Community› Wedding Discussion Boards› Snarky Brides
Snarky Brides
New Discussion
Options

I am livid.

ZombieNatesZombieNates
First Comment First Anniversary
in Snarky Brides
I know it's late, but I just found out and I need to vent somewhere or I will find a kitten to punch.

So we're taking our belated HM in July and we're going to Hawaii. MIL and SFIL know this because they very graciously offered to pay for the trip. Everything is booked and we're set to go. Fast forward to tonight when H reveals that MIL planned a trip for their family to Hawaii during the time we'll be there. They're going to Maui as well, and will be there almost the entire time we will be (planned after we picked our dates, so it wasn't a coincidence).

WTF?! I'm so angry. I feel like MIL planned this trip as a "family" thing, so they will get a chance to see us since we can't make it out to IN until way later in the year. 

Someone talk me down or validate me.

Miss || Mrs. || Hawaiian Honeymoon and Reviews! Follow Me on Pinterest
Noreen's book recommendations, liked quotes, book clubs, book trivia, book lists (read shelf)
Report Reply to Post
«1

Re: I am livid.

  • Options
    AnysunriseAnysunrise member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited May 2012
    Yeah, I'd be pretty pissed too. If you're comfortable doing so, I'd probably circumspectly let them know that you're wanting to spend most of the time alone, and that you're okay with doing dinner one night or something but that's it. Not that you should have to, cause you know, honeymoon kind of implies that. 
    Report Reply
  • Options
    wrigleyvillewrigleyville member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    Ohhh... I would be PISSED. You are totally justified in your livid-ness.
    Report Reply
  • Options
    ZombieNatesZombieNates
    First Comment First Anniversary
    N said he doesn't want to see them at all. I feel like it's damned if you do, damned if you don't.

    One one hand, I specifically said I wasn't planning on doing anything but relaxing with H in Hawaii--we've been dealing with so much with my mom's illness and I'm not taking that shiit with me on vacation. On the other hand, if we refuse to see them, I feel like we look like the assholes. We're both all the way in HI and we can't give them one night? And I feel like if we refuse to see them, I'm going to be anxious the whole time anticipating that they will pop up somewhere we are.

    Ugh, it's so frustrating. WTF is wrong with this woman?

    Miss || Mrs. || Hawaiian Honeymoon and Reviews! Follow Me on Pinterest
    Noreen's book recommendations, liked quotes, book clubs, book trivia, book lists (read shelf)
    Report Reply
  • Options
    ZombieNatesZombieNates
    First Comment First Anniversary
    Ha, Wrigley, I didn't notice your sig before and it gave me a laugh.

    Miss || Mrs. || Hawaiian Honeymoon and Reviews! Follow Me on Pinterest
    Noreen's book recommendations, liked quotes, book clubs, book trivia, book lists (read shelf)
    Report Reply
  • Options
    jcg98jcg98 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper First Comment
    Oh Nates.  I'm so sorry, I would be punching the wall.  I hope they are not staying at the same resort as you guys!  What an awkward situation all around.
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic 
      
    Report Reply
  • Options
    AnysunriseAnysunrise member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_i-am-livid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:b1a2192c-9554-42fa-9845-982780f5906cPost:28888759-cd22-4f9c-8b8c-98cde728e10d">Re: I am livid.</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>N said he doesn't want to see them at all.</strong> I feel like it's damned if you do, damned if you don't. One one hand, I specifically said I wasn't planning on doing anything but relaxing with H in Hawaii--we've been dealing with so much with my mom's illness and I'm not taking that shiit with me on vacation. On the other hand, if we refuse to see them, I feel like we look like the assholes. We're both all the way in HI and we can't give them one night? And I feel like if we refuse to see them, I'm going to be anxious the whole time anticipating that they will pop up somewhere we are. Ugh, it's so frustrating. WTF is wrong with this woman?
    Posted by ZombieNates[/QUOTE]

    <div>Then I would let him tell them, lol.</div>
    Report Reply
  • Options
    jcg98jcg98 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper First Comment
    edited May 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_i-am-livid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:b1a2192c-9554-42fa-9845-982780f5906cPost:e2100abb-8ac5-4524-b823-f8bc41f1b1c2">Re: I am livid.</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: I am livid. :<strong> Then I would let him tell them, lol.</strong>
    Posted by Anysunrise[/QUOTE]

    Yep.  While I'm usually in the see-them-for-dinner-one-night-to-keep-the-peace camp, I kinda feel like there is nothing weird about saying "sorry, we're on our honeymoon, do not disturb!"

    edited b/c apparently my netbook doesn't like y's.
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic 
      
    Report Reply
  • Options
    avsfan33avsfan33 member
    First Comment
    edited May 2012
    I'd be pissed too and wouldn't want to be with them either. It's supposed to be a HM right? That's creepy IMO. I know it's not always sex but it's still weird lol. I'm glad I'm not the only one with a crazy pants MIL. I could totally see her pulling this too.
    imageWedding Countdown Ticker
    Report Reply
  • Options
    FutureMcGuffeeFutureMcGuffee member
    First Comment
    Woooow. Honeymoons are a time for the bride and groom to relax and actually spend time together, not a family reunion. You just HAD that at your wedding. IF IT'S POSSIBLE (I'm not on the best terms with my FMIL, and "good morning" gets taken the wrong way sometimes), sit down and say, basically, "While it's really cool that we're having the same vacation at the same place at the same time...I was kind of looking forward to having some alone time with my husband. We still love you, and maybe we can get together after the honeymoon"

    It's more than a little creepy that she's just about crashing your HM... I'd be more furious than you are if it happened to me.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    Report Reply
  • Options
    ZombieNatesZombieNates
    First Comment First Anniversary
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_i-am-livid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:b1a2192c-9554-42fa-9845-982780f5906cPost:e00c915a-2210-4e16-8bce-830e68da4884">Re: I am livid.</a>:
    [QUOTE]Oh Nates.  I'm so sorry, I would be punching the wall.  I hope they are not staying at the same resort as you guys!  What an awkward situation all around.
    Posted by jcg98[/QUOTE]
    Knowing crazypants MIL, I wouldn't put it past her.

    We just talked about it. I told N that it's important to me that he calls MIL out on this, because it's clear she did this on purpose. My SIL asked me a few weeks ago what days we were going to Hawaii. I just thought she was being nice and making convo, but obviously MIL asked her.  I'm letting him handle it, but we will probably end up skyping them, so I'll be sitting there, too.

    How fucking crazy are you that you would crash your son's HM? I swear to God, if they're int he same hotel, I'm changing my room to the room next to them and either having crazy loud sex or blasting porn through the wall.

    Miss || Mrs. || Hawaiian Honeymoon and Reviews! Follow Me on Pinterest
    Noreen's book recommendations, liked quotes, book clubs, book trivia, book lists (read shelf)
    Report Reply
  • Options
    VeggieLove1022VeggieLove1022
    First Comment
    I'm so sorry. My grandmother, who I haven't spoken to in 7 years because of how crazy she is, use to pull this crap all the time. I may be over reacting, but I swear after you have someone control you through money, you start standing up for yourself no matter how silly you look. 

    As soon as their plane landed I would tell them that we got sick and weren't able to go. I would get a cabin and spend a quiet week with H even if it meant waiting years until I could save up for my own Hawaii trip or even never going. It would honestly be worth it to me- to know she had no control over my honeymoon (or anything else for that matter) like that.

    She use to own us through money and I would never let that happen again. I hope your MIL isn't the type of person my grandmother is and hopefully this was just a poor idea on her end. 
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
    Report Reply
  • Options
    ZombieNatesZombieNates
    First Comment First Anniversary
    I hear you, Veggie.  And, TBH, I never would have thought that they'd use this money and pull something like this. But, like we always say, money obviously comes with strings.

    At this point, we're going to call them out on this shiit tomorrow and her reaction will really be my deciding factor on how we proceed with this. I don't think we'll be cancelling, but I'm totally not above avoiding them at all costs and then never accepting a monetary gift from them ever again.

    Cute sig, btw!

    Miss || Mrs. || Hawaiian Honeymoon and Reviews! Follow Me on Pinterest
    Noreen's book recommendations, liked quotes, book clubs, book trivia, book lists (read shelf)
    Report Reply
  • Options
    VeggieLove1022VeggieLove1022
    First Comment
    Thank you! And I honestly hope they are kind of like, "Oh my gosh I didn't even think of it that way! I'm so sorry!" and not doing this intentionally to basically corner you guys on your honeymoon.
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
    Report Reply
  • Options
    sarabear23sarabear23
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    I'd be pissed as well. I don't think you should feel obligated to see them at all. Also, I love the idea of loud sex, and blasting porn through the walls. haha
    image
    Report Reply
  • Options
    brilibby4brilibby4 member
    First Comment
    Yikes.  I would be so mad!  I like the idea of trying to switch dates if that can be worked out without too many extra charges.  I have no idea how that works but it might be worth looking into.  Hopefully it goes well when you confront them.  Let us know how it works out and good luck!
    image
    Report Reply
  • Options
    [Deleted User][Deleted User]
    First Comment
    I'd be pissed too. Who hones in on their kid's HM? I'd give one night for a dinner but other than that, I'd say they were on their own.

    I'm eager to hear what MIL has to say after you confront them.
    Report Reply
  • Options
    LetsHikeTodayLetsHikeToday member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    Nates- I'd be so pissed. I can't even imagine how pissed I'd actually be. Find out if they are staying at the same place as you. If so, is there any way to change resorts? If not, I would just tell them you're not going to be seeing them and make sure they don't know your room number. I'm really mad for you.
    imageBabyFruit Ticker
    Report Reply
  • Options
    ZombieNatesZombieNates
    First Comment First Anniversary
    UGH, I am STILL so angry and I just know this is all I'm going to be thinking about all day.  We're definitely calling them tonight, as soon as N gets home from work. I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks this is fucking insane.

    Dot--I don't know how I feel about changing plans, TBH.  I know it's probably irrational, but if anyone should change plans, it's them. We've been planning this trip since our wedding, so six months. None of our plans have been secret, at least to them (since they gave us the money).  We're in love with Maui and already picked out a bunch of stuff we want to do and see. So I kind of feel like if I go to Maui, I'll be pissed and looking for them and if I change to another island, I'll be resentful that we had to change our plans.  That's something I'm just going to have to decide and come to terms with after I speak with them and see wtf is wrong with them mentally, though.

    Miss || Mrs. || Hawaiian Honeymoon and Reviews! Follow Me on Pinterest
    Noreen's book recommendations, liked quotes, book clubs, book trivia, book lists (read shelf)
    Report Reply
  • Options
    pirategal03pirategal03 member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    Nates, don't change your plans.  Talk to them, let N tell them that he doesn't expect to see them.  Then go, turn your cell phone off, and have a great time with eachother.  

    They're probably not staying at the same place, and even if they are, you probably won't see eachother.  When we were in HI we barely noticed anyone around the hotel where we stayed, even though I know there were a bunch of people there based on the parking lot.  

    If you do run into them, say "Hi, hope you're having fun! We've got to run!" and leave it at that.  Don't let them ruin this. 

    And WTF Knot, how can you be restricting me for rapid posting when this is my first post of the day?
    imageBlog
    Report Reply
  • Options
    allisong23allisong23 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    Nates,that is nuts. Keep us posted. If I found out that they were staying at the same place we were I would go postal on them.
    image
    Lilypie Second Birthday tickers
    Report Reply
  • Options
    Lenore2010Lenore2010 member
    First Comment
    Oh, I understand your fury. I agree with whomever said "be upfront with them". This is a test, your MIL is testing the waters to see how much she can hone in, period. Next thing you will have a new baby at home and she will come with two suitcases uninvited if you do not nip this in the bud.

    I see my friends actually doing this type of thing to their kids when they get married. The worst part is because my friends are generally still in their 40's, the kids they have getting married are still young, as in early 20's. The mom's sometimes use that as an excuse to hone in.

    Best wishes! I am confident you will straighten this out. 
    We Support Pet Adoption
    Report Reply
  • Options
    BecW2beBecW2be
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    Holyshit, Nates. This sucks. I hope you get this sorted out today. I'm sorry. 
    Report Reply
  • Options
    chelseamb11chelseamb11 member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary Combo Breaker
    I agree with Lenore, I almost wonder if she's testing the waters.  I'd confront her tonight as planned.  If she reacts well, apologizes, agrees to leav eyou alone, etc, I'd agree to ONE dinner with them at the end of the trip (that way if she breaks her promise to leav eyou alone, you can cancel dinner).  If she acts like a twat, I'd call the hotel (if you're in the same hotel) and ask to be in a room faaaar away from them.
     
    Follow Me on Pinterest
    Teachery Blog
    Report Reply
  • Options
    KateJ10KateJ10
    First Comment
    Dude. WTF.
    Report Reply
  • Options
    radleybooradleyboo member
    First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    Wow...  Just wow.  This is weird and wrong and so inconsiderate and appropriate I don't even know where to begin.  Stand your ground, firmly and respectfully.  Tell them how uncomfortable and unhappy you are with their choice and how very disappointing this is.  Then tell them to go see the effing Grand Canyon instead.  Wow.
    image
    Meddied since 6/15/13!
    Report Reply
  • Options
    RailWayWifeRailWayWife member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    Sorry to hear that! I would let your H tell them that this is your HONEYMOON! You want to spend it together as newlyweds!! Hopefully they are understanding! :)
    Report Reply
  • Options
    achiduckachiduck member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    edited May 2012
    I would have lost my shite when I heard that. It's so not ok in my world. But ya, ditto PP's, if N doesn't want to see them either then I would let him tell his family that it's still a honeymoon for you guys and all that implies (ie privacy).
    image
    Anniversary
    Report Reply
  • Options
    Annas2013Annas2013 member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_i-am-livid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:b1a2192c-9554-42fa-9845-982780f5906cPost:20ac7d30-04e8-4fef-ae29-b2922379de1c">Re: I am livid.</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: I am livid. : Knowing crazypants MIL, I wouldn't put it past her. We just talked about it. I told N that it's important to me that he calls MIL out on this, because it's clear she did this on purpose. My SIL asked me a few weeks ago what days we were going to Hawaii. I just thought she was being nice and making convo, but obviously MIL asked her.  I'm letting him handle it, but we will probably end up skyping them, so I'll be sitting there, too. How fucking crazy are you that you would crash your son's HM? I swear to God, if they're int he same hotel, I'm changing my room to the room next to them and either having crazy loud sex or blasting porn through the wall.
    Posted by ZombieNates[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>The last part made me laugh.  And sounds like something I would do too.  Honestly?  I would be pissed off if my FMIL did that.  Your H is doing the right thing by standing up to his mom on this one.  If you have to see them for dinner one night to keep the peace, it's not a huge deal.  But they shouldn't expect to even see you at all, since it is your honeymoon.  Not a family vacation.  

    </div>
    Wedding Countdown Ticker PersonalMilestone
    Report Reply
  • Options
    ZombieNatesZombieNates
    First Comment First Anniversary

    Thanks for validating me :)

    Dot, I hear you and that's something I've been turning over in my head. On one hand, I am going to be anxious that they're around every corner. Maui isn't THAT big and the resort we're staying at is popular and has some touristy things, so there's a chance they could end up there even if they don't stay there. But at the same time, I'm livid about havig to even consider changing plans because of them. I'm just going to have to wait and see what all goes down tonight and how they handle it.

    I'm planning on being part of the convo, even if I'm in the background, because H gets all flustered with confrontation like this and won't make his points clear. Plus, MIL is the kind of woman who plays dumb and acts like she didn't mean something, when it was clear that she did. So I don't want him to get all tripped up in her excuses and not make it clear that we're very upset with this.  I also want to see what all they have to say about their plans first and let them explain their rationale (or dig themselves into a hole) and go from there.

    I'll definitely update you guys. It's been a suckass day because I feel like N and I are tense about this and anticipating drama, when we're on the same side.

    RadleyBoo, I like your SN.


    Miss || Mrs. || Hawaiian Honeymoon and Reviews! Follow Me on Pinterest
    Noreen's book recommendations, liked quotes, book clubs, book trivia, book lists (read shelf)
    Report Reply
  • Options
    kd.josephkd.joseph
    First Comment Combo Breaker
    Nates I cant say anything these lovely ladies havent already. My first thought is change Islands and dont let them know. Seriously, who goes on another persons HM?
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards