inviting your students to your ceremony?

Jax333

What is your opinion on inviting students to your wedding (I teach 1st grade).   

jedaniel

I don't think thats a good idea. I dont know why, I just think that would be wierd. Those are your students not your friends or collegues(sp?). Just my opinion!

TBiz129

I was invited to my second grade teacher's wedding...almost 20 years ago and I still remember it. Only a few other students came and we only went to the ceremony. She had us ring bells as she left. Its been one of my favorite memories as a student.

andy71781

I think its kinda weird - its an unfortunate blurring of personal and professional life. 

lharri12

No, that would be weird.  They're not family, and they're not friends.

kerby

I mulled over the same idea (I work at a high school) but decided against inviting them because I didn't want to make my co-workers uncomfortable. Our ceremony and reception are in the same location. The girls were more interested in attending the reception than the ceremony and with drinking and whatnot we said no. But I do believe my girls are going to throw their own version of my wedding for me before the end of the year

shoegal715

If my 6 year old kid got an invite to their teacher's wedding, I think I would bring it to the attention of the principal. Seems very weird IMO.

luckyme502

No, you shouldn't invite your students, even if it's just to the ceremony. 

number55

Somebody posted something related to inviting students to a ceremony but not the reception either here or on E a while back and I will be honest and say I don't get it.

I have been teaching elementary school for 9 years now. Some of my x-students are now adults, some I actually see IRL. I am actually attending the wedding of a young man who was in grade 8 my first year teaching. 

All of that being said, I would never even imagine wanting to invite any of my students to our wedding. I actually had a parent tell me that I would have to tell her where the ceremony was so that her daughter could come. I awkwardly said that we aren't having any children at all (even though her daughter would be 15 at the time, I teach grade 8). She said she would just sit quietly in the back of the room. I was horrified and could not understand how the parent didn't get that while I love my students, they are my work life and my wedding is not part of my work life (I do have work friends coming but only ones that we see outside of teaching). 

Personally, I don't think that a teacher's wedding is an appropriate place for students to be but I have heard that it is common place in some areas. 

betrothed123

Don't do it.  1.  It's a blurring of the professional boundaries you should be enforcing between yourself and your students.  2.  It's rude to invite anyone to just the ceremony.  It doesn't matter who they are.

quotequeen

I think it's weird for a teacher because your kids change every year.  Why do this year's kids get to go to your wedding just because they're in your class at the time you happen to be getting married?

I coach a team, and am inviting some of the students I coach, but I think this is very different because (a) they're college students and (b) I work with the same students for four years.  Since they're not that far in age from me I become friends with them and often keep in touch with them after they graduate.  Also, It's not my job, so I don't have professional boundary issues to worry about.

luckyme502

I have already posted, but I will tell you besides all the reasons already mentioned, I think it looks gift grabby.  My daughter is in Middle School and got an invite to a baby shower for her Language Arts teacher.  I told my daughter, no she couldn't go and told her that I thought it was wrong of the other teachers in the school, who were hosting the shower, to invite students.  You don't invite your students to an event where they will feel obligated to give you gift. 

psichick

i find it very strange and very unprofessional. i just don't understand why teachers think it's okay to do this. they are your students, and should stay there. they do not belong in any part of your personal life. 

nyrek

Can we say "Crossing ethical boundaries"

Brie2010

Don't.

A church is a public place of worship.  If a first grader is really dying to go, they, or their parents, can ask you where it will be held and can come of their own accord.  (This happened at my friend's wedding--her DH's entire high school special ed class showed up on their own to the ceremony as a surprise because one of the parents asked where it was going to be, and it was really sweet.)  Inviting them, though, is weird and crosses boundaries.

SarahPLiz

I would assume that their parents would have to come with them, and then they'd go to the reception. Not inviting them to the reception would be rude, especially after they got themselves and their kids all dressed up just to come out to your ceremony.

greinburg

I coach a high school girls basketball team and my girls will be handing out bubbles at my wedding. my brother also had his team hand out balloons at his wedding. i think in the case of a team its a little different since you spend so much time with them. However, I am also moving at the end of the year, so by the time my wedding rolls around they will no longer be my students or players.

TheSaltyPeanut

I think it's a bad idea as well.  For all the reasons stated above!

jennylove810

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_inviting-students-ceremony?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:dd2e312c-bd9a-4b99-b761-27d4dfa4641fPost:20a93318-e79e-4637-bfd7-be6b51e2f769">Re: inviting your students to your ceremony?</a>:
[QUOTE]I think its kinda weird - its an unfortunate blurring of personal and professional life. 
Posted by andy71781[/QUOTE]

This is my opinion, too.

However, a few years back, my sister was a junior or senior in high school and her favorite English teacher was getting married.  I don't really know how it all went down but the teacher said he had no problem if students wanted to attend the ceremony - he was a great teacher and a great mentor and the students adored him.  So my sister and a few friends attended the church ceremony, got the teacher and his new wife a card, and then just quietly left.  She loved it and was very happy she got to attend.

I realize this is <strong>totally </strong>different, and high school seniors are not 1st graders, but it's not -always- awful to have students at your ceremony, under the right circumstances.

CA2MT4EveR

I am a high school teacher.  My wedding will be in a different state, but even if it were here I would still not invite them.  I am a club advisor and spend a lot of outside school time with many students, and know them better than other students in school.  But, I am not their friend, I am their teacher.  My wedding is for my friends and my family, not my students.  It crosses the line between teacher and friend, and I don't want to be the police at my own wedding.

Besides that,  I don't think most 1st graders understand or really know what marriage is.

angela72023

I am in the minority and say yes, as long as you understand it will be the student and a parent. But, in our area, my kids teachers come to their soccer games, church choir concerts, etc... too, so I think it really depends on the area. We have a very close knit school and don't think it's inappropriate at all...and while we weren't invited to the baby shower of my middle daughter's 1st grade teacher, the class went together and got her a very nice gift...It's all about the area you're in and what is and isn't acceptable, IMHO...

Jax333

This was very helpful, thanks everyone.  The initial reason I asked was because a parent approached me and said I just HAVE to come to your wedding (pretty much exactly what happened to number55).  After reading the posts, I've decided to not invite them.  People are constantly asking what time/where, so if I tell them and they remember and show up thats fine, but I won't officially or verbally invite them on paper....another thing, any suggestitions on kind responses if a parent says, "Little Sally really wants to go to your wedding" or if someone just blantly asks?

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

If your wedding is in a house of worship, technically it is open to the public and they can show up. But I wouldn't encourage it. And make it clear that you can't extend an actual invitation.

graysquirrel

I'm a teacher and I would NEVER invite students unless they were already family friends. The line between teacher & friend shouldn't be blurred, especially with all the crud going down with teachers in the news.

carrie_ellen

I knew an elementary teacher who had some of her students as part of her ceremony. Her class each shared what they thought love was. It was actually realy cute. One of my friends also had her students create their own fairy tales that they had out at the reception for the fairy tale wedding. It was really cute and a good way to incoporate her students into the wedding. I too had to face this delimma. All my students wanted to come to my wedding, I told them all no. However I did consider having one student sing at my wedding that was really good but decided against it in the end. I think there are situations where it could be ok to invite your students but most of the times it's not.