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Dear Abby Bridezilla

crys-cryscrys-crys member
Sixth Anniversary 100 Comments 25 Love Its
in Snarky Brides
DEAR ABBY: I am being married in October and asked my best friend of 19 years to be my maid of honor. "Brianna" likes to dye the bottom of her hair red. I asked her to take the red out of her hair for the wedding, but she flat-out refused! When I told her that it is MY wedding and I don't want any red hair because it won't match my color scheme, her exact words were, "I don't care."

Am I wrong for asking Brianna to remove the dye? How do I get her to realize this is my wedding and I don't want to be upstaged! Please help me. -- SEEING RED IN MARYLAND

 

DEAR SEEING RED: I'll try. When you picked your best friend of 19 years to stand up with you at your wedding, you knew what she looked like. Either you should have picked another color scheme for the production, or chosen a cast member who was suitably mousy that she wouldn't dim your spotlight. Please note that I am using theatrical terms because you have lost sight of what a wedding really should be. What a shame.

..................................................

 

 

This is so funny because I was a bridesmaid in my friends wedding in April and I had my hair all normal but decided I wanted to dye the bottoms green. I called her a month before the wedding and asked permission but offered to wait till after the wedding. She told me I was crazy for even asking and to do it. She loved the result! I love my friend.

If I was the letter writer's friend I would just offer to drop out of the wedding if she couldn't accept me for who I already was!

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Re: Dear Abby Bridezilla

  • SCBojangles1138SCBojangles1138
    100 Comments
    I would see the writers point if she had put it a little more tastefully, but she sounds like a spoiled five year old so I really have no sympathy. Martian, I think you went about it the right way.
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  • betrothed123betrothed123
    5000 Comments Combo Breaker
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_dear-abby-bridezilla?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:7a781c30-7b5e-4a90-aac1-a553542e8c93Post:d3f34bbc-6ae3-40a1-9c70-0325b5383bd5">Re: Dear Abby Bridezilla</a>:
    [QUOTE]I would see the writers point if she had put it a little more tastefully, but she sounds like a spoiled five year old so I really have no sympathy. Martian, I think you went about it the right way.
    Posted by SCBojangles1138[/QUOTE]

    Wait, are you saying you think a bride has the right to dictate a BM's hairstyle?  What other personal decisions do you think a bride has the right to make for her BMs?
    kd.joseph's wish is my command
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    Just call me "Brothel"
    And betrothed, I'm disgusted with most of the comments that you have posted. I don't think I've ever read such judgmental comments in my life. I'm so lucky that the girls I speak to on theknot are nothing like you...I would've never come on here for ADVICE if I would've encountered a big a bitch as you. I genuinely feel awful for your children or your future children, and I think it would be irresponsible of YOU not to invest in their future therapy sessions starting now. Because trust me when I tell you honey, they're gonna need it. ~jcaruncho2010
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  • Sloane99Sloane99 member
    500 Comments
    I don't see the writer's point at all. Your BM = the people closest to you that you want to stand beside you on your wedding day. That's it.
    2 IVFs & 1 FET. Welcome home baby girl!
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  • KnittibellKnittibell
    1000 Comments
    Betrothed, I think she was saying the opposite- that the bride sounded like a spoilt 5 year old!

    I also agree with this! Sounds like your friend is pretty cool!
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  • MarriedInAFeverMarriedInAFever member
    2500 Comments
    This is exactly why I had my maids sign this contract: http://www.abajournal.com/files/bridesmaidscontract.pdf
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  • Lenore2010Lenore2010 member
    1000 Comments
    People get fussed up about the weirdest stuff. No, a bride does not have the right to dictate a BM's haircolor. Having a BM who dies her hair 22 colors will get you no sympathy from me at all, it is a personal choice.

    My MOH was a nightmare, and my sister had a BM who got stinking drunk *before* the wedding and hit on her groom. Green/purple/blue/orange hair? No problem, go for it! Oh, and if I was in a wedding where the bride was trying to dictate my haircolor I would probably drop out.
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  • SCBojangles1138SCBojangles1138
    100 Comments
    No, I meant that there may be a situation where the red may not be tasteful. If they're getting married in a super conservative setting, it'd be nice for the red to go away, however as a bride, I wouldn't make it a requirement, just a request. And if I were the bride, I'd either pay for it (if BM said ok) or suggest using the spray in stuff if it does the job/still looks nice.

    I was really trying to say that I see where the bride is coming from but I don't agree with the "I'm the bride and all my BM's should be clones."
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  • betrothed123betrothed123
    5000 Comments Combo Breaker
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_dear-abby-bridezilla?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:7a781c30-7b5e-4a90-aac1-a553542e8c93Post:7076c374-4ab0-4a75-8f85-44479800fb63">Re: Dear Abby Bridezilla</a>:
    [QUOTE]Betrothed, I think she was saying the opposite- that the bride sounded like a spoilt 5 year old! I also agree with this! Sounds like your friend is pretty cool!
    Posted by Knittibell[/QUOTE]

    She said if it was written in a different way she would see the writer's point, and that OP went about it in the correct way by asking the bride first if it was okay.  That tells me that she thinks that the BM should have to ask before making the decision to dye her hair.
    kd.joseph's wish is my command
    image
    Just call me "Brothel"
    And betrothed, I'm disgusted with most of the comments that you have posted. I don't think I've ever read such judgmental comments in my life. I'm so lucky that the girls I speak to on theknot are nothing like you...I would've never come on here for ADVICE if I would've encountered a big a bitch as you. I genuinely feel awful for your children or your future children, and I think it would be irresponsible of YOU not to invest in their future therapy sessions starting now. Because trust me when I tell you honey, they're gonna need it. ~jcaruncho2010
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  • PetraStonegirlPetraStonegirl member
    500 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_dear-abby-bridezilla?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:7a781c30-7b5e-4a90-aac1-a553542e8c93Post:d3f34bbc-6ae3-40a1-9c70-0325b5383bd5">Re: Dear Abby Bridezilla</a>:
    [QUOTE]I would see the writers point if she had put it a little more tastefully, but she sounds like a spoiled five year old so I really have no sympathy. Martian, I think you went about it the right way.
    Posted by SCBojangles1138[/QUOTE]

    <div>Even by trying to give this a gloss by saying she sounds like a spoiled 5 yo, this sounds like you this it's ok to dictate a BM's personal appearance. This is indefensible and I hope you think about it. If your best friend wears a 3 ft high rainbow mohawk, and you ask them to stand for you, expect a 3 ft high rainbow mohawk in your wedding pictures.</div>
    AMA over 40
    Massive uterine fibroids removed 3/06
    BFP 1/11; MM/C discovered @ 10w, loss at 6w; Cytotec
    B/W 7/11 = normal CD3, FSH 8.9; 7DPO progesterone 1.7
    Three Clomid cycles, all BFN, Off to an RE for me...
    FSH=8.7 E2=30 AMH=1.8 HSG clear, SA=great
    Inj. IUI #1 12/9/11 BFN, Inj. IUI #2 1/6/12 BFN
    Inj. IUI #3 1/30/12 BFP!, HCG doubled through 6w, 7w u/s mm/c twins
    Lost our known donor to unplanned pregnancy
    Factor V Leiden, Hetero, symptomatic
    Op Hysteroscopy 5/12, removed scar tissue and uterine septum
    Doing Cryo-DE IVF and older child adoption (Home visit- Check!)
    Beautiful hatching 5-blast transfered 8/30
    BFP 9/7/12 EDD May 19, 2013, beta #1=291 beta #2=762 beta #3=7306
    Sneek peak u/s shows HB at 6w1d!!! 123bpm!
    Still have a HB at 18w0d!!! 142bpm! Grow, baby, grow!
    Great NT scan, but, placenta previa. Resolving!
    Labile Hypertension, placed on HBP meds to try to avoid pre-e
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  • Sloane99Sloane99 member
    500 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_dear-abby-bridezilla?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:7a781c30-7b5e-4a90-aac1-a553542e8c93Post:e397c959-22d4-4c09-adb2-78f3a707b6cc">Re: Dear Abby Bridezilla</a>:
    [QUOTE]No, I meant that there may be a situation where the red may not be tasteful. If they're getting married in a super conservative setting, it'd be nice for the red to go away, however as a bride, I wouldn't make it a requirement, just a request. And if I were the bride, I'd either pay for it (if BM said ok) or suggest using the spray in stuff if it does the job/still looks nice. I was really trying to say that I see where the bride is coming from but I don't agree with the "I'm the bride and all my BM's should be clones."
    Posted by SCBojangles1138[/QUOTE]

    Absolutely this may not be the ideal hairstyle for a super conservative setting, but I would much rather get married in a venue that my friends and family felt comfortable and welcome in than try and change them to match the venue.
    2 IVFs & 1 FET. Welcome home baby girl!
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  • betrothed123betrothed123
    5000 Comments Combo Breaker
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_dear-abby-bridezilla?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:7a781c30-7b5e-4a90-aac1-a553542e8c93Post:e397c959-22d4-4c09-adb2-78f3a707b6cc">Re: Dear Abby Bridezilla</a>:
    [QUOTE]No, I meant that there may be a situation where the red may not be tasteful. If they're getting married in a super conservative setting, it'd be nice for the red to go away, however as a bride, I wouldn't make it a requirement, just a request. And if I were the bride, I'd either pay for it (if BM said ok) or suggest using the spray in stuff if it does the job/still looks nice. I was really trying to say that I see where the bride is coming from but I don't agree with the "I'm the bride and all my BM's should be clones."
    Posted by SCBojangles1138[/QUOTE]

    This is still saying you think it's okay to dictate what color your BM dyes her hair.  It is not.  If you ask someone to stand up there with you, you're asking them to do it as them, not as your perfect image of who they should be.  Even asking is going too far.
    kd.joseph's wish is my command
    image
    Just call me "Brothel"
    And betrothed, I'm disgusted with most of the comments that you have posted. I don't think I've ever read such judgmental comments in my life. I'm so lucky that the girls I speak to on theknot are nothing like you...I would've never come on here for ADVICE if I would've encountered a big a bitch as you. I genuinely feel awful for your children or your future children, and I think it would be irresponsible of YOU not to invest in their future therapy sessions starting now. Because trust me when I tell you honey, they're gonna need it. ~jcaruncho2010
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  • PetraStonegirlPetraStonegirl member
    500 Comments
    edited July 2010
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_dear-abby-bridezilla?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:7a781c30-7b5e-4a90-aac1-a553542e8c93Post:0d2c0a97-007a-491a-a147-b53494a3ef5d">Re: Dear Abby Bridezilla</a>:
    [QUOTE]This is exactly why I had my maids sign this contract: <a rel="nofollow" href="http://www.abajournal.com/files/bridesmaidscontract.pdf">http://www.abajournal.com/files/bridesmaidscontract.pdf</a>
    Posted by MarriedInAFever[/QUOTE]

    <div>That's horrifying! I really hope that's a joke and people don't do that.</div><div>
    </div><div>ETA: MIAF, I know that you were joking, but it got me thinking that there might actually be people who do that.</div>
    AMA over 40
    Massive uterine fibroids removed 3/06
    BFP 1/11; MM/C discovered @ 10w, loss at 6w; Cytotec
    B/W 7/11 = normal CD3, FSH 8.9; 7DPO progesterone 1.7
    Three Clomid cycles, all BFN, Off to an RE for me...
    FSH=8.7 E2=30 AMH=1.8 HSG clear, SA=great
    Inj. IUI #1 12/9/11 BFN, Inj. IUI #2 1/6/12 BFN
    Inj. IUI #3 1/30/12 BFP!, HCG doubled through 6w, 7w u/s mm/c twins
    Lost our known donor to unplanned pregnancy
    Factor V Leiden, Hetero, symptomatic
    Op Hysteroscopy 5/12, removed scar tissue and uterine septum
    Doing Cryo-DE IVF and older child adoption (Home visit- Check!)
    Beautiful hatching 5-blast transfered 8/30
    BFP 9/7/12 EDD May 19, 2013, beta #1=291 beta #2=762 beta #3=7306
    Sneek peak u/s shows HB at 6w1d!!! 123bpm!
    Still have a HB at 18w0d!!! 142bpm! Grow, baby, grow!
    Great NT scan, but, placenta previa. Resolving!
    Labile Hypertension, placed on HBP meds to try to avoid pre-e
    A/S on 12/21/12, Petra's having a baby, it's the end of the world!
    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
    PGAL Siggy Challenge- Animal Hangovers!
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    "Petra, you are an obese 40+ year old. Stop jumping through these hoops. Just adopt already. There is no shame in that." -Deethebee
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  • loop0406loop0406 member
    1000 Comments
    Looked at the contract, hilarious !
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  • crys-cryscrys-crys member
    Sixth Anniversary 100 Comments 25 Love Its
    Haha. I posted that contract to my bridesmaid blog site and wrote: "Found this online and I would like you guys to download it, sign it, get it notarized and returned to me by tomorrow. Thanks!"

    If they don't realize that it' a joke then they don't know me very well and they are out of the wedding! Hehe. LOL.
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  • SCBojangles1138SCBojangles1138
    100 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_dear-abby-bridezilla?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:7a781c30-7b5e-4a90-aac1-a553542e8c93Post:766bc30d-6abf-4a0c-aa66-dd5f43693732">Re: Dear Abby Bridezilla</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Dear Abby Bridezilla : Absolutely this may not be the ideal hairstyle for a super conservative setting, but I would much rather get married in a venue that my friends and family felt comfortable and welcome in than try and change them to match the venue.
    Posted by Sloane99[/QUOTE]

    I agree with you Sloane.

    FYI, I do tend to empathize with people even if no action should be taken.

    But never the less, point taken ladies. :)
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  • shellydiane820shellydiane820 member
    5000 Comments Combo Breaker
    I agree with the the response, however that girl's hair sounds ugly.  I'd let her know just to save her the embarrassment.
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  • crys-cryscrys-crys member
    Sixth Anniversary 100 Comments 25 Love Its
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_dear-abby-bridezilla?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:7a781c30-7b5e-4a90-aac1-a553542e8c93Post:62e5e293-d94b-4889-8ac3-0eefd937bd36">Re: Dear Abby Bridezilla</a>:
    [QUOTE]I agree with the the response, however that girl's hair sounds ugly.  I'd let her know just to save her the embarrassment.
    Posted by shellydiane820[/QUOTE]

    How does it sound ugly? And if she's being doing her hair like that for years, I am sure she has gotten over any possible embarrasement?
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  • ricksangricksang member
    10000 Comments Combo Breaker
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_dear-abby-bridezilla?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:7a781c30-7b5e-4a90-aac1-a553542e8c93Post:62e5e293-d94b-4889-8ac3-0eefd937bd36">Re: Dear Abby Bridezilla</a>:
    [QUOTE]I agree with the the response, however that girl's hair sounds ugly.  I'd let her know just to save her the embarrassment.
    Posted by shellydiane820[/QUOTE]

    lol <3
    image
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  • shellydiane820shellydiane820 member
    5000 Comments Combo Breaker
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_dear-abby-bridezilla?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:7a781c30-7b5e-4a90-aac1-a553542e8c93Post:a1b0ff62-b456-4cef-89c0-05c2e901a7d0">Re: Dear Abby Bridezilla</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Dear Abby Bridezilla : How does it sound ugly? And if she's being doing her hair like that for years, I am sure she has gotten over any possible embarrasement?
    Posted by martianwax[/QUOTE]

    Not my style.

    I don't agree with the bride, I'd never tell my bridesmaid to change her hair for my wedding.  I just think the hairstyle sounds ugly anyway.
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  • betrothed123betrothed123
    5000 Comments Combo Breaker
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_dear-abby-bridezilla?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:7a781c30-7b5e-4a90-aac1-a553542e8c93Post:62e5e293-d94b-4889-8ac3-0eefd937bd36">Re: Dear Abby Bridezilla</a>:
    [QUOTE]I agree with the the response, however that girl's hair sounds ugly.  I'd let her know just to save her the embarrassment.
    Posted by shellydiane820[/QUOTE]

    :( I dyed my hair the same way.  My dad thought it was going to be hideous but it actually looked really good.
    kd.joseph's wish is my command
    image
    Just call me "Brothel"
    And betrothed, I'm disgusted with most of the comments that you have posted. I don't think I've ever read such judgmental comments in my life. I'm so lucky that the girls I speak to on theknot are nothing like you...I would've never come on here for ADVICE if I would've encountered a big a bitch as you. I genuinely feel awful for your children or your future children, and I think it would be irresponsible of YOU not to invest in their future therapy sessions starting now. Because trust me when I tell you honey, they're gonna need it. ~jcaruncho2010
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  • crys-cryscrys-crys member
    Sixth Anniversary 100 Comments 25 Love Its
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_dear-abby-bridezilla?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:7a781c30-7b5e-4a90-aac1-a553542e8c93Post:8a801c3f-efe9-4fc5-a3bf-f2960801501e">Re: Dear Abby Bridezilla</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Dear Abby Bridezilla : Not my style. I don't agree with the bride, I'd never tell my bridesmaid to change her hair for my wedding.  I just think the hairstyle sounds ugly anyway.
    Posted by shellydiane820[/QUOTE]

    LOL. Well I am biased towards that hairstyle:


    <a href="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/images/store/0/12/d0616bff-ea12-4dab-8cc8-92de5dec189f.large.jpg" title="Click to view a larger photo" onclick="return gSiteLife.LoadForumPage('ForumImage', 'plckPhotoId', 'd0616bff-ea12-4dab-8cc8-92de5dec189f', 'plckRedirectUrl', gSiteLife.EscapeValue(window.location.href));" class="PhotoLink"> <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/images/store/0/12/d0616bff-ea12-4dab-8cc8-92de5dec189f.medium.jpg" alt="" /></a>
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  • shellydiane820shellydiane820 member
    5000 Comments Combo Breaker
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_dear-abby-bridezilla?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:7a781c30-7b5e-4a90-aac1-a553542e8c93Post:cf1a8f6b-f730-4ada-8be0-a7838ffb47b1">Re: Dear Abby Bridezilla</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Dear Abby Bridezilla : :( I dyed my hair the same way.  My dad thought it was going to be hideous but it actually looked really good.
    Posted by betrothed123[/QUOTE]


    Sorry.  I'm a plain jane.  The most I ever do with my hair is highlights.  I still love you though.
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  • ricksangricksang member
    10000 Comments Combo Breaker

     I don't think red tips would be bad but green would be odd for anyone over the age of 18 who isn't an artist.

    image
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  • crys-cryscrys-crys member
    Sixth Anniversary 100 Comments 25 Love Its
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_dear-abby-bridezilla?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:7a781c30-7b5e-4a90-aac1-a553542e8c93Post:467fb56f-3b5b-4885-9672-d0458dc22339">Re: Dear Abby Bridezilla</a>:
    [QUOTE] I don't think red tips would be bad but green would be odd for anyone over the age of 18 who isn't an artist.
    Posted by ricksang[/QUOTE]

    31 and a news assistant. :-p
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  • betrothed123betrothed123
    5000 Comments Combo Breaker
    Good, because I love you too :)  I dyed my hair that way twice.  Both stylists looked at me like I was insane when I asked and then loved it when they were done.  It's kind of one of those you have to see it to believe it type of things.  Also, I have a lot of red in my hair naturally and the red I picked looked natural for me.  That probably helped.
    kd.joseph's wish is my command
    image
    Just call me "Brothel"
    And betrothed, I'm disgusted with most of the comments that you have posted. I don't think I've ever read such judgmental comments in my life. I'm so lucky that the girls I speak to on theknot are nothing like you...I would've never come on here for ADVICE if I would've encountered a big a bitch as you. I genuinely feel awful for your children or your future children, and I think it would be irresponsible of YOU not to invest in their future therapy sessions starting now. Because trust me when I tell you honey, they're gonna need it. ~jcaruncho2010
    my read shelf:
    Betrothed 123's book recommendations, favorite quotes, book clubs, book trivia, book lists (read shelf)
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  • ricksangricksang member
    10000 Comments Combo Breaker
    Whatever floats your boat!
    image
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  • shellydiane820shellydiane820 member
    5000 Comments Combo Breaker
    Exactly, Ricks.  If it was subtle, I don't think I'd mind it so much.  I'm not one for bright colors in hair, though.

    My sister used to color her hair weird colors like turquoise, and orange, and I always told her she looked stupid.  Then again, that's my sister and we used to pick at eachother like that.
    Photobucket
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  • ricksangricksang member
    10000 Comments Combo Breaker

    You have to have a certain hairstyle and look to pull it off.

    image
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  • MarriedInAFeverMarriedInAFever member
    2500 Comments
    I dyed my tips pink once. I was 15.
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic BabyFruit Ticker
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  • crys-cryscrys-crys member
    Sixth Anniversary 100 Comments 25 Love Its
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_dear-abby-bridezilla?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:7a781c30-7b5e-4a90-aac1-a553542e8c93Post:415a13b6-2d2c-4b05-be88-fdfbc1aeec9a">Re: Dear Abby Bridezilla</a>:
    [QUOTE]I dyed my tips pink once. I was 15.
    Posted by MarriedInAFever[/QUOTE]

    My parents didn't let me do this stuff when I was young. Boo on them! :(

    I was going to do the green ends for my wedding next year but now that I am wearing a gold dress, no green. It just wouldn't work. It's gonna suck to get rid of the green cause I love it.
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