How to be a nice b*tch?

JillianAshley6

I just got married this weekend....and one of my DH's close guy friends and his GF (a good friend of mine) chose to skip the rehearsal dinner (they weren't involved in the wedding, but since we are close we invited them) and the wedding. They RSVP'd yes to both. I looked on facebook the Monday after to see if she had said anything about being sick or something, and nope-she just said that she was excited to go to the bar to watch the game and hang out with friends. My feelings are hurt, and so are my DHs. We have been close to this other couple for over 3 years now...before we moved we would hang out several times a week, vacation with them, etc. (wedding is in the town that they lived in so they didn't even have to travel!)I know she is going to call me...we talk at least twice a month, and I truly don't know what to say. If she had at least RSVP'd no, I would have still been a little hurt, but not angry like I am now. She has been hoping he will propose for almost 2 years now, and he hasn't....and she has several times mentioned to me how upset she is that she is not engaged....I kind of think she didn't want to come to our wedding because she was jealous....several things she has said in the past kind of lead me to believe this. I kind of don't want to be her friend anymore... I don't think she has acted like a friend, and I feel like if they truly cared about us, they would have made the wedding (since it appears they have nothing else going on). I know DH wants to forgive his boy, as they get along great...but he didn't make an effort to make the wedding or call/text and give us a heads up either. What do I say to her when she calls? Confront her (nicely) and ask her why they weren't there? Email her before she calls and try to talk it out ahead of time? Ignore her calls, and when DH makes up with his boy and tries to get us to vacation with them, refuse? I know I'm being a b*tch.....any advice on how to be a nice b*tch would be appreciated

KristenBtobe

So you're going to let two no shows completely overshadow your wedding? OK.

shanollee

Here's an option you perhaps haven't considered: get over it.

HappyTummy613

Wait until Christmas, then send them a card with some doo in it.

AngieP900

There is no such thing as a nice b*tch. The closest thing to that is passive aggressive. Your letting her issues become yours and that's ridiculous. Them not showing up doesn't make you any less married. Was that sh*tty of them? Yes. Keep it in the back of your mind and move on.

KristenBtobe

I don't think I gave a thought to who didn't make it to the reception until well after we were home from the honeymoon. But if stewing about your friends hitting up a bar rather than your wedding is how you and your new husband want to spend your energy, carry on.

AngieP900

Or, what HT said. If your uncomfortable with mailing poo, then fart in a jar and send it with directions on how to make fart rolls.

mashedpotato

Shite on their doormat

jbloom

Maybe she is more concerned with her own life than yours?  Maybe she didn't have a "good" reason to miss the event, but people have their own shiit going on and it probably has nothing to do with you.So don't be her friend.  It's that simple.  You have choices all day every day, and this is one of them.  If you don't want to expend energy on her, then don't. Also, please don't put your husband in the position of not being able to be friends with his buddy because you are mad at the chick.  You are still two individuals and he has the right to choose his friends.Would you really not go on a trip because of this?  That seems like a shame.  Just because she missed your wedding doesn't automatically mean you can't enjoy her company ever again.

JillianAshley6

Kristen: Actually my wedding was great. Just because they weren't there doesn't mean it was ruined. I didn't say that. I just asked: what do I say when she calls?   PP...okay you think I shouldn't say anything, just let it go...thats a real answer...thanks!

FallinAgain

Really people?  You wouldn't be hurt and/or pissed if a close friend failed to show for your wedding even after rsvping yes?  I would be.  I would calmly tell her that you were surprised when they didn't show up, esp since they rsvp'ed yes and hope nothing was wrong.  See what she says. Maybe they had a reason that they just didn't broadcast on FB.  If not, I'd think I'd re-evaluate the closeness of this friendship.  At very least, realize they are rude and self-centered and make future plans accordingly.

noisy_penguin

I'd just be honest when she calls. She did a hurtful thing, you're her friend, and it's okay to tell her calmly (not rudely, not yelling, not assuming that she didn't come because she's jealous), "Hey, I was pretty hurt that you didn't come to our wedding." Unless you're beyond wanting to salvage the friendship, then you can poop on her doorstep.

Vinny08

I too would be hurt.  But I would also assume that if she went as far as to ditch your wedding, you may not be getting your bi-monthly telephone call anytime soon.  So, I wouldn't worry about that.I would just wait it out.  If she does contact you, you have the option to bring it up pending your mood at that moment.  Otherwise, you let it go and carry on as per usual.

AngieP900

If it was really a good friend of mine, I probably would have called the next day and asked what happened. I think it's odd she hasn't tried to contact you yet. But like I said, keep it in the back of your mind. Maybe forgive, but don't forget, all that.

HappyTummy613

I'd be annoyed if I paid for people who didn't show up, but I wouldn't fixate on it.  I just wouldn't bother with her for a while.  And I'd let my H do whatever he wanted about "his boy."

CaliopeSpidrman

I was a bit confused -- somehow I missed the part about them missing the wedding and thought all this kerfuffle was over them not attending the rehearsal dinner.  I had a friend do this to me, but it was sort of par for the course and it was just what I needed to realize continuing my friendship with her was pointless.  Is this kind of behavior common for her?  Or is this a first?

jbloom

Fallin -- sure, I get being hurt or annoyed, but I don't get being so focused on that when you JUST got married.  Was the wedding really affected by their lack of presence?  Is it really necessary to cut the friends out of your life over it?  And are you really prepared to tell someone you think they didn't come because you think they are jealous of your getting married first?I guess I just try to look at the big picture and see that the wedding was still great and fun.  Also, it sounds like she is disappointed that the friend isn't as into her as she is into the friend.  That's just life.  Not everyone will feel the same way about each other.  You can dwell on that and be hurt, or you can accept it and not focus on the negatives.  I have friends/acquaintances who aren't always "acting like a true friend" or whatever, but when we do hang out it's flippin fantastic so I take it for what it is.

wingedbride

I really don't see why this chick is getting flamed so much over this. Is it just the lack of drama over here?She didn't whine that this ruined HER day or anything. Just asked how to handle a phone call over it. I don't see why people are jumping on it. Maybe I have just gone Mulva.Anyway. I would be upset to and I would just bring it up casually, not accusatory when you talk to her again.

shanollee

Meh, I actually did have a couple of close friends who had sent a "yes" RSVP and never showed.  They also never called/texted/e-mailed whatever as to why they weren't there.  I did a bit of head scratching for a moment, sure, but I didn't dwell on it or let it get me down.  And honestly, I had such a blast at my wedding that I hadn't noticed they were missing until after the fact.Andplusalso I'm completely non-confrontational so I guess that in combination that I didn't notice the night of made it no big deal for me

FallinAgain

She's just looking for advice on how to confront or react to her.  It's not like she indicated that she's focused every waking thought on this. 

Vinny08

This might be stupid, but perhaps she got the dates mixed up and thinks it is a different weekend.

FallinAgain

I had a couple of just barely more than aquaintances who rsvp'ed yes and didn't show. I noticed.  I wondered what was up.  I had a fabulous time at the wedding.  The next week I thought of them again, noticed they made no excuses, and thought them jackasses.  I still do.  It's completely rude and disrespectful.  If this were a good friend, yeah, I'd be thinking of it.

AngieP900

I really don't see why this chick is getting flamed so much over this. Is it just the lack of drama over here?That or the Edwin McCain lyrics. But more likely that it has been very shamon around these parts, at least since McLovins GBCK'd.

jbloom

You mean like how she said she got married over this past weekend and is now considering not being her friend anymore, and refusing vacations even though her new husband still wants to be buddies with his buddy?

salimoo

It may be petty but the FB posts would definitely get to me. I also think it's possible to be upset about this and still be happy you're married.

FallinAgain

You mean like how she said she got married over this past weekend and is now considering not being her friend anymore, and refusing vacations even though her new husband still wants to be buddies with his buddy?This would pretty much be my reaction.  My wedding daze only lasted about 2.5 days, so I'd certainly be able to think about this now.  I don't choose to have disloyal or disrespectful friends so she'd probably be gone.  My H could be friends with whomever he likes but he shouldn't expect me to vacation with someone I'm not friends with.

Knottie_22382080

Fallin, please attach me to your luggage rack. I am stuck listening to Senators likening each other to Mongoose and Foxes, and can't type long posts.

jbloom

Well, now I am curious if they had a legit reason or not.I don't know, maybe I jumped on this because it reminds me of many past posts with people who think everyone places the same importance on their wedding as they do themselves.

CaliopeSpidrman

Mashed, you are a better person than I for forgiving your sister.

CaptainSerious

I'm with Fallin.  I had three no-shows at my wedding.  Two had a very good excuse, as their 3 year-old daughter fell and was in a body cast.  The third never bothered to make an excuse or apologize; we are no longer friends.

shanollee

I don't know, maybe I jumped on this because it reminds me of many past posts with people who think everyone places the same importance on their wedding as they do themselves.I'm in bloomie's canoe.  Though I guess I can see both sides of the situation, this was my initial thought process/reaction