Should I Go?

skythe

So, I posted a few weeks ago about a cousin of mine who's getting married a little less than a month before me (details here). I've finally received an invitation, and I need to decide if I should go or not. I do want to go; a lot of family members I hardly ever see will be there, and I doubt I'll get as much time to talk to them on my wedding day. Her wedding also overlaps with my dad's birthday, and I haven't been able to celebrate that with him in a few years. 

OTOH, I know that if I go I'll constantly be comparing it to my wedding and to what I'm doing, and I'm just not sure that's a healthy attitude to have. In addition, FI and I live in Colorado. Cousin's wedding is in California, as is mine. If I go to her wedding, I'll travel, get back to CO, then have less than 10 days to get anything done here before traveling back to CA to finish up wedding planning and details there. The whole idea stresses me out.

What would you do in my shoes? 

shellydiane820

Honestly, you're last week before the wedding, isn't that bad.  If you really want to go, go.  Is your dad going to the wedding?  That way you guys are still hanging out.

The only reason I could think of not to go is if you can't afford the travel.

amylydia23

I agree with PP.  Although I don't know how that last week will go, I think you will be ok.  As for comparing, I dont think it will matter how close the wedding is to yours, you will probably be comparing your wedding to others for a long time.  Just stay positive and don't let it get in the way of enjoying yourself at your cousin's wedding.

526SadieSadie

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_should-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:57c7c47b-dbcb-4d01-81a9-5bc94a181c27Post:7ba11998-2e66-44ed-8a7f-a996b53159f5">Re: Should I Go?</a>:
[QUOTE]Honestly, you're last week before the wedding, isn't that bad.  If you really want to go, go.  Is your dad going to the wedding?  That way you guys are still hanging out. <strong><em>The only reason I could think of not to go is if you can't afford the travel.
</em></strong>Posted by shellydiane820[/QUOTE]
 
This. 

dwebster02

think of it this way - if your wedding was a month before your cousins, would you still want her to come?

spinner84

Yes you should go. I was really hurt that my cousins didn't come to my wedding.

Night_Sprite

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_should-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:57c7c47b-dbcb-4d01-81a9-5bc94a181c27Post:34bb2a62-7ed0-4e64-9448-8e261c9c244a">Should I Go?</a>:
[QUOTE]So, I posted a few weeks ago about a cousin of mine who's getting married a little less than a month before me (details  here ). I've finally received an invitation, and I need to decide if I should go or not. I do want to go; a lot of family members I hardly ever see will be there, and I doubt I'll get as much time to talk to them on my wedding day. Her wedding also overlaps with my dad's birthday, and I haven't been able to celebrate that with him in a few years. 

OTOH, I know that if I go I'll constantly be comparing it to my wedding and to what I'm doing, and I'm just not sure that's a healthy attitude to have. In addition, FI and I live in Colorado. Cousin's wedding is in California, as is mine. If I go to her wedding, I'll travel, get back to CO, then have less than 10 days to get anything done here before traveling back  to CA to finish up wedding planning and details there. The whole idea stresses me out. What would you do in my shoes? 
Posted by skythe[/QUOTE]
I don't know how no one is discussing the first sentence of the second paragraph.  If you are so shallow that you can't be happy with your wedding because of your cousin's wedding then you have much bigger problems than some travel time.

526SadieSadie

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_should-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:57c7c47b-dbcb-4d01-81a9-5bc94a181c27Post:960214d0-6006-48a3-9e04-02f5ad9e3ade">Re: Should I Go?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Should I Go? : I don't know how no one is discussing the first sentence of the second paragraph.  If you are so shallow that you can't be happy with your wedding because of your cousin's wedding then you have much bigger problems than some travel time.
Posted by Night_Sprite[/QUOTE]

This is kind of what I was thinking but I couldn't put it into the right words.  If you don't go, you'll probably hurt her feelings unless it's because of the travel expenses, which is a totally legitimate reason.  There's no nice way to tell her that you were just too stressed out with your own wedding planning to celebrate hers with her, it just sounds so selfish.  And if you already RSVP'd, you have to go, you wouldn't want your guests deciding at the last minute they couldn't make it to your wedding, would you?

quotequeen

It's unclear to me if you are actually close to your cousin.  If you are close then you should go.  I would gauge this based on how upset you would be if she didn't come to your wedding.

skythe

Okay, I didn't phrase my OP as well as I could have. Let me try to rephrase some things.

This cousin and I aren't as close as we could be. She originally didn't send me an invite, because she assumed I wouldn't be able to come (because I live in Colorado, not because of expenses/timing/etc). So my invite was late, and I need to RSVP now. That being said, she is one of only two cousins I have on that side of the family. 

The "comparing" thing stems from the sheer number of etiquette bumbles she's made --  things like not including self-addressed, stamped envelopes for response cards with invitations. I worry that if I go, I'll spend at least some of the time mentally going over all the things I think she's done "wrong," and being smug about how I did them "right." I know this is a terrible, shallow, and immature attitude to have, which is why I think going might be a bad idea. She doesn't deserve to have someone doing that at her wedding. 

Anyway, I hope this clarifies my OP a bit. 

nboulanger

So she is tactless and B-listed you. Thats not your problem.

Eat the food, get drunk and have some damn fun. Sounds like you could use it. 

dwebster02

definitely go and be the bigger person. 

Cercamom2011

Maybe she didn't want you to feel obligated to come, since she probably knows how busy you are with your own wedding.  But, anyone planning their wedding should know how easy it is to bumble a few things along the way.  If you don't want to go, then don't go.  And, if you can't attend without being critical or selfish, then do yourself a favor and not go.  You'll feel like a jerk, and don't want that to linger over your big day.

amwilli5

You can't really judge her for little etiquette details.  Everyone throws a little etiquette out the window.  Yes she should have invited you in the first place instead of assuming you wouldn't come.  And the SASE who cares it's 44 cents and if you're concerned about that you probably shouldn't go.  Everyone has their own taste and no two weddings will be the same.  Choose if you really want to go or not and not because you might compare hers to yours, go because you want to.  If you don't go forget about it, if you do go then don't compare act like its a wedding you're going to and you're not engaged.  I certainly wouldn't compare my wedding to my cousins, we're individuals and have different ideas of our perfect wedding

PeonyPrincesskdd

you should go.  It will give you a good chance to talk to family members