FI jumped the gun....

JillianNJohn

FI is getting so excited he jumped the gun and mailed a handful of the invites. Not mad at him, as I find his excitement over the wedding sexy, lol

Despite etiquette we did put adult only Reception on the RSVPs. We had our reasons and we stuck to it... We also had a spot for how many would be attending... I guess that's where we went really wrong. We did this as the bulk of our guests have traveling spouses, if they are both invited and only 1 is attending we do need to know that ahead of time. What's done is done.

That being said one of the invites he sent out was to MR AND MRS. The STD was to mr and mrs too and in conversation with them where they have brought up the wedding, FI has said how were dong adult only (other than kids in the wedding party) They RSVPd for FIVE ppl. I asked FI who the other 3 were and he said it has to be their teen children (17 yr old daughter and 2 foster children who are 16/17).

Now my FI is feeling really guilty for sending the handful of invites out too early. I told him now or later their response would have been the same. Just goes to show ppl do not always pay attention to the mr and mrs or "family" on invitations. FI and I are torn on having to call and say were sorry but your teens aren't invited or just leaving it and letting them come.

tiny speck

If your wedding is in June, as your planner says, then yeah that was definitely waaaaay too early to send invitations. Why did he send a handful of them? That seems so weird to me.

Anyway, apart from that, yeah I guess if you don't want to include the teen children you or your FI will have to call up the parents and explain that the invitation was just meant for them. I don't think there was anything wrong with having a line for # attending, though; I think that's quite common.

misssunshine17

Way, way, way too early for your invitations. Tell your FI to slow down because he's going to mess stuff up (like this).

Who is this person to you? Whoever is closer out of your FI or you should call and explain that the invite was for the couple, and unfortunately, you can't accomidate the kids. Don't make excuses like buget since some crazies will offer to pay for their dinner.

B2Z728

If you're having an adults only reception you should stick to it so that the guests who could not bring their children do not get offended. Limiting children to bridal party only and immediate family is a good way to go. You will need to call whoever rsvp's with children and explain to them that you cannot accommodate children and that you hope that they can still make it.

If your wedding is indeed in June, please make sure to not send out anymore invitations until 6-8 weeks before your wedding. Explain to your fiance that you love his excitement but there are timelines for such things that should be followed. 

Pookieson

Okay so....
1) Those invites went out way too early
2) Why wouldn't he just send all of them??? Now you might have some people going, "hmmm, so and so that I know got an invite, what about me?"  Maybe not, but not something I'd want to deal with.
3) You shouldn't have put adult only on anything in the invite and especially not "despite etiquette."  Etiquette is there for a reason, use it.  Put their names, if they RSVP with more, politely call them.
4) Put your foot down about the kids.  Call the guest and tell them sorry but space/budget/whatever doesn't allow for children.  Sorry for inconvenience, hope they understand, blah blah blah.

Kristin789

If you decide to call, YOU wouldn't be making the call.  If your parents' names are on the top line of your invitation as the hosts of the wedding who are extending the invitation for the honour of the guests' presence, then your mom makes the call.

dreprogal

i dont see what the big deal is, i think it is cute that her husband is making an effort to get involved. not everybody is that lucky. its just invitations, they are going to go out at one point or another. 

JillianNJohn

He only sent them to a certain group of people so it won't be an issue if why did they get invited and I didn't. I think I know why he did it, and I know his heart was in the right place, he's a pleaser, he just wants everyone around him to be happy and smiling, cant eally fault him for that, its who he is, and why i love him!! i know it was early, either way it would have happened so it is what it is at this point. FI has been involved every step of the way, the only thing I've decided without him is anything that will be on ME. He will be the one making the call, while they are great friends to me as well (we don't really have my friends vs his friends, the entire guest list was decided together), but they are friends I met through FI. The wedding and reception are actually limited to children in the wedding party and my family who is traveling (cousin is being our officiant, traveling 1500 miles so of coarse they are bringing their children).

MobKaz

"Now my FI is feeling really guilty for sending the handful of invites out too early. I told him now or later their response would have been the same. Just goes to show ppl do not always pay attention to the mr and mrs or "family" on invitations. FI and I are torn on having to call and say were sorry but your teens aren't invited or just leaving it and letting them come."

Unfortunately, they may have known fully well for whom the invitation was meant.  My husband's side of the family is downright infamous for adding extra people to events even when it is crystal clear on the invitation.

His nephew added their children onto the RSVP for my daughter's wedding, knowing they were not invited.  His mother (my husband's sister) additionally emailed me a guilt riddened note as to why we should include the children.  For my son's wedding the following year, I preemptively sent my SIL an email and explained in explicit wording that children would not be included and that they should make plans accordingly.

Some people just like to push the envelope.

JillianNJohn

Mobkaz you are so right. Some unfortunately dont care. Awhile back I had a friend asking me flat out if they were getting an invite. While I'd love to invite them, I couldn't after our conversation. I know them through my son, our sons are best friends. She asked me and I told her we were still working on our guest list. She mentioned my son is telling ppl how he's giving me away, he's 10 and his excitement is a GOOD thing, im not about to Tell him to keep that bottled Up. She says how her son Is so excited to see that so I say its going to be an adult only affair other than kids in the wedding party. She then says "I will just bring him and say sorry my childcare cancelled last minute, people won't care". I told her that wont work and she decided her son couldn be an usher for us a hed have a right to be there. I walked away unsure what to even think but decided its best to not invite them for that reason. Knowing she knew it was no kids and admitted shed just bring him anyway, I couldn't do It.

Jessie42613

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_fi-jumped-the-gun?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:a0ef8144-b4c7-49a6-9a0e-68d49580c004Post:841cdbd4-670d-4613-9a7c-989f5de34d76">FI jumped the gun....</a>:
[QUOTE]FI is getting so excited he jumped the gun and mailed a handful of the invites. Not mad at him, as I find his excitement over the wedding sexy, lol <strong>Despite etiquette we did put adult only Reception on the RSVPs. We had our reasons and we stuck to it</strong>... We also had a spot for how many would be attending... I guess that's where we went really wrong. We did this as the bulk of our guests have traveling spouses, if they are both invited and only 1 is attending we do need to know that ahead of time. What's done is done. That being said one of the invites he sent out was to MR AND MRS. The STD was to mr and mrs too and in conversation with them where they have brought up the wedding, FI has said how were dong adult only (other than kids in the wedding party) They RSVPd for FIVE ppl. I asked FI who the other 3 were and he said it has to be their teen children (17 yr old daughter and 2 foster children who are 16/17). Now my FI is feeling really guilty for sending the handful of invites out too early. I told him now or later their response would have been the same. Just goes to show ppl do not always pay attention to the mr and mrs or "family" on invitations. FI and I are torn on having to call and say were sorry but your teens aren't invited or just leaving it and letting them come.
Posted by JillianNJohn[/QUOTE]

<div>Out of curiosity, why would you think it's acceptable to knowingly ignore etiquette?</div>

at_last08

I followed the proper etiquette and did not put adult only on my invites and it blew up in my face. I found out that several people are planning to bring their children even though I did not list their children on the invite. I know my family and I knew this would happen but I did not want to be rude so I didn't write adult only on the invite. IMO for some of these etiquette rules you do need to consider the norms within your circle. I dont think anyone would have batted an eye in my family if they saw adult only on the reception. And I knew that no one would realize that the invitation was only for the people listed on the envelope. It is second nature for them to assume that bringing their kids is ok if they recieved an invite for themselves.

Jamiea291

I love that your FI is so excited. I don't think there is anything wrong with putting "adult only." If it's a viable option, I've known people who have done a double reception. One for everyone from the ceremony for a short bit, then after a certain time it becomes adult only.

Jennyandscott14

If more people respected etiquette then you wouldn't have needed to put the adult only note. The invitation is for the guests listed on the envelope. If it says Mr and Mrs Smith, that's what it means!

mrsbobfilson

"The wedding and reception are actually limited to children in the wedding party and my family who is traveling (cousin is being our officiant, traveling 1500 miles so of coarse they are bringing their children)." .......I understand the children in the wedding party being there but its not fair to allow other children from your family...period.


If you do not put adult only reception on the reception card people just don't get it even if its only addressed to Mr & Mrs Smith only!

Ella and Pedro

I have seen recently that the best way to make it crystal clear who within a household is invited is to approach it on two levels.

First the invitation address should either say

"Dr. Jullian Davis and Mr. Mark Williams"

OR, just "Dr. Jullian Davis" if her boyfriend is not invited
And then on the escort card JUST her name.

OR "Dr. Julian Davis, Mr. Mark Williams, and family" if all their children are invited
and if this is what you want, on the RSVP card list each name:

Dr. Julian Davis  (____) Will Attend (____) Regretfully Declines
Mr. Mark Williams (___) Will Attend (____) Regretfully Declines
Miss Stephanie Davis (____) Will Attend (____) Regretfully Declines
Master Mark Williams, Jr. (____) Will Attend (____) Regretfully Declines

And so, basically one must hand write these in to each RSVP card, but given the chaos which can otherwise ensue, it seems prudent.

The idea being, if a family gets an RSVP card without their children listed but with each adult explictly listed, and they did not happen to get what was being implied or stated by the invitation envelope addressing, this will make it undeniable.  But of course, there are still those people who call, e-mail, or pencil in names.  For them, you will probably want to prepare a scripted answer to sit by the phone so that both you and your fiance are on the same page.

Good luck!  I think you should just let this one slide, and hope for the best (unless you are really planning some adult only entertainment at the reception?)

E

nycrose2013

Uh, guys...invite etiquette is 6-8 weeks. If her wedding is June 1st (which is possible since it is a saturday) she is only about 9 weeks out. Does that really qualify as WAYYY too early like many of you are saying?

It's a minor detail and to focus on, and it ignores the point of her post. Now if her wedding is June 29th, then sure, she is pretty early and FI really did jump the gun. Otherwise, one week extra does not a massive error make.

natswild

I find the 9 weeks + too early a bit baffling.  Maybe it is if everyone is local, but for people like me, where almost everyone is on the other side of the country, that's nowhere near enough time...

misssunshine17

@natswild... why are you posting on such old threads? The OP's wedding is already over and advice had been given. Now you're clogging up the forum with old threads. 

Dreamergirl8812

natswild said:

I find the 9 weeks + too early a bit baffling.  Maybe it is if everyone is local, but for people like me, where almost everyone is on the other side of the country, that's nowhere near enough time...

Who the fuck are you talking to?!

WonderRed