How many "rules" make you a bridezilla?

sweetpea0911

I'm not getting married until September of 2011 and let me please put this out there right now - I am NOT ready to make final decisions on anything except venue.  However, my sister and I are close and it's been known since high school she would eventually be in my wedding, either as my MOH or a BM.

Now that I'm officially engaged, she's starting to look at BM dresses so that she can start to save for the one she picks out.  I've decided to pick a color and let my bridesmaids choose their own dress..with a few "rules" attatched.

1. They must be the color I've chosen (and I plan to hand out swatches from several different designers so that they can find one they like in the right color at an acceptable price of them).

2. It must be cocktail (to the knee) or tea (to the calf) length.

3. It may not be strapless.

Am I limiting them too much?  Is this encroaching on bridezilla territory?  If it is, please let me know....my sister is asking for "the rules" and I don't know what to say!

psichick

i don't think it's too much. color and length are pretty much standard. the strapless thing might be a little on the much side, but not totally unreasonable. just out of curiosity, do you not like strapless for a specific reason (such as curch rules)? i only ask because many BM dresses are strapless, that is kind of the trend, so that will limit what they can choose.

jagore08

I think that this is fairly common but I wouldn't say it to them like you've written it here. Just tell them the colors (hand them a swatch), tell them around knee length (nothing shorter), and not strapless.  When you say "must" that's when it starts to sounds bridezilla-ish.  But what you want is common, that's what I did with my girls (except for the no strapless part).

sweetpea0911

The church we're getting married in is rather conservative, plus the girls I believe I would like to be my bridesmaids (especially my sister and BFF) are rather...well...top heavy, and I'd rather they weren't having to pull them up all day, if you catch my drift.

I am aware it limits them, and thats why I wasn't sure if I was getting dangerously close to bridezilla.   A lot of the Alfred Angelo strapless BM dresses have optional spaghetti straps, which I would be fine with.

Thanks for the help =]

jagore08

You could also give them all pashminas to cover up with if your church is very conservative. 

abbygrace8

i don't want any of my bridesmaids wearing dresses either, you're not alone. i think that jagore has a point is noting that using the term "must" may seem controlling. try strongly suggesting it. as in "i'd like for all bridesmaid dresses to have some sort of straps on their dress." a lot of it is in the phrasing. trust me, i'm a Communications major.

abbygrace8

plus, David's Bridal has a lot of strapped options. and it'll help you to regulate color- the navy blue in one style is the exact same color in another style.

abbygrace8

and i meant to say "i don't want any of my bridesmaids wearing STRAPLESS dresses either, you're not alone."

sorry for excessive posts!

psichick

the girls can easily cover up for the church, and if a dress fits properly they shouldn't be pulling on it all day. i'm rather "top heavy" as you say and i can wear a strapless dress just fine, as long as i have the proper bra/corset and the dress fits correctly, which is what a tailor is for!

personally that's a decision i left to my BM's, it's more about what they are comfortable in rather than me imo.

stina93446

I don't think you have too many rules. As long as you state them all BEFORE they settle on dresses.

And I know you already know this, but don't pick bms (aside from your sis) until at least a year out....so September 2010. Check out the WP board if you're unsure why.

deborah2121

My short answer is that I think your rules depend on who is in your wedding party.  I tend to worry a lot about peoples' opinions of me, but my BM's were happy to say not to worry and to just let them know what I wanted.  The worst thing I could have done was NOT tell them my desires.  

I gave my 9 BM's a must list--floor length, black, certain fabrics not allowed (including chiffon, which is popular for dresses for July).  I totally realize this is bridezillaish, but these are the closest 9 ladies in my life, and they will do anything I ask.  

I do not think your list is too bridezillaish, and I think it's fine to say must as long as you feel comfortable doing that with the girls in your party. 

katncrack

I did something similar for my wedding.  I assigned a color and length, but many and I almost want to say most end up being strapless so if this is a concern I would almost go to a store and pick out a few designs and then let them decide between four or five of your choices.  Also I agree with the other comment on here about pashminas.

Just Jen

I thin those stipulations are totally reasonable.

wcvsb3b5

I think your "rules" are perfectly fine. I wouldn't even consider them rules, especially when they still have options. Plus most bridesmaid dresses that my girls were looking at were strapless but come with optional spaghetti straps so from my experience I don't think it will be unreasonable to request no strapless...

Made4Him

I am giving my bm's limits or requirements as well. As bride's we know the overall look and feel that we want for our weddings. I think he fact that you are still giving them the freedom to choose their own style still gives them leg room.

dizzinea

you could open it up to strapless with a shrug or cardigan that they wear during a ceremony, I had a strapless for my brothers wedding with a matching shrug and it worked out great, in fact I ended up with more coverage in the chest area then the maid of honor who's dress was a halter.

fairy_diva

I gave my girls a designer ( Alfred Angelo) and a color (navy) otherwise they could get what they wanted including length.

Only my MaidOH choose a different dress. My MatronOH and my 2 bridesmaids choose the same dress. My MaidOH choose one she knew she could alter after the wedding into a dress she could wear again! She has more opportunity to dress up from personal to work, so it worked for me.

When it came to shoes, I asked them what they wanted to wear. They all decided silver, once again 3 choose the same shoes, the 4th BM is younger 14 (FI's sister) and is not used to heels so we picked her a wider heel about 1 inch tall in silver.

If you want cover up for the church, they can get boleros, shaws, or pashimas. As the other PP have stated strapless is the style so its hard to choose a dress with that condition.  I, myself, didn't really want strapless so I'm using a lace bolero jacket with mine.

plessjm

Your not a bridezilla you are just stating to them your vision of the day. Most girls really want some guidelines to what you want. Spaghetti straps don't really make the dresses more modest and whether there are strap or not the girls that would pull on their dresses in the first place did not get them tailored or altered correctly. Instead of the girls pulling their dresses up all the time they will be pulling their straps instead. Boleros are a cute idea and at the reception they get to hot they can remove them. you wont have to worry about straps breaking either with this choice

CorkyWhites

I think that is fine, they have way more freedom than a lot of other BMs and if you dont want it strapless then I think that is good too. Besides, strapless are hard to hold up for some girls and there is nothing less attractive or decracting than girls pulling at their dresses all day or hunching their shoulders in a strappless dress
(which always happens and they look like hunch backs). I don't care if its the trend, I think no strapless is a great idea.

TroyandKelly

I think by letting them pick their own dress with only asking that they stay within the style, length and color you are looking to have for your wedding, that you are being rather easy going.  Keep in mind that most strapless dresses do come with the option to add spaghetti straps, if that is something that you are willing to allow then you can offer that as an option to your girls.

Neicy612

this is not bridezilla at ALL. its very common for brides to choose the EXACT dress they want their bmaids to wear. You are at least being sensitive to budget and taste issues. Don't worry. plus. it's your day. you should be allowed to envision it the way you want. bmaids are fully aware that they're supposed to cater to your needs today!

prov1973

I think you can give as many rules or suggestions as you want. If you don't want strapless then fine. I didn't want my MOH to wear strapless either and it was fine, she didn't want to. To me, there are a few areas where I think you need to be VERY specific because people will go off on their own path, meaning to or not, so the more guidelines you can give them, the better. 

Bridezillas are unreasonable and ridiculous, you are not being a Bridezilla. You are being considerate of your church's values in your dress choice and because you are concerned that you ARE a Bridezilla, again, makes you NOT one.

Congratulations on your engagement and wedding. 

JoannaT35

No, I did the same thing!  I think it's great :-)

Applesbee43

I don't think you are being unreasonable.

I am probably the most laid back bride EVER and my bridesmaids won't be wearing strapless dresses either.

I don't like the way they look and I won't be wearing a strapless wedding dress, so it has as much to do with the way you want your wedding to be as anything else!

Anyway, I think these are definitely reasonable requests

alkirchoff

I am newly engaged, but I  have been a bridesmaid more times than I care to think of. Based on that experience, I would suggest that you put yourself in the 'heels of your BMs. Would these requests seem outrageous to you as a bridesmaid? How would you like to be asked/told about these details? I would second the opinion already mentioned in this thread that your delivery counts for a lot. 
 

rebekahr

I dont think that is demanding at all...I did the same thing.

I picked the colors, BM picked the dress.. I got lucky, they all chose the same dress... same with the shoes..

You are in a delicate spot. The only thing that I would say to your sister would be that you are still researching and gathering ideas for your wedding.. remind her how important she is to you.  When you are ready to made some final decisions; she will play a big part in the decision making..beleive me, my wedding is not till this december, and there was so much to choose from.

Take your time, choose wisely, and remember, this is your beautiful day, and someday she will want you to do the same for her.

Congratulations.

mgreene404

That is not bridezilla at all!  Simply setting a few guidelines!  Good luck to you and congratulations on the engagement!

monique026

I did something similar - I gave my bridesmaids all a color, and said they just had to be long, but they could pick the style.
I don't think it's unreasonable at all-it's the wedding you've been picturing since you were a little girl, and once they have their own wedding they should understand that.

nhelene

I am personally not a fan of strapless dresses for myself and since my bridesmaids are all pretty busty I thought I'd be doing them a favor by asking them to find dresses with straps... until I started looking at dresses and realizing that about 2/3 of bridesmaids dresses are strapless nowadays. 

If you're worried about the conservative nature of your church, spaghetti straps really aren't much better.  You could always buy them each a cover-up as part of the bridesmaid gift.  If it's something like a pashmina they will probably be able to use it again.

jaz0822

you are NOT being bridezilla.  maybe if you all make them color their toenails the same color but definitely not by giving them dress rules. 

HOWEVER, if I may point out one problem i had with a top heavy BM of mine:  if you specify no strapless, please be very carefull of halter dresses!!  i found that my heavy-chested BM looked HUGE in halter dresses.  all you saw were her boobs!!!  it was so inappropriate...i was way more horrified by the halter dresses than I was the stapless!!

i started out like you, just giving a few rules, and then i took control and picked the dress that i thought looked best on each of my 3 BMs (maybe bridezilla-ish but i didn't want boobs or tattoos in my pictures!)   the attached looked perfect on the big chest and covered the back tatoo on my other BM.  I got it at the Bridal Garden in East Greenwich (davinci bridal 9121). 

faeriechyld

No, I don't think that's too many rules.  I gave my bridesmaids a choice between 3 dresses and 2 sashes to pick between.  To be honest, a couple of them thought I was being difficult with giving them too many options!