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Vent-Age your getting married

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Re: Vent-Age your getting married

  • I've been following this bored since shortly after it was posted and I finally felt the need to say something. My FI and I have been together for 2 and 1/2 years (3 and 1/2 ar our wedding), I am 19 (20 at the wedding) and he's 28 (29 then). The only people that have said anything about my age/age difference are people that I work with that say it in a joking manner. If people are serious when they say that you should wait, you might want to wait, take the time to think about it. From what I've read that you've posted previously, you don't seem to be quiet mature enough if you're still planning a wedding even though you lost your job. I do want to say that owning two cars and a house may look good when you say it like that, but to me it seems like ou really overextended your credit or you bought two very old and beat up cars and a shack (as a PP mentioned).

    Just my opinoin, I doubt you'll listen but hopefully it'll help.
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  • haha.. i posted on this bored after only reading the initial question.. then went out.. came back are read all the in between posts and had no idea how crazy this particular set of posts have been..

    lesson learned... lol

    ps.. hope all of you guys had fun nights... off to bed to work at a job tomorrow that is so "beneath me" - guess i didn't realize all i had to do was ask people for $ lol
  • PiruPiru member
    100 Comments
    Well, I'll say this. I'm 23 and haven't gotten this comment (though we did get the "dating around" one) but some of the replies made me think. Thanks.

    I don't think either of us are going to change much but then I have changed into a completely different person from when I was 18, so it's definitely something to think about.

    I honestly did not realize how rude people feel it is to ask for money so I guess that did some good lol. I thought my parents would offer since they paid for my sister's but they haven't with mine so I guess we're going it alone and therefore possibly postponing (and working wherever I can, probably a dairy! EEEK! lol)
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  • In Response to Re: Vent-Age your getting married:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Vent-Age your getting married : I think this was a beyond silly statement.  To suggest that getting married in your twenties is a waste of time is rather rude.  You can still be married or in a seriously committed relationship and become an independent successful woman.  It's insulting to women like me who have completed undergrad, am finishing an MBA this summer and will start law school in the fall.  Amazingly I've managed to do this with my fiance who I've been with for 7 years (by the way I'm 25 and will be 26 when married)....I think too many woman get so wrapped up in proving their independence, level of success, etc. without a man or significant other that they really miss out on things.  I love how you think prioritizing higher education is a NY thing (eye roll). Also, I'd never want to wait till I was in my 30's to marry my fiance....we want three or four children (and not all right on top of one another) waiting till your in your thirties is not always a good idea with those types of plans.  I don't think marrying in your twenties is for everyone but I definitely think there are women (or men!) who truly know who they are prior to the age of 30. 
    Posted by aprovencher21[/QUOTE]

    While I will agree that there are many seriously committed relationships in your 20's and alot of successful marriages in that same time frame, I do disagree with most of the rest.

    Being in college does not make you an "independent successful woman".  You are certainly on your way, but being in school means you are not in your career yet, which means you are not making money yet.  This is not meant to put down being in college, because of course when you are done you will have a great career, but you will also most likely have serious student loans to pay off.

    And as far as the children thing goes.  I plan on having 3 or 4 myself and I am 30 and wont be married until im closer to 31.  For you to say "its not a good idea to wait that long" is ridiculous.  I would rather wait till I am in some kind of financially secure situation to have children.  But that's me, and I wouldn't judge anyone who had them younger.

    Those of us who are getting married older are not "wrapped up" in anything.  My FI and I are well into our careers, own a home, have no debt and no student loans to worry about.  We are also perfectly capable of paying for our own wedding.

    The point of this whole thread was that there are in fact some young brides who do not have a grasp on reality.  Case in point being the original poster. The comments were directed at her specific situation where she is crying "poor me" because Granny wont cough up a few grand so she can marry her "soul mate".  They were not directed at the young brides who have a normal grasp of what life has to offer them.

    But this is just one opinion from a true "financially independent woman".
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  • ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
    im entertained, i cant believe how stupid people can be.
    ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
  • In Response to Re: Vent-Age your getting married:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Vent-Age your getting married : While I will agree that there are many seriously committed relationships in your 20's and alot of successful marriages in that same time frame, I do disagree with most of the rest.

    Being in college does not make you an "independent successful woman".  You are certainly on your way, but being in school means you are not in your career yet, which means you are not making money yet.  This is not meant to put down being in college, because of course when you are done you will have a great career, but you will also most likely have serious student loans to pay off.

    I'm not in college....I worked for two years as a research assistant upon completion of college and then went back to graduate school.  I'm finishing an MBA this summer and starting law school in the fall.  I also run my own business and work part time for a pharmaceutical company......so yes I'm making my own money.  Don't make assumptions.....I also ran my business while in undergrad when I was 20 and made enough money to support myself.  I'd also like to say that my father had student loans for 35 years!! So by these standards he wasn't ready or independent till his serious student loans were paid off??  I'm another person who owns her own home and her own car......I'd say that's pretty independent.

    And as far as the children thing goes.  I plan on having 3 or 4 myself and I am 30 and wont be married until I'm closer to 31.  For you to say "its not a good idea to wait that long" is ridiculous. 
    This is based off of scientific research (fertility goes down after 30 and then drops again after 35 for women) and my own family history.  I will have very very difficult pregnancies due to other health problems.  It would be dangerous for me to have children after 38-39.  If I waited till 31 or 32 to get married and have children, assuming I didn't go and get pregnant with twins or triplets (that just makes me feel queasy), things wouldn't work out unless I was willing to have all kids seriously close in age.  

    I would rather wait till I am in some kind of financially secure situation to have children.  But that's me, and I wouldn't judge anyone who had them younger. Those of us who are getting married older are not "wrapped up" in anything.  My FI and I are well into our careers, own a home, have no debt and no student loans to worry about.  We are also perfectly capable of paying for our own wedding.
     
    I'm not sure why you'd think I'm not financially secure......and I could have paid for my own wedding.  My parents decided to pay for it because they wanted too.....and so that we'd place out wedding fund back into our next house fund.

    The point of this whole thread was that there are in fact some young brides who do not have a grasp on reality.  Case in point being the original poster. The comments were directed at her specific situation where she is crying "poor me" because Granny wont cough up a few grand so she can marry her "soul mate".  They were not directed at the young brides who have a normal grasp of what life has to offer them. But this is just one opinion from a true "financially independent woman".

    I'd never ask for money........ugh.  My parents were just happy to offer it and more or less insisted.  I'm very grateful for their assistance and overall support for our wedding!  I was responding to the fact that plenty of people are offended when other's assume that they aren't independent or are wasting their lives/time by getting married in their 20s. 
    Posted by Blueyed228[/QUOTE]
  • Blueyed228Blueyed228 member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited March 2010
    I'm not in college....I worked for two years as a research assistant upon completion of college and then went back to graduate school.  I'm finishing an MBA this summer and starting law school in the fall.  I also run my own business and work part time for a pharmaceutical company......so yes I'm making my own money.  Don't make assumptions.....I also ran my business while in undergrad when I was 20 and made enough money to support myself.  I'd also like to say that my father had student loans for 35 years!! So by these standards he wasn't ready or independent till his serious student loans were paid off??  I'm another person who owns her own home and her own car......I'd say that's pretty independent.

    Good for you.  Do you want a hoodsie or something?  Are you not the one who made the assumptions about those of us who did want to wait in your original post when you said " I think too many woman get so wrapped up in proving their independence, level of success, etc. without a man or significant other that they really miss out on things."  Maybe those of us who have waited have missed out on nothing.  Maybe, in fact, we have had so many more experiences that younger girls "miss out on" by getting married before they had a chance to really experience life.  And p.s.  I would rather not go to school than be stuck paying off loans for 35 years.


     
    This is based off of scientific research (fertility goes down after 30 and then drops again after 35 for women) and my own family history.  I will have very very difficult pregnancies due to other health problems.  It would be dangerous for me to have children after 38-39.  If I waited till 31 or 32 to get married and have children, assuming I didn't go and get pregnant with twins or triplets (that just makes me feel queasy), things wouldn't work out unless I was willing to have all kids seriously close in age.  

    Its funny how you are now basing this off of personal reasons when originally you had a broader generalization on the subject.  91% of women can get pregnant at 30.  84% at 35 and 64% at 40.  And considering the fact that 10% of woman are infertile to begin with, I'd say my odds are pretty even at 30 as they would be at 26. 
     
    I'm not sure why you'd think I'm not financially secure......and I could have paid for my own wedding.  My parents decided to pay for it because they wanted too.....and so that we'd place out wedding fund back into our next house fund.

    Im glad you feel the need to make this post about yourself and how "awesome" and mature you are, but the post was not directed at you.  If you had actually read the previous posts you would realize that ALL of the statements made sense in regards to who they were actually directed at.

    I'd never ask for money........ugh.  My parents were just happy to offer it and more or less insisted.  I'm very grateful for their assistance and overall support for our wedding!  I was responding to the fact that plenty of people are offended when other's assume that they aren't independent or are wasting their lives/time by getting married in their 20s.

    Again, good-for-you.  No one said you were.  They said the original poster was.  And why are you taking such offense to this when you are 26?  That is not a "young bride" so you can step off the soap box.  The original poster is 20.  You my dear are closer to us old hags than you think.
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    IVF #2 = BFP. Severe OHSS. 4 Drainings. TWINS!
  • In Response to Re: Vent-Age your getting married:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Vent-Age your getting married : All this post tells me is that you are incredibly good at spending money and accumulating debt. Being resposible and owning lots of crap are two different things. Owning a house and two cars don't make you responsible.
    Posted by suz62984[/QUOTE]

    That's what I was thinking. Do you actually own these things or does the bank own them and you make payments on them? I know for most people (including myself) the bigger things we own are technically owned by the bank, but we do not go around saying we are mature and responsible because of it...

    FWIW, FI and I will be 21 when we get married. I have not had one person on TK ask me how old I am or accuse me of being young. It is how you put yourself across to people.
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  • agreed.  no one asks me how old i am - and i  have even mentioned it and not gotten any remarks... I'm 22 btw I got engaged at 21.
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  • In Response to Re: Vent-Age your getting married:
    [QUOTE]I'm not in college....I worked for two years as a research assistant upon completion of college and then went back to graduate school.  I'm finishing an MBA this summer and starting law school in the fall.  I also run my own business and work part time for a pharmaceutical company......so yes I'm making my own money.  Don't make assumptions.....I also ran my business while in undergrad when I was 20 and made enough money to support myself.  I'd also like to say that my father had student loans for 35 years!! So by these standards he wasn't ready or independent till his serious student loans were paid off??  I'm another person who owns her own home and her own car......I'd say that's pretty independent.

    Good for you.  Do you want a hoodsie or something?  Are you not the one who made the assumptions about those of us who did want to wait in your original post when you said " I think too many woman get so wrapped up in proving their independence, level of success, etc. without a man or significant other that they really miss out on things."  Maybe those of us who have waited have missed out on nothing.  Maybe, in fact, we have had so many more experiences that younger girls "miss out on" by getting married before they had a chance to really experience life.  And p.s.  I would rather not go to school than be stuck paying off loans for 35 years.  

    A hoodsie?? Is that all you can actually think up?  That just shows that age really isn't the issue but maturity and intelligence.  I'd rather go to school and get my dream career vs. being what a bartender for over a decade??  Good for you for not having student loans but I wouldn't call that a career.....that's a job and there is a difference.
     
    This is based off of scientific research (fertility goes down after 30 and then drops again after 35 for women) and my own family history.  I will have very very difficult pregnancies due to other health problems.  It would be dangerous for me to have children after 38-39.  If I waited till 31 or 32 to get married and have children, assuming I didn't go and get pregnant with twins or triplets (that just makes me feel queasy), things wouldn't work out unless I was willing to have all kids seriously close in age.   
    Its funny how you are now basing this off of personal reasons when originally you had a broader generalization on the subject.  91% of women can get pregnant at 30.  84% at 35 and 64% at 40.  And considering the fact that 10% of woman are infertile to begin with, I'd say my odds are pretty even at 30 as they would be at 26.   

    In your 20s the fertility rate per month is 20%-25% and miscarriage rate is about 7%.  The risk of a genetic defect such as Downs Syndrome is abot 1/1200.  Early 30s the fertility rate per month is 15% and the rate of spontaneous miscarriage is 20%.  From 35-40....the fertility rate per month is about 9%.  The rate of miscarriage is 25% and the rate of Downs Syndrome is 1/350.  So as someone who's thought through the risks and advantages......it isn't just about being able to get pregnant but everything else that goes along with pregnancy and having children.  Women should clearly have children when they want to and are able to....for me and many other women I would be a mess waiting till my mid to late 30s to get pregnant.
    I'm not sure why you'd think I'm not financially secure......and I could have paid for my own wedding.  My parents decided to pay for it because they wanted too.....and so that we'd place out wedding fund back into our next house fund.
     
    Im glad you feel the need to make this post about yourself and how "awesome" and mature you are, but the post was not directed at you.  If you had actually read the previous posts you would realize that ALL of the statements made sense in regards to who they were actually directed at.

    Um because you were the brillant person bringing it up in regards to financial stability. 
    I'd never ask for money........ugh.  My parents were just happy to offer it and more or less insisted.  I'm very grateful for their assistance and overall support for our wedding!  I was responding to the fact that plenty of people are offended when other's assume that they aren't independent or are wasting their lives/time by getting married in their 20s .
    Again, good-for-you.  No one said you were.  They said the original poster was.  And why are you taking such offense to this when you are 26?  That is not a "young bride" so you can step off the soap box.  The original poster is 20.  You my dear are closer to us old hags than you think.

    Old hags?? That was not something I ever said.  I'm 25....try reading the posts before posting..... just like you thought I was in college with your first post.   Um I took offense to someone posting that girls getting married in their twenties were missing out on something.....25 is in your twenties.   
    Posted by Blueyed228[/QUOTE]
  • In your 20s the fertility rate per month is 20%-25% and miscarriage rate is about 7%.  The risk of a genetic defect such as Downs Syndrome is abot 1/1200.  Early 30s the fertility rate per month is 15% and the rate of spontaneous miscarriage is 20%.  From 35-40....the fertility rate per month is about 9%.  The rate of miscarriage is 25% and the rate of Downs Syndrome is 1/350.  So as someone who's thought through the risks and advantages......it isn't just about being able to get pregnant but everything else that goes along with pregnancy and having children.  Women should clearly have children when they want to and are able to....for me and many other women I would be a mess waiting till my mid to late 30s to get pregnant.

    Where did you get this information?  I'd like to see the documentation of this.  Thanks.
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  • In Response to Re: Vent-Age your getting married:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Vent-Age your getting married : If you personally think that's a big age difference, you have an issue you need to resolve before the wedding. And getting married before you can legally drink at your own reception is not a good idea.
    Posted by msmerymac[/QUOTE]
    When did I say I have an issue with our age difference? I was sharing that even though there is a difference and I am young, nobody has seriously questioned why I am getting married. We love each other and I know that I don't want to spend the rest of my life with him. I may be young and naive, but I know that I love him. Even though I'm still young, I know that I've been experienced things in life that would shock some people. 
    And what difference does it matter if I can legally drink? I don't plan on drinking at my wedding no matter how old I am. 
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  • In Response to Re: Vent-Age your getting married:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Vent-Age your getting married : When did I say I have an issue with our age difference? I was sharing that even though there is a difference and I am young, nobody has seriously questioned why I am getting married. We love each other and I know that I don't want to spend the rest of my life with him. I may be young and naive, but I know that I love him. Even though I'm still young, I know that I've been experienced things in life that would shock some people.  And what difference does it matter if I can legally drink? I don't plan on drinking at my wedding no matter how old I am. 
    Posted by Audrey&Austin[/QUOTE]

    Hmm. It seems awkward to do a toast and have everyone realize the bride can't legally participate.
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  • Since I don't and wont drink, that question is a moot point. I've seen what alcohol can do to some people and I have made the decision not to drink. It doesn't matter if I'm 20 or 50 at my wedding, I'm still not going to be drinking. There are plenty of people that choose not to drink and make a toast with some other beverage.
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  • In Response to Re: Vent-Age your getting married:
    [QUOTE]In your 20s the fertility rate per month is 20%-25% and miscarriage rate is about 7%.  The risk of a genetic defect such as Downs Syndrome is abot 1/1200.  Early 30s the fertility rate per month is 15% and the rate of spontaneous miscarriage is 20%.  From 35-40....the fertility rate per month is about 9%.  The rate of miscarriage is 25% and the rate of Downs Syndrome is 1/350.  So as someone who's thought through the risks and advantages......it isn't just about being able to get pregnant but everything else that goes along with pregnancy and having children.  Women should clearly have children when they want to and are able to....for me and many other women I would be a mess waiting till my mid to late 30s to get pregnant. Where did you get this information?  I'd like to see the documentation of this.  Thanks.
    Posted by luckyme502[/QUOTE]

    I didn't want to give links to journal articles that you'd have to pay for....or do you have accounts with NEJH or Nature?? I'm happy to cite them so you can view them first hand.....but otherwise here are some websites that generalize the same information.  Let me know if you want the journal articles!

    http://www.socalfertility.com/age-and-fertility.html
    http://health.msn.com/pregnancy/articlepage.aspx?cp-documentid=100161311
  • In Response to Re: Vent-Age your getting married:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Vent-Age your getting married : I'm sorry, but I think it is ridiculous to marry young just to mold your life into your pre-concieved notions of what you want in the future. I'd much rather wait and marry the right guy at the right time than have my 4 kids and a white picket fence with the first dude who comes around and seems decent. Not implying that's what your relationship is like, but that's sort of what you implied. My FI will be 36 when we get married. We do want kids. Ideally, would we like to have them before he's 40? Yes, but life might have other plans. Really, you should relax and let go of that tight grip you have.
    Posted by msmerymac[/QUOTE]

    It wasn't what I was trying to imply. I don't think anyone should just settle or force a type of life.  I meant I don't think you should force anything....whether that is jumping into married with someone at 21....or not doing anything at 22 because you want the cookie cutter image of school and career first.  I hope that makes sense.  My way isn't right for everyone.....but I don't think it's fair or right for other's to imply that getting married in your twenties is a waste.  Planning for the future is very important....if it takes a tight grip so be it.  I hope for 3 to 4 children......if it turns out to be 2, 5, 6 whatever I'll be happy with whatever but it doesn't mean I shouldn't take rational and logical steps for my (our) future. 
    People deal with the future very differently.  I plan because then when the unknown happens (like we all know that it does) at least I have some form of guidance or form of stability.   

  • A hoodsie?? Is that all you can actually think up?  That just shows that age really isn't the issue but maturity and intelligence.  I'd rather go to school and get my dream career vs. being what a bartender for over a decade??  Good for you for not having student loans but I wouldn't call that a career.....that's a job and there is a difference.

     
    Actually, I make close to 80K a year on my own so yes I would call it a career.  I also have a BS in abnormal child pyschology and a BA in History.  All obtained without student loans or grants.  So that gives me 2 back up careers.  (BTW my "non-career" paid for all of that schooling).  And it still does since I have continued my higher education throughout the years part time as a hobby.  But thanks for your concern.  Unlike you, most of us do not feel the need to brag about what we do, our education level, and our annual salary, but since you decided to attack my profession I felt the need to clarify.  Just to add, I was making well over 50K a year at 19, so if I chose to get married at the time, I would have been very financially secure enough to do it.  
       

    In your 20s the fertility rate per month is 20%-25% and miscarriage rate is about 7%.  The risk of a genetic defect such as Downs Syndrome is abot 1/1200.  Early 30s the fertility rate per month is 15% and the rate of spontaneous miscarriage is 20%.  From 35-40....the fertility rate per month is about 9%.  The rate of miscarriage is 25% and the rate of Downs Syndrome is 1/350.  So as someone who's thought through the risks and advantages......it isn't just about being able to get pregnant but everything else that goes along with pregnancy and having children.  Women should clearly have children when they want to and are able to....for me and many other women I would be a mess waiting till my mid to late 30s to get pregnant.

    I have PLENTY of friends who had babies in their 30's and none of them had Downs Syndrome babies.  I dont consider having a baby a "risk".  Nor do I consider a special needs baby a problem that I would want to avoid.
     

    Um because you were the brillant person bringing it up in regards to financial stability. 

    I was talking to the OP.  
    Seriously, get over yourself.  Not once in any of my posts did I say it was a terrible idea to get married in your 20's.
     
    Old hags?? That was not something I ever said.  I'm 25....try reading the posts before posting..... just like you thought I was in college with your first post.   Um I took offense to someone posting that girls getting married in their twenties were missing out on something.....25 is in your twenties.   

    If you are going to law school in the fall like you stated, the your ARE in college.  If you have an issue with what someone else said, take it up with them. 

    You really just seem like the type that needs to post about how "accomplished" you are because you think you are something great.  My posts had nothing to do with you, so you had no need to respond to them.  You also forget that when you "brag" to the older girls on here, we could care less.  Most of us have already "been there, done that" with all the things your are so impressed with yourself about.

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  • In Response to Re: Vent-Age your getting married:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Vent-Age your getting married : I'm sorry, but I think it is ridiculous to marry young just to mold your life into your pre-concieved notions of what you want in the future. I'd much rather wait and marry the right guy at the right time than have my 4 kids and a white picket fence with the first dude who comes around and seems decent. Not implying that's what your relationship is like, but that's sort of what you implied. My FI will be 36 when we get married. We do want kids. Ideally, would we like to have them before he's 40? Yes, but life might have other plans. Really, you should relax and let go of that tight grip you have.
    Posted by msmerymac[/QUOTE]

    Hey, since we are going to be old ladies according to her with haggard eggs we can have our Downs babies together!
    045_45-1 photo 045_45-1.jpg
    BabyFruit Ticker
    DX: PCOS/Recurrent losses/MTHFR mutation (compound hetero)
    5 hysteroscopies/2 surgical
    3 Inject IUIs = 2 m/c's and 1 BFN
    IVF #1= BFP. m/c at 7w6d. Needed 2 D&C's and scar tissue removal. Mild OHSS
    IVF #2 = BFP. Severe OHSS. 4 Drainings. TWINS!
  • Ugh, I hate when people correct your grammar instead of answering your question! I am educated and realize that people make mistakes when typing. That being said, I don't have your problem  because most people think it's about time for me. But I sympathize because that would totally annoy me! I am just glad my family has stopped asking me when I am going to settle down. I feel like people don't always know what to say so they say whatever comes easiest.
  • In Response to Re: Vent-Age your getting married:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Vent-Age your getting married : Hey, since we are going to be old ladies according to her with haggard eggs we can have our Downs babies together!
    Posted by Blueyed228[/QUOTE]

    I can't have children, but I do know that if a woman has children in her late 30s-40s she runs a very high risk of having complications during birth and with development.  My brother was born when my mother was 38, and he has a mild form of autism...I'm not saying that it is definitely a direct result from her age when she had him, but it's a possibility to keep in mind.
  • I was 18 the first time I got married and paid for it because I was brought up that way. I got married for stupid reasons, I was too immature to make that decision at the time. And i wasn't prepared for a marriage. And I also picked the WRONG guy. However, I'm now 24 and talking marriage with my current boy friend. And we will pay for the wedding ourselves when it comes because we never would have considered otherwise. 
     Are you too young to get married?.I have no idea. I was to young at 18. But my mom was married at  17 and she and my dad are still together. It just took a lot of growing up.
    Best of luck!
  • I think perspectives change as we age a decade. Obviously hindsight is 20/20 but I feel that I'm happy to have had that time (and decade) on my own. It's not about proving one's independence, it's being able to experience life on your own terms without compromise before doing so with someone else. And clearly higher education is not a "NY thing," as someone has read in to. That's a strange thing to think. I've just never heard of anyone so young (i.e. 19 or 20) getting married here. That's not to say it doesn't happen, it's just certainly not the norm and would likely be met with puzzled looks. And I don't think it's at all wrong to prioritize my career before marriage and kids. I don't need my FI to support me by any stretch of the imagination and with both of our incomes we live very comfortably, partly because my graduate degree allowed me access to well paid positions to further my career. This is not something "society" has set up for me to gain my "independence." It's my own personal goals and dreams. Which to me makes sense in the grand scheme of things but these are just the stepping stones I took and again, not for everyone. And I never wanted to be a young mom and will be quite happy to have kids in my 30's, so I think it's inappropriate for someone to tell me otherwise.   
    BLUEYED, I think we would get along really well  ;)
  • In Response to Re: Vent-Age your getting married:
    [QUOTE]I think perspectives change as we age a decade. Obviously hindsight is 20/20 but I feel that I'm happy to have had that time (and decade) on my own. It's not about proving one's independence, it's being able to experience life on your own terms without compromise before doing so with someone else.

    This was well said and just makes a lot of sense....
    And clearly higher education is not a "NY thing," as someone has read in to. That's a strange thing to think. I've just never heard of anyone so young (i.e. 19 or 20) getting married here.  That's not to say it doesn't happen, it's just certainly not the norm and would likely be met with puzzled looks. And I don't think it's at all wrong to prioritize my career before marriage and kids. I don't need my FI to support me by any stretch of the imagination and with both of our incomes we live very comfortably, partly because my graduate degree allowed me access to well paid positions to further my career. This is not something "society" has set up for me to gain my "independence." It's my own personal goals and dreams. Which to me makes sense in the grand scheme of things but these are just the stepping stones I took and again, not for everyone. And I never wanted to be a young mom and will be quite happy to have kids in my 30's, so I think it's inappropriate for someone to tell me otherwise.   

    I wouldn't ever tell anyone when to have kids (well maybe not teenagers).....I was saying how I felt about having children later in life.  There are clearly risks and benefits to having children later in life or earlier on..... I was merely stating what choices I was making based on how I perceive the risks and benefits. I can understand your priorities but I guess I feel like people can still be independent and bulld a career while married or getting married.  

    BLUEYED, I think we would get along really well  ;)
    Posted by splint00[/QUOTE]
  • In Response to Re: Vent-Age your getting married:
    [QUOTE]I think perspectives change as we age a decade. Obviously hindsight is 20/20 but I feel that I'm happy to have had that time (and decade) on my own. It's not about proving one's independence, it's being able to experience life on your own terms without compromise before doing so with someone else. And clearly higher education is not a "NY thing," as someone has read in to. That's a strange thing to think. I've just never heard of anyone so young (i.e. 19 or 20) getting married here. That's not to say it doesn't happen, it's just certainly not the norm and would likely be met with puzzled looks. And I don't think it's at all wrong to prioritize my career before marriage and kids. I don't need my FI to support me by any stretch of the imagination and with both of our incomes we live very comfortably, partly because my graduate degree allowed me access to well paid positions to further my career. This is not something "society" has set up for me to gain my "independence." It's my own personal goals and dreams. Which to me makes sense in the grand scheme of things but these are just the stepping stones I took and again, not for everyone. And I never wanted to be a young mom and will be quite happy to have kids in my 30's, so I think it's inappropriate for someone to tell me otherwise.    BLUEYED, I think we would get along really well  ;)
    Posted by splint00[/QUOTE]

    I think so, lol.  Although your delivery on the topic was made with alot more patience and way nicer than I could have been.......but what would I know.  I'm just an old hag dumb b!tch bartender who hands out hoodsies.
    045_45-1 photo 045_45-1.jpg
    BabyFruit Ticker
    DX: PCOS/Recurrent losses/MTHFR mutation (compound hetero)
    5 hysteroscopies/2 surgical
    3 Inject IUIs = 2 m/c's and 1 BFN
    IVF #1= BFP. m/c at 7w6d. Needed 2 D&C's and scar tissue removal. Mild OHSS
    IVF #2 = BFP. Severe OHSS. 4 Drainings. TWINS!
  • aprovencher, agreed. 
    Blueyed, thanks and I could use a new hoodsie, perhaps a bedazzled white one for the reception  :)
    Love to Boston ~
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