of your planning all goes well too - I'm sure it's going to be lovely!!!

Johan&Kimmie

I'm so sorry you guys are dealing with that!  On the positive side, it sounds like you caught a real keeper, your FI sounds like a very generous, caring sort of person.    I hope things work out and the GM will be able to set aside his ego and work out some sort of deal with your FI.

JENNIFERANDMATT2012

No problem. Everyone tells you planning a wedding is stressful but I can honestly say it is the people in the wedding who have been the stress related factors. As this whole process is growing, I am learning that my true best friend is the one that I am marrying. I hear horror stories from other friends about their experience in weddings and it makes you wonder what type of friend does that. My close co-worker told me a girl dropped from the bridal party a month before the wedding the new bm was too big to fit the dress. The bride ended up buying all the bms new dresses since it wasn't fair to ask the other girls to pay for a second one. Its not just you unfortunately. Crazy stuff happens all the time. I love all my bms dearly but like I said before this whole wedding process is making me realize that my truest and closet friend is the man I am marrying.

Johan&Kimmie

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_attire-accessories_groomsman-bail-out-venting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:15Discussion:15b9abf6-7147-4a68-a0c4-e599799c3e6fPost:96df24c3-bc2f-425b-899e-cef48c755346">Re: Groomsman Bail Out - venting</a>:
[QUOTE]No problem. Everyone tells you planning a wedding is stressful but I can honestly say it is the people in the wedding who have been the stress related factors. As this whole process is growing, I am learning that my true best friend is the one that I am marrying. I hear horror stories from other friends about their experience in weddings and it makes you wonder what type of friend does that. <strong>My close co-worker told me a girl dropped from the bridal party a month before the wedding the new bm was too big to fit the dress.</strong> The bride ended up buying all the bms new dresses since it wasn't fair to ask the other girls to pay for a second one. Its not just you unfortunately. Crazy stuff happens all the time. I love all my bms dearly but like I said before this whole wedding process is making me realize that my truest and closet friend is the man I am marrying.
Posted by JENNIFERANDMATT2012[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Does this mean that the bride replaced a bm who dropped out a month before the wedding?

</div>

adornmentsbymilani

So sorry to hear about the gm!  Sounds like he is going through some financial & other issues right now.  Is there a non-wedding-involved third party that can speak to him? Do you have a co-worker or someone who can act as a mediator to resolve the matter?  Hopefully, it will settle to a favorable resolve if not before the wedding, at least afterwards!  Best wishes on the big day!

JENNIFERANDMATT2012

Yes. From what I understood, the first dress was purchased at a local discount store and they couldn't find the bm dress for the new bm. It would suck for the bride to have to buy all the dresses but I can understand it was her decision to get a replacement a month out.

amanda1611t

My Fiance and I went to Men's Warehouse today. We found tux rentals pretty reasonable and I had a coupon for $40 off every tux in the party.

He texted his best man who lives in Miami to give him the group number and whatyaknow?

Best Man claims that he might not be able to come to the wedding because of work. 

He claims that around that time he goes around the US with a group of ppl to do inventory of all of the stores, and if he asks off the owner might just tell him to not do the inventory at all.

Not sure why he thinks that. What boss would be such an a=hole to someone who worked 80 hrs a week and travels across the nation to do inventory in his stores?

he inst even considering asking. We won't know if he is in or out until June and our wedding is in October

So I get where you are coming from. It's so stressful and half the time the drama is so unnecessary. Hopefully you'll get some money back cause that would be a bummer.

debonairladi22

Where did you get the $40 off coupon

lmskowronski

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_attire-accessories_groomsman-bail-out-venting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:15Discussion:15b9abf6-7147-4a68-a0c4-e599799c3e6fPost:c02570e0-7595-4f4c-8b60-3f33aeeccc48">Re:Groomsman Bail Out - venting</a>:
[QUOTE]Where did you get the $40 off coupon
Posted by debonairladi22[/QUOTE]

I got ours for mens warehouse by requesting a sample of the vests on their website. It took about 2 weeks, but it was worth it considering we have 6 gm, and 6 ushers.