Snarky Brides

Age difference in siblings

Out of curiosity, if you have kids and want them to be friends and play together how closely would you have them?

Sil currently has a 4 year old and is trying for a second because she wants to give Z a playmate. She and Scott are only 6 months apart (adopted) and both loved having a sibling so close in age. Sil thinks 4 years apart would be perfect playmate age.

The people I know who had a sibling 4+ years difference generally hated each other until they were in their 20's, and definitely did not play or enjoy time with them when they were younger.

And omg..poor lady on tv got pregnant when her first baby was 9 months old. that's a lot of diapers.
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Re: Age difference in siblings

  • K ByteK Byte member
    1000 Comments Fourth Anniversary
    Uh yeah. My sister and I are close to 4 years apart (3.5 years apart, but 4 years apart in school, so she was in 8th grade when I was a senior in high school) and we certainly were NOT friends growing up. I pretty much thought she was an obnoxious baby. H and his sister are 4 years apart and 5 years apart in school but they got along better, maybe because they're opposite sex? One of my roomies in college was 5 years younger than her brother and they were always super close, so who knows. H and I have talked about it and we decided if we have kids we definitely want them to be closer in age than we both are to our siblings.
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  • playtntsbpg30playtntsbpg30 member
    Eighth Anniversary 500 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited July 2010
    the next sibling from me is 7 yrs older, they're twins. Them and all my other siblings are closer in age. My sister is 11yrs older then I am so I would love to have a sister or maybe a brother closer to my age.  My sister is more like a mom then a sister at times.

    When(if)  I have kids, I'd like to have them 2-3 yrs apart. I also only want 2.. I'll be happy with one!

    I hate having a gap between my siblings and myself. But at the same time I'm glad it is the way it is. I have been the "luckier" one, in the time frame of my parents actually growing up. 
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  • 4 seems like a large gap to be playmates; I don't know too many sixth graders who'd want to play with their little brother in 2nd grade, or too many 16 year olds who want to spend their time using their newly acquired drivers license to go hang out with their 12 year old sibling.  Might work for little girls for a period of time when they want to play mom and take care of their little brother or sister or make allowance baby sitting.  My FI is 4 years older than her brother and they have a great family environment but I don't think they really went out of their way to do things together on their own as kids rather than as a whole family.

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  • My sister an I are 2 years apart and I love it.

    (she also got pregnant when her baby was 7 months old lol)
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  • Here's how it worked for me:

    Younger brother - 3 years younger, and we HATED each other.
    Older brother - 1.5 years difference and we were like glue.  Now we work together and he is my bridesman.
    Older sister - 13 year difference, so there wasn't much of a "play" relationship, but she babysat a lot.
    Oldest brother - 16 year difference, and he never really jived with my mom coming into the picture and makin' 3 babies with my dad.  Not much of a relationship there.
  • I don't have kids, but I would think a year or two apart would be ideal, but I'm just guessing.

    I'm the baby of 7, and kind of a surprise. My sister, the oldest is currently 56 then there are 5 brothers, and then me. I'll be 33 this year, and I never really had anyone to play with. My older brothers did think it was fun to teach me things when I was small, to mess with my Mom, ie: climbing out of the playpen, e tc.

    Which did you like better? "Jedi" or "The Empire Strikes Back"? "Empire". Blasphemy. "Empire" had the better ending. I mean, Luke gets his hand cut off, finds out Vader's his father, Han gets frozen and taken away by Boba Fett. It ends on such a down note. I mean, that's what life is, a series of down endings. All "Jedi" had was a bunch of Muppets.
  • NebbNebb member
    10000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    I have 2 (half) brothers - I interacted with them a fair amount in my youth, but didnt live with them. We are each 5-6 years apart in age - Me, then my brother 5.5 years later, then my other brother 5.5 years after that. I didnt get along with my middle brother for a LONG time - he idolized me and annoyed the bejeezus out of me and then he got really weird when he was a teenager and was just a prick. I dont know if its because im SO much older than my youngest brother, but we get along GREAT, and always have. We talk almost every day on the internet, while I hardly talk to my other brother at all.
  • Oh, forgot to mention, my dad and two of his siblings all came in the span of five years and they were relatively close growing up.

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  • My parent got married at 19. They had my sisters (now 43 and 41). Then they had me 15 years later. I am 25 and my baby bro is 21. Yup that makes my parents closer in age to my sister then my sister and brother :)

    I freaking love it though. My whole life it was awesome having older sister growing up and now their kids are 16, 15, 12, 10 and 5 and it is even more fun to be close in age with them too! By time I have my kids my oldest neice will probably be 19 and the whole circle starts again!
  • I have one sister who was 9 when I was born, one who was 1 year 9 months and then I have a brother who is 8 years younger than I am.

    The oldest sister played babysitter, but we were not playmates or friends.  I love her now.

    My other sister and I WERE playmates and friends and are best friends still today.  Granted-we had our share of knock down drag out fights, but we get over our fights in about 5 seconds.

    I played babysitter to my brother.  I view him more as a surrogate child than I do a friend.  He is 18 now, and I am still giving him lectures when he is out of line.

    Her child is now 4 so would probably be closer/older than 5 by the time second child comes.  I feel if you cannot be in high school at the same time, it lowers your chances of really being friends.  2-3 year age difference is perfect for friendship in my experience.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_age-difference-siblings?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:1b550da8-4b87-43a1-aa54-fe1be20b4942Post:3994821f-f4be-4245-bd0c-ce20ebe5078c">Re: Age difference in siblings</a>:
    [QUOTE]Uh yeah.<strong> My sister and I are close to 4 years apart (3.5 years apart, but 4 years apart in school, so she was in 8th grade when I was a senior in high school) and we certainly were NOT friends growing up</strong>. I pretty much thought she was an obnoxious baby.<strong> H and his sister are 4 years apart and 5 years apart in school but they got along better, maybe because they're opposite sex?</strong> One of my roomies in college was 5 years younger than her brother and they were always super close, so who knows. H and I have talked about it and we decided if we have kids we definitely want them to be closer in age than we both are to our siblings.
    Posted by K Byte[/QUOTE]

    Nope.  My brother and I beat the shiit out of each other.
  • My middle brother and I are three years apart and have always gotten along really well and still do. My youngest brother and I are eight years apart and although he's learning to drive now, he's still very much the baby brother in my mind.

    I'd like to have our kids about 2-3 years apart. Although a couple we know has a two-year-old and an infant and says it's quite a handful.

    Also, this made my uterus ache... A girl I went to high school with just annouced she's pregnant with her second child. She gave birth to her first three months ago.
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  • My older sister and I are 22 months apart, and once she got over the initial shock and wanting to send me back to the hospital, it was fine. Yes, we fought, and she blamed me for all kinds of stuff she did, but when we got to be pre-teens, it all evened out and we ganged up on mom together.

    My younger sister is 1 month shy of 11 years younger than me. We have a very different relationship because I was involved so much in her care, just because I was old enough. Heck, some people in our little small town still think she is my kid. Seriously.
    I do feel bad for her because she was born into a house with no more patience for kid stuff. We already had a schedule and a tempo and I really resented the fact that she couldn't put her shoes on fast enough and we were going to be late all the time. I probably yelled at her too much and I still feel a little guilty that she has an anxiety disorder, and OCD. Deep down I think I caused it. I think it was really unfair to her because my mom didn't have the energy anymore and we didn't have the patience. When I left home for college, she was 7, and it was really hard on her. We are close now, though, even though we have vastly different ideaologies. She'll be 21 3 days after our wedding, and I can't believe how old that makes me. I remember the day she was born.


    CN: 2-3 years is optimal IMO, 11 years is too much.
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  • I don't know.  Nick wants them close in age, he was 7 and 10 years younger than his two sisters.  I was 3 years younger than my sister and we hated eachother until she moved out.

    I personally like the idea of kids spread apart in age because of the fact that I suck at multi tasking.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_age-difference-siblings?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:1b550da8-4b87-43a1-aa54-fe1be20b4942Post:f684075f-9621-4384-96ce-0333d5e62510">Re: Age difference in siblings</a>:
    [QUOTE]My middle brother and I are three years apart and have always gotten along really well and still do. My youngest brother and I are eight years apart and although he's learning to drive now, he's still very much the baby brother in my mind. I'd like to have our kids about 2-3 years apart. Although a couple we know has a two-year-old and an infant and says it's quite a handful. Also, this made my uterus ache... A girl I went to high school with just annouced she's pregnant with her second child. She gave birth to her first three months ago.
    Posted by MarriedInAFever[/QUOTE]

    Good grief! 
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  • My mom is the 2nd of 5 girls, and her next youngest sister is just 10 months younger. My grandmother was a busy lady.
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  • My little bro and I are 6 years apart, and had nothing in common until he was around 14 or so, and I was already out of the house. I always wished I had a sibling closer to my age to hang out with (stepbrothers didn't count, they were/are a-holes).

    4 years seems a bit far apart to me. I'd say 2 years would be better for playmates.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_age-difference-siblings?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:1b550da8-4b87-43a1-aa54-fe1be20b4942Post:315359eb-3047-4c0f-9e20-c687f660daa5">Re: Age difference in siblings</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Age difference in siblings : Good grief! 
    Posted by shellydiane820[/QUOTE]

    Yeah. I wasn't even sure that was physically possible.
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  • Omg 3 months? She will never get to sleep again!

    I told Scott at this point it's twins or we're having an only child. I don't want to be trying for a second when he's halfway through his 40's, but I also don't want to have a second kid until after the first is eating on their own and on their way out of diapers.
  • My brother and I were a year and 5 days apart. For the most part we got along really well. Of course we fought and beat each other up a bit... but we hung out pretty consistently up until high school. Even then we remained fairly close.

    It was a very small age gap but I think it worked out really well for us. I would actually like to have kids a year or two apart. Although... doing the college tuition thing at the same time would suck...
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  • My older sister is not quite 2 years older than me (23 months) and my younger sister is a year and two days younger than me. So 3 kids in less than 3 years, thats playmates for ya!
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  • I would like our kids to be 2 years apart or less.  My siblings are 3 and 4 years younger than me and 14 months apart.  They were besties all through school and I couldn't stand either of them until we were adults. 

    I know it can be a hot topic for some but for me it's just a preference, not something I feel particularly strongly about.    If it doesn't work out that way, that's ok, but given the choice, I would like them to be close in age.  People always say "2 in diapers?!!! zomg no!" but I really don't care.  I hope to stay at home or work from home for a few years so whether I'm changing one baby or two isn't going to make a hill of beans of difference to me. 
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_age-difference-siblings?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:1b550da8-4b87-43a1-aa54-fe1be20b4942Post:d98214a9-653e-4fb6-9f19-c09bb20ad6bc">Re: Age difference in siblings</a>:
    [QUOTE] I used to hunt down the kids who messed with him and tortured the crap out of them.
    Posted by Champagne Supernova[/QUOTE]

    Good point there.  One time I chased down some kids (who were probably a year older than my brother, so 2 or 3 years younger than me) for throwing rocks and wood chips at my youngest brother.  They left that park after I pulled the "Well my oldest brother is TALL and HE'S A COP" thing.
  • raynesraynes member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary
    I'm 5 yrs older than my little brother and we fought like cats and dogs growing up.  Now we're good friends, and he considers my H his BFF.

    My SIL is 15 mos younger than my H, and his little brother is 8 yrs younger. ("Don't worry honey, you won't get pregnant").  I've heard mixed stories about my H and my SIL both getting along really well and fighting a lot.  I think they fought more once they were in their teens.  They're really close now.  My H is super close to his brother though, but he had a big part in raising him.

    MIAF, sounds like Irish Twins to me!
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  • I'm 26 - my sisters are 22, 19, and 15.

    We get along great now but growing up it might have been cool to be a little closer in age.  I might like to have my kids a little closer to a year or two apart than three or four years.
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  • I'm an only child, but here is how DH's family breaks down:
    SIL - 31
    DH - 28
    SIL - 26
    BIL - 23
    Twin BILs - 21

    I will agree that the siblings that were closest in age usually got along the best when they were younger, particularly the youngest 3 BILs.  DH and his younger sister also were really close when they were kids. 

    However, that isn't the case anymore.  It kind of seemed like once everyone grew up, all of that changed.  Also, some personalities won't get along, no matter how close together you have them.
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  • I have one brother, he is 4 years younger than me.  We aren't that close.  We live very different lives and have different priorities and values. 

    My daughter is 13, so even if I got pregnant today, there would be 14 years between her and any siblings.  We still haven't decided if we want to procreate or not, we have some time. 
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  • My brother is 4 years and 4 months younger than me. We fought like cats and dogs growing up, but once I left for college, this odd kinship developed, and now, I would consider him my best friend besides my husband. His wife is 2 years younger than him (I think that's right). DH is 6 months minus 1 day older than me.

    Those are all 4 of my parents "kids."
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_age-difference-siblings?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:1b550da8-4b87-43a1-aa54-fe1be20b4942Post:cc457c30-c2a0-4ec7-9c98-fb1959a061af">Re: Age difference in siblings</a>:
    [QUOTE]I would like our kids to be 2 years apart or less.  My siblings are 3 and 4 years younger than me and 14 months apart.  They were besties all through school and I couldn't stand either of them until we were adults.  I know it can be a hot topic for some but for me it's just a preference, not something I feel particularly strongly about.    If it doesn't work out that way, that's ok, but given the choice, I would like them to be close in age.  People always say "<strong>2 in diapers?!!! zomg no!"</strong> but I really don't care.  I hope to stay at home or work from home for a few years so whether I'm changing one baby or two isn't going to make a hill of beans of difference to me. 
    Posted by goheels05[/QUOTE]

    After going through it with my little sister and my ex's little girl, I'd rather have 2 in diapers at once than have to worry about diapers for 5-6 years (3 or so each, consecutively).
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  • My brother is three years older than me and we played okay together until I was 7, then we just fought like cats and dogs and didn't become close again until I was 18.

    My grandma had my dad, then bam! Bam! Bam! Three more kids right after one another, as in 9-11 months apart. Being pregnant for three years straight? Um, no thank you!
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