Need advice please :(

RamonaFlowers

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_need-advice-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:659e1bd9-104c-48f1-8568-f995db11bbfbPost:ac3eb403-c999-4dba-aaa6-3a9f6629ce9d">Re: Need advice please :(</a>:
[QUOTE]Wow, I've read all the responses and am suprised that no one else has mentioned that he didn't tell you about dancing with the girls until a day after the weed.  That makes me think that in another day it's going to be another admittance! ...or something more serious. I wouldn't leave him... but I'd definitely make him think I was thinking about it so that he understood the severity.  That may be mean, but that's me ;D  <strong>Skulk around, glare at him, refuse sex and when he's adequately apologized get back to normal</strong>.  Let him know he hurt you and then move on.  And no, you don't get to do the same thing at your bachelorette party! <strong> You get to be the better person!</strong>
Posted by Jinxed329[/QUOTE]

Um ... how does one get to be the better person when they're skulking around, refusing sex and acting like a butthurt child instead of talking sh!t out like an effing adult?

chelseamb11

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_need-advice-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:659e1bd9-104c-48f1-8568-f995db11bbfbPost:ac3eb403-c999-4dba-aaa6-3a9f6629ce9d">Re: Need advice please :(</a>:
[QUOTE]Wow, I've read all the responses and am suprised that no one else has mentioned that he didn't tell you about dancing with the girls until a day after the weed.  That makes me think that in another day it's going to be another admittance! ...or something more serious. I wouldn't leave him... but I'd definitely make him think I was thinking about it so that he understood the severity. <strong> That may be mean</strong>, but that's me ;D  Skulk around, glare at him, refuse sex and when he's adequately apologized get back to normal.  Let him know he hurt you and then move on.  And no, you don't get to do the same thing at your bachelorette party!  You get to be the better person!
Posted by Jinxed329[/QUOTE]

Nope, not mean, just immature as hell.
I rarely say this, but I feel sorry for your H/FI if this is how you handle conflict and "communication".

[Deleted User]

i can understand how you would be upset because you guys agreed to certain things and that agreement should have been respected.  also what he did wasn't completely horrible un my opinion but this all depends on how YOU feel and on your relationship.  i would just try to talk to him more about the fact that in the future you want agreements to be honored regardless of the situation. good luck!

Girlie1030

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_need-advice-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:659e1bd9-104c-48f1-8568-f995db11bbfbPost:ac3eb403-c999-4dba-aaa6-3a9f6629ce9d">Re: Need advice please :(</a>:
[QUOTE]Wow, I've read all the responses and am suprised that no one else has mentioned that he didn't tell you about dancing with the girls until a day after the weed.  That makes me think that in another day it's going to be another admittance! ...or something more serious. <strong>I wouldn't leave him...</strong> <strong>but I'd definitely make him think I was thinking about it so that he understood the severity.  That may be mean, but that's me ;D  Skulk around, glare at him, refuse sex and when he's adequately apologized get back to normal.  Let him know he hurt you and then move on.</strong>  And no, you don't get to do the same thing at your bachelorette party!  You get to be the better person!
Posted by Jinxed329[/QUOTE]

Are you kidding me? 

bridget1312

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_need-advice-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:659e1bd9-104c-48f1-8568-f995db11bbfbPost:73403a59-d47e-4d7c-a2d0-ba8f1fcb8e87">Re: Need advice please :(</a>:
[QUOTE]I wouldn't have a specific sit-down discussion with FI about these kinds of things because we already see eye to eye on what is acceptable. So I understand what Blue and others are saying about it being weird to have a specific conversation before one or the other goes out. At the same time, however, I don't see it as an insecurity/trust issue.  I trust FI completely.  I don't feel the need to have these conversations with him.  But if he were to come home and tell me something like that, I would be very upset because it would be in violation of values we both share.  And the counseling this is not because someone needs counseling to get over smoking a joint.  But to me, if FI smoked a joint or grinded on some girl, it would tell me that he was having some kind of change of beliefs or personality, or something was up with him.  It would be the same if I found out he stole $10 or punched somebody.  In the grand scheme of things, it's not a catastrophic event, but it would just make me think that maybe something else was going on inside that led to the change in behavior. 
Posted by monkeysip[/QUOTE]


This!  This is what I would think too...  My guy acting in a way that he talks to me that he is not into...  Now he's with his boys out for his bachelor party, he acts differently than his beliefs are..  hmmmm  See, my guy will not dance, unless, he's drunk and I make him..  So, because of this, if I found out he went to a club and grinded on some chics, I would be truly upset..  No, it isnt the end of the world, but its something he doesn't normally do, it would make me wonder if he can't say no to his friend

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_need-advice-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:659e1bd9-104c-48f1-8568-f995db11bbfbPost:05667453-6e44-4a46-bd49-93fc67665581">Re: Need advice please :(</a>:
[QUOTE]i can understand how you would be upset because you guys agreed to certain things and that agreement should have been respected.  also what he did wasn't completely horrible un my opinion but this all depends on how YOU feel and on your relationship.  i would just try to talk to him more about the fact that in the future you want agreements to be honored regardless of the situation. good luck!
Posted by mrsincredible0224[/QUOTE]

This.  I know you asked for advice and stuff but if you use mostly hypothetical opinions to deal with your real life scenario, you'll let somebody talk you right out of your feelings.  He said that if the tables were turned, he'dve been pissed, that's how you know you're not overreacting.  Let's say that you were though, you said trust was your issue, so given that he knew that and weirded out anyway is enough to be justifiably upset.  You're the only one who can determine what you are and are not capable of tolerating.  Maybe consider that there could be a middle ground.  You could find it dealable but difficult, in which case determine what you need from him in order to put it behind you, see if he's willing to give it to you and make peace with the understanding that you're only ever going to be able to be in charge of what you do.    good luck.

NuggetBrain

Has it ever occurred to you, OP, that this was his bachelor party?  As in, the last hurrah before he got married?  And that for some people, they have a mini panic at that thought? Or feel like they want to get a little crazy "one last time?" If he hasn't done this with his friends previously, I'm leaning towards that's what happened.  So stop worrying that now everytime he goes out he's going to start pulling a Keith Sweat on random chicks and blaze sh*t up.  And I'm wondering if you had a discussion, or if you said "this is what's unacceptable to me" and he was like "I totally agree, me too" because when your fiancee goes "I'm not comfortable with dancing with other guys at my party" you don't follow that up with "Well, I'm totally cool dancing with girls at mine."

Steffi, your relationship sounds like the most boring thing ever.  You having friends of the opposite sex had nothing to do with the fact that you have boundary issues and couldn't keep it in your pants.  That's a bullsh*t excuse.  I have lots of guy friends and have never once managed to fall on their penises.

Jinxed, you sound like a petulant child.  If I did that ish to Noodle he'd laugh in my face and tell me to come back when I was done acting like a 15 year old who just got denied a new car.  Also?  Everything you recommended is the exact OPPOSITE of a healthy reaction.  So there's that.