IT'S MY WEDDING!!!

jroseber

**RANT ALERT**
So I am the oldest of three in my family, and since there is such a huge age difference between me and the next oldest sibling, my mom is so excited to help plan my wedding (Which I think is great)  I am getting married July 2011; so there is lots of time to plan   My FI and I really want a small wedding outside in the evening, with only immediate family and closest friends (less than 50 people).  Then the next day have a 'come-and-go' celebration where everyone else can come and have fun with food and games (So no one will be left out).

 

But here is my dilemma…

 

My mom has her mind set on us getting married in our home church and nowhere else.  She has opening expressed her dislike for our plans. I’ve tried to talk to her about it but still nothing.  Whenever we start talking about wedding plans she starts talking about how the wedding is just going to be a bunch of ‘hicks’ in a backyard.  I HATE IT!!!!

 

I really don’t mean so sound selfish but I feel like since it’s my wedding I should choose what I want.  And it really isn’t like it is anything outrageous that I want.  To be honest, it’s the cheapest wedding I’ve ever been to.

 

I just really needed to rant some… sorry

Pink7781

Just one question, are your parents paying or are you paying. If your parents are paying, you are kind of stuck. If you're paying for it, it doesn't matter, plan what you and your FH want.

Pink7781

Then that makes it easy. Plan and pay for the wedding you and your FH want. If having a small wedding is what you truly want, then stand your ground and do it. I'm sure your mom will realize that you're not planning a trash-tastic wedding (sorry heels had to steal that one).

CoriG1980

I have to agree. You're exactly right, it is YOUR wedding. Decide what you want and stand your ground. She doesn't have to like, it's not her day. You can't please everyone.

Try to focus on yourself and your groom. Hang in there!

[Deleted User]

I really feel like the incredible hulk at this point in the planning process and want to scream the same thing.  You are not alone in your feelings

freya025

I unfortunately am having the same problem with my mom. She was constantly shooting down my ideas, making snide comments, or making me feel guilty because i didn't like what she thought i should do. I had to sit down and have a talk with her where I basically to her that I really want her input and help with my wedding, but, if she continues to act the way she had been she will be invited but left out of the planning. I don't think she really understood how much it was hurting me, until i told her that. She apologized and has been great ever since. Good luck.

jroseber

Thanks girls, I know I have so long to wait before the big day, yet I am already feeling the stress.  At least I know I am not alone...  

Vegas_2010_Bride

I find it it odd that we have to remind the 'adults' to be considerate of our feelings. Just makes me wonder if we'll turn out to be the same way towards our sons/daughters when they get married.

daisylove711

I've been getting snarky-ish comments from people followed up with the statement, "But it's your big day, so whatever..."  That one really gets to me! 

chael_ra

I deal with this from the FILs and my own mother.  I just do what I want anyway and give them a little bit of what they want as well.  A little bit of compromise can go a long way. 

psichick

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_its-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:6a80cb1b-7af6-49d6-b8eb-e2566ebd19b7Post:26f58f87-6cf5-448f-93b5-aaf09ac8404a">Re: IT'S MY WEDDING!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]I find it it odd that we have to remind the 'adults' to be considerate of our feelings. Just makes me wonder if we'll turn out to be the same way towards our sons/daughters when they get married.
Posted by Vegas_2010_Bride[/QUOTE]

parents live vicariously through their children. so if the mother dreamed of a huge wedding, guess what the daughter is expected to do?

sit down with your mom and talk to her. if she still doesn't get it, stop involving her. it sucks but it's that simple. it IS your day, and do what you guys want and will make you happy.

seventyfive

Can you have the ceremony in the church, but then the reception in an outdoor setting to form a compromise?

future-mrs

In for all of the above!  "You should do this and this...but it's your day..."   D*** straight it's my day, thanks for your opinion, move along now!  Hehe. j/k

No seriously, agree with the above, you're paying for almost all of it...sorry to your mom but it's ultimately up to you what you want to do.  But beings she is your mom maybe you could try to compromise with something else she wants or try to include her other ways to make her feel wanted/needed.  I had to coax my own mother into the wedding process and once I did...look out!  Haha!  GL dear!

suz62984

Agreed! Its your day do what you want.  My FI's parents wanted us to get married at there house out of state. I politely said no and went about the planning. My FMIL may not like all my decisions but she had her wedding 35 years ago and got to do it her way.

cantabile730

jroseber, I totally get what you're saying. A simple gathering at the bride's home was actually the tradition in the old days. You're not hicks, you're just doing what all couples used to do before weddings became an industry. Our guest list is pretty long, so I understand that you'd have to either invite everyone to the ceremony or keep it super small. Better to be simple than to let the wedding plans get huge and out of control. 

Maybe you could put together a full list of items if you were to go all out and have a big wedding, along with their expected cost, and show your mom the list? If she sees how much a bigger wedding would cost (my mom nearly fell on the floor even though my fiance and I are paying for a lot of it) that seeing the actual $$s will put it in perspective for her. Then show her what else that money will help to buy - a downpayment on a home, student loan payments, etc. - and maybe it will make her feel better about having something simple. 

My grandparents cut their cake on a card table and everyone sat in folding chairs, and their pictures are adorable. 

PinkPowderPuff10

To avoid ranting and hijacking the thread, I'll keep it simple.

This is a terrible situation. I am in the same one (I believe my Mom's words were "hoedown"), but from half-way across the world...I feel your pain.

Just keep your eyes on the prize, darlin.  The main thing is that you and your FH say "I do!" Everything else is just icing on the (wedding) cake.  Best of luck in these matters.

DianneMoB

You could try showing your mother a website or blog about smaller weddings, one that comes to mind is intimateweddings.com . There are many absolutely beautiful examples there of small and informal weddings and receptions.

Fortunately, you have a good amount of time for decisions. A sit-down meeting to explain YOUR hopes and dreams for your marriage and wedding would be in order to set the stage for the planning process.