mmm

alanderson74

,,m

chirpchirp

Is growing up an option?

number55

I didn't answer your poll because I didn't like the options. How about you accept the gift GRACIOUSLY, because she didn't have to send you one in the first place, and then send a nice thankyou note and then let it all be.

You have no idea what else is going on in her life.  For all you know someone was dying of cancer. Her 'when is it' text wasn't flippant - your wedding date is not the most important date for anyone other than you.

If you don't want the damn gift send it back but don't send it back to make a point. It says NOTHING good about you. Frankly, very little in that whole post says anything good about you.

chirpchirp

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_dilemma-its-principle-of-thing-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:7b2b8beb-cc09-45a0-b3b4-fb94b3dbd9a2Post:2a6e371d-ace8-4c5f-8941-61b1c16e7960">Re: Dilemma - it's the principle of the thing... LONG</a>:
[QUOTE]I didn't answer your poll because I didn't like the options. <strong>How about you accept the gift GRACIOUSLY, because she didn't have to send you one in the first place, and then send a nice thankyou note and then let it all be.</strong> You have no idea what else is going on in her life.  For all you know someone was dying of cancer. Her 'when is it' text wasn't flippant - your wedding date is not the most important date for anyone other than you. If you don't want the damn gift send it back but don't send it back to make a point. It says NOTHING good about you. Frankly, very little in that whole post says anything good about you.
Posted by number55[/QUOTE]

ETA: right on

number55

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_dilemma-its-principle-of-thing-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:7b2b8beb-cc09-45a0-b3b4-fb94b3dbd9a2Post:9b8c1480-d5f1-4bb2-bf30-fa1ad6bea29f">Dilemma - it's the principle of the thing... LONG</a>:
[QUOTE] It was one of those form letters going on and on about her life, her blessings, her wedding and the fact that she's expecting a child.  Not ANYWHERE in the letter was congratulations for Mark and me, explanation as to why they couldn't make it, an apology or ANYTHING.  I'm ticked at this point and emailed her explaining my feelings, the fact that I<strong> don't have friends that have so obvious little concern for me and my feelings,</strong> blah blah blah.  <strong>She responds with sorry, she was sick, she's sending me our wedding gift.  </strong>
Posted by alanderson74[/QUOTE]

<div>OMG, I skimmed this paragraph but then went back to read it again. Now I think even less of you.  She sent you a card about her life and your response was to tell her that you were insulted that there was no reference made to you and your life and your marriage and yadda yadda yadda?  See that part I bolded? NOWHERE in any of this long explanation did you show any understanding, empathy, compassion for the fact that MAYBE there were other things going on in her life. </div><div>
</div><div>Also, that last line, that shows that she knows what you really care about. Not her, but her gift. I think she was sending you a point. And you missed it.</div>

crash2729

I don't really see the big deal TBH, except that she was a PITA. 

If the letter was something that she sent out to a whole bunch of people why would you expect her to include congratulations in there? Do you think those people really care? 

She sent you a gift and you should write her a thank you card.

ETA: I just read what numbers quoted. I skimmed that part and missed it too. 

Seriously?! What did you think her response was going to be when you sent her an email like that? Have you even tried to see what was going on in her life/how she was doing? 

I think you came off gift-grabby and that's what you got. A gift. 

LP11509

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_dilemma-its-principle-of-thing-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:7b2b8beb-cc09-45a0-b3b4-fb94b3dbd9a2Post:9b8c1480-d5f1-4bb2-bf30-fa1ad6bea29f">Dilemma - it's the principle of the thing... LONG</a>:
[QUOTE]The Dilemma So there it is - my dilemma.  And what do I do with it?  Open it, send it back, throw it away?  Need your input ladies. A little back story - I've had a pretty close relationship with my hair dresser for the past 8 years - to the point where we considered each other "friends".  Early last year she invited me to her wedding and my fiance and I were happy to attend.  She seemed excited for us too and said she'd be seeing us soon at our wedding.  No biggie - normal stuff. So, the time comes for my wedding.  I txt her asking for her address so I can address her invite.  Nothing.  Knowing she works odd hours I wasn't concerned at the time.  I wait a couple of weeks and txt her again and I get "will send it to you soon" as a response.  Uh, ok?  In the time it took to send that txt she could have sent me her address.  Whatever - the girl's busy, right???  So the invites are going out in the mail and I txt her one last time and say look, I'm mailing invites today and need your address now if you're still interested in coming to my wedding.  She immediately sent her address.  Ok, cool.  RSVP date was 11/20/11.  I hear nothing from her regarding whether she and her husband are attending.  She was the only one I haven't heard back from.  Meeting with the wedding planner 11/21 for final head count so I txt her on the RSVP date asking if she's attending.  I get a flippant response "When is it again?"  Now she got an invite, she should know - so I'm pretty irritated and didn't respond.  I'm done with her at this point.  A few hours later I get another txt from her..."Well, if it's Dec. 9th, we can come."  Despite being really frustrated with her I sent a polite response that I was glad they could make it. My wedding day.  In the bridal suite getting ready - 1 hour before the wedding starts.  I get a txt from her.  "Sorry we can't make it, will explain when we chat next.  Send me your address so I can send you a gift."  I told her not to bother.  Irritated but relieved at that point.  I was beyond dealing with this chick.  Yes, there were two open seats not occupied <strong>- but it allowed my photographer and his wife to sit down and eat somewhere.</strong>  My wedding was perfect and couldn't have asked for anything more. So then, last weekend I get a letter from her.  Apparently she has my address after all, mmm?  Not sure I wanted a letter or anything from her but I opened it anyways. <strong> It was one of those form letters going on and on about her life, her blessings, her wedding and the fact that she's expecting a child.  Not ANYWHERE in the letter was congratulations for Mark and me, explanation as to why they couldn't make it, an apology or ANYTHING.</strong>  I'm ticked at this point and emailed her explaining my feelings, the fact that I don't have friends that have so obvious little concern for me and my feelings, blah blah blah.  She responds with sorry, she was sick, she's sending me our wedding gift.  Once again, I told her don't bother.  And then I recieve the above envelope.  It obviously has a gift card in it.  I'm pissed.  I don't want this "gift" from her.  So now what do I do with it?  Open it and use whatever gift card is inside to "re-coup" the money I wasted on her and her husband?  Send it back to her and waste even more money on this chick in postage, or toss it unopened? It's the principle of the thing ladies, what do I do?
Posted by alanderson74[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>First of all, you're being childish.  She gave you a gift because she wanted you to have it.  Accept it, send her a thank you note, and let the other stuff go.  It's called being an adult.</div><div>
</div><div>You wouldn't have had a place for your photographer to sit at all if she had shown up? Planning fail.</div><div>
</div><div>And if it was a form letter, than she presumably sent it to many people with the purpose of updating them on her life, like a Christmas letter of sorts.  Why on earth would she mention you in that? Get over yourself. 

</div>

AdeleDazeem

You took the picture of the envelope.  I was hoping for something so much more interesting here rather than a run-of-the-mill lack-of-communication-between-friends issue.

alanderson74

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_dilemma-its-principle-of-thing-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:7b2b8beb-cc09-45a0-b3b4-fb94b3dbd9a2Post:2a6e371d-ace8-4c5f-8941-61b1c16e7960">Re: Dilemma - it's the principle of the thing... LONG</a>:
[QUOTE]I didn't answer your poll because I didn't like the options. How about you accept the gift GRACIOUSLY, because she didn't have to send you one in the first place, and then send a nice thankyou note and then let it all be. You have no idea what else is going on in her life.  For all you know someone was dying of cancer. Her 'when is it' text wasn't flippant - your wedding date is not the most important date for anyone other than you. If you don't want the damn gift send it back but don't send it back to make a point. It says NOTHING good about you.<strong> Frankly, very little in that whole post says anything good about you.</strong>
Posted by number55[/QUOTE]

Really?? I am not allowed to have any feelings in response to being treated this way by a "friend"?  Laughable really... when did standing up for yourself and how you're treated by someone else become a bad thing?  A wedding isn't about the gifts... It's about sharing your day with people who are important in your life. 

Personally, I think sending the gift was tacky and rude after the email exchange we had.  But thanks for your input.

LP11509

Also, I had a friend that changed her mind 3 times about whether or not she was coming to my wedding.  In the end, she only came to the ceremony.  Yes, it was a bit frustrating.  But, I realize that she had other things going on in her life, and in the end I'm happy she was able to share the ceremony with us.  Shiit happens. It's part of life. Be annoyed for a few minutes, then move on. 

number55

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_dilemma-its-principle-of-thing-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:7b2b8beb-cc09-45a0-b3b4-fb94b3dbd9a2Post:808b692b-78bf-4e75-861d-76c745d235df">Re: Dilemma - it's the principle of the thing... LONG</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Dilemma - it's the principle of the thing... LONG : Really?? I am not allowed to have any feelings in response to being treated this way by a "friend"?  Laughable really... when did standing up for yourself and how you're treated by someone else become a bad thing?  A wedding isn't about the gifts... It's about sharing your day with people who are important in your life.  Personally, I think sending the gift was tacky and rude after the email exchange we had.  <strong>But thanks for your input.</strong>
Posted by alanderson74[/QUOTE]
 <div>You asked for it!</div>

crash2729

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_dilemma-its-principle-of-thing-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:7b2b8beb-cc09-45a0-b3b4-fb94b3dbd9a2Post:808b692b-78bf-4e75-861d-76c745d235df">Re: Dilemma - it's the principle of the thing... LONG</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Dilemma - it's the principle of the thing... LONG : Really?? I am not allowed to have any feelings in response to being treated this way by a "friend"?  Laughable really... when did standing up for yourself and how you're treated by someone else become a bad thing?  A wedding isn't about the gifts... It's about sharing your day with people who are important in your life.  <strong>Personally, I think sending the gift was tacky and rude after the email exchange we had.</strong>  But thanks for your input.
Posted by alanderson74[/QUOTE]
If you didn't want input then you probably shouldn't have posted. <div>I think sending the "pity me and my no friends" email was tacky and rude. </div><div>I don't see how she treated you any way. She didn't make it to your wedding. Crap happens. Did you ever even find out why she didn't make it? </div>

alanderson74

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_dilemma-its-principle-of-thing-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:7b2b8beb-cc09-45a0-b3b4-fb94b3dbd9a2Post:d513a1ea-cb00-42c6-8b5b-d218fa84751d">Re: Dilemma - it's the principle of the thing... LONG</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't really see the big deal TBH, except that she was a PITA.  If the letter was something that she sent out to a whole bunch of people why would you expect her to include congratulations in there? Do you think those people really care?  She sent you a gift and you should write her a thank you card. ETA: I just read what numbers quoted. I skimmed that part and missed it too.  Seriously?! What did you think her response was going to be when you sent her an email like that? Have you even tried to see what was going on in her life/how she was doing?<strong>  I think you came off gift-grabby and that's what you got. A gift. </strong>
Posted by crash2729[/QUOTE]

I actually encouraged everyone not to bring gifts... It was a celebration of our marriage, no gifts for us were necessary - just come and enjoy the evening. 

alanderson74

Exactly, I said thank you for the input.. this is why I posted.

SarahPLiz

I don't think she treated you badly at all. I think she's busy and while she made the faux pas of not RSVPing on time, you didn't have to perpetuate bad feelings by getting your panties in a bunch. Just let it roll. How is it that this pisses you off so much that you'd throw away free money? That's just stupid.

She took the time and money to send you a gift, so she DID acknowledge your wedding. Why you think she'd do that in a letter she sent to everyone she knows is beyond me. If she was your hairdresser and your friend, why wasn't she doing your hair for the wedding? Ever stop to think that maybe she was a bit hurt that you chose someone else? But she decided to be civil about it and still send a gift. I can see who the grown up is here. 

LetsHikeToday

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_dilemma-its-principle-of-thing-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:7b2b8beb-cc09-45a0-b3b4-fb94b3dbd9a2Post:53200852-a113-4eb2-b203-46bd06ca256e">Re: Dilemma - it's the principle of the thing... LONG</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Dilemma - it's the principle of the thing... LONG : If you didn't want input then you probably shouldn't have posted.  I think sending the "pity me and my no friends" email was tacky and rude.  I don't see how she treated you any way. She didn't make it to your wedding. Crap happens. <strong>Did you ever even find out why she didn't make it?</strong> 
Posted by crash2729[/QUOTE]

This.

LP11509

Crash, she was sick.  It's buried somewhere in the OP, I think. 

crash2729

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_dilemma-its-principle-of-thing-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:7b2b8beb-cc09-45a0-b3b4-fb94b3dbd9a2Post:efb41238-3049-49cb-b3d0-156259e878ba">Re: Dilemma - it's the principle of the thing... LONG</a>:
[QUOTE]Crash, she was sick.  It's buried somewhere in the OP, I think. 
Posted by LP11509[/QUOTE]
I thought she was referring to that's why the wedding gift hadn't been sent sooner. I see. 

alanderson74

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_dilemma-its-principle-of-thing-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:7b2b8beb-cc09-45a0-b3b4-fb94b3dbd9a2Post:53200852-a113-4eb2-b203-46bd06ca256e">Re: Dilemma - it's the principle of the thing... LONG</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Dilemma - it's the principle of the thing... LONG : If you didn't want input then you probably shouldn't have posted.  I think sending the "pity me and my no friends" email was tacky and rude.  I don't see how she treated you any way. She didn't make it to your wedding. Crap happens. <strong>Did you ever even find out why she didn't make it? </strong>
Posted by crash2729[/QUOTE]

Yes ladies she said she was sick when we were emailing.  Which I told her in our email exhange was a simple and completely understandable explanation and that I wish she had said just that when she txt me that day and that I hoped everything was ok. 

LP11509

Now that I reread it, you might be right.  Not sure which way she meant it. 

ETA: I'm too slow, nevermind.

number55

Okay OP.  Here's the thing.  You think she treated you poorly. You are hurt/insulted/pissed.  You want to make sure she knows that you are unhappy by sending her gift back to her.  Except that just means you are treating her poorly. 

So I guess my only other questions is - do two wrongs make it right? Does you behaving poorly make it better that she behaved poorly (in your estimation, I don't really think she did anything that bad - at least she texted you the day of to let you know she couldn't make it, many don't even do that, plus, she did, in the end send you a gift, which she didn't have to do).

crash2729

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_dilemma-its-principle-of-thing-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:7b2b8beb-cc09-45a0-b3b4-fb94b3dbd9a2Post:5c730401-2c38-44c4-aa83-ed4a6df1f22f">Re: Dilemma - it's the principle of the thing... LONG</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Dilemma - it's the principle of the thing... LONG : Yes ladies she said she was sick when we were emailing.  Which I told her in our email exhange was a simple and completely understandable explanation and that I wish she had said just that when she txt me that day and that I hoped everything was ok. 
Posted by alanderson74[/QUOTE]
I think you're making a mountain out of a molehill, tbh.

number55

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_dilemma-its-principle-of-thing-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:7b2b8beb-cc09-45a0-b3b4-fb94b3dbd9a2Post:5c730401-2c38-44c4-aa83-ed4a6df1f22f">Re: Dilemma - it's the principle of the thing... LONG</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Dilemma - it's the principle of the thing... LONG : Yes ladies she said she was sick when we were emailing.  Which I told her in our email exhange was a simple and completely understandable explanation and that<strong> I wish she had said just that when she txt me that day</strong> and that I hoped everything was ok. 
Posted by alanderson74[/QUOTE]

<div>Maybe she figured her being sick wasn't something worth bothering you with on your wedding day. </div>

crash2729

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_dilemma-its-principle-of-thing-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:7b2b8beb-cc09-45a0-b3b4-fb94b3dbd9a2Post:838059eb-7f16-4aec-84df-2a0d47788340">Re: Dilemma - it's the principle of the thing... LONG</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Dilemma - it's the principle of the thing... LONG : Maybe she figured her being sick wasn't something worth bothering you with on your wedding day. 
Posted by number55[/QUOTE]
This. I probably wouldn't text someone to tell them if I was sick on their wedding day. I figure they have more important things to worry about.

Blueyed228

I had about 6 people not show up.  No phone call or anything.  Shiit happens, its no big deal.

She got your address from you RSVP?

Take the gift and send a thank you.

I dont get why people think that just because you invite someone that they HAVE to come unless there is something major going on.  Maybe she just didnt want to go.

number55

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_dilemma-its-principle-of-thing-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:7b2b8beb-cc09-45a0-b3b4-fb94b3dbd9a2Post:e845c7c6-9e71-4097-ae21-698a740b25ba">Re: Dilemma - it's the principle of the thing... LONG</a>:
[QUOTE]I had about 6 people not show up.  No phone call or anything.  Shiit happens, its no big deal. She got your address from you RSVP? Take the gift and send a thank you. <strong>I dont get why people think that just because you invite someone that they HAVE to come unless there is something major going on.  Maybe she just didnt want to go.</strong>
Posted by Blueyed228[/QUOTE]

<div>Uh, yes!  One of DHs friends was upset when their friends from University RSVPed 'no' and didn't explain why on the card. Um, why the eff do they need to explain why - how is that any of your business. Clearly they don't want to tell you why.  She brought it up at least 3 times at gatherings (the other couple wasn't there).  It drove me nuts. </div>

alanderson74

Not sure how to handle this - this is why I posted seeking input.  She was definitely difficult through the process that's for sure.  And I think sending off the gift was rude and tacky after all of this... and to accept it seems wrong somehow.  Were my feelings hurt - yup and I let her know.  So, I open it and send her a thank you gift?  THAT looks gift grabby to me... Which is why I need your help.

She may not have wanted to bother me with her illness, who knows what she was thinking at the time - but I completely would have understood that and the situation is what it is and now I have this gift from her?

She didn't do my hair because she didn't want to lose all the business she could have had to drive to where my wedding was early to do my hair.  And I was fine with that.  My wedding was not about interupting people's lives anymore than it had to.

mkrupar

I don't see anything in your post that tells me your friend treated you poorly. What I see is a lot of overreaction on your part. So it took her a while to get you her address. In the end if you never got it she just wouldn't have gotten an invite. NBD. Then she missed the RSVP. Maybe she lost the card she was to send back. Hell maybe she lost the whole damn invitation and that's why she asked what the date was. NBD. Then she tells you on your wedding day they're not going to make it. Like PP said, at least she called. And plusalso what does it matter why she didn't come? It's her life, something came up, she's sick, whatever. Again NBD. And now this letter that you're soooo upset about not being mentioned in. Narcissistic much? It sounds like something they sent out to everyone in their lives. You said YOURSELF it was a form letter. So they're not going to personalize it for every.single.person they send it to. NBD. Then you repond in a shitty way. That's treating someone poorly. You should have congratulated her for her news about being pregnant and left it at that.

You're the one who's in the wrong here. I realize that no one can tell you how something makes you feel, but I feel like your actions and reactions in all of these situations. 

Blueyed228

I can imagine the things you would be saying if she DIDNT send you a gift.

You dont send her a gift back, you send a thank you note. 

I dont get it.  She couldnt come to your wedding, so she sent you a gift.  What is your problem?  If her not coming was the "biggest drama" you had to deal with the enitre wedding process then count yourself as lucky.

alanderson74

And I agree - to just read a post regarding someone else's situation, no you don't feel everything the poster has felt for the past year dealing with a person and all the built up emotion that comes with it.

Sure it seems like no big deal to others, but to me I feel like the gift was a slap in the face.  I could be completely off base due to the emotion of the thing - which was why I posted.  I need to hear input from people who are neutral in this situation.

maratea

How old are you? Cause you're kind of acting like a high schooler.