Attire & Accessories Forum

Groomsman issue...

Ok so one of our Groomsman (my fiancee's friend) I personally have not heard from since before we got engaged. Now we've been able to keep up and talk to all the other groomsman, but this one doesn't respond to our emails, phone calls, FB posts, etc. Right before my fiancee and I went to pick out the tuxes we had emailed him to make sure he was still going to attend, and to make sure he could be there for everything (rehearsal, rehearsal dinner, etc). And he said "Yea yea sure no problem." So we went and we picked out the tuxes and sent out an email to all the groomsman saying how much it was going to cost, and how much the deposit would cost. Everyone was supposed to be fitted by August 22nd, and here it is August 27th and he's the only one not fitted. We've tried to call him, email him, everything and he's dodging us. Now in the email I stated that if anyone couldn't pay the deposit we would take care of it, but we needed that money back before the wedding and that they would need to take care of the cost of the tux. Well today I got an email from a family friend (my fiancee's side) and she said that she talked to him and said you know you should really call them and let them know what's going on. They haven't heard from you. And he was like "well I can't pay the deposit right now" and she was like "well from what I understand they offered to pay for it as long as you paid them back before the wedding and that you could take care of the cost of the tux." And he just shrugged and walked away. Now at this point my fiancee is pissed. And both of us are about ready to kick him out of the wedding. Only because we're afraid he's not going to be able to pay for the tux in full, and he's going to bail last minute like he's been known to do in the past. Our wedding is October, but we need to order groomsman gifts which are going to take about 6 weeks to come in. Should we kick him out, or suck it up?
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Re: Groomsman issue...

  • If you already knew that he bails out on stuff at the last minute, then why are you so pissed that he's doing it now?

    You knew what he was like. You knew what you were getting into. Don't complain that he's only acting the same way as he always has.
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  • That really sucks! Unreliable people really get to me ...almost as much as rude ones!

    It's not your fault that he's being (for lack of a better word) douchey. I agree with PP have your FI talk to him about it. Sounds like this guy is more his friend than yours if I am getting the picture right.

    Mostly don't let anyone make you feel like crap for trying to include someone who is obviously important to your FI in your wedding. I didn't think you were complaining...just venting. Don't let anyone get to you. It's your day and you have every right to stress...Just don't stress too much :)

    "I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." -Marilyn Monroe
  • Your FI needs to talk to him.  I understand it is frustrating, but I don't think you should kick him out because he might surprise you in the end and get it together.  If he doesn't show or ends up pulling out himself, you'll just be one person short on that side.  As far as groomsman gifts go, order his and then if he ends up pulling out, return it or save it for a gift for someone later.
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    PhotobucketMy favorite picture is of the night we got engaged!
  • If this was a bridesmaid, we'd all say that since she didn't get the dress, she's removed herself from the wedding party.  So I'd say the same applies to this groomsman as well.  He didn't get fitted, so he's (passive-aggressively) telling you he isn't going to be in the wedding.  Problem solved.  Move on.   (Even though he is being douchey by not coming clean to you guys.)
  • I totally agree with the last post! He's kicked himself out. Cut your loss and move on.
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