Getting married young

MeaghanandMichael

With the right guy, would it have been for you? Or maybe not with the right guy.... maybe you would have been ready anyway. Whatever the case is pre college graduate marriage for you??

Me? Absolutely not. I can only have my own experience on this but I can not seriously understand how the comprehension level of 'forever' and 'committed' work in people under 20.This is my experience.

betrothed123

Hell no.  H and I were HS sweethearts.  We still knew it was best to wait until we had both graduated and moved on to full time careers before we got married.

shoegal715

No, never. Even I wanted to get married, I would have been way too afraid / embarrassed to tell my parents. 

I strongly believe people should not be allowed to get married until at least 21 years old. There are so many things to see, experience and do before marriage.

[Deleted User]

Nope. I was a complete fucking mess when I was 20. I had no understanding of consequences / long term repercussions of my actions at that age. When I think about all of the stupid shiit I used to do, I'm literally surprised that I'm still alive or not in jail. But that was me when I was 20. Like I said, I was an immature idiot. I know some people have it way more together than I did.

Nebb

NO. WAY.

I would not give up the independance I had in my early 20's/through college, or the experiences I had (and the men I experienced ). I dont think I was NEARLY mature enough to handle being married then, and it would have been a disaster.

tonyscutieest09

I was just wondering about this myself; and honestly I'm glad I will be mid-twenties when we tie the knot. I know how immature I was (and can still be) and honestly could not have handled the pressure of marriage. But everyone's different and matures at different rates. That's just IMHO

DodgersBride

I got engaged when I was 21. We aren't getting married for at least another 2 years and even that might get pushed back. I have not graduated college and I don't think I will be a college graduate by the time I get married. I am currently not school now. Nor was I in school when we got engaged. I honestly think that had I been or if I were in school I wouldn't get married until I graduate.

kimheartsscott

Honestly, I don't mention my age on here a lot because I know I would get judged.  And I completely understand why.  If most of my friends were getting married this young, I would judge them.  But I really think it's right for us.

Scott is graduating early (well, early for having 3 majors) but still won't graduate for a year after our wedding.

Starmusica

HELLLLS NO. and I thought I wanted to! I was a fuckin idiot. FI and I have been together since we were 17. I wanted to get married SO bad from lik 20-22. I thought we were ready. He smartly forced us to wait. And granted.. we were mature 21 year olds. We graduated early and I bought a condo at 21.. but I was still a frickin moron. I am 25 now and SO SO thankful we waited. We each know ourselves so much more and have a deeper understanding of what marriage really means....

PetraStonegirl

Oh, hell no! When I was 20 I wasn't mature enough to understand the kind of love and commitment it takes to maintain a loving and strong marriage over 50+ years. Plus... FI would have only been 9. Umm... ew!

FWIW- I did get married at 20, it lasted 4 months. MPS with violent tendencies. He's institutionalized now, I wasn't the only person he tried to kill with his bare hands. *shudder*

PunkRockPrincess13

Did it.... divorced after 3 years.... wouldn't recommend it to anyone else...

missy68

ROTFLMAO at the thought of me married in my 20s. I was naive, then I was an idiot, then I was a total mess, then absolutely irresponsible, and it took me until I was 37 to straighten my ass out.

My brother, who is 4 years younger than me, was more mature than me probably until I left my first husband and then until I met J.

I was just discovering how to be a barfly at 23, 24, and 25.  Someone like me had no business living alone in Miami with bars open until 6am. Drinks are a lot less expensive, though, when you're friends with the bartender and the bar regulars.

EDIT:  Had John and I met in our early 30s as the people we are NOW, I might change my answer.

MeaghanandMichael

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_getting-married-young?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:2b342410-37c5-4721-9163-70d79094550bPost:b50b8a7c-0c9a-45d2-82d4-72530c3605ec">Re: Getting married young</a>:
[QUOTE]NO. WAY.<strong> I would not give up the independance I had in my early 20's/through college, or the experiences I had</strong> (and the men I experienced ). I dont think I was NEARLY mature enough to handle being married then, and it would have been a disaster.
Posted by Nebb[/QUOTE]

Yup. I was proposed to twice at 20 and 21 and these were these exact thoughts I was stricken with. I just wanted to live a life of my own and I think this is a healthy part of transitioning from your parents to your husband. I can't imagine just being handed off between. I also worry what a man who is older sees in a girl. I am not judging because it is absolutely contextual, but I would bet you all thinking some thing when you hear 19 yo marries 27 yo.

MeaghanandMichael

My god Petra, I am so sorry

ehathewa

I almost got married in Vegas when I was 19... not doing it was the best life choice I have ever made. 

tonyscutieest09

I don't like talking about it but I was married at 19. Lasted a year,a year of abuse and rape, I hope no one ever has a year like I did. I wouldn't even wish it on my worst enemy.

Anysunrise

Well, as one can guess from my previous posts in the Age thread, I'm pretty convinced. If FI was my age, absolutely not, but he's old enough that he's dated around and knows what he wants. I just don't see my fundamental desires in a husband changing all that much between now and when I'm 25. As far as understanding the concept of a lifetime commitment, I do realize that I am going into this for life, and honestly, the thought of it couldn't make me happier. I love the idea of buying a house with him, raising a family, growing old together. I can't wait. I'm not deluding myself into thinking it's going to be all puppies and rainbows forever and ever, but I am confident of our ability to work through any issues that arise. Well, obviously, or I wouldn't be marrying him.

AllAboutTheBenjamin

My mother always advised us girls growing up to not get married until we were able to live on our own and support ourselves.

At 26, I've been completely independent for several years.  My younger sister who got married last year was 22 at her wedding - I think I would have been fine getting married at that age, but for whatever reason she and her husband were pretty behind the curve.  They lived in my parents' basement for six months after the wedding

MeaghanandMichael

btw- my parents have been married since they were 19. They have four kids ages 43-21 and they are still very happily married... I am also interested in the socual expectations of our current world.

jelique7

Well obviously getting married young is right for me (although others will disagree and say it will fairly miserably). Luckily i have the right people around me to support me and I have given it tons of thought. I will be done with school shortly after i get married and my FI and I will both have steady careers. We have our reasons for marrying young and are both ready. So there it is.

playtntsbpg30

I had a boyfriend in high school and same right after high school. We often talked about getting married but in the long run I am so glad it never happen. It also was a semi long distance relationship since neither drove (he had his license no car, and i didn't have my license yet). We lived about 45 minutes away and without parents help it wasn't easy.
I think even if we would have been more closer and had a serious relationship I wouldn't have been ready for marriage. It took me a long time to get to that point.
Grad school isn't for me so I would be ready before that but if that was in my cards then yes I would too wait til after school was done and I had a good steady job.

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_getting-married-young?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:2b342410-37c5-4721-9163-70d79094550bPost:64d743bc-3221-4b2e-b975-67336267c96f">Re: Getting married young</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't like talking about it but I was married at 19. Lasted a year,a year of abuse and rape, I hope no one ever has a year like I did. I wouldn't even wish it on my worst enemy.
Posted by tonyscutieest09[/QUOTE]

I'm so sorry. I hate that for you. I really want to hug you right now.

Starmusica

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_getting-married-young?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:2b342410-37c5-4721-9163-70d79094550bPost:d7c24486-11a7-420a-b952-606874dadbde">Re: Getting married young</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Getting married young : Yup. I was proposed to twice at 20 and 21 and these were these exact thoughts I was stricken with. I just wanted to live a life of my own and I think this is a healthy part of transitioning from your parents to your husband. I can't imagine just being handed off between. I also worry what a man who is older sees in a girl. I am not judging because it is absolutely contextual, but I would bet you all thinking some thing when you hear 19 yo marries 27 yo.
Posted by MeaghanandMichael[/QUOTE]


I agree actually. I have trouble not being judge-y when I hear of girls still in their teens and early 20s jumping into marriage with older men.

I will admit.. I have only ever had TWO boyfriends and one is FI- I KNOW.. UNREAL AND WEIRD. We have been dating since we were 17.. no "breaks" etc etc. But.. even though we KNEW we were meant to be together we still did our own thing. I moved away for a job... we did long distance and he followed me. Now I moved back home and I am in law school and he works. We've always done what we wanted.. just together...

Starmusica

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_getting-married-young?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:2b342410-37c5-4721-9163-70d79094550bPost:64d743bc-3221-4b2e-b975-67336267c96f">Re: Getting married young</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't like talking about it but I was married at 19. Lasted a year,a year of abuse and rape, I hope no one ever has a year like I did. I wouldn't even wish it on my worst enemy.
Posted by tonyscutieest09[/QUOTE]


Oh my goodness! I am so sorry to hear this. :(

katiewhompus

Absolutely not. I remember being 18 and in love with my HS sweetheart and we were getting marrriieeed as soon as I graduated college (estimated to be 22). We lasted about 6 months into my freshmen year. Throughout college I never thought about getting married in the immediate future. I guess I've always thought "25 is a good solid age to get married" ever since I was a little girl.

Low and behold, I got married 2 months after my 25th birthday.

I think for some people it works, and I hope it does for all knotties, but in all honesty, when someone tells me they are getting married at 17/18/19 my first thought is "Sure you are *pats head*"

crys-crys

I could not have married any younger than I am now and I'm 31. It was only a year ago that I even felt like I could contemplate marriage. The idea scared the hell out of me before that. I'm a very independent person and marriage seemed like the end of all that. Now I realize I can still be independent but be 1/2 of a married couple.

tonyscutieest09

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_getting-married-young?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:2b342410-37c5-4721-9163-70d79094550bPost:a913a3fa-a1b3-4dba-be22-df17d18e5c82">Re: Getting married young</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Getting married young : I'm so sorry. I hate that for you. I really want to hug you right now.
Posted by cew515[/QUOTE]

Thanks Cew. That's why I get mad at people who diss 2nd time Knotties. It's not my fault he treated me like that, and I deserve to have a nice wedding.

Starmusica

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_getting-married-young?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:2b342410-37c5-4721-9163-70d79094550bPost:4fb6f22a-a4b5-41da-a52c-43ab272ee2f7">Re: Getting married young</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Getting married young : Thanks Cew. That's why I get mad at people who diss 2nd time Knotties. It's not my fault he treated me like that, and I deserve to have a nice wedding.
Posted by tonyscutieest09[/QUOTE]


You definitely do. I am a first time knottie but I dont get dissing second timers at all. Everyone deserves happiness. Sometimes.. that doesnt happen right away. You still deserve to celebrate every second of this.

luckyme502

I got married when I was 18, it lasted 6 months.  I look back and think I was a baby and had no idea what I was doing!

leayn

I was stricktly women in my late teens early 20's, so unless I moved out of Philly there would be no marriage for me.

PetraStonegirl

It's Ok, really. Thankfully, I'm over it. Actually, I only found out a couple of years ago that he had been institutionalized. I slept so well that night! His story is actually a sad one, he was raped by a guy who grabbed him behind his elementary school. The strain of his broke him. But... his family knew he was unstable and hadn't said anything. After I got the paperwork filed, I spoke with his mom. She said she was sure I was the 'right woman to fix' her son. 

blink blink 

He tried to kill me. He lifted me up off the floor by my throat, slammed me against the kitchen wall, and held me there by my throat. I had to hit him so hard that I broke his cheek bone to get him to release me. You think I could fix him? His dad had to steer me away and hug me before i could say what I was thinking. I feel so sorry for the girl after me. She was neither strong or trained, but she survived at least. 

So, yeah. I may get flamed for admitting this. But, this is my third marriage. I think I wrote about raising my ex's children for him in a previous thread. However, I realize now that I was trying to make what I saw my parents have. I didn't realize that the relationship and love had to be there first. What they've been doing for 50+ years is keeping it strong and fresh, and tackling every problem together. I finally get that. 

On the plus side, I've never had a (for the lack of a better phrase) pretty princess day, so anyone judging about my dress or big party can... well, you know.