Should I bitch?

kimheartsscott

So, my brother is throwing himself an incredibly inconvenient birthday party this Saturday.  I just got an email telling me what I am to bring, and that it is to feed 25 people.  I'm in charge of the dessert, soda and all plastic utensils.  The dessert should be Mexican to fit the theme.  Also, the email was only sent to me, my mom, one of my other brothers and my sister.  So nobody from his wife's side of the family (who was supposedly hosting) or any of his other guests.

I called and whined to my mom, who informed me that apparently my sister has complained before about it.  He does this for every single party "he" throws.

So, do I say something to him?  How do I word it?  I know my mom can't afford the 5 things she is supposed to bring, my brother probably can't afford his 3 and my sister most likely will not show up and we will be SOL when it comes to having plates.  I personally can't really afford the time commitment.


My back up plan if I bitch out on bitching him out is to bring a 2 liter of Dr. Thunder, sporks and a pinata.

AllAboutTheBenjamin

Honestly - I know he's your bro and all - but I'd bitch.

I'd have no problem doing what he asked of you if he'd given you more than a day's notice.  That is incredibly inconsiderate of him.  I'd tell him that I need at least a week or two (or MORE!) to plan to help with a party.

kimheartsscott

Yeah, I really don't mind helping it just irks me that I'm being told, not asked.  But that's how it always goes with him.  Le sigh.

Is it horrible of me to only give him a days notice that I won't be bringing anything?  I'm still not even sure if I can make it due to homework and my own errands I have to run this weekend. 

AllAboutTheBenjamin

I don't think that's any more horrible than him demanding your help with only a day's notice!

If you tell him that you might have been able to help had you known further in advance... hopefully he gets the hint for next time.

kimheartsscott

I don't really wanting him telling me what to bring next time either though.  If I offered?  Sure, why the hell not.  Getting a random out of the blue email saying "be there at noon with enough of thisshit for 25 people"?  Not so cool.

mocha beans

I'm with AATB.  I'm always annoyed being *told* to make much of anything, but to be told that at the last minute is too much.  I have no problem if someone asks me if I'd like to make X, Y or Z, or offering to make such things, assuming I have the time to plan it out.  What are you supposed to make anyway?  A taco dip I would be okay with throwing together/buying from the grocery store for 25 people last minute.  Burrito bar, no way Jose.

BIL did this to us too, for his JP wedding reception.  A week and a half before, he told us we needed to buy 2 kegs and make something to feed 50+ people.  Umm, sure, let me magically pull a few hundred dollars and an extra day out of my ass when we're trying to buy a house.

kimheartsscott

Dude, I can't bring dip.  That has been assigned to my mother.

Yes, he used the word assigned.

AllAboutTheBenjamin

I know that because he's family he more than likely just automatically assumes that he can count on you to do things that he needs.  But I cannot imagine telling my sisters to do something like this.  And I would be very surprised if any of them demanding something like this of me.

He does this often?

kimheartsscott

Oh, and I should add that that is insane.  There is no way in shiit I would be running around to feed somebody else's wedding guests like that.

kimheartsscott

AATB, he does this all the time.  He lives 40 minutes away but he likes the just call us up on Sunday afternoons all "card games at my house in 2 hours!  bring sodas, chips, dip and a side." and then he gets all pissy when you say you can't make it.

Simply Fated

I would politely decline. I know he's your brother, so you probably want to go, but you should put your foot down at some point or continue to encourage this behavior. You don't have to bitch, you just have to be strong.
How about saying something like this, "I wish you had asked me first what I could bring. As it turns out I will be able to provide some silverware and drinks, but you'll have to ask someone else to provide a dessert."

AllAboutTheBenjamin

Lol what a dink.

I mean, you gotta love that he's always wanting people to get together and have fun.  But PLAN AHEAD, MAN.  You can't just force people to be your little party gnomes and drop everything at whim.

He needs to be told off.

mocha beans

It was an awesome cluster, that was the least of the ridiculousness.

I'm sure he does think he can count on you to do crap because your family, but family still has the right to be annoyed when they're being inconvenienced.  I'd definitely tell him that he needs to plan further ahead when he's doing a party, and ask me, don't tell, or I won't do anything to help next time.

AllAboutTheBenjamin

Just overnight him a bag of peanut M&Ms.

kimheartsscott

The other thing?  He bitches and moans whenever somebody else in the family throws a party.  And he stays for a half hour, stares at the TV the whole time and then makes this ridiculous "WELL I AM LEAVING NOW, JUST TO LET YOU KNOW, BECAUSE YOU ARE BORING" grand gesture.  I have to laugh because it is so beyond stupid.

AllAboutTheBenjamin

Nevermind.  He doesn't deserve peanut M&Ms if he's going to be a whiny bitch.

Perhaps a basket of wax fruit.

kimheartsscott

hahaha.  "happy birthday!  suck on a fake apple."

AllAboutTheBenjamin

OR.  Bake him with love, a pan of brownies.  With x-lax baked into them.

kimheartsscott

Yeah, but then I will eat them.  I HAVE NO SELF CONTROL, MAN.

AllAboutTheBenjamin

Lol ooooooooooooh noooooooooooes.

JenGin74

Um, fvck that.

Bro sounds like he needs a dose of tough love, stat.

[Deleted User]

I would tell him I couldn't go to hisparty because I couldn't afford the food and other items I'm being forced to buy.

25 is a lot of people to feed. That's a lot of food, and gets expensive. Sorry, but your brother is a tool. He needs a wakeup call. Like PP said, he does this because everyone has let him. Time for some tough love.

Lenore2010

With all due respect, I am surprised your family has tolerated this behavior for so long. What is this? A five year old screaming "want party NOW!!!" and getting away with it?

Tough love can be a great thing.

betrothed123

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_should-bitch?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:905f3bed-0e7b-4842-8c6a-9dac218a141cPost:383c784e-954b-4e01-b5f0-8449edd846fa">Re: Should I bitch?</a>:
[QUOTE]With all due respect, I am surprised your family has tolerated this behavior for so long. What is this? A five year old screaming "want party NOW!!!" and getting away with it? Tough love can be a great thing.
Posted by Lenore2010[/QUOTE]
I completely agree with this.  He gets away with it because you all comply each time he makes these demands.

I wouldn't bitch.  I would simply decline.  If you don't like the terms of a party he's hosting you are not obligated to attend, but since he's hosting the party I don't think it's right for you to tell him how to host it, either.

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_should-bitch?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:905f3bed-0e7b-4842-8c6a-9dac218a141cPost:57be3547-1dc0-4eee-9cc8-a465c1978bd1">Re: Should I bitch?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Should I bitch? : I completely agree with this.  He gets away with it because you all comply each time he makes these demands. I wouldn't bitch.  I would simply decline.  If you don't like the terms of a party he's hosting you are not obligated to attend, but since he's hosting the party I don't think it's right for you to tell him how to host it, either.
Posted by betrothed123[/QUOTE]

Normally I'd agree to not say anything, but she said he gets pissy when people don't come and always demands that people bring stuff (or rather, assigns). If my brother got pissy with me over not coming to his parties (I'm assuming here that her brother tells them off or something, so I could be wrong), you can bet I'd be telling him why. At some point, he's got to know that people don't want to come because they don't appreciate being told they have to bring stuff.

betrothed123

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_should-bitch?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:905f3bed-0e7b-4842-8c6a-9dac218a141cPost:17ae6ac5-5de7-4151-9ec3-5f5e58e75b26">Re: Should I bitch?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Should I bitch? : Normally I'd agree to not say anything, but she said he gets pissy when people don't come and always demands that people bring stuff (or rather, assigns). If my brother got pissy with me over not coming to his parties (I'm assuming here that her brother tells them off or something, so I could be wrong), you can bet I'd be telling him why. At some point, he's got to know that people don't want to come because they don't appreciate being told they have to bring stuff.
Posted by Seshat411[/QUOTE]
I agree that if he asks why she can't make it she should tell him flat out that she will not attend a party where she's required to bring an admission dish, but I don't think she should start that conversation. 

I also don't think she should drag anyone else's name into it.  If someone else has a problem bringing a dish they need to tell him.  It shouldn't fall to Kim to speak up for everyone.

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_should-bitch?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:905f3bed-0e7b-4842-8c6a-9dac218a141cPost:76239666-deee-4857-9302-4b5356ae2d6c">Re: Should I bitch?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Should I bitch? : I agree that if he asks why she can't make it she should tell him flat out that she will not attend a party where she's required to bring an admission dish, but I don't think she should start that conversation.  I also don't think she should drag anyone else's name into it.  If someone else has a problem bringing a dish they need to tell him.  It shouldn't fall to Kim to speak up for everyone.
Posted by betrothed123[/QUOTE]

Well yeah, I agree with that. I wouldn't speak up for the group as a whole either. Honestly I'm surprised that the brother doesn't get it by now that people don't like bringing stuff. Then again, maybe he does know and just doesn't care. I have an uncle like that. He's a proud moocher.

marissa_claire

Your bro is crazy, girl.  

It would be one thing if they asked you to bring an appetizer as a snack just to bring something, but to actually tell you what to need and to feed 25 people is just insane when you're not even helping throw him a bday party.  For one, I don't like bday parties anyways.  Haven't had one since.... high school?  And that was a surprise party, so not even sure that counts.  

I get it when there are family things and people are asked to bring a dish to help out, but asking only a few people to cover all of it is ridiculous.  I would tell them you either don't have the time or money right now.  Hopefully that will take care of it!

ohwhynot

Well, first, I'd stop running to Mommy to complain.  You're a grown woman and it's time you stood up to your brother like one.  ESPECIALLY since no one else in teh family seems capable of doing so.  He's being a ridiculous brat and there's no reason to kowtow to him any more.

I'd decline and explain why.  Woman up!

kd.joseph

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_should-bitch?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:905f3bed-0e7b-4842-8c6a-9dac218a141cPost:801b60d9-c33a-4775-8a1c-56a508938312">Re: Should I bitch?</a>:
[QUOTE]Well, first, I'd stop running to Mommy to complain.  You're a grown woman and it's time you stood up to your brother like one.  ESPECIALLY since no one else in teh family seems capable of doing so.  He's being a ridiculous brat and there's no reason to kowtow to him any more. I'd decline and explain why.  Woman up!
Posted by ohwhynot[/QUOTE]

Damn OWN you are sexy when you are forceful!

But seriously, if this was my brother, he would be sitting in his house all alone anytime he tried to make an agenda for anyone in my family. How old is this boy?

sarah0725

Yeah, it would definitely be best to say something, and not attend. If you want this to stop, tough love is necessary.

But aw, heck. I've let my brother take advantage of my good will on all sorts of occasions. I could definitely imagine being in your situation.