Pre wedding parties?

MeaghanandMichael

I really like the discussion going on below about prewedding parties. Thoughts on them? No, I am not talking about etiquette (who should do the inviting, who to invite etcetc) but more your general take on them.

Were they a big display for you? Were they just something you wanted to happen? Were they an AW pia? How did you handle? Do you regret doing/not doing them?

tidetravel

I hate showers.  I was so uncomfortable at both the wedding shower and the baby shower. 

katiewhompus

I had a bachelorette party but that was it. I am kind of sad/"I wish" that I didn't have a shower, but I have few friends/family in town who would have attended and with our job schedules it was more work than it would be worth.

MeaghanandMichael

I loved my pre wedding parties. I was an AW (big surprise) BUT everything was very low key in terms of 'expecting; and 'planning.' For me, good freinds getting together was really important and that was about it.

However, our RD was a bit out of control. That was ok though since so many people were coming to MV off the ferry that night for the weekend and it was really important to us to recieve them all. It ended up being like 60 people to the dinner and 75 to the after party... oops!

AllAboutTheBenjamin

I haven't had any yet so... maybe I'm doing it wrong... but I know my bach party will be a pretty low-key, relaxed event.  I don't think we'll be going out anywhere, just chilling on the lake and grilling.

I am really stressed about my bridal shower though.  I HATE opening gifts in front of a bunch of people.  My birthday?  Sucks.  Christmas isn't so bad because everyone else is doing it too.  But yeah - I don't like being the center of attention that way.

kpwedkk

We had traditional pre-wedding ceremonies - a lot of people came over, so that probably constituted as a party.

As a bride, I had the mehendi, and it was a girls only event   (see my avatar picture)



and also dye (turmeric/haldi) ceremony, to promote skin glow, and traditional aspects.

EDIT: I didn't have a wedding / bridal shower, and I don't intend to have a baby shower whenever that time comes...  It's awkward...I don't mind going to other folks's events though...  And, we didn't have a RD.

Lenore2010

I refused two showers In my defense I was having a DW and what my MOH wanted to do did not sound right to me ettiquette wise because people would have been there who could not come to the wedding. Truth be told though something about the whole idea of a shower just made me not happy. So, maybe I was rude to refuse don't know.

I did have the "Unbach" party. My MOH basically freaked at the thought of not doing "at least that", but then told me she wanted me to plan it lol. So, I did. Technically, she invited both guys and girls to a gathering at her place with food and some drinks. We had pizza and BBQ and it was nice. I only suffered a few surprise penis whistles. Yukkers.

It was nice though! It worked out well that i planned it but just in case anyone thought THAT was rude I had HER actually send the invites. Ah, the pretenses of good manners

katiewhompus

Oh, and I was really surprised/happy with how well my bachelorette went. It was low key but very random guest wise. Several of the guests knew only me and I had never met my cousin Alexis before ( Tide, the blonde at the party). She actually came up with the ice breaker game "How did you meet Kristi" and broke the ice by saying "I met Kristi 10 minutes ago in a room filled with penis paraphanalia". It was an amazing night.

barbbhoww

I had a small bachelorette party.  It was March in Chicago and that means cold.  We went to a couple bars and were only out for like 3 hours.  It was fun just to go out with the girls.  DHs was the same night and they went to one bar and all got wasted.  Thankfully, they were right across the street from the house so they all walked home.  It was quite funny!  It was fun!


  I even had a big giant penis for everybody to sign.  It was beautiful.  Don't regret a thing!

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

I'm not having a shower. One of my friends at one point mentioned how they should "probably do one" for me, but none of my friends (who are local, anyway) seem like shower people. And I'm the girl who bought my BM's dresses because I really don't like the thought of people HAVING to spend money on my wedding, so I'm uncomfortable with the idea and don't think it would be fun. So I told her, "Oh, I don't really want a shower. Don't worry about it. I'm sure you guys will do a great job with the bachelorette, though."

I may or may not have made suggestions after one of my BMs suggested going away and renting a cabin for my bachelorette weekend. Like, uh, here's a website with lots of cabins for rent, this is a good weekend, here's who would should invite. She also asked what I wanted to do. There's an Oktoberfest, I want to take a hike in the woods, I want to get a cabin with a hot tub, and I want to drink and watch chick flicks.

So I'd much rather have a bachelorette than a shower, which is how it's working out. I don't know if I'll regret not having a shower, but probably not. I don't think many people will buy us gifts off our registry though. Especially since only 5 have been purchased so far.

barbbhoww

And I had one smaller shower that was lovely. 






  My grandma!

MeaghanandMichael

awwww Mery, I kind of want to throw you a shower, love

Lenore -  I will gladly take the penis whistles this way!!

MeaghanandMichael

Barbie -  your grandma is the cutest thing ever!!!

Steph0871

I convinced my BMs I didn't want the full-out bach party.  They decided to just have a brunch shower, too.  I"m happy. I'm having another shower at home for family.  Again, pretty low-key.

We're not doing a rehearsal (everyone knows how to walk in a straight line, I believe.)  Friday night, we're getting a bunch of tickets to the college hockey game (GO Gophs!), and Saturday we're just having an open drinks thing at a tapas restaurant downtown.  The wedding is Sunday afternoon.  everything is pretty low-key, just like we wanted.

impslave

My shower and bachelorette were both surprises.  

The girls in my office put together a pizza and wings party for the shower a couple of weeks before the wedding.  It was very sweet of them to do and it was completely unexpected.  The same bunch took me out for drinks after work before I took a couple of days off before the wedding.  The fact that I didn't expect such generosity made the gesture all the more touching to me.

I wouldn't have missed either party, but I did appreciate the fun time we had.  I feel fortunate to have such kind friends, not something one always gets to find in their workplace.

lizr7313

Meaghan, how many people did you have at your wedding?  It's looking like our rehearsal dinner is going to be a little ridiculous too, but I have the same reasoning that you did.  I'm just a little worried that inviting all of our OOT guests to the rehearsal dinner is about 75% of the wedding.  Money isn't the issue, I just feel like it might seem a little overboard...

AdeleDazeem

I don't want to have a bridal shower.  I think my mother would die if I refused, but we have this whole destination wedding/AHR situation going on.  She doesn't really care and is going to throw something anyway.  I'm all kinds of uncomfortable about it.  Oh, added bonus?  My future mother in law wants to throw one as well and also doesn't care about etiquette.  GRR.

I don't much care about a bachelorette party.  I'm cleary doing this all wrong.

barbbhoww

Meg-I know!  I love her!!!

[Deleted User]

We had an engagement party that my sister threw for us. We had another one that Matt's parents' friends threw for us in his home town. We had one shower that my friends threw for us and I had a bachelorette dinner that my friends did for me. And Matt's friends had a b party for him.

All of them were fun. It was a bit uncomfortable for me because I'm not a huge fan of being the center of attention, but it was awesome to get to hang out with our friends so much during the time leading up to the wedding.

pirategal03

I'm trying to think of a good way to tell my girls that I don't really want a bach party.  They've kind of been like "well, if we do one, we'll have to go to MOH's town, because she can't get away for a weekend because of work and the rest of us can."  I love my MOH, and I love her town, it's got a lot of fun things to do, I just really don't want to go up there for a bachelorette party. 

MOH and her mom are throwing a bridal shower.  And another friend is hosting a "bridal tea".  I'm expecting to feel completely embarassed and out of my element at both. 

[Deleted User]

I didn't have a shower or bach party, at my own request. One, I don't have enough friends for either and two, I didn't want people spending extra money on the wedding. H wasn't going to have a bach party but his best man convinced him to go out and have some drinks with the guys, so they went out for a few hours.

Our RD was pizza, very casual. I'm not big on pre-wedding parties and think they are all unnecessary. I don't understand the "last night of freedom" mentality. If that's truly the way you feel, then you shouldn't be getting married to someone you feel trapped with.

saxy414

I'm still a ways off from having the parties, but I do really hope I have a shower and a b-party.  I come from a reeeeally small famiy, so I'm kind of looking forward to some kind of shindig thrown in my honor with more than 4 people in attendance.  I'm not expecting some fancy afternoon tea or anything, but one of FI's aunts casually mentioned hosting a shower for me at her house around the pool with margaritas--and that sounds fantastic to me!  And more than a crazy-penis-filled-drunken-night-out b-party, I would love to just have a chill night with all my girlfriends.  We're all so busy and spread out now that we never have that, and I would really appreciate that time. 

jennylove810

Had an engagement party, shower, and have had 1 of 2 bach parties.

E-party was thrown by my mom and was just an excuse to get the CT & NH families together at her house for some finger foods and champagne.

Shower wasn't too extravagant, had about 35 people under a rented tent in my mom's backyard, my BMs did a lovely job with it.

Bach #1 was a girls' day at the beach, followed by dinner at my favorite restaurant.  Low-key, just the way I want.  I'm definitely not the pink boa, penis-necklace-type at the nightclub.  Ech.

Bach #2 in 3 weeks is a weekend in Disney disguised as a trip to visit my sister who works there.  I was always going to go, then 2 of my BMs decided to come too, and I'm REALLY excited to fly to FL and spend the wkend with 3 of my fave people.  We're going to make corny sparkle tanks and everything.

pirategal03

Meg - our RD list is getting out of control like that.  My super-formal uncle is hosting, and I'm scared that it's turning into a bigger ordeal than the reception. 

Lenore2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_pre-wedding-parties?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:0d6a3516-1c3b-409d-a351-0dcb273e61fbPost:d8f13f4f-c948-4219-884a-27666336dad1">Re: Pre wedding parties?</a>:
[QUOTE]awwww Mery, I kind of want to throw you a shower, love :) Lenore -  I will gladly take the penis whistles this way!!
Posted by MeaghanandMichael[/QUOTE]

H (who was at the party, as I said it was both sexes) made me save one, maybe I should send it to you!

jennylove810

I don't understand why people don't enjoy opening presents in front of everyone.  I LOVE watching people open presents!!  Especially my own.  If I bought you something, I better get a whole song and dance about how much you like it lol

MeaghanandMichael

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_pre-wedding-parties?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:0d6a3516-1c3b-409d-a351-0dcb273e61fbPost:a31b5876-6b4a-40f3-86ed-48631539fc6c">Re: Pre wedding parties?</a>:
[QUOTE]Meaghan, how many people did you have at your wedding?  It's looking like our rehearsal dinner is going to be a little ridiculous too, but I have the same reasoning that you did.  I'm just a little worried that inviting all of our OOT guests to the rehearsal dinner is about 75% of the wedding.  Money isn't the issue, I just feel like it might seem a little overboard...
Posted by lizr7313[/QUOTE]

I hear you. We had 125 at the wedding so the RD was definitely ridiculous. That was fine with Mike and I but it is not for everyone. I have heard over and over on here - don't make you RD into a wedding, but it truly was a differenet feel. My friends just love to party so it was like any other night for us really...

Sunshine9463

I had two showers. My Aunts threw one and his godmother threw the other. I really wasn't looking forward to either but they both turned out to be a lot of fun.

We also had a small engagement party/going away party for DH because he was going to New Zealand for an internship for a few months right after we got engaged. It was fun too, but very small. Just family and friends that we see all the time.

I had a bach party also. We went out to eat (where I begrudgingly wore a lame 'bachelorette sash) and then came back to my MOH's house for a pool party and drinks (which we like to call "drunk and dunks").

I'm glad I had those parties now, but honestly wasn't looking forward to the showers or bach party. My friends and family know me though, so nothing was super over the top embarrassing.

Sorry for the novel, geez.

MeaghanandMichael

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_pre-wedding-parties?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:0d6a3516-1c3b-409d-a351-0dcb273e61fbPost:48a8b98a-f64a-49c7-86ad-daa87f729273">Re: Pre wedding parties?</a>:
[QUOTE]Meg - our RD list is getting out of control like that.  My super-formal uncle is hosting, and I'm scared that it's turning into a bigger ordeal than the reception. 
Posted by pirategal03[/QUOTE]

It is all about the feel of the night. Or RD was kind of formal like the wedding, but still a clambake type buffet reception with booze. You have to know your crowd and we know people were coming for the party so we accomodated. To this day I have not heard a sinlge person talk about my RD over the wedding, so that is not the issue. I strongly think most people can seperate the two, kwim?

MeaghanandMichael

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_pre-wedding-parties?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:0d6a3516-1c3b-409d-a351-0dcb273e61fbPost:ba090657-5e4b-47ce-b362-863c70efb528">Re: Pre wedding parties?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Pre wedding parties? : H (who was at the party, as I said it was both sexes) made me save one, maybe I should send it to you!
Posted by Lenore2010[/QUOTE]

I change my knot SS to this. Sorry, Night :)

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_pre-wedding-parties?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:0d6a3516-1c3b-409d-a351-0dcb273e61fbPost:1c9c658d-6d12-4cd6-aebf-3c0e6c01c97b">Re: Pre wedding parties?</a>:
[QUOTE]I convinced my BMs I didn't want the full-out bach party.  They decided to just have a brunch shower, too.  I"m happy. I'm having another shower at home for family.  Again, pretty low-key. We're not doing a rehearsal (everyone knows how to walk in a straight line, I believe.)  <strong>Friday night, we're getting a bunch of tickets to the college hockey game (GO Gophs!), and Saturday we're just having an open drinks thing at a tapas restaurant downtown. </strong> The wedding is Sunday afternoon.  everything is pretty low-key, just like we wanted. :)
Posted by Steph0871[/QUOTE]

That sounds pretty awesome.

Don't worry Meg, I have a feeling I'll have a work shower because some women at work who are known for throwing things like showers are unnaturally interested in my wedding.