Snarky Brides

My Mother is driving me Nutts!!! Vent and Question

Ugh.. Ok what would you do in this situation..

Last night me and my fi had a huge fight. We were at my parents house and as i was chasing him down the stairs, my mother walked out of her room and caught some of the drama. Well next morning, I come downstairs and she asked in a very sarcastic voice "well what did david do now?" (She loves him but has a problem criticizing every single move he makes. she also treats her kids the same way and constantly complains about what we do or didnt do) I said "You know what, its really non of your busines." She then gets a really sour look on her face.  I say.. "You dont tell me everything that goes on in your and dads relationship, and i dont expect you to, so just know that i dont have to tell you all of our problems." Her response " Well its not like you even care about me and dads relationship."  (Are you f*ing serious? ) I look at her and say ...well you think about what you just said and let me know if you want to take that back. She says ok I take it back..but then says..Well I tell you about stuff and you could care less. (which both statements are so BS its not even funny.)

This lady is constantly smart mouthing everyone in the family and is barking out what we can do and cant do. (if we say we are going to see a movie, her response "oh no, your not doing that. Stay home and watch a movie here." My brothers gf is asian and we were out somewhere together and my mom saw a chinese restaraunt and said "oh look M.. Asain Food".....

What would you do in this situation? Would you say something to her or would you just keep your mouth shut?
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Re: My Mother is driving me Nutts!!! Vent and Question

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_mother-driving-nutts-vent-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:2c04c24d-9089-42c7-abb5-675546b31966Post:fc14bc0a-f777-4957-b4fd-2a59565b24bf">My Mother is driving me Nutts!!! Vent and Question</a>:
    [QUOTE]Ugh.. Ok what would you do in this situation.. Last night me and my fi had a huge fight. We were at my parents house and as i was chasing him down the stairs, my mother walked out of her room and caught some of the drama. Well next morning, I come downstairs and she asked in a very sarcastic voice "well what did david do now?" (She loves him but has a problem criticizing every single move he makes. she also treats her kids the same way and constantly complains about what we do or didnt do) I said "You know what, its really non of your busines." She then gets a really sour look on her face.  I say.. "You dont tell me everything that goes on in your and dads relationship, and i dont expect you to, so just know that i dont have to tell you all of our problems." Her response " Well its not like you even care about me and dads relationship."  (Are you f*ing serious? ) I look at her and say ...well you think about what you just said and let me know if you want to take that back. She says ok I take it back..but then says..Well I tell you about stuff and you could care less. (which both statements are so BS its not even funny.) <strong>This lady</strong> is constantly smart mouthing everyone in the family and is barking out what we can do and cant do. (if we say we are going to see a movie, her response "oh no, your not doing that. Stay home and watch a movie here." My brothers gf is asian and we were out somewhere together and my mom saw a chinese restaraunt and said "oh look M.. Asain Food"..... What would you do in this situation? Would you say something to her or would you just keep your mouth shut?
    Posted by misscyndikalene[/QUOTE]


    "This lady" is your mother.  The first step to being respected, is to respect others.
  • I think the solution is to make sure you're not sharing your emotional life with your mom, because you know she's going to comment if you do. Don't criticize your FI in front of her, don't vent to her when you've had an argument, and for chrissakes don't have loud, dramatic, stair-chasing fights in her house. You guys need to get to a point in your relationship where if you have a serious disagreement, you keep it buttoned up until you are alone together to discuss it. Fighting in front of friends and family is pretty gauche.

    Not wishing to be harsh, but it's kind of a pet peeve of mine - Charlie and I always try to keep our major disagreements behind closed doors, and we are really uncomfortable when other couples fight in front of us. If you air your relationship problems in front of other people, those people are bound to have opinions about them, and may share them with you. In order to protect yourselves from that, you need to change what you're doing.
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  • I agree with the others.

    Also, DH and I don't fight in front of other people, so we don't have to have those kind of conversations. 
    image

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_mother-driving-nutts-vent-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:2c04c24d-9089-42c7-abb5-675546b31966Post:02419836-262b-4e11-8223-512d9ae36cb1">Re: My Mother is driving me Nutts!!! Vent and Question</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to My Mother is driving me Nutts!!! Vent and Question : Do you live with them?    If so, move out if you don't like the way your mom talks to you and/or butts in about things. <strong>Sounds like you and your mom both need to grow up, talk to each other like adults and stop being so passive aggressive sbout who cares about what.</strong>
    Posted by ILoveMilkDuds[/QUOTE]

    Totally agree with this.

    You two need to learn how to discuss things like human beings.

    If I had a fight with my husband, you could rest assured that my mother would ask something along the lines of "I heard you guys fighting last night... is everything okay?"  No need to immediately start blaming people off the bat, and I know her tone was condescending but you certainly didn't do anything to help her attitude with the way you barked back at her.

    I think when the two of you learn to discuss things like adults, you'll find that not all conversations have to be nasty.
    panther
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_mother-driving-nutts-vent-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:2c04c24d-9089-42c7-abb5-675546b31966Post:587d3fad-ff79-459a-ae0c-fd056c3f29c2">Re: My Mother is driving me Nutts!!! Vent and Question</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: My Mother is driving me Nutts!!! Vent and Question : Ditto all this. People are nosy by nature. If they see two people fighting, they will ask questions.
    Posted by Champagne Supernova[/QUOTE]

    We just had Charlie's best friend and his GF stay with us for a few days, and they bicker constantly. It got to the point that I just started joining in and letting them know which one I thought had the right idea (it varied). If they're going to make their relationship a spectator sport, I'm totally doing the play-by-play.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_mother-driving-nutts-vent-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:2c04c24d-9089-42c7-abb5-675546b31966Post:587d3fad-ff79-459a-ae0c-fd056c3f29c2">Re: My Mother is driving me Nutts!!! Vent and Question</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: My Mother is driving me Nutts!!! Vent and Question : Ditto all this. People are nosy by nature. If they see two people fighting, they will ask questions.
    Posted by Champagne Supernova[/QUOTE]


    true, true.

    Plus, if your fighting in HER house, it kinda IS her business.
  • Step 1: Abstain from screaming matches on the stairs of your parents' house.
    Step 2: Move out.
    Step 3: Call your mother from the sanctuary of your own living room and exchange polite, idle chit chat about the weather.

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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_mother-driving-nutts-vent-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:2c04c24d-9089-42c7-abb5-675546b31966Post:2259e0bb-617e-42de-b05f-7308bd836ef0">Re: My Mother is driving me Nutts!!! Vent and Question</a>:
    [QUOTE]Why were you chasing hims down the stairs? 
    Posted by Dot Dash[/QUOTE]

    Probably because he was running away from her, in fear.

    Wouldn't you?
    panther
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_mother-driving-nutts-vent-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:2c04c24d-9089-42c7-abb5-675546b31966Post:8ef020ce-9a73-4a66-9506-1f15daa7ba31">Re: My Mother is driving me Nutts!!! Vent and Question</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: My Mother is driving me Nutts!!! Vent and Question : Nodding head in agreement. 
    Posted by Dot Dash[/QUOTE]
    Me too.<div>
    </div><div>If you are having a knock down drag out in her house, it IS her business. </div>
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  • I don't get the thing about the chinese food.
    image
  • Ok Clarification. Is needed, sorry.
    1. We were having a private discussion but my Fi ran out of the room and started to leave. I wanted to catch him and bring him back before he left. She caught me running after him and obvoiusly knew something was wrong. (yes he was being super childish and I was too for chasing after him, but it was an important fight)
    2. My mom doesnt listen AT ALL. So  believe me, I try sitting with her and discussing things but she has to have the last word and will say as much childish and "trying to be hurtful" things as possible. I can say mom, can you help me with this and she will say "oh i didnt offer because I thought you'd yell at me"...And I dont, but she just says off the wall things like that that make no sense to the statement before. Or If i do something she doesnt like she'll say "well im not buying you christmas presents this year then" ...Uh ok..Im pretty sure that only works with 12 year olds.
    3.  I am moving out but we cant right now because we are saving up for the wedding first and then using the dollar dance money to put a down payment on a place.
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  • What would I do? Move out.

    What do you say? Bye bye mom, FI and I got our own place, call you on Sunday!
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_mother-driving-nutts-vent-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:2c04c24d-9089-42c7-abb5-675546b31966Post:694944be-27a3-4e68-accf-bb94ad5e1db3">Re: My Mother is driving me Nutts!!! Vent and Question</a>:
    [QUOTE]Ok Clarification. Is needed, sorry. 1. We were having a private discussion but my Fi ran out of the room and started to leave. I wanted to catch him and bring him back before he left. She caught me running after him and obvoiusly knew something was wrong. (yes he was being super childish and I was too for chasing after him, but it was an important fight) 2. My mom doesnt listen AT ALL. So  believe me, I try sitting with her and discussing things but she has to have the last word and will say as much childish and "trying to be hurtful" things as possible. I can say mom, can you help me with this and she will say "oh i didnt offer because I thought you'd yell at me"...And I dont, but she just says off the wall things like that that make no sense to the statement before. Or If i do something she doesnt like she'll say "well im not buying you christmas presents this year then" ...Uh ok..Im pretty sure that only works with 12 year olds. 3.  I am moving out but we cant right now because we are saving up for the wedding first and then <strong>using the dollar dance money to put a down payment on a place.
    </strong>Posted by misscyndikalene[/QUOTE]

    Sweet baby jesus this made me smile and light up.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_mother-driving-nutts-vent-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:2c04c24d-9089-42c7-abb5-675546b31966Post:694944be-27a3-4e68-accf-bb94ad5e1db3">Re: My Mother is driving me Nutts!!! Vent and Question</a>:
    [QUOTE]Ok Clarification. Is needed, sorry. 1. We were having a private discussion but my Fi ran out of the room and started to leave. I wanted to catch him and bring him back before he left. She caught me running after him and obvoiusly knew something was wrong. (yes he was being super childish and I was too for chasing after him, but it was an important fight) 2. My mom doesnt listen AT ALL. So  believe me, I try sitting with her and discussing things but she has to have the last word and will say as much childish and "trying to be hurtful" things as possible. I can say mom, can you help me with this and she will say "oh i didnt offer because I thought you'd yell at me"...And I dont, but she just says off the wall things like that that make no sense to the statement before. Or If i do something she doesnt like she'll say "well im not buying you christmas presents this year then" ...Uh ok..Im pretty sure that only works with 12 year olds. 3.  I am moving out but we cant right now because we are saving up for the wedding first and<strong> then using the dollar dance money to put a down payment on a place.</strong>
    Posted by misscyndikalene[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>OH FFS you can't be real! Do you have 10,000 guests? Do you know how much a down payment on a house in LA is ? 

    </div>
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_mother-driving-nutts-vent-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:2c04c24d-9089-42c7-abb5-675546b31966Post:694944be-27a3-4e68-accf-bb94ad5e1db3">Re: My Mother is driving me Nutts!!! Vent and Question</a>:
    [QUOTE]Ok Clarification. Is needed, sorry. 1. We were having a private discussion but my Fi ran out of the room and started to leave. I wanted to catch him and bring him back before he left. She caught me running after him and obvoiusly knew something was wrong. (yes he was being super childish and I was too for chasing after him, but it was an important fight) 2. My mom doesnt listen AT ALL. So  believe me, I try sitting with her and discussing things but she has to have the last word and will say as much childish and "trying to be hurtful" things as possible. I can say mom, can you help me with this and she will say "oh i didnt offer because I thought you'd yell at me"...And I dont, but she just says off the wall things like that that make no sense to the statement before. Or If i do something she doesnt like she'll say "well im not buying you christmas presents this year then" ...Uh ok..Im pretty sure that only works with 12 year olds. 3.  <strong>I am moving out but we cant right now because we are saving up for the wedding first and then using the dollar dance money to put a down payment on a place.</strong>
    Posted by misscyndikalene[/QUOTE]

    I kinda want to call MUD.

    Now was the fight actually important or are you just stubborn and need the last word?
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  • Sorry it definitely wasnt a screaming match. By big fight i meant (important topic)
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  • Lol not a house!! An Apartment. We are using whatever we get to the downpayment of the apartment but have a seperate savings for when we actually do move out and start payments.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_mother-driving-nutts-vent-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:2c04c24d-9089-42c7-abb5-675546b31966Post:3ca1cee5-12c6-4a97-9724-3fab52f1710e">Re: My Mother is driving me Nutts!!! Vent and Question</a>:
    [QUOTE]Sorry it definitely wasnt a screaming match. By big fight i meant (important topic)
    Posted by misscyndikalene[/QUOTE]
    I suggest, for the health of your future marriage, that you not see important discussions as fights. The fact that you have to fight (negative connotation) about important matters instead of respecting each other enough to discuss them rationally (positive connotation, which doesn't usually end in someone running away), tells me that you may need to work on your communication. 
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  • I am moving out but we cant right now because we are saving up for the wedding first and then using the dollar dance money to put a down payment on a place.

    LMFAO! This, I think is the funniest thing I have ever read on TK. Closely folllowed by political nutjob magnet poetry. :) Ha! Thanks for making me smile today.
  • I'm just going to massage my temples and assume she means a security deposit, not a down payment on a house. I'm pretending the part about the dollar dance didn't happen.

    But in general, you and FI need to come to an agreement about how you will handle discussing major relationship issues, especially when your mother is around. He needs to support you here and help you through this difficult period before you can get out of your mother's house.
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  • Am I the only one who automatically thinks of testicles when I see nuts spelled with two ts?
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_mother-driving-nutts-vent-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:2c04c24d-9089-42c7-abb5-675546b31966Post:694944be-27a3-4e68-accf-bb94ad5e1db3">Re: My Mother is driving me Nutts!!! Vent and Question</a>:
    [QUOTE]Ok Clarification. Is needed, sorry. 1. We were having a private discussion but my Fi ran out of the room and started to leave. I wanted to catch him and bring him back before he left. She caught me running after him and obvoiusly knew something was wrong. (yes he was being super childish and I was too for chasing after him, but it was an important fight) 2. My mom doesnt listen AT ALL. So  believe me, I try sitting with her and discussing things but she has to have the last word and will say as much childish and "trying to be hurtful" things as possible. I can say mom, can you help me with this and she will say "oh i didnt offer because I thought you'd yell at me"...And I dont, but she just says off the wall things like that that make no sense to the statement before. Or If i do something she doesnt like she'll say "well im not buying you christmas presents this year then" ...Uh ok..Im pretty sure that only works with 12 year olds. 3.  I<strong> am moving out but we cant right now because we are saving up for the wedding first and then using the dollar dance money to put a down payment on a place.</strong>
    Posted by misscyndikalene[/QUOTE]

    Uh...do what now?  Just how much money are you expecting to make on your dollar dance? 

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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_mother-driving-nutts-vent-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:2c04c24d-9089-42c7-abb5-675546b31966Post:4c7588f4-7328-4c14-9e95-944622a16ab1">Re: My Mother is driving me Nutts!!! Vent and Question</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: My Mother is driving me Nutts!!! Vent and Question : I suggest, for the health of your future marriage, that you not see important discussions as fights. The fact that you have to fight (negative connotation) about important matters instead of respecting each other enough to discuss them rationally (positive connotation, which doesn't usually end in someone running away), tells me that you may need to work on your communication. 
    Posted by SarahPLiz[/QUOTE]
     

    YES TOTALLY AGREE!!     We are working on this issue now. My FI has a lot on his plate and when he's stressed he takes it out on me so we are trying to work on this and see our priest about helping us get through this hump of horrible communication
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  • Yeah, I can't imagine you making enough off a dollar dance even for a security deposit.  Because around here, security deposits are typically equal to one month's rent, and I can only imagine that that's upwards of 1000 bucks even for a small apartment in LA. 

    So uh....good luck with that?

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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_mother-driving-nutts-vent-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:2c04c24d-9089-42c7-abb5-675546b31966Post:621cd414-e6d3-4174-b73e-ae68c380768a">Re: My Mother is driving me Nutts!!! Vent and Question</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: My Mother is driving me Nutts!!! Vent and Question :   YES TOTALLY AGREE!!     We are working on this issue now. My FI has a lot on his plate and when he's stressed he takes it out on me so we are trying to work on this and see our priest about helping us get through this hump of horrible communication
    Posted by misscyndikalene[/QUOTE]

    For now, maybe you can sit down with him and tell him that you love him, and you can't wait to marry him, and you know that you guys have some things to work through and you're confident you will figure out together, but for now while you're in your mom's house, you both need to make sure that you're keeping your discussions away from her eyes and ears as much as possible. Every relationship has growing pains (we've encountered a lot of them since we moved in together), but you guys need to figure out how to do it together, especially since your mom tends to pry.
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  • Security deposits over here arent that much in certain areas. It can range from a couple hundred up. The place we were looking at has a small deposit so it would really work to use the dollar dance money towards the deposit.

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  • OH FFS.

    First off- Dollar Dance? Don't GET me started.

    Two- You. your FI and mother ALL need to grow up. If you cannot sit and have a conversation when OTHER PEOPLE are around and he needs to storm out, maybe you two have a bit of growing up to do before you get married.

    Third- Priorities. If you cannot afford a place to START your marriage- maybe a large wedding is an unnecessary expense? There is NOTHING wrong with you two living with your parents for a bit but if you don't get along well with your mother maybe your first priority should be moving out.

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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_mother-driving-nutts-vent-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:2c04c24d-9089-42c7-abb5-675546b31966Post:5bc3806e-3003-4c4a-b8c7-8a66d2a2e7e2">Re: My Mother is driving me Nutts!!! Vent and Question</a>:
    [QUOTE]Am I the only one who automatically thinks of testicles when I see nuts spelled with two ts?
    Posted by annakb8[/QUOTE]


    No ma'am, you are not.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_mother-driving-nutts-vent-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:2c04c24d-9089-42c7-abb5-675546b31966Post:694944be-27a3-4e68-accf-bb94ad5e1db3">Re: My Mother is driving me Nutts!!! Vent and Question</a>:
    [QUOTE]3.  I am moving out but we cant right now because we are saving up for the wedding first and then using the dollar dance money to put a down payment on a place.
    Posted by misscyndikalene[/QUOTE]

    <a href="#" title="Click to view a larger photo" onclick="return gSiteLife.LoadForumPage('ForumImage', 'plckPhotoId', '4b24a59a-966f-49cc-95a3-f894b78277ca', 'plckRedirectUrl', gSiteLife.EscapeValue(window.location.href));"> <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/images/store/11/5/4b24a59a-966f-49cc-95a3-f894b78277ca.medium.gif" alt="" /></a>
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_mother-driving-nutts-vent-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:2c04c24d-9089-42c7-abb5-675546b31966Post:629e01ee-a70e-4e21-a3ad-ad1bf16c88da">Re: My Mother is driving me Nutts!!! Vent and Question</a>:
    [QUOTE]Here's a piece of advice for you and your FI: Whenever you guys are "talking" and it leads to an argument, please refrain yourselves from huffing, puffing and storming out, especially if the conversation is taking place at someone else's house...a freaking family member's house. When someone storms out of a conversations, that shows lack of maturity to me. It won't solve anything. Period.
    Posted by Champagne Supernova[/QUOTE]
    Also, no eyerolling, crossing of arms, stopming of feet, turning away or mumbling snide remarks. Learning to communicate as an adult with respect is a very important skill. No matter what stress your FI is under, he should stiull respect you enough to talk to you calmly. 
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