Open letters

MarriedInAFever

Hmmmmm?

jasmineh7777

Dear H,
 I'm sorry your mother is a crazy raging biitch. I'm sorry she's in the hospital. I sorry no one in your family called to tell you this. I can't emphasize enough that her problems are not your fault. You shouldn't be worrying about fixing her life. She's the one with the issues. I can't even feel bad for her, because I'm just pissed that she is making you feel this way.
 Love you lots,
 Wife

Dear Jessie,
 Now that you are 90 lbs, you cannot just fall on me. Lay down in a slow, steady motion. Don't just collapse all of your weight onto my lap when you want to cuddle.
 Thanks,
 Mom

Anysunrise

Dear waistline,

Please shrink, so I can try on my wedding dress.

Thanks.

Dear food,

Please stop being so tasty, so that waistline can acquiesce to my demands.

Dear Ontario Police Department,

Get my fucking background check done. Pretty sure it takes a whole 5 minutes to look me up and print it off, and it's been three weeks. Bastards.

LedZeppelin

Dear Dishwasher,

Please stop sucking at life. I'm so tired of prewashing dishes by hand, washing them in the the dishwasher, only to have them still come out dirty.

- Em

P.S. I hate you.



Dear House,

Please clean yourself.

Thanks,

Your weary renter.

BecW2be

Dear Diana DeGarmo,

You totally effed up my nooner with my husband today. I hope you're happy! Have fun touring Jimmy Johnson's race shop, you harlot!

XoXo,
Bec

J&K10910

Dear weather,
Please continue to cooperate so that it can be lovely for our e-pics this weekend.

Thanks,
J

Dear Fall,
I love you more than anything.  Please stay around long enough for us to enjoy you this year, instead of making a speedy transition to winter. 

Love ya,
J

Dear Box Kitty,
I know you're really excited that I'm home, and I love to cuddle with you, but I need for you to not stick yourself to me to the point that I have to walk like a duck to avoid stepping on you as you walk between my feet anywhere I go. 

Love,
J

paprika28

Dear DM-

I sold 7700.00 worth of appliances to one customer. So what if I didn't sell the effing protection agreements? Did you really have to rip me a new one less than five minutes after the sale? I'll never do it again. But don't threaten my job. You suck at yours, doesn't mean I suck at mine. Pay me more, and I'll try harder. Kthanks.

Dear extra weight-
Go away. I have a wedding dress to try on. There's only so much zumba, swimming, and chasing after DD I can handle. I've already given up my favorite comfort foods so you'll go away... grr.

Dear DD-
I'm not so sure I'm enjoying this whole waking up in the middle of the night screaming thing... only to run up to your room and you're sitting in the middle of your crib smiling at me. Trust me, I love seeing that darling little face... but I'd rather see it in my dreams at 2am. Mommy loves you. Now go to sleep.

Much better.

MarriedInAFever

Dear dog,

I know puppies sleep a lot. But seriously? This can't be normal.

-Human

Dear H,

I know you work long days to better our lives, but I miss you.

-Wife

Dear UPS,

Please don't bring me anymore serving dishes. I swear, I'm good.

Dear mouse,

GO FAR, FAR, FAR AWAY AND NEVER COME BACK! EEEEEK!

Hugs and kisses,
MIAF

SarahPLiz

Dear Cafeteria Ladies,

Thank you so much for making yummy food every day. I have to wonder, though, why today's veggie lasagna had no tomato sauce. Is it because tomatoes are technically a fruit? I don't think that's an excuse. It is delicious, but could be phenomenal with a little marinara.

Greatful for 5 minutes to sneak off to the cafeteria,

Sarah

LessThanZero

Dear Gizmo,

Is it really necessary for you to groom yourself on every piece of furniture and area rug, and leave a clump of your fur at each spot? I suppose you haven't realized that the more you do this, the more often the angry red vacuum monster comes out. And based upon your reaction, you DO NOT like the vacuum monster. You have the power to stop this.

Your owner,
LTZ

MarriedInAFever

Dear SarahPliz,

What the hell happened to the formatting in your post?

-MIAF

betrothed123

Dear coworker,

I cannot hear my thoughts above your snoring.  It is very loud.  I hope the other coworker who just took a picture of you sleeping at your desk sends it to the higher ups.

I have end of quarter stuff to get done and I need to be able to hear what my brain tells me in order to complete it.  Please get some breathe right strips if you plan on sleeping in the office.

Sincerely,
The one who keeps waking you up because I'm laughing at you

SarahPLiz

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_open-letters-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:54a600af-2616-4559-b0be-70253a6b4bd9Post:58b326af-a3ec-4449-a4d9-32b2a80041b8">Re: Open letters</a>:
[QUOTE]Dear SarahPliz, What the hell happened to the formatting in your post? -MIAF
Posted by MarriedInAFever[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I dunno. Looks fine to me. 

</div>

mgietler76

Dear man who thinks he's my boss,

If you don't tell me that we've gone back to the old coupon's but that we're still using the new ones with the old information I will not magically know this information. As such, when I ask about it I do not appreciate you yelling at me in front of customers, I will tell them your a diick when you walk away, because you know, you're not actually my boss. And further-more I only have to deal with the public face-to-face for 1 hour a day (while covering a lunch) so I really have no other possible way to know about the coupon fiasco unless you tell me!!!

Signed,
Doesn't have to take your crap

p.s. you are a diick

**edited for crappy spelling

MeaghanandMichael

Dear Box Kitty,
I know you're really excited that I'm home, and I love to cuddle with you, but I need for you to not stick yourself to me to the point that I have to walk like a duck to avoid stepping on you as you walk between my feet anywhere I go. 

Love,
J

This is too cute!!!

Dear SB,

I love you. I have missed you. We rock

Love and kisses,
M&M

J&K10910

Dear Meg,
we love YOU and missed YOU.  Please post more often.

Love,
The also frequently absent J

Chi_Chi

Dear Daisy & Tito:
Sorry for not giving you your treats this morning. I still have them though. Right in the front pocket of my dress pants. I promise to give them to you as soon as I get home. Still love me?
-Feeling like a horrible doggeh parent,
Chi

Dear local diner:
Why do your Philli Cheese Steak subs have to be so damn good!? I know I can't eat a footlong sub, but I do it anyway
With an expanding waitsline, I remain very truly yours,
Chi

MeaghanandMichael

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_open-letters-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:54a600af-2616-4559-b0be-70253a6b4bd9Post:69e88df7-8f4f-450f-a33e-531c4ea4f46d">Re: Open letters</a>:
[QUOTE]Dear Daisy & Tito: Sorry for not giving you your treats this morning. I still have them though. Right in the front pocket of my dress pants. I promise to give them to you as soon as I get home. Still love me? -Feeling like a horrible doggeh parent, Chi Dear local diner: <strong>Why do your Philli Cheese Steak subs have to be so damn good!? </strong>I know I can't eat a footlong sub, but I do it anyway With an expanding waitsline, I remain very truly yours, Chi
Posted by Chi_Chi[/QUOTE]

I feel this way about my diner's patty melts.

Also, J - did you notice I randomly lapsed into old school quoting style? Damn I have been gone to long.

J&K10910

I did notice, Meg.  I liked it.

LesPaul

Dearest Cheddar.
I will always love you best.  You're my favorite orange kitty boy and cannot possibly be replaced.  So please stop giving Muenster the laser eyes and spitty hiss.  He's a sweet little kitty.
Love, Mom

SEWF

Dear weather,

Please stay nice for my friends' wedding on Saturday. I don't want to have to drive around a different city that I have never been to in the rain trying to find two different locations.

Thanks,

Girl who wants to see her friend get married

Dear house,

Please stop falling apart. I have other things to things to worry about at the moment. Oh, and while you are at it, clean yourself so that we can get those two adorable kitties my coworker is fostering.

Thanks,

Your owner

jasmineh7777

Dear SWEF,
 Bring me pictures of these kitties.
 Thanks in advance,
 Jas

shaydenise

Dear Netflix,

Thanks for getting me through the work day.

Forever Grateful,
Shay

SEWF

I don't have pictures yet (my coworker still has them and will for a bit longer so she can get them spayed). They are both tiny, maybe 2 pounds each. They are sisters, gray, with blue eyes. I never have had strong feelings about pets, having never had any as a child, but I want these kitties!

jaimerae727

Dear FBIL girlfriend...

I will not run interference for you with their sister. Don't ask me to. Which means stop texting me and no I don't believe Bright Red and Orange will make good colors for bridesmaids dresses. Thanks for the unsolictied opinion. Oh and stop referring to us at the "Favorites"...its a little much

Sweetly,
The "Favorites" fiance

Dear Future Hubby of mine...

Thank you thank you thank you for the surprise day off next week to spend the day away. I'm so excited and can't wait. Its like you know lol...

Love,

Me.

Dear MS Word,

I hate you and all you stand for.

Me

Dear Snarky Brides Posters,

Thanks for having this group and for your posts...Love reading your ideas and responses. Glad I found the group and have a great day!

Newbie

MarriedInAFever

Hey Jaime,

Glad you dig our board! Please consider taking your full name out of your ticker in your sig. Welcome!

MeaghanandMichael

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_open-letters-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:54a600af-2616-4559-b0be-70253a6b4bd9Post:71b37587-c07e-414f-861a-c18b27a61f7c">Re: Open letters</a>:
[QUOTE]Hey Jaime, Glad you dig our board! Please consider taking your full name out of your ticker in your sig. Welcome!
Posted by MarriedInAFever[/QUOTE]

Ditto this, but welcome!! We are glad to have you :)

jaimerae727

Fixed it...Sorry...lol...Par for the course of my week lol

Thanks and have a great day!

LesPaul

Dear Jaimerae,
Hello!
On behalf of SB,
Les

betrothed123

Dear Jaime,

Welcome to the greatest board on the knot

Love,
Betrothed.

MeaghanandMichael

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_open-letters-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:54a600af-2616-4559-b0be-70253a6b4bd9Post:f2825310-f7fe-4548-bd1c-0532cbfb8b73">Re: Open letters</a>:
[QUOTE]Dear Jaime, Welcome to the greatest board on the knot :D Love, Betrothed.
Posted by betrothed123[/QUOTE]

Are you dissing the SoFlo board right now? Be careful, B!

But of course, I concur :)