unrecoverable drug addict?

RenoisPrettierThanYou

Do you think some folks are SO addicted to drugs they'll never stop using...you know, until they die from it?  Can severe drug addiction be pancreatic version of cancer?I have someone close to me who has done the gamut of at least a dozen in patient facilities, jail, probation, out-patient treatment...practically no identifiable recovery for any period of time. 

Mrs.Expchic

Someone has to be enabling them.

RenoisPrettierThanYou

You're absolutely right...and there is no end in site for the enabling either.  At first the enabling was for her kids' sake, but now that the kids have been taken away, the enabling continues.

lindsayll

Most people won't be committed to real recovery until they hit rock bottom, and I do think some people's rock bottom is death.

Mrs.Expchic

What I learned from Intervention is you need to create their bottom which means NO enabling.  Until the enabler understands that and cuts them off, he'll continue.  Every relapse on Intervention showed their family taking them back in.  There needs to be no choice but recovery. 

Mrs.Babbsy

I'm watching intervention right now for the first time.

pdxmouse

What I learned from my dad (recovering alcoholic and a drug & alcohol counselor) is that recovery sucks, really really bad. Not just the physical and mental process of breaking the addiction, but because on some level you started and continued your addiction in order to avoid dealing with your life and reality. And whatever was in your life that was so bad is still there, and everything you have done has made it that much worse. And that if you want to fix it you're going to have to do it without the cushion of an alcoholic or drug-induced haze. So rock bottom is that point of realizing that the hole you've dug yourself is so much worse than whatever you're running from plus coping with the mess that you really don't have a choice anymore. Some people choose death first. Enablers give them hope that they don't have to choose at all.

tastyburger

Most people won't be committed to real recovery until they hit rock bottom, and I do think some people's rock bottom is death. I'm in Lindsay's halfway house.  For some people, they will never be recovered.  I wish your loved one all the very best that he/she find their rock bottom soon and begin their recovery.

modb1rd

Yes, neither my brother or my SIL will stop using until they die. I belive that with all me heart.

pdxmouse

Oh, that realization also means accepting that there's no point at which you're done, you're okay, that you don't have to worry or fight it anymore. You will always be recovering and never recovered. I think a lot of people who hit "rock bottom" and relapse just didn't get to the point of accepting that unfortunate truth.

RenoisPrettierThanYou

It sucks though, that, unlike any other illness, you basically have to convince the enablers to let the addict go homeless, rely on their own devices (likely illegal) to support their habit, and treat them rather inhumanly in order to truly help them.  I think that's why the enablers can't help themselves.

CaliopeSpidrman

Totally agree with everyone that some people will just keep going until they die.  There are some people who just can't be saved. 

pdxmouse

How well do you know the enabler? Alanon might be able to help them see what they're doing and draw lines, plus give emotional support, if they're willing to go.

Novemberrocks

I don't have anything to add, but just wanted to say how sorry I am you have to deal with this.  Addiction is not easy.

modb1rd

Reno I feel for you about the enablers, my mom could write a how to book. BUT even with all her enabling my brother and his wife disappear for days at a time living homelessly and using constantly because it is easier than doing it at my mom's. I don't think it would matter if she kicked them out, they'd just die sooner.

KristenBtobe

Yes, I do think there's some people who will never be able to stop using. Particularly if their addiction is pared with an often undiagnosed or untreated mental illness. There has to be a tiny tiny part of them that wants to stop, some people just don't have that inside them. Really sad.

RenoisPrettierThanYou

I know the enablers well, they're my parents.  Well, I used to know them well till they cut me off because I don't agree with their constant rescuing.  But, I appreciate the shared stories and good wishes. 

AngieP900

There needs to be no choice but recovery.I'm riding tandem with Exp and Lindsay. I have known a surprising amount of heroin addicts, and for a long time they were broken into 2 groups - those using and those dead. A few of them have been clean for a while but it was only as Exp said, when recovery was the only choice.

AngieP900

And I'm sorry for you, it is a shitty thing to deal with.

KristenBtobe

Oh wow, so they cut you off for not supporting their enabling? I'm so sorry. I hope your parents are able to see a way to make changes so you can reconnect, and they can do what is necessary to stop helping this person waste away.

BrideBuddies

Mod... thinking back to our Meth in Iowa discussion a while back...States/cities/communities that don't take multiple drug use arrests very seriously are also a form of "enabler" as well.  If there's no real punishment, why not risk the crime?

Mrs.Expchic

Jesus, Reno, that's awful. 

lmydogally

Yes, for some botton is death.  Tony's mom will stop drinking until she dies.  She has no enablers and has no desire to change and would rather just die.  She went to the hospital for two weeks got cleaned up and hit the bottle a week after being home.  Drinking is just more important than anything else.  Sorry you are having to deal with this. 

modb1rd

Reno, do you mind me asking some questions? Was it private rehab? How did you get them to go? Also are your parents just beyond embarrassed? Mine are and pretty much won't talk to me about my brother any more. His addiction has strained our relationship (mine and my parents) more than I could have ever imagined.

RenoisPrettierThanYou

I'm not sure I understandt the difference between private and public rehabs...all I know is she's been to facilities all over the country, all of which were private pay because she blew her one round of insurance paid rehab time her first time in.My parents are in such denial of the magnitude.  I don't think they're embarassed, as they view it more as a mental illness, which is a more acceptable illness for them.Seriously though, before this, we were the Brady Bunch family.  Now, F***, our family has disinigrated.

pdxmouse

I'm so sorry Reno. There's always hope that it will change, but sometimes it's a pretty thin hope. I sometimes wonder what will happen between my parents and I if/when my sister's eating disorder* finally kills her. I have so much anger towards them over it. *functions exactly like a drug addiction w/out the fun parts

KristenBtobe

May I ask what she's addicted to? If you don't feel comfortable sharing, please don't.

modb1rd

yeah my brother has never had insurance that I am aware of so an insurance pay wasn't an option for us and noone could afford to send him but me and I won't. I keep hoping he'll be sentenced to rehab but he never is. He was sentenced to drug court and passed with flying colors. He celebrated by getting high. my mom is more embarrassed by his indecent exposure arrests than the meth at this point. and like you, he managed to destroy a pretty leave it to beaver looking family. you sound better than me though. I have hit the point that I wish he would just disappear or be sentenced to years in prison so that we don't have to deal. I can't say I wish he would die, I don't, but I wish he would go away.

RenoisPrettierThanYou

I totally understand those feelings, mod.  I've had them myself.  Being cut off from my family has actually been a blessing in disguise, because I was truly becoming ill over it all.  I'm now in remission from a myriad of illnesses that fell upon me when I had to worry about her minute by minute.  This break from my family has, in a way, already prepared me for her death.  How sick is that?And, I'm not sure what she's addicted to now....it used to be Rx like Oxy, but I'm sure it's escalated.

mashedpotato

addiction sucks, it's hard to understand why they just can't stop or why they start again after being clean for a year or so.  I imagine it is very difficult to stop without the help of some kind of program.  But exp is right about enablers, but it's a situation where you probably feel damned if you do damned if you don't.  I feel the famliy of addicts often suffer more than the addict himself.

lindsayll

Reno, Mod, Mouse:  man, I can't even imagine that kind of strain on family relationships.  I hope you all are taking care of yourselves, be it al-anon, counseling, supportive spouses, or whatever works for you.