Another reason not to show your fiancé- freaking out. Long. Sorry. Please help?

expats14

This is why you don't tell your fiancé what your wedding dress is.

I bought my wedding dress at a sample sale in April. It is pretty and sweet. It is dere kiang 11072/11071. The dress has a detachable long skirt and has a cocktail length skirt underneath.

I tried on about fifteen dresses before I tired this one on. I also really loved allure's 8856. After getting home from the salon, I looked at pictures online and realized it didn't photograph well. This was one of my cousin's main regrets with her dress. While gorgeous, the embellishments didn't show fully in her pictures.

My mother and I then tried several other stops and found a few potential dresses. We then found the sample sale that led us to my dere kiang find- for $400, it was a steal. 

I also had an emergency upper endoscopy and esophageal procedure mid-April, so it's nice to think that I can keep the cost of the gown budgeted and even with my unforeseen medical procedures. 

I was happy. I will fully cop to being a fashionista, so I was comparing all other gowns to my own, but at $400, I really couldn't justify anything (oh, Monique Lhullier...)

I had begun to had some buyer's remorse, but that's what I do. I love to look at dresses, but can never pull the trigger. I have an ongoing debate: go big and spend $1100 on the dress I REALLY want for my wedding and have one day with one dress I want or continue in my frugal ways?

Tonight I was buzzed and showed my fiancé a few of the gowns i had considered. I'm living with him in the middle of nowhere with nothing to do...seriously, the Internet even charges us to watch YouTube and the video store shuts down at 6pm. So the dress I had bought popped up in the queue and I'd had a glass of wine. I figured I might as well show him and it popped up casually in the queue.

He declared it to be "prom-like," "delusional," like "a bad Easter dress," "ugly and high waisted," and then sad "you're going to trade your dress in for THAT?!" 

Kick in the stomach.

This is the first time he has ever vocalized or criticized what I've picked out. But to hear it with the wedding dress? He's backpedalling now and saying "well, that's just from one angle..." and such, but I pretty much want to immediately turn around and sell it all and start from scratch.

Sorry about how how long this is. I'm so sorry. 

Thoughts? Did anyone else have fiancés with issues with their dresses? I'm out of the country right now and would basically need to buy a gown immediately upon my return to account for alterations if I can't get off the rack.

msuprincess04

Take anything your FI says with a grain of salt. Seeing something on the mannequin or on a total stranger (in a magazine) has nowhere near the same effect as seeing it on his bride, the woman walking down the isle towards him. I really wouldn't worry about it. If you love it, you'll make it look amazing, and he'll forget he ever said anything otherwise. 

button6004

My aunt showed her future husband a few photos from a magazine, one of which was the photo of her dress.  He immediately pointed to the one she had already purchased and told her it was horrible, dont buy it, look at how ugly the photo is.  He had no idea the day of their wedding that it was the same dress.  Apparently, the model's awkward pose and dark makeup was what freaked him out. 

I'm sure it looks gorgeous on you.  Try not to worry about it.

id012

i am SURE if you wear that dress down the isle he won't even know that is the dress he critized. Think of how many dresses you tried on. Im sure ther were some dresses that you looveeedd so much, but then tried it on and hated it? I actually hated my dress, until i put it on and i bought it lol.

Don't worry! 

mrsmtothek

I agree with PP! Pictures in a magazine with particular lighting, makeup, and models can make a guy think that the dress looks ugly and vice versa. For example, my fiance only liked dresses that were worn by tan blonde women...(his type, lol). More likely than not he's looking at the overall picture of it, not at the gorgeous details of the dress. Plus, you are what makes the dress beautiful and all he'll be able to see when you walk down the aisle is you My dress on the website doesn't look nearly as beautiful as it does in person!! Try not to fret too much!

MyUserName1

I showed H a picture of my dress and the dress his sisters wanted me to buy.  He said he hated the one I loved and loved the one I hated. I cried.  And bought mine anyway.  He loved it on me and then agreed that it was the perfect dress and the other wouldn't have been right on me or for the wedding we had planned.  Go with your gut.  he'll LOVE you in that dress, I promise.

gehringerwedding

Men are a little strange. When you ask him about an opinion on a dress he's not going to look at JUST the dress. He's going to look at the whole package. Obviously you're not going to have feathers, gems, and live birds in your 3' tall hair pouf and you're not going to be made up like Elvira. 

I showed my fiance the dress I'd originally purchased (and love in the store)! It was a Vera Wang ball gown. His only comment: "It's... big." 500 yards of tulle big. It wasn't what I'd originally wanted or what I want now. I returned it!

I think it's important that we compromise here. Yes, it's "my" wedding, but it's "our marriage" and his wedding too. He has a vision of what I will look like just like I have a vision of what he will dress like. It's not up to me to dictate everything.

Solve your issue and put the dress on in front of him. If you think your marriage is doomed because he'll see you in the dress before hand, you are admitting your relationship isn't rock solid and you probably shouldn't be getting married anyway. 

EK2013

My father gave me some joking advice:

It's a white dress. Men can't tell the difference.

Also, it's a great dress, and no matter what you wear everyone will love it, including FI.

Tabbie11

My fiance has been nagging me since the day I bought it to see it... I shouldn't have even told him I was going shopping. I refuse to show him, because as others had said it is going to look totally different on me that day than on the model and no matter what going to look gorgeous. Most men don't have much fashion sense, so I really wouldnt worry about it.

I looked up your dress, and I love it! It is simple and pretty, I don't see how you can go wrong with this or that anyone will think it is ugly... he should see some of the others ones out there!

Giaspo

My H and I were watching Say Yes to the Dress and a dress came on similar to mine. Without prompting, H says "I hate anything with flowers".... My Melissa Sweet gown is covered in silk chiffon flowers from head to toe. And you know what? I was madly in love with my gown and couldn't give it up. Know what else? He had no recollection of this comment on our wedding day and thought I looked beautiful. Please don't worry. You will look and feel beautiful and he will be thrilled.

expats14

Thank you so much! You ladies are so supportive! :-D