Am I wrong?

dreamzcometru13

Ok so ladies I need someone to tell me if Im just being a little brat or if my point is valid. I go to a large church in the town I grew up in. Its a brand new church and its beautiful, very modern and has very nuetral colors that would work with the colors we want to use.  I've been attnedind this church for 6 years. Well i really want to be married there by my pastor. Its close to most of my and FI friends and family. Most people would only have to drive 30 minutes., FI however, wants to get married in the church he grew up in. Its a nice church don't get me wrong. but its been around for 100 years. The carpeting in the building is red. Like bright red. FI hasn't been there in 5 years. he doesn't even attend church. Not to mention the fact that the church would be over an hour drive for almost everyone we know. I'm stuck here... FI and i both really avoid the topic but we need to make a decision. My pastor said hes been getting more emails and calls about weddings at the church next spring and that I need to go ahead and book my date. UGH!

nyrek

Who's paying?

emilyinboston

Traditionally you get married at the bride's church. My FI wanted to get married at his church, and I was fine with it until my dad said that he "cared" (and he's writing a big check, and is also the one who will be walking me down the aisle)..so we're getting married at my church.

[Deleted User]

Do both of you attend church together now? Or do you go to your church and he does his own thing?

ohwhynot

Carpet color shouldn't determine where you have your ceremony; that's just silly.  However, the closer proximity and the fact that you still attend your church are valid points.

FutureMsAlexander

Why is your FI so adamant about getting married in his church? Does he have some sort of sentimental tie to it or something?

dreamzcometru13

We are paying for everything, his parents are helping with the rehersal dinner and mine with my dress. But everything else we are paying for. I go to church without him. He works nights so he isn't awake on Sunday mornings. (Not that he'd go anyway) I know the color comment was kinda silly. But I think the color in the room is pretty ugly.

betrothed123

I would try to get to the bottom of why he's so adamant about using his church.  Once you know each other's reasoning it should be easier to come to a compromise you can both live with.

SheDiva4

I think you and your FI should sit down and talk about why you want to be married at each church.  You may find that he has some really good reason to want to get married at his church even though he doesn't attend regularly. 

Traditionally couples get married at the brides church, but we are not doing that.  We are getting married at my FI's church.  His parents and 2 sisters were married there and he was baptized there.  It means a lot to him as he was prepared to get married in my church even though that isn't what he wanted. 

And the distance to the reception is significantly less at his church.

[Deleted User]

Ditto Betrothed. But I would also lean more towards your church since it's closer and you are actually an active member.

dreamzcometru13

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_am-wrong?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:67f9eb09-b088-404c-9b53-1a1caafb16edPost:a0f43e5a-97a0-4313-b599-48596fbde2dc">Re: Am I wrong?</a>:
[QUOTE]Why is your FI so adamant about getting married in his church? Does he have some sort of sentimental tie to it or something?
Posted by FutureMsAlexander[/QUOTE]


Its the only church hes ever gone to. And he and the youth pastor were close when he went there, The youth pastor is now the senior pastor... But otherwise there is no real tie to it. Hi family still attends on Christmas and easter but he has only been there once for a birthday party in the past 5 or 6 years

BecW2be

A nice little sit-down and a big PROS/CONS list from both of you should fix this right up. Just be honest with each other, and state your points, and this should be an easy resolution. GL!

dreamzcometru13

Bec! I love your sig pic!

KatyRoseM

This is just one of those things you two need to talk out. If its that important to him, how important is it to you, can he understand why you care?  Basically things like that are important.  We had a similar problem and it comes down to why things matter.  

baystateapple

Yeah, talk it over with him, explain both of your sides and see if you can't come to a compromise.

FI and I are getting married in a neutral church -- I didn't want to get married in my church at the time because I didn't want my boss marrying us (my former boss has since been moved to another church) and we didn't want to get married at his church because he hasn't attended in years and it's also in the middle of nowhere.  So we picked a Catholic church in the city where we wanted to be married.

nyrek

Since you guys are paying yourselves...I totally agree with Bec that you should make a pro/con list to help point it out to FI why your choice makes more sense.

Plus, if I read that right, you actually are active with your church and he hasn't been to his in years?  You make very valid points as to why you should use your church...but still have the discussion with FI so you guys are on the same page with it.

lihvsa01

If his major concern is having his pastor invovled, maybe he can come to your church and help out with the ceremony. I don't know if you are the same religions or if that's even possible due to distance, but it might be a nice compromise.

kikibaby

I don't think you're being a brat.  Your reasons for wanting to use your church are valid.  Stop avoiding it, though, just talk it out with your FI. 

deepcovejackie

I think you're being reasonable, and not a brat.  This is something you and your fiance will have to communicate about and compromise on.  How do you two usually resolve difference of opinions? 

sophistryliz

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_am-wrong?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:67f9eb09-b088-404c-9b53-1a1caafb16edPost:d23e412c-6302-4b27-bad6-3fcdb1afcc92">Re: Am I wrong?</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>Carpet color shouldn't determine where you have your ceremony; that's just silly.</strong>  However, the closer proximity and the fact that you still attend your church are valid points.
Posted by ohwhynot[/QUOTE]

I disagree with this.  The carpet sounds ugly.

[Deleted User]

So, ugly carpet trumps your relationship with your church? Interesting.

sophistryliz

She said he hasn't been there in 5 years...that's hardly a relationship.

[Deleted User]

It's enough of a relationship that he feels so strongly about getting married there that he's willing to fight with his FI over it.

sophistryliz

k

maratea

The carpet in the church where I was married was 70s green. Did it ruin my wedding day? No. Being at that church, with the man I loved and all the people in my life who love me was the most important. Damn, people are shallow.

JennaV26

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_am-wrong?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:67f9eb09-b088-404c-9b53-1a1caafb16edPost:d23e412c-6302-4b27-bad6-3fcdb1afcc92">Re: Am I wrong?</a>:
[QUOTE]Carpet color shouldn't determine where you have your ceremony; that's just silly. Posted by ohwhynot[/QUOTE]

I literally changed my entire color scheme because of the carpet color in the chapel. It's red and I was initially wanting rasberry and orange as my colors and I couldn't stop thinking about how it would clash against the red carpet; thus, how I ended up with chocolate and gold!

But yes, I agree with everyone else that you just need to bite the bullet and sit down with your FI and make a big pros/cons list. One of you might realize an important aspect on why the other wants to get married in their particular church and then change your mind!

maratea

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_am-wrong?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:67f9eb09-b088-404c-9b53-1a1caafb16edPost:997514d4-099c-4e87-998a-59c3ed534822">Re: Am I wrong?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Am I wrong? : You are super special.
Posted by mag920[/QUOTE]

You mean thuper spayshul. this is sophistryliz we are talking about.

CA2MT4EveR

OP, you seem to be placing all of the importance on the location of the church and ceremony, but where will you have the reception?  Is this something you will decide on after you choose the church?

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

Are they the same denomination? Can you compromise and have it at your church, but have FI's pastor officiate? Or co-officiate?

dreamzcometru13

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_am-wrong?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:67f9eb09-b088-404c-9b53-1a1caafb16edPost:bfdc098c-5c25-4a07-8ca0-a5d743e0ec19">Re: Am I wrong?</a>:
[QUOTE]OP, you seem to be placing all of the importance on the location of the church and ceremony, but where will you have the reception?  Is this something you will decide on after you choose the church?
Posted by CA2MT4EveR[/QUOTE]

We have not decided officially on where the reception will be. (Its still a year away!) Major things we are condiering, 1. If we want to serve alcohol then we can't use either church.and 2.There availibility of venues close to either church. His church is in and older part of the city and ther are not many nice places other than churches around. The church I attend is in thre country and there are many older plantations that offer reception packags.

We have also considered not using either church. But my heart really pulls back toward the church.

As for the color thing, The carpet isn't a major deciding factor for me. I just hink its ugly and it would not go with the purple black and white color scheme we are going for. If it comes down to it and we do use that church, it wont ruin everything just because the colors are perfect. But if I had the choice, yes I'm going to avoid the raging red.

dreamzcometru13

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_am-wrong?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:67f9eb09-b088-404c-9b53-1a1caafb16edPost:91dafad8-2942-451a-8c78-00cd788dac7b">Re: Am I wrong?</a>:
[QUOTE]Are they the same denomination? Can you compromise and have it at your church, but have FI's pastor officiate? Or co-officiate?
Posted by msmerymac[/QUOTE]

No the churches are not the same denomination. His church is Baptist and mine is non-denominatinal. (I grew up going to a penecostal church).We hadn't considered the co-officiate... But when we tlak I will deff bring that option up. :-)