Help! Maid of Honour won't buy dress

kittykatkoo

I need advice, my moh seems to have no concern about getting her dress because she can't afford it at the moment. She speaks like she will never have money to buy a dress. My wedding is  5 months and two weeks away. Should I worry about her not having a dress yet? How much time should I give to have her dress ordered and altered? What can I do to encourage her more on the importance of getting the dress and figuring out a way to do it?

Cookies Mom

If you have the dress picked out ask the salon the absolute drop dead date to order the dress and let her know she has to order by that date. Maybe back up a week or so since she seems to be procrastinating!

If the cost is the issue then maybe you need to sit down and have an honest discussion about her budget - is there a cheaper alternative to the dress you've picked? If you haven't picked one maybe you can set a shopping date and hit the sale racks to find something and make it a fun day with your MOH. Good Luck!

rzumbrum

My personal opinion is as brides we should purchase all attire for the wedding party. I have never understood why its customary to ask someone to be in your wedding but they have to pay! Once again just my personal opinion!! If you cannot afford to buy the attire than maybe limit the number our attendants,what you can afford to pay for. As a previous bridesmaid on numerous occassion I throughly enjoyed that the "bride" purchased my attire and opted not to purchase gifts for attendants.

[Deleted User]

CMGr seems to be in a bad mood today....  I would call the salon and ask them what the absolute latest date she needs to order by is and then let her know (or back it up a week like Cookies Mom said).  Let her know that you have a lot on your plate dealing with the wedding coming up so fast and you don't need to worry about your MOH not making the deadline on ordering her dress.  Hopefully when you two have that discussion she'll let you know if there's an underlying problem like money or something else.  

If the salon has her measurements why don't you order it for her, and tell her she has to pay you back!  That way you don't have to worry about it and she gets flexibility in saving for it.

acaponi87

Yeah I'd call the salon. My BM dresses took 6+ months to come in. And 3 weeks at least to alter.

semplesarah

I would find out the dead line from the place. Then if she hasn't done it a week from the deadline you may need to pay for it. I payed for one of my BM's dresses. You cant expect every one to have money to dish out on that.

QueerFemme

My BM dresses were ordered in February from David's Bridal and one of them still isn't in.  Yes, that's only three months, but the expected ship date is sometime in June, and that's DB !!   Usually, they are super fast.  So, I echo previous posters... call the salon, find out the drop dead date.  Call her and say "hey, we HAVE to order by X date".  Then, don't mention it again until maybe 2 weeks before that date.  If she hasn't ordered it by then, then either decide to order it for her and pay for it yourself. 

If you are feeling major pushback, you may want to have a serious conversation with her though.  Tell her you are feeling resistance.  Make sure it's just about money/dress budget and come up with a solution from there. (order a cheaper dress, pay for her dress yourself).

Elle1036

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_attire-accessories_help-maid-of-honour-wont-get-dress?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:15Discussion:fabd8b55-308f-4a12-a2b8-73da79845b59Post:138820e5-3371-420b-89c6-cbe2db51b154">Re: Help! Maid of Honour won't buy dress</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>My personal opinion is as brides we should purchase all attire for the wedding party. I have never understood why its customary to ask someone to be in your wedding but they have to pay! </strong>Once again just my personal opinion!! If you cannot afford to buy the attire than maybe limit the number our attendants,what you can afford to pay for. As a previous bridesmaid on numerous occassion I throughly enjoyed that the "bride" purchased my attire and opted not to purchase gifts for attendants.
Posted by rzumbrum[/QUOTE]

Well, that's why we <em>ask</em> them to be in the wedding party.  Most people understand that agreeing to that means purchasing a dress.  They can say no if they can't do it.

Cortney1982

I don't think you understand your MOH, SHE CAN'T AFFORD THE DRESS!  Even if your wedding is 5 months away, somebody who is strapped for cash isn't going to spend the little they have on a dress they will never wear again.  If she is your MOH obviously she is somebody you care about so buy her the dress.

I ordered Eden Maids dress for my MOH they are suppose to take 12 weeks.  Should come in next week and then time for alterations.  Cutting it close is stressfull, you do not want to do that!

peachykeen26

I would say let it go and when 3 months hits, bring it up again. If she still can't afford it, then be prepared to pay for it or risk her dropping out due to budget contraints.
JMHO

Jen6862

What is the style, color and brand? Go to Ebay... there are tons of bridesmaid dresses for half the cost!!! Nobody buys them so they are really cheap. I saw tons of David's Bridal dresses and some other brands.

Since you are 5 months out, you have at least 2 months to find something, as I say "once loved".

Also, if this doesn't work. Maybe offer to pay for half of the dress?

QueerFemme

I'm not sure why everyone keeps saying 3 months is plenty of time.  Unless you buy off the rack, there is no guarantee that a BM dress is going to arrive in 3 months, let alone leave time for alterations.  YES, most of them DO come in within 3 months. But, I would go 4 months for sure unless the store can guarantee that they can get it in 3 months.

The AA dresses I looked at all said 2-4 months. DB told me anywhere from 3 weeks to 4 months.  One took just over 5 weeks, and I'm at almost 3 months for the other, and it hasn't arrived yet.  So, I seriously wouldn't take any chances.

If having her in the wedding is important to you, ask to schedule some time with her to go get fitted and tell her tha tyou are paying for the dress.  If she still seems resistant, have an open and honest conversation with her and ask her if there is some other reason she is feeling uncomfortable about being in the wedding.

csweaney

Three months is NOT plenty of time. Trust me. At least its not if you don't want to pay an outrageous rush fee and possibly not get it in time to get it altered. 

She needs to order ASAP if you want her to get in the dress in time for your big day. Why not pay for it yourself and have her pay you back?

MrsMeganL2012

Completely agree that 3 months is generally not enough time.  David's Bridal gave us an estimate of 3 months, not including any alterations.  Contact the salon and figure it out now so you don't have to worry about it later.

welches79

It seems like money is the big issue here, not a procrastinating MOH. As far as time goes, our dresses took 14 weeks to come in, and it's going to take upwards of another month to get all the alterations done since this is peak wedding/prom season.

So sit down with your FI and figure out how much, if any, you two could afford to pitch in for the cost of the dress. Then sit down with your MOH and have a heart to heart about what she can afford without hurting her budget. Then find a dress that's in that price range. It's okay if it's not the exact same dress as your other maids since she's the MOH, if that's one of your worries. As long as it's the right length/color/formaility to go with your wedding, it will be fine.

As PP suggested, check out ebay, Craigslist, and all the pre-owned dress sites. You may be able to find the right dress for a much better price.