I am annoyed and question

ricksang

Okay, I don't know if anyone else has this problem but... now that I am getting my degree in nutrition, it seems my friends and famiy want me to plan diets for them all the time. I wouldn't mind if I didn't do it all the friggin time at school and it wasn't so time consuming. I guess they think I can just whip them up a meal plan just like that.

Anyway, I had a friend call me about two months ago and ask me to plan diets for her and her H. She offered to pay me and I said sure (but I told her I was not licensed yet) and she said she didn't care. Well, I told her everything she needed to do but she never sent me then info I needed to plan, which is fine b/c I really don't want to plan diets on my vacation time!

Anyway my other MIL (love her to death but) keeps calling me and I keep avioding her call but I know she wants me to plan a diet for her. I don't wanna, I want a break from school/work crap.

I know I am going to have to call her tomorrow. Should I suck it up and plan a diet for her b/c she is family?

tidetravel

I'd tell her that its best for her to start her diet after the new year - don't want all of that stress on her for the holidays.  That'll give you a little break.

ricksang

Oh Tide that's a really good answer! TY!

jasmineh7777

"I'd love to do this for you when I have some more downtime. Right now I'm really busy with school and the holiday. Making a plan takes a lot of time, and I want to make sure I come up with something that will help you be successful. Let's talk again after the holidays!"

jasmineh7777

Or, ya know, what Tide said. :P

ricksang

Great minds think a like Jas (You and Tide)

deepcovejackie

I don't know Nebb, I get this all the time in my field too.  One caveat is, once you start, you're in, for life.  I've given medical care a couple of times for family.  Downside is, they have your home phone number, your cell number and all your fb info.  It never ends with one consultation.  My vet has now decided I'm her new doctor.  She has all my info.  I'm scared.

ricksang

Cove, are you  a DR.?

deepcovejackie

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_am-annoyed-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:24aad6d9-dfd3-440a-b56a-1281637c7991Post:6d07f578-2ba3-423b-9dae-f430b1f58762">Re: I am annoyed and question</a>:
[QUOTE]Cove, are you  a DR.?
Posted by ricksang[/QUOTE]

yep.  I am.  I  know of which I speak.  Say something like this "I'm sorry, my (insert professional organization here) looks badly upon us taking care of our own family members.  It would be considered unethical.  General questions are fine....."

ricksang

Good, I really don't want work to flow into my everyday life. I need a break!

deepcovejackie

Cultivate your social group wisely.  You can do very little about your family.  Congrats in advance to you on your degree!

sucrets4

So, Ang, do you think you could plan some meals for me?  How about Emma?  We could use some help.  I'll pay you in      ( . )( . ).

ricksang

If I can see your boobs, yes :P

thesuninherhead

This seems to happen in every profession. You should try telling your friends/family that you're a psychologist! I learnt quickly that dropping the 'psychologist' out of my researcher title would make socialising much less traumatic.

 

Meanwhile, H is in IT. The amount of constant computer questions is really ridiculous. Every man and his dog needs computer help. Nick's mother's 70 year old ex-neighbour has even called asking for computer advice! haha.

Steph0871

Even I get this, just because I work at a large University.  I bet at least 7-8 of my sister's friends and/or their parents have emailed/called me in the last few months. (She's a senior in high school.)  They ask everything from housing (where I used to work) to which classes to take to how to get admitted.  Sorry guys, but there are 30,000+ employees who work full time to answer those questions; unfortunately I do not know everything.

Obviously mine ^ is not the same, because the only people who harass me are people who want to go to this school.  But I can still understand the annoyance.  I usually briefly answer, and then give them the contact information they need to get the correct, 'official' answer.

Do you know a few RDs you can refer family/friends to if you're too busy (or not yet licensed.)  That might help 'soften the blow' of you saying no.  if they trust you to help them, they should trust your recommendations too!

Lenore2010

I do not give family legal advice, I do not refer them to attorneys. Yup, I would go with whomever said go with the "professional ethics" thing. I do not give friends legal advice, either but I will refer them elsewhere.

Having watched my uncle, who had a Family Law practice in New York get into some crap with an another relative because of advice he gave him on his divorce I swore never to get involved in that.

marriedfilingjointly

Yuck.  When I was in college, people would constantly say "OMG you can totally do my taxes!" like they were doing me some kind of favor or something.  Um, no. 

mattsdorothy

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_am-annoyed-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:24aad6d9-dfd3-440a-b56a-1281637c7991Post:03eebd09-8e39-4404-9c7d-a5f460e93c63">Re: I am annoyed and question</a>:
[QUOTE]I do not give family legal advice, I do not refer them to attorneys. Yup, I would go with whomever said go with the "professional ethics" thing. I do not give friends legal advice, either but I will refer them elsewhere. Having watched my uncle, who had a Family Law practice in New York get into some crap with an another relative because of advice he gave him on his divorce I swore never to get involved in that.
Posted by Lenore2010[/QUOTE]

I run into this problem a lot, too. I haven't even been in practice very long and I've been fielding at least one "friend" legal advice phone call per week. Not to mention all the cold calls I get from strangers that "just need some advice." Hellooooo... that's what attorneys get PAID to give. If we gave it for free to every lovin' person we'd be out of work. Oy.

Ricks, I think that one thing I would add is: "A diet/nutrition program isn't just about a list. It's about a regimen and I wouldn't feel like I was doing you a favor by simply giving you some sort of list. If you want to call  my office (? if applicable) and set up an appointment to get you started on a program, here is the number."
I think that pretty clearly indicates that a professional relationship is preferred, if not required.

betrothed123

If you don't set boundaries now you'll be working for free for the rest of your life.

When I got my Massage Therapy license everyone wanted a free massage.  Of course everyone still does.  Before I was licensed I used that as an excuse.  It's not only unethical, but illegal to practice without a license.  When I had my license I asked people how they would feel if someone asked them to do their job, which they had trained very hard for, and spent a good deal of money on the education for, for free.  That usually ended the requests for free massages.

ricksang

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_am-annoyed-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:24aad6d9-dfd3-440a-b56a-1281637c7991Post:c2a10762-8957-4e70-84be-c229c622bb7c">Re: I am annoyed and question</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I am annoyed and question : I run into this problem a lot, too. I haven't even been in practice very long and I've been fielding at least one "friend" legal advice phone call per week. Not to mention all the cold calls I get from strangers that "just need some advice." Hellooooo... that's what attorneys get PAID to give. If we gave it for free to every lovin' person we'd be out of work. Oy. Ricks, I think that one thing I would add is: "A diet/nutrition program isn't just about a list. It's about a regimen and I wouldn't feel like I was doing you a favor by simply giving you some sort of list. If you want to call  my office (? if applicable) and set up an appointment to get you started on a program, here is the number." I think that pretty clearly indicates that a professional relationship is preferred, if not required.
Posted by mattsdorothy[/QUOTE]

Yeah, that's the thing, I am still working on my masters so I am not ever a professional yet! I still have a lot to learn!

ricksang

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_am-annoyed-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:24aad6d9-dfd3-440a-b56a-1281637c7991Post:cad6c476-47db-4599-87b8-9d5fdff86d73">Re: I am annoyed and question</a>:
[QUOTE]If you don't set boundaries now you'll be working for free for the rest of your life. When I got my Massage Therapy license everyone wanted a free massage.  Of course everyone still does.  Before I was licensed I used that as an excuse.  It's not only unethical, but illegal to practice without a license.  When I had my license I asked people how they would feel if someone asked them to do their job, which they had trained very hard for, and spent a good deal of money on the education for, for free.  That usually ended the requests for free massages.
Posted by betrothed123[/QUOTE]
Also good advice!

mattsdorothy

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_am-annoyed-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:24aad6d9-dfd3-440a-b56a-1281637c7991Post:78b2b277-f158-4314-ac88-61283e9c5604">Re: I am annoyed and question</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I am annoyed and question : Yeah, that's the thing, I am still working on my masters so I am not ever a professional yet! I still have a lot to learn!
Posted by ricksang[/QUOTE]

Haha. This reminds me of the random undergrads that would hang around the law school with the hopes of running into one of us to ask about their MIP. Most of us worked for attorneys at the time, so we would just refer them, since it would have been illegal for us to give advice at that time. Do you intern or have  a person already in the field that you would feel comfortable referring your friends to? Something like, "I'm really excited to get my license and to be able to take friends <em>as clients</em>, but until then, you should call so-and-so, who has a really great reputation."

ricksang

Well, I start interning in the Summer so I could def refer them then but I really think most of them want free advice b/c a RD is pretty expensive. It's understandable. Who doesn't want free stuff?

ricksang

Yeah that is what I am going to have to do B. It's just hard. I would rather cut my hand off than hurt someone's feelings.

Matt, we do but they are "pretend" people. We have a book of case studies with real people in then with real problems but we never meet them. We just pretend we have an then plan as we go. I work on my first person in August.

betrothed123

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_am-annoyed-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:24aad6d9-dfd3-440a-b56a-1281637c7991Post:b0af51c9-dbf8-49a8-9cc9-90f07745d798">Re: I am annoyed and question</a>:
[QUOTE]Yeah that is what I am going to have to do B. It's just hard. I would rather cut my hand off than hurt someone's feelings.
Posted by ricksang[/QUOTE]
I understand what you mean there, which is why I usually ask how they would feel if they were asked to do their job for free.  It's insulting to be asked to work for free.  It tells me you think my services are worth receiving, but not worth paying for.  When you ask people that question it gives them a chance to reach the same conclusion without you hurting their feelings.

ricksang

Yep, she wants me to make a meal plan for her b/c the doctor said she has high CHOL.   ;(

She offered to buy us dinner though and that's at least 50 bucks so I most likely will lol. I like food.

betrothed123

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_am-annoyed-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:24aad6d9-dfd3-440a-b56a-1281637c7991Post:a7b6a5d8-e792-4e84-ac84-281976034093">Re: I am annoyed and question</a>:
[QUOTE]Yep, she wants me to make a meal plan for her b/c the doctor said she has high CHOL.   ;( She offered to buy us dinner though and that's at least 50 bucks so I most likely will lol. I like food.
Posted by ricksang[/QUOTE]
Food is good :)

marriedfilingjointly

My "out" was always "that's not really what I do."  Which was true.  When I first started out, I was doing research on state tax issues for multi-billion dollar corporations.  The only individual tax return I had ever done was my own (and I don't even do that now because Wes does it).  Now I do individual returns, but no one asks me anymore so I'm not saying anything. 

So maybe you could say "that's not really what I'm going to school for . . ." Just be prepared if they ask for details. 

ricksang

Yes food will always win me over.

ricksang

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_am-annoyed-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:24aad6d9-dfd3-440a-b56a-1281637c7991Post:e9c35887-f00f-4ab9-89c5-933483a3cbb2">Re: I am annoyed and question</a>:
[QUOTE]My "out" was always "that's not really what I do."  Which was true.  When I first started out, I was doing research on state tax issues for multi-billion dollar corporations.  The only individual tax return I had ever done was my own (and I don't even do that now because Wes does it).  Now I do individual returns, but no one asks me anymore so I'm not saying anything.  So maybe you could say "that's not really what I'm going to school for . . ." Just be prepared if they ask for details. 
Posted by marriedfilingjointly[/QUOTE]
Well, I am going to hopefully be working in eating disorders or food service so that might certainly work

marriedfilingjointly

Yay!